Share your wisdom nuggets!

"Life is like eating a jar of jalapeno peppers; what you do today could brun your ass tomorrow"

And

"Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth it provides!"

Begin the sharring!

"Keep smiling. It makes people wonder what you're up to."

and

"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real reason.

And the advice Verithrax should take:

"One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say."

Pah, you want proverbs...

i'll give you proverbs..

http://s90632679.onlinehome.us/tanakh/Mish...html#Proverbs21

My wisdom is in my sig

Edit: so turn signitures on you bums!

odd proverb

Psh! You know which ones I mean. Although... I guess that one works too.

He who live in glass house, dress in basement.
Man who run behind bus get exhausted.
Man who run in front of bus get tired.
Baseball wrong! Man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there!
Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fall in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of himself.

Those are bad...
but funny.

An old favorite...

"Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

That's wrong!

He'll be warm for quite awhile after his life, too.

Crispy.

Water will run up hill if you go to the right place.

The story is told of an African chieftan who lived in a simple grass hut, and sat on an elegant, hand carved, wood throne. After ruling for a few years, he became a bit haughty and decided that wood wasn't good enough for him, he wanted a gold throne. So he commissioned his craftsmen to create a beautiful gold throne, and he took the wood one and stored it in the small attic of his hut. A few months later, the sounds of warring natives from another tribe were heard approaching the village, and the African chief quickly assumed that they were probably going to come and steal his gold throne. So he exchanged the thrones, bringing the wooden one back down and hiding the gold throne in the attic. While he sat there anticipating the arrival of the enemy tribal warriers, suddenly the gold throne upstairs broke through the ceiling and came crashing down on the chief's head, and killed him.
So what is the morale of this story? "People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."



And here are the other jokes... 10 minute setup narratives have been spared for your groaning pleasure.

Never lock a gift mouse in the hearse.

The whirly bird gets the urn.

Warning! The searchin' general has determined that smoking ziggurats may be hazardous to your stealth.

Listen darling. They're fraying our thong!

Transporting gulls across the staid lion for immortal porpoises.

You should never hatchet your Counts until they've chickened!

it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc.

People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones

Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

Repaint and thin no more.

the first herd shot around the world

Don't you know what happens to men when they get too much test tossed around?

Don't put all your basques in one exit.

I guess I'll just have to face fax

"That", replied the professor, "was a flying Chaucer".

That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting.

Let your paiges do the walking through the yellow fingers

The company had not allowed enough margarine for error.

the Czech was in the Male

two obese Patties, Special Ross, Leonard Reese picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus.

The Whore-Force Men of the Park Ellipse

I've come to seize your berry, not to appraise it!

I guess I'm just not a very good conductor

he didn't leave one tern unstoned.

a reign was called off, because of game

Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!

He was so lucky that he found that Four Loaf Cleaver!

It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!

I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this.

the thong is ended, but the malady lingers on

Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids!

The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

Because two Wongs don't make a White.

The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides

Only Hue can prevent Florist Friars

I left my harp in Sandcrab's disco!

Wow! That must have been a very panes-taking process!

Artie chokes three for one dollar at Ralphs

If the Foo shits, wear it.

Making an obscene clone fall.

an iced Kareem clone.

Ty, your yellow fibbin' browned the old folks' brie!

It was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us

I don't know, but his face sure rang a bell.

I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer