Unknown2006-08-23 19:46:41
So, I started a story in my head, and it turned out to not be one of my normal stories. It was lusternian. Um, not sure if I'll send it to Bardic or put it into the library or some such but I'd like feed back. This is just the first chapter, I'll add more as I finish each chapter.
--Chapter 1.
It had been raining all day now. All day and all night. Everyone, within the city of Magnagora, had hidden themselves inside from the driving, pounding rain. The young viscanti sigh as she peered out through the window, unable to see anything but shadowy figures, her reflection, and the rain splattering across the glass.
"I wish is would let up already," Traskara murmured. Her mentor, Lord d'Sharni looked up sharply from his book.
"Perhaps," his voice purred silkily. "You could finish your studies, Traskara, instead of dilly dallying."
Traskara stiffened, irritation flashing across her face before disappear as if it had never been. Silently, the girl turned to look at her books and began reading.
Lord d'Sharni looked at his protégé. For a viscanti, Traskara was tiny. She was dwarfed by her bat-like wings, her horns seemed far too large, and she could barely walk without falling or tripping over something. Her legs were not human-like, in-fact they were more like a taurian's, bent with cloven hooves. Neither her legs nor the lion tail, that flickered behind her, helped with her problems.
Nikoriath sighed. The girl had no family and she had been filthy when she had first crawled her way into the city. Had it been kindness that moved him to help her bathe? To eat and learn that ways of the Nihilists? He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
No...there was something else at work that day, he thought. Indeed he had felt something strange tugging at him, bidding him...demanding that he help this child. Traskara had been quiet at the beginning, a very attentive student; listening and doing as she was told, never complaining as many of the other Urths did. Eventually, Traskara started to become more and more open, more talkative though she wasn't extremely talkative like some others he could point out. He had taken Traskara as a protégé because he could see the intelligence in her emerald eyes, and the willing to learn things others did not wish to learn.
Ever since she had become a penitent though, she had slowed down in her studies. She had become lax and restless. Nikoraith frowned. This wasn't like Traskara. He had known her for several years now, and her becoming restless was strange.
"Traskara," he said, a thoughtful note in his soft, quiet voice. The girl looked up at him, her elfen ears twitching slightly signaling to him that he had her attention.
"You have seemed restless of late..." He watched her carefully beneath his lashes. "Is there something the matter?"
Her face twisted into something unreadable, and made him worry more. "Why do you ask?" She asked, her face clearing to become a blank mask once more.
"I am your mentor, it is my duty to take care of you. If something is the matter, then I should know that way I may be able to help you with whatever it is. Unless it is something else? Something…odd?" She hesitated, and then looked away. He was right, something was amiss.
"Tell me." His voice was a bare whisper but it was commanding, compelling her to answer him.
"For days I've felt...like I should leave this place and travel. To where I'm not sure, but it feels like it is coming from Glomdoring or something in that area." She answered, staring at her desktop.
"Are you ashamed? That you could not ignore this? Stop it somehow?" A undercurrent anger ran in his voice as he asked her. He had taught her that if she had ever felt something odd…as if she were being commanded to do something, then she should follow it and not ignore it. It could have been a god wishing to speak with her or a creature from some place else that wanted to give her some knowledge that may bring glory to the City, to the Nihilists.
"I'm sorry.." She started to say.
"Go to bed, and in the morning, should the weather allow, I do not wish to find you still here." He interrupted her. Traskara stood, quickly dropped a curtsey and left the room. Nikoriath sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. Glaring out through the window as she had earlier, the Nihilist elder began to brood and drink.
--Chapter 1.
It had been raining all day now. All day and all night. Everyone, within the city of Magnagora, had hidden themselves inside from the driving, pounding rain. The young viscanti sigh as she peered out through the window, unable to see anything but shadowy figures, her reflection, and the rain splattering across the glass.
"I wish is would let up already," Traskara murmured. Her mentor, Lord d'Sharni looked up sharply from his book.
"Perhaps," his voice purred silkily. "You could finish your studies, Traskara, instead of dilly dallying."
Traskara stiffened, irritation flashing across her face before disappear as if it had never been. Silently, the girl turned to look at her books and began reading.
