I was talking to a friend today, and found out that a girl who was a freshman at our high school this year killed herself last weekend . Apparently she was caught by the police and got a .18 on a breathalizer, and had told her friends before that if she was ever caught by the police again for drinking she'd kill herself, and the next day she drank bleach and hung herself.

It's sort of scary because I tend to say things like, "Ugh if that happened I'd kill myself," and some of my friends do too, but I'd never think someone actually meant it.

..Wow. I've never had the unfortunate displeasure of dealing with someone I even remotely knew committing suicide.. But I faced a lot of deaths at my high school. Speeding, diving, boating, swimming.. Kids getting tangled in anchor lines, crab trap lines, lobster pot ropes, playing chicken on two-lane roads (as 95% of the Keys are made of those).. We had a lot of those.

I never would think someone would do it when they joke like that.. wow. I guess I'm a coward, but I could never take my own life.

I know. We've actually had a few suicides at my school, and a girl that graduated with me died a few months ago from drug overdose. It's so depressing.

My kind-of boyfriend died of drug overdose, senior year. It was a rather sad affair, we were all so screwed up no one turned him over - drowned in his own vomit.

That's when I stopped messing with that crap. I say "kind-of" boyfriend because there was absolutely 0 emotional attraction. But it was fun. I still miss him, from time to time. A lot of us just try to forget about the people we've left behind to things like that.

I think there were probably some underlying issues, and not just the DUI itself that caused her to take her own life. Regardless, I'm sorry you had to hear about it and I hope her friends and family manage to get through it as best as possible, somehow.

I'm likely to get flamed for this but it's be no means cowardly to not be able to take your own life.

I've always considered it cowardly TO take your own life.

More cowardly to take your life because all you do then is run away from your problems. If you can stand up and deal with them than you are in my mind a person of great courage and bravery. But that being said, I fully understand how it feels to have a lot of bad things happen to you at once and you just lose the will to carry on.
The area I live in is where the new "Karla" movie takes place, Lesley Mohoffy (I think I misspelled her name ) went to my school. A lot of my teachers remember her, and when they heard about the movie for a short while they stormed around or just didnt really care. Some people I know used to live around where the girl was abducted from by Paul and Karla and some even knew them. Our lives, pretty much changed that year.
There is usually more than one reason, and yeah, usually those that actually go through with it have a lot of their plate and cant take anymore. They just fall apart and lose heart in life. They begin to feel that thats their only choice. What we can do is when they start acting like it, and I know sometimes its not visible, we have to try and help them out in what way we can. A simple thing like a smile or a nice gesture makes a world full of changes for one person.

hmm..

When I was still playing Achaea there was this guy that my character would hang around with. I knew he was a lot older than me, but he seemed so unhappy. I talked to him everytime I saw him and I'd be my naturally snuggly self.. It seemed like it made him happy to be around me. Then for a while I didn't see him.. and I got this message:

Message #167 Sent by: ******
9/4/18:29 "****** will continue, but his soul has changed. The ******* as you know him died during an intentional mountainwalk-accident last week and was buried yesterday. I inherited the character but will not continue the personal relationships (which I couldnt anyway, since all those logs are encrypted). Please respect these last wishes from our mutual friend."


So I asked a bit more..

Message #169 Sent by: *******
9/5/5:55 "Yes, he commited suicide, although the official report reads "fell into chasm during mountainwalk", thus allowing anyone that wants to "believe" differently the option of an accident."

The new guy was very cold.. but he said that all of this was planned. I freaked out, because this guy had given me a ton of credits to add rooms to my house and would constantly send me letters about how happy I made him.. I wish he had told me he was that unhappy.

I wouldn't fret over it too much, Veo. There was probably nothing that anyone could have done at that point...

If you've ever tried to take you own life you will know how hard it is to take that final step. Not trying to glorify it, but it's hardly a cowardly act by any means.

However much you all say it is cowardly to take your own life, it takes an incomprehendible amount of willpower to actually commit the final act of doing so. While the deed may be viewed as cowardly by others, the act is something that requires a steely will and incredibly courage. It is not the work of a coward.

The above statement neither approves of nor disapproves of suicide.

I think we mostly all just aired our views on the matter the truth is, what you said is absolutly correct. It takes huge amount of willpower to commit suicide, but it takes a huge amount to get up on your feet and live your life. To deal with the unhappiness you feel.

It doesn't make one option easier than the other though. Living is hard and ending your life is hard, it just happens to be more final.

One option though causes grief and pain to those you love for years and years to come.

Some times you have to do things for yourself.

I think to truly understand this situation you would have to be one of the ones that tried. If you are constantly feeling like there is nothing better in the future or no one cares about you.. yeah.. at that point you don't care what kind of pain you cause the people that caused you enough grief to even want to kill yourself.

Yeah, it's selfish, but a lot of people who actually do it don't feel that way.

Joli's pretty much spot ont. If you are driven to want to commit suicide, then you will either not be thinking about how those around you will feel, or, unfortunately, you may consider doing it to spite them on some level.

Most just do it to be free, rather than to hurt others.

Joli that's sad , however ever since an experience I had while a member of some Final Fantasy forums, I've always sort of distrusted the internet and the fate of the people on it. There was a guy who completely faked having cancer, faked his own death claiming he had died during 9/11 and that his username was now taken over by his brother. He kept this up for nearly 2 years, until finally telling everyone that it was all a big lie. A lot of us were really good friends with both him and his brother, so a lot of people got pissed when he told the truth about it :/.

I know.. I pondered about that a bit.

I will share something with you all, since I trust most of you on some level.

About a week ago I had a small breakdown. My mom had spazzed out because the lady at this resturant didn't give us what I ordered. She said I had done it on purpose . This combined with my dad having cancer, my sister dropping out of school, and my sister being mentally unstable caused all sorts of problems in my head. To be quite honest, I lost it. Completely. I was spouting nonsense and trying to get my mom to beat me up. It didn't help that she makes fun of me when I cry or get upset. It just sort of keeps it going. But anyways yeah.. at one point I was hunting for sleeping pills.. all I could think about was resting and not having to deal with all of this. In my mind it wasn't suicide I was thinking of. My sister came in and saw what I was doing.. went and got my dad. My dad is almost completely emotionless and was barely concerned at all.. He told me I needed to come sit with him in the living room. I then promptly fell asleep.. as I often do when my mind overloads itself. When I woke up I had a head ache the size of the nation and I was back to my senses..

The moral of the story is.. People don't think clearly when they do things like this. Taunting them doesn't help at all. If a person is upset you should be supportive, not bitchy, or at the very least friendly. I'm not saying that this girl was having the same amount of problems I was, she could be having more or having less. It doesn't really matter. The only reason I'm telling you all this is to express what it actually feels like to be in this type of position.

Edit: I swear if any of you start doing this 'poor Joli' crap I'll hurt you.

I think one of the most important things to realise is even though you feel so alone when you are in a bad state of mind, such as the one you mentioned Joli, there are many others going through it and who have been through it. When I eventually came to realise how true that was I found it really comforting and uplifting to know that there are others I can talk to who would know what I am thinking and feeling. It can be so hard to relate to someone who just says "why are you sad? Cheer up!".