Unknown2005-07-06 20:32:20
I've been working on this for a few weeks. I've recently begun experimenting with different styles of poetry, in prepartion for classes I'll be taking in January. I'm curious as to what people's opinions are of the style, descriptions, etc. Here's the first Canto.
As some people in the 'Wilde have experienced, Kalodan is a bit strange. I'll leave his history up to those whom want to find out ICly. The stanza format is aba bcb cdc ded efe ... xyx yzyz. The first two stanzas are Kalodan whispering to himself, more or less, as he is often left with little to no control - if Kalo so chooses to listen, he does.
Opinions? Thoughts? Suggestions? If you honestly like it, I'll share the next couple Cantos as well.
QUOTE
- Canto I -
As your eyes close upon Night's new reign,
As Father reached Horizon seen,
As Shadows crept and whispered of pain.
Creatures of Shadows come as their Mistress would deem,
Darkness does crawl for Father's children gone,
And such is the circle of Days, an unbroken theme.
The Faeling would awaken as though he felt shadows bond,
His arms would stretch and his wings would flutter,
As the peak of the Sky Mother of Mother would don.
And he'd leave his perch with a soft, whispered mutter,
"Sick Mother shadows the land, but when Father returns,
He'll rid the Basin of this dark, shadowy-clutter."
The Faeling thought for a moment, of how Father's light burns,
And how Shadows would flee to their Mistress,
and how the Tides would eventually turn.
The Faeling did know the tale of Night's tress,
Shadowy and black were Mother's dark hairs,
And how they had won Her Father's distress.
Yet he still wondered why Night's love Father would dare,
For everytime He drew near She would flee as though in fear.
This vexed the child, so he flew to the heavens, to question the pair.
It was high noon, when the Faeling came near.
"Father Sun, Father Sun, I have a question for you!"
But the Sun would not listen, or he simply could not hear.
As Sun passed away, landing was all the Faeling could do,
For his wings grew tired, and he rested 'til Night.
As shadows coalsced to the sky the child would fly, hoping anew.
"Mother Night, Mother Night, why do you flee from Father's light?"
But she ignored him and kept on in her desperate escape.
He only could watch as she fled in the face of some unnamed plight.
So the Faeling gave chase, as cold winds bit at his neck's nape,
But Night was a Great Spirit, and the Faeling was small,
And when it came down to it, his question was too late.
And so the wind howled and caused the Faeling to fall,
Twisting and turning and useless was his attempt,
And down he would go, into cold River's shawl.
Gasping for air the Faeling would live off time lent,
Struggling to the surface and to the shore's grassy knoll,
And cold River's fingers the Faeling would rent,
With child-hands and tiny legs, the Faeling's struggle took it's toll,
But young Fate Clothos knew this child-Fae's place,
And the turbid waters pushed him, and for the shore the boy did pull.
Gasping there for air and breath, lungs pounding and heart a race,
The Faeling knew his voice was lost, and quickly he began to think,
As he gazed above at Moon's silver stare, he felt his body slow to normal pace.
And so the Faeling by the river knelt, cupped his hands in River's stream to drink,
And so he drank of water crystal clear, wondering how best to catch Night's attention.
And so, with child's mind, slept and dreamt of where to find, from shallow shole kelpies to cavernous fink.
When Father came and shadows crept, birds came in song and with River's ancient din,
The Faeling stretched his tiny arms and shimmering wings, and with a few brief fluttery flaps,
He took flight after Night, searching out Her secret, searching out why Father chased her veil so thin.
Abandon now your daily naps,
Fly high above those ancient moors,
Search for secrets bound by shadowed straps,
Until the sky opens and the rain begins to pour.
As your eyes close upon Night's new reign,
As Father reached Horizon seen,
As Shadows crept and whispered of pain.
Creatures of Shadows come as their Mistress would deem,
Darkness does crawl for Father's children gone,
And such is the circle of Days, an unbroken theme.
The Faeling would awaken as though he felt shadows bond,
His arms would stretch and his wings would flutter,
As the peak of the Sky Mother of Mother would don.
And he'd leave his perch with a soft, whispered mutter,
"Sick Mother shadows the land, but when Father returns,
He'll rid the Basin of this dark, shadowy-clutter."
The Faeling thought for a moment, of how Father's light burns,
And how Shadows would flee to their Mistress,
and how the Tides would eventually turn.
