Okay, let me explain a little about Aussies and our humour before I post this.

Us Aussies have only been here for a little over 200 years. The great majority either bought their way over from overcrowded England/Scotland/Ireland, or were sent as convicts. This kind of evolved into a twisted national sense of humour that requires laughing at, not only others, but yourself, too.

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (USA)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Ah I love my country :>.

I remember, when I was an Air Force cadet, I went on my sargeant's promotion course, and we had to do two ten minute lectures, choice of subject open.

One of my favourite course-mates (known affectionately as Bogan) did a ten minute lecture on drop bears and hoop snakes

The whole room was laughing for ten minutes flat, from the moment he first said the words drop bear.

Dear God.
Humour ++

Told you so!

Ive heard all these so many times, but they're always funny.

Giggle so hard everytime I see that. I think the best example of Australian humour would have to be our beer ads though. Or those ones for Bunderburg rum. *drool*

love them and i can take that to mean either too much or not enough?

I love the Australians when they're not doing convict-like things like beating us in sport.

aww, i'm to lazy to beat anyone in any sport... 'cept maybe ddr, or an sport video game.

Yea, there used to be a line you could say to that, but then the Poms' won the Ashes.

Used to be, "The poms gave us cricket, and we gave em a thrashing."

Yes. Yes we did

I wanna go visit, it sounds like all kinds of fun down unda.

*eyeshift*

I'll just have to watch out for those rattlesnake bites.

And the venomous snails.

Best example of an "Aussie way to win" was at the Winter Olympics in the speed skating, or something like that. Everyone else fell over and the Aussie breezed to the gold.

Keeping in line with the humour of the thread, I'd have to say not enough.

There is a really venemous snail-like creature...well no it's nothing like a snail except it lives in a shell on the sea floor.

I bet the aussies got them all drunk the night before.

Yeah, the Irish have got nothing on Aussies when it comes to drinking.

such as the:
Carlton Draught "Big Ad" ad
Alternate Carlton Draught "Big Ad" ad download
Carlton Draught "No Explanations" ad
Carlton Draught "Canoes" ad
All the Bundaberg Rum ads - including the majorly awesome "Drop Bear" ad