Lord d'Sharni looked at his protégé. For a viscanti, Traskara was tiny. She was dwarfed by her bat-like wings, her horns seemed far too large, and she could barely walk without falling or tripping over something. Her legs were not human-like, in-fact they were more like a taurian's, bent with cloven hooves. Neither her legs nor the lion tail, that flickered behind her, helped with her problems.
Nikoriath sighed. The girl had no family and she had been filthy when she had first crawled her way into the city. Had it been kindness that moved him to help her bathe? To eat and learn that ways of the Nihilists? He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
No...there was something else at work that day, he thought. Indeed he had felt something strange tugging at him, bidding him...demanding that he help this child. Traskara had been quiet at the beginning, a very attentive student; listening and doing as she was told, never complaining as many of the other Urths did. Eventually, Traskara started to become more and more open, more talkative though she wasn't extremely talkative like some others he could point out. He had taken Traskara as a protégé because he could see the intelligence in her emerald eyes, and the willing to learn things others did not wish to learn.
Ever since she had become a penitent though, she had slowed down in her studies. She had become lax and restless. Nikoraith frowned. This wasn't like Traskara. He had known her for several years now, and her becoming restless was strange.
"Traskara," he said, a thoughtful note in his soft, quiet voice. The girl looked up at him, her elfen ears twitching slightly signaling to him that he had her attention.
"You have seemed restless of late..." He watched her carefully beneath his lashes. "Is there something the matter?"
Her face twisted into something unreadable, and made him worry more. "Why do you ask?" She asked, her face clearing to become a blank mask once more.
"I am your mentor, it is my duty to take care of you. If something is the matter, then I should know that way I may be able to help you with whatever it is. Unless it is something else? Something…odd?" She hesitated, and then looked away. He was right, something was amiss.
"Tell me." His voice was a bare whisper but it was commanding, compelling her to answer him.
"For days I've felt...like I should leave this place and travel. To where I'm not sure, but it feels like it is coming from Glomdoring or something in that area." She answered, staring at her desktop.
"Are you ashamed? That you could not ignore this? Stop it somehow?" A undercurrent anger ran in his voice as he asked her. He had taught her that if she had ever felt something odd…as if she were being commanded to do something, then she should follow it and not ignore it. It could have been a god wishing to speak with her or a creature from some place else that wanted to give her some knowledge that may bring glory to the City, to the Nihilists.
"I'm sorry.." She started to say.
"Go to bed, and in the morning, should the weather allow, I do not wish to find you still here." He interrupted her. Traskara stood, quickly dropped a curtsey and left the room. Nikoriath sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. Glaring out through the window as she had earlier, the Nihilist elder began to brood and drink.
Unknown2006-08-23 20:54:22
--Chapter 2
Traskara woke up close to dawn the next day. The rain was light in its fall, but steady. She was uneasy about leaving Magnagora. She had never once been outside its walls since she came from the Portal of Fate at the age of eighteen. That had been thirteen years ago, and the slightest idea of leaving made her shudder. She had to go, she had no choice in the matter.
Sighing, Traskara threw offer her covers and changed into warmer clothes, linen and other common types. She didn’t want to ruin her silk ones. Pulling her thick, heavy cloak from her closet, she opened her door and made her way to the kitchens of the d’Sharni manor.
Lord d’Sharni was a wonderful mentor, and she was grateful to have such a respectful and intelligent elder but there were times, like now, that she wished he hadn’t taken her has his protégé. Traskara remember when he had first given her the offer, several of the other elders had offered to take her as their protégé as well. They had been afraid for her. d’Sharni was more than willing to torture or mutilate his students if they didn’t do as they were told. He gave second chances, of course, and he didn’t beat them over small things like one small error in a ritual. No, it was the much larger things, such as acts of disobedience, that made him angry.
She entered the kitchen warily. If he was wake, and he saw her, he would beat her senseless and then once she healed, he would send her on her way. Traskara shuddered and began preparing food for her journey. She was too afraid to try and scry him, to see if he was awake. Hastily, she put on her cloak and put her food inside of her backpack.