The Faeling did know the tale of Night's tress,
Shadowy and black were Mother's dark hairs,
And how they had won Her Father's distress.
Yet he still wondered why Night's love Father would dare,
For everytime He drew near She would flee as though in fear.
This vexed the child, so he flew to the heavens, to question the pair.
It was high noon, when the Faeling came near.
"Father Sun, Father Sun, I have a question for you!"
But the Sun would not listen, or he simply could not hear.
As Sun passed away, landing was all the Faeling could do,
For his wings grew tired, and he rested 'til Night.
As shadows coalsced to the sky the child would fly, hoping anew.
"Mother Night, Mother Night, why do you flee from Father's light?"
But she ignored him and kept on in her desperate escape.
He only could watch as she fled in the face of some unnamed plight.
So the Faeling gave chase, as cold winds bit at his neck's nape,
But Night was a Great Spirit, and the Faeling was small,
And when it came down to it, his question was too late.
And so the wind howled and caused the Faeling to fall,
Twisting and turning and useless was his attempt,
And down he would go, into cold River's shawl.
Gasping for air the Faeling would live off time lent,
Struggling to the surface and to the shore's grassy knoll,
And cold River's fingers the Faeling would rent,
With child-hands and tiny legs, the Faeling's struggle took it's toll,
But young Fate Clothos knew this child-Fae's place,
And the turbid waters pushed him, and for the shore the boy did pull.
Gasping there for air and breath, lungs pounding and heart a race,
The Faeling knew his voice was lost, and quickly he began to think,
As he gazed above at Moon's silver stare, he felt his body slow to normal pace.
And so the Faeling by the river knelt, cupped his hands in River's stream to drink,
And so he drank of water crystal clear, wondering how best to catch Night's attention.
And so, with child's mind, slept and dreamt of where to find, from shallow shole kelpies to cavernous fink.
When Father came and shadows crept, birds came in song and with River's ancient din,
The Faeling stretched his tiny arms and shimmering wings, and with a few brief fluttery flaps,
He took flight after Night, searching out Her secret, searching out why Father chased her veil so thin.
Abandon now your daily naps,
Fly high above those ancient moors,
Search for secrets bound by shadowed straps,
Until the sky opens and the rain begins to pour.
As some people in the 'Wilde have experienced, Kalodan is a bit strange. I'll leave his history up to those whom want to find out ICly. The stanza format is aba bcb cdc ded efe ... xyx yzyz. The first two stanzas are Kalodan whispering to himself, more or less, as he is often left with little to no control - if Kalo so chooses to listen, he does.
Opinions? Thoughts? Suggestions? If you honestly like it, I'll share the next couple Cantos as well.
Unknown2005-07-07 19:35:53
Opinions? Thoughts? come on. 28 some people have looked at it - and you can't all be so indecisive as to not have any. Even if it's a "you teh suxxorz" (Although I hope not - I'd like to think I'm a half-way decent poet!)
That said, what's the common, expected length for a Bardic Entry? Is there a limit? Is there something that's "too long", or something "too short"? Is there a length that would be considered quite long, and perhaps many judges may not really look at?
That said, what's the common, expected length for a Bardic Entry? Is there a limit? Is there something that's "too long", or something "too short"? Is there a length that would be considered quite long, and perhaps many judges may not really look at?
Unknown2005-07-08 04:12:14
Well, it's long and creative. Very nice *applauds*
Unknown2005-07-10 11:01:59
I enjoyed it. Reminded me of Beowolf in some odd way. I think its because of the renditions you offered in some of your words. I also liked how it was filled with a quiet poise. You don't find poems like that these days. Good work, and keep them coming.
Unknown2005-07-11 12:20:47
QUOTE(Marina_Whytetower @ Jul 10 2005, 06:01 AM)
I enjoyed it. Reminded me of Beowolf in some odd way. I think its because of the renditions you offered in some of your words. I also liked how it was filled with a quiet poise. You don't find poems like that these days.  Good work, and keep them coming.Â
150972
I can take that only as the highest of compliments - I absolutely love Beowulf, and cannot think of a higher honor. My thanks!
As I said, I have written much more. And, as I have now gone near fourty-eight hours without power, and charging my Tablet off of my car battery, I have had plenty of time to write. Of course, my hand writing is horrid, so I must now go in and type everything, but, it also lets me revise it.
