I have a paper due in my English Comp 2 class tomorrow and I'm trying to finish up fixing my rough draft and blah blah blah. Last class we each had three people proofread our drafts. We have these little sheets which basicly look like this:

Thesis: 2 4 6 8 10
Intro: 2 4 6 8 10
Body: 2 4 6 8 10
Quotes: 2 4 6 8 10
Context: 2 4 6 8 10
Style: 2 4 6 8 10
Conclusion: 2 4 6 8 10
Grammar: 2 4 6 8 10


We're supposed to circle whatever we think they deserve for their grade and if it is low explain why. So I give my paper to this one girl next to me and she hands it to the teacher's husband. So I'm thinking, "Ok.. he should be able to help me a lot with what I didn't understand." The man gives me 3 2's, 3 4's, and 2 6's. No notes. No little drawings. No marks on my actual paper. No nothing. Just little circles. Now I have no idea WHY he gave me such low marks.. I just know something is wrong with my paper that must be really horrid. Everyone else gave me 10's 8's and 6's, but they are my friends.. so I expect them to be like that.

I'm going to be paranoid until I find out why he gave me 2's.. I've been getting A's.. why did I get a 2..

Um.. show us?

My paper? o_o

Why not? You made a topic about it.

Meh.. it unformatted it. No conclusion either. Still mulling over it and I need another quote. Yes, it sucks..

Edit: stupid ugly unformatted thing.. -grumbles-

(Insert Title)
Shirley Jackson’s short story, The Lottery, is set in a normal village with normal everyday people. Jackson remarkably and convincingly portrays “the lottery” as being normal and everyday as well. The reader would really believe that nothing was out of the ordinary until the gruesome truth is revealed. This story is just another fine example of how a talented author can use the many aspects of writing to shock and amaze the audience.
In the story, the feeling of a hidden secret is always present. Whether it is represented by the overdone peaceful environment of the town or the strange ritualistic traditions that they use the theme of secrecy and a looming fear is ever present in this writing. Jackson pulls out all the stops to prove her point that some traditions are better left to the past. Using vivid imagery, she makes the reader feel the depth of the lurking terror that the villagers experience as they continue the ritual of the lottery.
The conflicts in this story are numerous. The first of which is the issue between the younger and older generations and their feelings towards the lottery. The younger generation wants to stop the lottery, but the older villagers think it would be foolish to drop the tradition. Their only real argument to this would be Warner’s statement, “There’s always been a lottery,” and the younger members of the town subtlety hinting that other villages have all dropped the tradition. The second conflict would be the argument over the fairness of the drawing and the dispute that ends the story. Nothing is really solved in these conflicts and the tradition continues on, but the most important conflict would be the overall hesitation to participate in the lottery.
The techniques that Jackson uses to develop the characters’ personalities seem a tad rushed. They are given little time to establish themselves or evolve, but Jackson excels at expressing their emotions in such a small time frame. They go from being normal people that could be anyone on the street to very animated and unique characters. They express indifference in the beginning, but that quickly changes to worry, anger, and fear. The characters show through their emotions that even though they would still participate in the lottery they regret and resent their obligation to do so.

Ohhh my god, i did a essay about that short story this year, EVIL STORY OF DOOM!

Yes, the story can go burn in the bad place. I hate it.. but don't you love my overly positive essay. >_<

Well you didn't say anything about the fact that it seems all nice and happy, then the village stones a person because they were late, EVIL STORY! Usually with schoolwork you just write what the teacher wants to hear, i mean i did an opinion piece, which was your own opinion, i fully justified my point, but because in it was being cruel, i got a bad grade.

Yea I noticed writing what you teacher wants to hear is a critical part of doing well in English lessons...the stuff I had to make up about poetry (which I despise) to get my A*s, ewww.

My English teacher wasn't like that. She actually wanted to hear our opinions, and marked us down if we tried just telling her what we thought she wanted to hear. Every day, we had to write for 15 minutes at the beginning of class. All I did was write down my crazy conspiracy theories and rant about reality TV, and I got the best grade in the class

You better read the story the lottery, if you don't you won't understand movies such as the island.

Oh god I HATE getting marks with no comments. Marks are useless, it is the feedback that helps! Grr *strangles markers/proof readers*.

Wow I remember this story...

Well my English teacher is hardcore so we've probably been taught different writing styles. My advice is to avoid repetition of adjectives and use more literary terms. But overall it's good! I had thought the meaning of the story was a bit obscure but you seem to grasp it pretty well.

I found that in school, particularly high school, unless it was the teacher grading, the proofreader's intellect was somewhere between a rock and mine, so, less than mine. These kids who were barely passing, and smoked pot as a hobby were grading my paper, and if I got anything short of perfect or almost perfect, I demanded to know why.

There was usually no reasoning behind it, other than some opinion they had. "I didn't like it", or "I didn't think ." No, that's right you jerk, you didn't think, did you?