Opening the door, she was greeted with a gust of cold wind that chilled her down to her bones. Clenching her teeth, she raised her hood and stepped out into the streets. She struggled against the wind to close the door, but after several seconds she managed. Pulling her cloak tightly about her, she look in the direction of the Glomdoring forest, and felt that nagging tug, that had been relatively quiet, become insistent and much more stronger than usual.
Traskara began trudging to her destination, and as she near the southern gate she stopped to look at her home once more. Even though the nagging was there, she wanted to go back to the warmth of her home, even if it meant being beaten and tortured. Suddenly she steeled herself. I have to go! She thought angrily at herself. I have to do it for the Nihilist! For Magnagora! If it benefits me, it in-turn benefits my guild and my city. I will do this. I have to. Turning back to the gate, Traskara began the long walk to the Glomdoring Forest.
Working on the 3rd chapter.
Traskara woke up close to dawn the next day. The rain was light in its fall, but steady. She was uneasy about leaving Magnagora. She had never once been outside its walls since she came from the Portal of Fate at the age of eighteen. That had been thirteen years ago, and the slightest idea of leaving made her shudder. She had to go, she had no choice in the matter.
Sighing, Traskara threw offer her covers and changed into warmer clothes, linen and other common types. She didn’t want to ruin her silk ones. Pulling her thick, heavy cloak from her closet, she opened her door and made her way to the kitchens of the d’Sharni manor.
Lord d’Sharni was a wonderful mentor, and she was grateful to have such a respectful and intelligent elder but there were times, like now, that she wished he hadn’t taken her has his protégé. Traskara remember when he had first given her the offer, several of the other elders had offered to take her as their protégé as well. They had been afraid for her. d’Sharni was more than willing to torture or mutilate his students if they didn’t do as they were told. He gave second chances, of course, and he didn’t beat them over small things like one small error in a ritual. No, it was the much larger things, such as acts of disobedience, that made him angry.
She entered the kitchen warily. If he was wake, and he saw her, he would beat her senseless and then once she healed, he would send her on her way. Traskara shuddered and began preparing food for her journey. She was too afraid to try and scry him, to see if he was awake. Hastily, she put on her cloak and put her food inside of her backpack.
Opening the door, she was greeted with a gust of cold wind that chilled her down to her bones. Clenching her teeth, she raised her hood and stepped out into the streets. She struggled against the wind to close the door, but after several seconds she managed. Pulling her cloak tightly about her, she look in the direction of the Glomdoring forest, and felt that nagging tug, that had been relatively quiet, become insistent and much more stronger than usual.
Traskara began trudging to her destination, and as she near the southern gate she stopped to look at her home once more. Even though the nagging was there, she wanted to go back to the warmth of her home, even if it meant being beaten and tortured. Suddenly she steeled herself. I have to go! She thought angrily at herself. I have to do it for the Nihilist! For Magnagora! If it benefits me, it in-turn benefits my guild and my city. I will do this. I have to. Turning back to the gate, Traskara began the long walk to the Glomdoring Forest.
Working on the 3rd chapter.
Diamondais2006-08-23 20:59:08
Good so far, in the first chapter you have a bit that goes "she wasn't not extremely talkative" which should either have the "n't" taken off or the "not" or both depending on what youre trying to say. Only part that Ive noticed so far.
Unknown2006-08-23 22:10:29
--Chapter 3
Traskara stood at an entrance of the forest. She eyed it warily. The forest was twisted, like the tainted lands yet it was much more…oppressive, like it was waiting maliciously for her to enter only to gobble her up.
Come. She heard the whisper floating through the air, drifting from somewhere in the forest. Come. That sweet echoing voice continued. Traskara tried to stop it by putting her hands over her ears, but it got stronger, louder, inside of her head. It was driving her mad. She shook her head, struggling against it. She didn’t want to follow it, something felt wrong.
She didn’t know how but Traskara found herself running through the forest, uncaring of the branches that reached out to cut her skin, her clothes. She ran until her lungs burned and her legs stumbled beneath her. She tripped over a rock and fell on her face. It felt as though she had laid there for hours.