Here is the second Canto.
QUOTE
- Canto II -
Father is hidden behind cloudy skies,
Shelter now it is your need to seek,
Wait until rain gone, and for when Shadow flies.
For you ask for answers that Night will not speak,
But little can I say for it is you who is now alive,
You who controls this - quiet Kalo, the weather is meek.
And so the rain slowed to a drizzle, where thick fog did thrive,
And so the Faeling took to the skies again,
Into late afternoon fog and past clouds that the wind did drive.
Father Sun was setting, his golden rays still shone but the clouds they could not rend,
"Wait! Wait! Father Sun, Father Sun! You must speak to me, quickly, quickly, I must know!"
The Sun did not pause, but Kalo could feel, Father turned for a moment, but was gone then.
Night soon took the Sky, and Kalo rushed against cold Night's breath's throw.
"Mother Night Mother Night, why do you flee? Can you not see, Father loves thee!"
Not pausing for a moment, Mother looked hard. "Little Faeling, you would do well to know.."
"I am bound to the Gloriana and Glomdoring - to that cursed, broken, ancient Ravenwood tree.
I am a creature of untold mystery, I carry burdens and misery! I am a woman, of ethereal might!
I am Shadow made form, I am a woman unlike any before! It would be wise to turn and flee!"
The Faeling stared hard as Mother Darkness did howl, and honestly considered flight.
"I do not turn nor can I flee!" the Faeling yelled into tainted screams,
"I cannot leave until you tell my why you run from Father, as though avoiding his luminous light!"
"I FLEE FOR IT BURNS, BUT I TWIST AND I DANCE, I AM SHADOW, I FADE IN HIS GLEAM!
I DO NOT ANSWER TO FAELING OR SUN, MOON OR MAEVE OR ANY ABOVE!
NOW LEAVE ME BE, LITTLE FAE-CHILD, BEFORE I TAKE YOU AND BIND YOU IN SHADOWY STREAMS!"
Kalo turned and fled in fear, for Night was a creature from who gone now was love,
And Tainted She was, a thing Faes did fear - and Faeling Kalo feared her the most.
Yet still the child could feel, Night would still rage, and She howled after him, shadows drove.
Over trees and moors, over hills the Faeling did flee, over and through Her shadowy host,
In hopes of the East that Kalo would seen, Father Sun rise and thus be set free.
Mother Night chased, and the Faeling could hear the hounds' howl, a dark, taunting boast.
Past a city of sparkling light, past albatross who hung in Night's sky, and over the Inner Sea,
Kalo fled from Shadow's dark wrath - he could hear the laughter of demonic red caps,
Of Slaugh in the winds, whispering of disease, and barghest's cries he shrugged off with shuddering knees.
Old Mother Night's voice he heard scream, "COME BACK HERE YOU FAELING, COME BACK, COME BACK!"
The voice alone had chilled him down to the bone, and no longer could he struggle aloft, so alone.
"I AM THE SHADOWS THAT CREEP IN THE NIGHT - I AM THE DARKNESS, I AM MIDNIGHT BLACK!"
And the Faeling cried as his wings finally gave, down towards the waters he stumbled and dove,
He finally gave up, he knew all was lost - so young so afraid, and he cried for a fae.
And suddenly, in a burst of silver Light, a pixie did dove, and through the pitch Moon and stars did shone.
Night backed away, hissing in spite, a Slaugh and the Pixie would fight - the Slaugh the Pixie would slay.
Caressing Her children, Moon took them then, to Her sacred grove, and rested them there - for, soft, the pixie had fought.
And as Night went, fuming in rage, and Moon stood guard, well into day, over her pixie and fae.
And So Kalo, what lesson was taught?
What is there to feel, of Mother Night's Slaugh?
What is there to see, when your thread is drawn taut?
What is there to hear, when Night's scream rubs raw?
Father is hidden behind cloudy skies,
Shelter now it is your need to seek,
Wait until rain gone, and for when Shadow flies.
For you ask for answers that Night will not speak,
But little can I say for it is you who is now alive,
You who controls this - quiet Kalo, the weather is meek.
And so the rain slowed to a drizzle, where thick fog did thrive,
And so the Faeling took to the skies again,
Into late afternoon fog and past clouds that the wind did drive.