Did you?!?

I did that last year, that is such a bad story. Lucky you got more than one period (Or so Im getting from what you said) we had the period and then we had to hand it in, no proof reading, no looking over or anything.

People are really overly critical about others works, they always find flaws! And never ever explain why they think its a flaw.

Okay, firstly I loved this story, but that's just me...

*pulls out red pen*
It's pretty good. Here's what I'd change
Okay, paragraph two,
In the story, the feeling of a hidden secret is always present. Whether it is represented by the overdone peaceful environment of the town or the strange ritualistic traditions that they use the theme of secrecy and a looming fear is ever present in this writing.
Jackson pulls out all the stops to prove her point that some traditions are better left to the past.
Using vivid imagery, she makes the reader feel the depth of the lurking terror that the villagers experience as they continue the ritual of the lottery.

The conflicts in this story are numerous. The first of which is the issue between the younger and older generations and their feelings towards the lottery. The younger generation wants to stop the lottery, but the older villagers think it would be foolish to drop the tradition. Their only real argument to this would be Warner’s statement, “There’s always been a lottery,” and the younger members of the town subtlety hinting that other villages have all dropped the tradition.
The second conflict would be the argument over the fairness of the drawing and the dispute that ends the story. Nothing is really solved in these conflicts and the tradition continues on, but the most important conflict would be the overall hesitation to participate in the lottery.


The techniques that Jackson uses to develop the characters’ personalities seem a tad rushed. They are given little time to establish themselves or evolve, but Jackson excels at expressing their emotions in such a small time frame. They go from being normal people that could be anyone on the street to very animated and unique characters. They express indifference in the beginning, but that quickly changes to worry, anger, and fear. The characters show through their emotions that even though they would still participate in the lottery they regret and resent their obligation to do so.


CONCLUSION
Not bad, check out what I said. Take it or leave it, I'm just a kid remember, not a teacher. I'd like to know what the assignment was. Lastly, if you hate the story, why are you saying how good it is? Why not say "The lottery is a piece of junk that inspired no emotion in me" and write about that? (Edit: if the assignment was show how well she used symbols, you can always say she did a bad job )

Well, I've never read the Lottery, but anyway. I'll take a crack at it.


Shirley Jackson’s short story, The Lottery, is set in a normal village with normal everyday people. Jackson remarkably and convincingly portrays “the lottery” (Shouldn't it be captailized?) as being normal and everyday (Word choice. No repeat if possible) as well. The reader would really believe that nothing was out of the ordinary until the gruesome truth is revealed.(Try and spice it up...get away from the ordinary/normal. Even though that might be a bit hard.) This story is just another fine example of how a talented author can use the many aspects of writing to shock and amaze the audience.(Very good, maybe toy around with it to make it better.)

In the story, the feeling of a hidden secret is always present. Whether it is represented by the overdone peaceful environment of the town or the strange ritualistic traditions that they use(Sounds interesting...can you possible give examples of the traditions they do?), the theme of secrecy and looming fear is ever present in this story. Jackson pulls out all the stops to prove her point that some traditions are better left to the past. Using vivid imagery, she makes the reader feel the depth of the lurking terror that the villagers experience as they continue the ritual of the lottery.

The conflicts in this story are numerous. The first of which is the issue between the younger and older generations and their feelings towards the lottery. The younger generation wants to stop the lottery, but the older villagers think it would be foolish to drop the tradition. Their only real argument to this would be Warner’s statement, “There’s always been a lottery,” and the younger members of the town subtlety hinting that other villages have all dropped the tradition. The second conflict would be the argument over the fairness of the drawing and the dispute that ends the story. Nothing is really solved in these conflicts and the tradition continues on, but the most important conflict would be the overall hesitation to participate in the lottery. (hmm...its not a bad paragraph, but try and spice it up if you can.)

The techniques that Jackson uses to develop the characters’ personalities seem a tad rushed. They are given little time to establish themselves or evolve, but Jackson excels at expressing their emotions in such a small time frame. They go from being normal people that could be anyone on the street to very animated and unique characters. They express indifference in the beginning, but that quickly changes to worry, anger, and fear. The characters show through their emotions that even though they would still participate in the lottery they regret and resent their obligation to do so.


My comments
Very good, and I sort of realize that this is an essay but...you can still make it somewhat lively, etc. No offense, but it seems kind of monotone to me. If you give a bit more of a "voice" I think it would be more intereting to read. I'm in Journalism...so excuse me if my comments are a bit off, but meh. Use to having my teacher say "make it more interesting to read!" If what I said helps, then... good.

Yes, we proofread AFTER I turn it in!

Not much I can do about the errors now.

I know!! I'm sorry WATSON!! Get the time traveling machine. I hope you get a good grade though! And you can use what we said for other essasy, etc.

The next one is on.. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. That movie is so cute.