Daughter…Come here daughter. You must get up, dear. You must come to me. Sweet, dear daughter. There it was, nagging her, bidding her to come. Traskara pushed off of the ground and sat for a moment, regaining her senses. Standing up, carefully, she followed the feeling that had brought her here. She didn’t realize it but she was crying, silent tears rolling down her face.
The feeling lessened and suddenly dissipated as she enter a grove. Surround by a ring of large stones, a pool sat in the middle of the trees. A ripple crossed the surface of the water.
Come here, dear. Closer. You must come closer and look into the water, love. Traskara shuffled her way to the edge of pool. Before she got within five feet of it, she felt something grab her arm and yank her back away from the pool.
“No! You can not go any closer to it!†A male voice hissed at her. Traskara whirled around to stare at the young elfen man holding her arm.
“Let go of me! I have to go to the pool. Let go, I said, damnit!†She snapped angrily at him, her bright green eyes flashed at him. “You don’t understand! So leave me alone.â€
“I will not allow you to bring her into this world! You are the one who does not understand. That…that thing is evil! If you give it a means to come to life it will…†A soft, taunting laughter stopped him in his lecture to her. Both of them turned to see a young woman sitting on the largest rock.
She was a tall beauty, with black hair that fell down to her ankles and hid some of her pale, naked body from view. Sparkling icy blue eyes danced at them, amusement clear in their depths. Her rose red lips curved into a smile.
Oh come now Bircirius. You do not mean to tell me that you regret having me? You regret finding a pleasure that none else would give you? She asked, her lips were moving but the sound that came from them wasn’t words yet some how Traskara understood what the woman said.
“Yes,†Bircirius hissed angrily at the woman. “I regret allowing myself to be lied to by you. I will not allow another to fall to the same fate!â€
The woman laughed, that mocking laughter. You do not recognize her do you? How sad, that you would not recognize your own daughter. Though she wasn’t born elfen, but viscanti! She turned her blue eyes to Traskara, who had been too stunned to really hear what was being said. Dear daughter, the man who holds you is your father and I am your mother. Such a lovely thing you are. A shame, I think, that your wings are not feathered. Oh how wonderful it would be to see you take over my legacy.
Blinking, Traskara shook her head to clear it and look at the woman for real this time. Though she was the same as the first time Traskara looked at her, she noticed that there were two white wings resting on her back. A shudder ran down the girl as she realize that the wings were stained with blood! Looking closely she could see that the woman’s hair had blood in it too.
“Who are you?†She whispered, fear coursing through her body.
I am known as the Blood Maiden. The woman said simply. Traskara gulped suddenly, noticing that her body too had patches of blood drying to it. Bircirius stood stiff, still holding onto Traskara. A rage ran through him, he wouldn’t let this monster take his daughter. He would make up for what he had done, he would repent.
Come here, Traskara. The Blood Maiden whispered softly, sweetly to the girl. She shook her head, and backed away from her mother. The maiden watched her beneath lowered lashes. Eventually, dear, you will inherit my gifts…my powers. It is who you are, you cannot escape becoming what I am. A nuzuhol, a lover of crimson, a messenger of death. Her mother told her in a gentle and kind voice. A mother’s voice.
Again, Traskara shook her head but she started to cry. Bircirius gentle lowered her to the ground and held her.
“Shush,†he murmured to her. “It will be all right, dear. You have to fight her. You must. You cannot let her win.†Gently he stroked her black hair with a shaking hand.
--Chapter 4.
For a long while, she laid in her father’s arms allowing him to comfort her. The Blood Maiden, her mother, simply waited and watched them beneath her lashes. Traskara knew she had a few options to choose from. She could run, and hide in Magnagora for the rest of her life all the while fighting her mother and the natural urges of being a nuzuhol but once she died her mother would find another to mate with and have another child. This fate wasn’t something she wished on anyone. Another choice was that she could embrace being a nuzuhol and pray on unsuspecting people, innocent people. The only other choice she really had was to pretend to accept becoming a nuzuhol, fight her mother through the conversion and hope that she was victorious.
I have to fight she thought, it’s the only way. Traskara pulled away from her father, standing up to face her mother. Bircirius look at her worriedly.
“Traskara…†He said.