Father Sun was setting, his golden rays still shone but the clouds they could not rend,
"Wait! Wait! Father Sun, Father Sun! You must speak to me, quickly, quickly, I must know!"
The Sun did not pause, but Kalo could feel, Father turned for a moment, but was gone then.
Night soon took the Sky, and Kalo rushed against cold Night's breath's throw.
"Mother Night Mother Night, why do you flee? Can you not see, Father loves thee!"
Not pausing for a moment, Mother looked hard. "Little Faeling, you would do well to know.."
"I am bound to the Gloriana and Glomdoring - to that cursed, broken, ancient Ravenwood tree.
I am a creature of untold mystery, I carry burdens and misery! I am a woman, of ethereal might!
I am Shadow made form, I am a woman unlike any before! It would be wise to turn and flee!"
The Faeling stared hard as Mother Darkness did howl, and honestly considered flight.
"I do not turn nor can I flee!" the Faeling yelled into tainted screams,
"I cannot leave until you tell my why you run from Father, as though avoiding his luminous light!"
"I FLEE FOR IT BURNS, BUT I TWIST AND I DANCE, I AM SHADOW, I FADE IN HIS GLEAM!
I DO NOT ANSWER TO FAELING OR SUN, MOON OR MAEVE OR ANY ABOVE!
NOW LEAVE ME BE, LITTLE FAE-CHILD, BEFORE I TAKE YOU AND BIND YOU IN SHADOWY STREAMS!"
Kalo turned and fled in fear, for Night was a creature from who gone now was love,
And Tainted She was, a thing Faes did fear - and Faeling Kalo feared her the most.
Yet still the child could feel, Night would still rage, and She howled after him, shadows drove.
Over trees and moors, over hills the Faeling did flee, over and through Her shadowy host,
In hopes of the East that Kalo would seen, Father Sun rise and thus be set free.
Mother Night chased, and the Faeling could hear the hounds' howl, a dark, taunting boast.
Past a city of sparkling light, past albatross who hung in Night's sky, and over the Inner Sea,
Kalo fled from Shadow's dark wrath - he could hear the laughter of demonic red caps,
Of Slaugh in the winds, whispering of disease, and barghest's cries he shrugged off with shuddering knees.
Old Mother Night's voice he heard scream, "COME BACK HERE YOU FAELING, COME BACK, COME BACK!"
The voice alone had chilled him down to the bone, and no longer could he struggle aloft, so alone.
"I AM THE SHADOWS THAT CREEP IN THE NIGHT - I AM THE DARKNESS, I AM MIDNIGHT BLACK!"
And the Faeling cried as his wings finally gave, down towards the waters he stumbled and dove,
He finally gave up, he knew all was lost - so young so afraid, and he cried for a fae.
And suddenly, in a burst of silver Light, a pixie did dove, and through the pitch Moon and stars did shone.
Night backed away, hissing in spite, a Slaugh and the Pixie would fight - the Slaugh the Pixie would slay.
Caressing Her children, Moon took them then, to Her sacred grove, and rested them there - for, soft, the pixie had fought.
And as Night went, fuming in rage, and Moon stood guard, well into day, over her pixie and fae.
And So Kalo, what lesson was taught?
What is there to feel, of Mother Night's Slaugh?
What is there to see, when your thread is drawn taut?
What is there to hear, when Night's scream rubs raw?
This one was a bit more difficult, and I hope I described Night accurately.
Tenebrae2005-07-11 19:06:10
My Pater Twilight would enjoy that I would think...
Unknown2005-07-11 19:18:57
QUOTE(Tenebrae @ Jul 11 2005, 02:06 PM)
My Pater Twilight would enjoy that I would think...
151402
What's a Pater Twilight?
Tenebrae2005-07-12 18:36:00
My pater in another realm... Pater means father, Twilight is Lord Twilight.. I call him Pater Twilight for in the realms, he is like our father.
Unknown2005-07-12 18:38:09
QUOTE(Tenebrae @ Jul 12 2005, 01:36 PM)
My pater in another realm... Pater means father, Twilight is Lord Twilight.. I call him Pater Twilight for in the realms, he is like our father.
151844
Oh yes. Him. I do indeed remember the lovely civil war in Hashan. Anyway, off-topic, let's get back. Opinions on the second Canto?