Umm..I know there's a thread around here somewhere, but I don't feel like digging it up, etc.

Anyone wanna make comments on my extra long description??

She is a feathered trill and is somewhat tall for her race, just barely around five feet, ten inches. One silvery-blue eye can be seen as the other is hidden by several stray strands of hair from her raven coloured hair, which cascades down to her waist and is held firmly in a braid down her back with two smaller identical braids framing her face. Black-blue wings spread out from her shoulders and away, towering over her slender figure. Her wings seem to give the effect of ever present shadows dancing around her. From the right corner of her lips a scars runs down to her chin, looking simularly to a branching river. High cheek bones crest her face, giving her a rather noble yet young look. Her black lashes sweep down to give a look of dark cresent moons on her cheeks, concealing her eyes yet even more. Darkened eyebrows arch up above her eyes, adding onto her look of noblity but giving an arrogant feel as well. At first glance, she appears somewhat weak and delicate, however, upon a second and closer look it is evident that she is capable to defend herself. Her skin is pale, almost transparent, and seems to glow whether or not it is day or night. Her ears peek through her hair, and look to be a bit pointed at the ends. Along the sides of her face are glittering violet markings that twist and turn, as if it were live, on her cheeks, temples and forehead. The markings slide down her neck, and disappear into her clothing. Where skin is visible, the markings can be seen. The shape of the markings are spirals that reach out like vines of ivy along her skin.

...my mom likes it over my old one, and don't ask about the old one because its gone forever...uh...yeah. Thanks.

Oh..and this popped up after reading at some of the thread titles....

From somewhere long ago
Places unseen
Places unknown.
Deep within this decayed forest
It sits, and waits, and consumes.
Darkness creeps back within…
Biding its time.
It stares, watches, carefully analyzes
The things that pass it by.
Days are flung away,
Yet still it goes by unnoticed…
Suddenly, the screeching of crows ring up from within.
The wicked laughter of a woman echoes around.
No longer shall it wait, time has come.
Gradually it destroys all that oppose
And turns that which is not it
To something of a closeness.
Soon, the ringing of crows shall echo.
Soon, the darkness shall eclipse radiance,
And all will be one.
All will be with Her and Her will.


comments? stuff?

To be honest this is pretty long and usually I don't read much past the first half-dozen lines in-game unless it's someone I know. Other than that, just one suggestion to consider...


The "somewhat tall/short/average for his/her race" seems a bit overused to me in descriptions. Plus, if you're going to have your exact height in there, just have your exact height and leave it at that. Something like... She is a feathered trill and is tall and slender, reaching a height of five feet, ten inches when standing.

Very vivid description though, I like it.

Thank you! Yeah, I've seen quite a few people with "is somewhat /whatever height/ for his/her race." I'll get rid of it.

I love the swirls actually..I think their her best feature.

I actualy prefer never to cast an impression unto the looker... I simply detail the feature and thus each can make whatever he or she wants of it.
The hair style for instance is not permenant as in, the eye is hidden by a few stray bangs- I would probably say that a few strands of hair have a tendency to fall, thus hiding the left or right eye.
I like the description though, don't get me wrong
Narses.

Yeah try to take a neutral stance, when you assume an impression upon others that's not really fair roleplay, and a description is static - not active roleplay, just roleplay device.

For fun you might want to change your description as you change clothes, get new jewelry, so on.

For instance, if Kurt dosn't bathe for a long time, but just keeps using cleanse to keep himself non-stinky (which only focuses on your armpits really), I'll mention "his skin is covered with patches of dried dirt" or some such. If he loses a non-arena battle and is forced to pray, he takes a scar relevant to the death associated.

Good and nice to read, but with one exception. Trills do not have hair, they have hair-like feathers on their heads.

I like it, though I havn't made a description for myself yet... heh. Ohh well.

Yeah. The whatnot and stuff, it is overused, but other than that and a few grammar issues, I realy like it!

Trill that have hair are often times halfbreeds to a race with hair or they reincarnated into a Trill from a race from hair. Arix did it, I did it. Though, if you look close at my description it says I have head feathers poking through my hair, my character is alluded to being half Elfen and thought to be one for a very long time till she slowly started to long for wings and began to remember her life.

Yes, some things like somewhat larger/smaller/average is overused but it still works and you need to constantly keep working at these descriptions because you will one day notice you dont like a certain something about it.

Otherwise, I really do like it. Nice to see lots of Trill around now.

I enjoy looking at Trill descriptions (being one myself). It is fascinating to see how each member interprets the race. Most appear to be half-breeds or less, like me, as I have only seen one other trill fully covered in feathers with a beak and talons. Good description though!

Ack!!! The only thing that should hint that she might be half bred is the earsssss!!! -panics- Anyway, I'll got tweek it. And, with the hair over her eyes thing, it does stay like that the only time it'll change is if there's a wind. I don't know why yet, eventually it'll come around to poking out, but it just stays there. My hair in real life tends to stay in my eyes unless I move it. But its short...eh. Any, like I said, I'll mess with it a bit. She's really never going to change, and most of that scars she has are hidden by robes so I can't show those.

Unless, of course, I give my GA a heart attack and run around naked But then I'd get my ass kicked. (You know I love you Yeralih!) Anyway, I'll probably only change in like...3-5 years. Personally, its one of my better ones. I'll post a few, if you want to compare 'em.

I was actually thinking about having her have talon like hands, butt....I wasn't sure how to describe it.

It can be relevant, though, especially when dealing with changelings, who - for example - might subtly differentiate from ordinary members of the species.

For example, a four-foot faeling.

Trills do not have hair, they have a head of feathers. One thing I do not like about many mortal descriptions is the liberties they take with their race, whether they realize or not. Good luck, but many will see that as very strange.

That bugs me too... but it would be really nice if the help files for races were a little more physically descriptive. For example, a lot of people don't know if merians have scales, and, until recently, I had no idea that they had gills. For a lot of races, there is too much room for liberties to be taken.

The Trill and hair thing only really works for reincarnated people, and even then it works best if you slowly progress the loss of hair and gaining of head feathers.

Merians have scales? Wow..I really did not know that knew about the gills due to their uh...fish-like abilities.

I'm going to get my lazy arse in gear and change my description. She doesn't have "hair", Ksil really does have feathers. I forgot to put it.

I've always saw Merians having scales and gills because i associate them with fish. It would be nice it they gave us a little more to work with...I tend to look at the pictures that they have on the site for help and I usually only play races like Faeling, Trills, Elfen, or Human. I tend to worry about description early on.

If I don't plan something out in the beginning I

I'll take a look into that.

When the game started, I confused Trill and Faelings. Hazar's first description featured dragonfly wings.

Freak.

That coming from you, mr "take off your pants we must fuse"?