“I have to do it. There isn’t any other way.†She looked at him and smiled. “Don’t worry.â€
Traskara walked over to where her mother was sitting. The Blood Maiden smiled gently at her daughter.
I had faith that you would accept my legacy, your birthright. She said as she took her daughter’s hand and pulled her against her in a hug.
Traskara stiffed suddenly as she was flooded with something unknown and foreign to her. It hurt, the pain was intense and for a moment, she wasn’t sure if she could fight it. She ignored the pain and focused on her mother. Power filled her, and she shoved it into her mother with the intent to kill. The Blood Maiden for a moment did nothing, making Traskara wonder if she would fight back and then suddenly she felt her mother forcing her own power into her. They were locked together, battling through will and power. It seemed at first, though the daughter had first strike, the mother would win.
Bircirius watched, fear and worried mixed together on his face, as the two women fought each other mentally. He could feel the power, it filled the grove and spilt over into the forest itself. Members of the commune were talking over the aethers, wonder what was going on.
Suddenly, the Blood Maiden’s eyes widen with surprise. She opened her mouth to speak but all that came was blood. Traskara stepped back as her mother fell to the ground, dead. Bircirius stood, waiting with a bated breath, watching his daughter. Without warning, she too dropped to the ground but she wasn’t dead, just unconscious.
Should only be 1 more chapter.
Traskara stood at an entrance of the forest. She eyed it warily. The forest was twisted, like the tainted lands yet it was much more…oppressive, like it was waiting maliciously for her to enter only to gobble her up.
Come. She heard the whisper floating through the air, drifting from somewhere in the forest. Come. That sweet echoing voice continued. Traskara tried to stop it by putting her hands over her ears, but it got stronger, louder, inside of her head. It was driving her mad. She shook her head, struggling against it. She didn’t want to follow it, something felt wrong.
She didn’t know how but Traskara found herself running through the forest, uncaring of the branches that reached out to cut her skin, her clothes. She ran until her lungs burned and her legs stumbled beneath her. She tripped over a rock and fell on her face. It felt as though she had laid there for hours.
Daughter…Come here daughter. You must get up, dear. You must come to me. Sweet, dear daughter. There it was, nagging her, bidding her to come. Traskara pushed off of the ground and sat for a moment, regaining her senses. Standing up, carefully, she followed the feeling that had brought her here. She didn’t realize it but she was crying, silent tears rolling down her face.
The feeling lessened and suddenly dissipated as she enter a grove. Surround by a ring of large stones, a pool sat in the middle of the trees. A ripple crossed the surface of the water.
Come here, dear. Closer. You must come closer and look into the water, love. Traskara shuffled her way to the edge of pool. Before she got within five feet of it, she felt something grab her arm and yank her back away from the pool.
“No! You can not go any closer to it!†A male voice hissed at her. Traskara whirled around to stare at the young elfen man holding her arm.
“Let go of me! I have to go to the pool. Let go, I said, damnit!†She snapped angrily at him, her bright green eyes flashed at him. “You don’t understand! So leave me alone.â€
“I will not allow you to bring her into this world! You are the one who does not understand. That…that thing is evil! If you give it a means to come to life it will…†A soft, taunting laughter stopped him in his lecture to her. Both of them turned to see a young woman sitting on the largest rock.
She was a tall beauty, with black hair that fell down to her ankles and hid some of her pale, naked body from view. Sparkling icy blue eyes danced at them, amusement clear in their depths. Her rose red lips curved into a smile.
Oh come now Bircirius. You do not mean to tell me that you regret having me? You regret finding a pleasure that none else would give you? She asked, her lips were moving but the sound that came from them wasn’t words yet some how Traskara understood what the woman said.
“Yes,†Bircirius hissed angrily at the woman. “I regret allowing myself to be lied to by you. I will not allow another to fall to the same fate!â€
The woman laughed, that mocking laughter. You do not recognize her do you? How sad, that you would not recognize your own daughter. Though she wasn’t born elfen, but viscanti! She turned her blue eyes to Traskara, who had been too stunned to really hear what was being said. Dear daughter, the man who holds you is your father and I am your mother. Such a lovely thing you are. A shame, I think, that your wings are not feathered. Oh how wonderful it would be to see you take over my legacy.
