Critique.

by Soll

Back to Common Grounds.

Soll2005-08-14 15:25:29
Just thought it might be good to have a place people can properly look through descriptions posted. Could be for your character, or for new items you're looking to submit.

Guess I'll start. tongue.gif Some of these are old, haven't really checked 'em over... Oh, and the only one I use is the Mugwump, so I'm not overly bothered about the others. Feel free to post corrections, though, might get used in the future. smile.gif

QUOTE(Mugwump(Current))
describe self quite tall, standing at just over six feet. Ocenaic blue skin covers the entirety of his body, slicked in a viscous watery liquid which causes it to look as though it is mutating and changing colour; the light refracted in almost transfixing shades and tones. A small thin nose protrudes from his face and large lips curve softly, glistening with a soft silky shimmer. His eyes sit sunk back slightly into his face and his iris' glow vibrantly, shades of blue ripple as though oceans. Thick silver hair floats lightly, flowing smoothly down his back, coming to a neatly trimmed end which aligns just below his shoulders. Long arms connect to small hands, the fingers webbed together, only the fingertips protruding from the webbing allowing versatility, and easy finger movement. He emits a generally placid and calm demeanor, sublty marked by scars which emit a darker aura. A pair of ethereal stag antlers stand proudly on his head.


QUOTE(Loboshigaru)
describe self gigantic even for his race, towering at around eight feet tall. Hanging loosely from his body is thick yet silky pure-white hair which rounds off his entire body, swinging softly around, molding to his natural movements and reflexive twitches. His face is pointed towards a large and wet black nose which sits squarely above shimmering white teeth, protruding from a thick chiseled jaw. Large pointed ears stand proudly on top of his head, just behind a pair of beady azure eyes that stare calmly around. Bulky arms twitch anxiously, flowing smoothly into his torso before moving gracefully into strong legs, the once white fur changing into a shimmering silvery colour. Thick black pads of protective skin stand out from his hands and feet. Growing from just above his behind is a pristine white tail, which falls elegantly down and rests with a dignified air by his leg, finishing a very canine look appearance.


QUOTE(Dracnari)
describe self rather tall for a dragon, towering easily at around eight feet tall. Slick blue scales cover his body like skin, reflecting any level of light and giving off a glassy blue shine, tints of lime and gold interspersed as light shimmers off. Deep azure eyes are set in his head, swirling around thin black pupils transfixingly, adding complexity and variety to his facial features. Two nostrils fall in from above his mouth, housing a strong pair of jaws and stunning white teeth. Arms thick with muscle fall with grace from his shoulders, and his fingers twitch as his muscles contract on a regular basis. As the centrepiece of his body, a well-toned torso is covered in a thick layer of vibrant scales of a slightly more green shade than the rest of his scales. Protruding in a neat line from his arms and legs are white-yellow spikes, somewhat blood-spattered.


QUOTE(Trill)
describe self a tall, unique looking man standing about six feet tall, with a pair of silvery wings adorning each side of his body. Thick white feathers form his wings, lightly tinted in a soft blue shade. Growing from his scalp are thin, long, golden feathers which flow down his back and sway lightly as his wings rustle against them, tied loosely back with a small strip of blue cloth. A golden tan glows across his skin accentuating his facial features and making them seem smoother and more graceful. Deep pools, bright blue as the sea, creep from a luminescent blue on the outside, to deepest black at the pupil, showing strange variations of colours mingling together randomly. Huge shoulders show a lot of muscles as they support and flex his wings slightly, showing a possible reserve of strength that could be unleashed when needed. Thick muscled arms join smoothly to his torso and complement the refined state of his shoulders as they support his wings with ease.


Go nuts. Flame away. laugh.gif Just a few requests. Keep it civil, and don't mock descriptions, instead offer constructive critism and possible alternatives to bad sentences or grammar. smile.gif
Kaileigh2005-08-14 17:32:29
Ah.. Not knowing what you wear, it always bothers me when people describe their muscles or any skin adornments (tattoos, scars). If you weare full armor how can we see anything *coughshikari'sshineytattooscough*

And in the mugwump one you spelled the first Oceanic wrong tongue.gif
Unknown2005-08-14 17:42:57
I always describe my characters as though their entire body were visible, leaving out the dangly bits of course.

Anyway, they all look pretty decent. Certainly better than some I've seen.
Soll2005-08-14 18:08:29
Meh. I put in Oceanic just before I pressed Reply. Silly me, but thanks for pointing out. smile.gif
Sylphas2005-08-14 18:11:38
QUOTE("Elfen")
Long, dark brown hair cascades down his back, held away from his face by his long, pointy ears. One strand of hair on each side has been gathered in a thin, tight braid. You can see minute flecks of gold among the deep azure of his eyes. His pale skin appears smooth and unblemished.


QUOTE("Faeling")
Wings half again as tall as him sprout from his back, vibrantly blue, and sparkling with violet whorls. His eyes match his wings, a deep blue, with flecks of gold to be seen within. His skin is a pale ivory color, contrasting against the brightly irridescent wings that frame his small body. Dark hair flows down his back in a heavy cascade, hanging between his wings in a deep indigo wave. Around his face, his large pointed ears hold back most of the hair, but a few strands have come free to hang besides his face.


QUOTE("Furrikin")
His large green eyes, startling amidst his red fur, gleam with curiosity and a bit of unexpected canniness. An elegant bushy tail curls over his head, and his fingers are tipped by small black claws. He moves with light alacrity, and seems to exude a sense of interest and alertness.


And then my description system throws in a height at the beginning, based on my current size.
Soll2005-08-14 19:04:21
QUOTE(Sylphas(Elfen))
Long, dark brown hair cascades down his back, held away from his face by his long, pointy ears. One strand of hair on each side has been gathered in a thin, tight braid. You can see minute flecks of gold among the deep azure of his eyes. His pale skin appears smooth and unblemished.


QUOTE(Sylphas(Faeling))
Wings half again as tall as him sprout from his back, vibrantly blue, and sparkling with violet whorls. His eyes match his wings, a deep blue, with flecks of gold to be seen within. His skin is a pale ivory color, contrasting against the brightly irridescent wings that frame his small body. Dark hair flows down his back in a heavy cascade, hanging between his wings in a deep indigo wave. Around his face, his large pointed ears hold back most of the hair, but a few strands have come free to hang besides his face.


1) Feels like overuse of 'his'. I'd just do 'by long, pointy ears.'

2) 'iridescent'. Come on, yer a spore user. happy.gif

3) Again, a lot of 'his'. Just 'large pointed ears' is fine, in my opinion.


Very nice. smile.gif
Sylphas2005-08-14 19:29:39
Hadn't quite noticed that. Pronoun overuse I don't catch nearly as often as adjective/adverb overuse.
Unknown2005-08-15 19:23:17
Shikari's tattoos are special. Have you ever seen Him without armour? He probably has them ON his armour, seeing as they have a life of their own and all.