Blinking, Traskara shook her head to clear it and look at the woman for real this time. Though she was the same as the first time Traskara looked at her, she noticed that there were two white wings resting on her back. A shudder ran down the girl as she realize that the wings were stained with blood! Looking closely she could see that the woman’s hair had blood in it too.
“Who are you?†She whispered, fear coursing through her body.
I am known as the Blood Maiden. The woman said simply. Traskara gulped suddenly, noticing that her body too had patches of blood drying to it. Bircirius stood stiff, still holding onto Traskara. A rage ran through him, he wouldn’t let this monster take his daughter. He would make up for what he had done, he would repent.
Come here, Traskara. The Blood Maiden whispered softly, sweetly to the girl. She shook her head, and backed away from her mother. The maiden watched her beneath lowered lashes. Eventually, dear, you will inherit my gifts…my powers. It is who you are, you cannot escape becoming what I am. A nuzuhol, a lover of crimson, a messenger of death. Her mother told her in a gentle and kind voice. A mother’s voice.
Again, Traskara shook her head but she started to cry. Bircirius gentle lowered her to the ground and held her.
“Shush,†he murmured to her. “It will be all right, dear. You have to fight her. You must. You cannot let her win.†Gently he stroked her black hair with a shaking hand.
--Chapter 4.
For a long while, she laid in her father’s arms allowing him to comfort her. The Blood Maiden, her mother, simply waited and watched them beneath her lashes. Traskara knew she had a few options to choose from. She could run, and hide in Magnagora for the rest of her life all the while fighting her mother and the natural urges of being a nuzuhol but once she died her mother would find another to mate with and have another child. This fate wasn’t something she wished on anyone. Another choice was that she could embrace being a nuzuhol and pray on unsuspecting people, innocent people. The only other choice she really had was to pretend to accept becoming a nuzuhol, fight her mother through the conversion and hope that she was victorious.
I have to fight she thought, it’s the only way. Traskara pulled away from her father, standing up to face her mother. Bircirius look at her worriedly.
“Traskara…†He said.
“I have to do it. There isn’t any other way.†She looked at him and smiled. “Don’t worry.â€
Traskara walked over to where her mother was sitting. The Blood Maiden smiled gently at her daughter.
I had faith that you would accept my legacy, your birthright. She said as she took her daughter’s hand and pulled her against her in a hug.
Traskara stiffed suddenly as she was flooded with something unknown and foreign to her. It hurt, the pain was intense and for a moment, she wasn’t sure if she could fight it. She ignored the pain and focused on her mother. Power filled her, and she shoved it into her mother with the intent to kill. The Blood Maiden for a moment did nothing, making Traskara wonder if she would fight back and then suddenly she felt her mother forcing her own power into her. They were locked together, battling through will and power. It seemed at first, though the daughter had first strike, the mother would win.
Bircirius watched, fear and worried mixed together on his face, as the two women fought each other mentally. He could feel the power, it filled the grove and spilt over into the forest itself. Members of the commune were talking over the aethers, wonder what was going on.
Suddenly, the Blood Maiden’s eyes widen with surprise. She opened her mouth to speak but all that came was blood. Traskara stepped back as her mother fell to the ground, dead. Bircirius stood, waiting with a bated breath, watching his daughter. Without warning, she too dropped to the ground but she wasn’t dead, just unconscious.
Should only be 1 more chapter.
Unknown2006-08-23 22:13:22
--Chapter 3
Traskara stood at an entrance of the forest. She eyed it warily. The forest was twisted, like the tainted lands yet it was much more…oppressive, like it was waiting maliciously for her to enter only to gobble her up.
Come. She heard the whisper floating through the air, drifting from somewhere in the forest. Come. That sweet echoing voice continued. Traskara tried to stop it by putting her hands over her ears, but it got stronger, louder, inside of her head. It was driving her mad. She shook her head, struggling against it. She didn’t want to follow it, something felt wrong.
She didn’t know how but Traskara found herself running through the forest, uncaring of the branches that reached out to cut her skin, her clothes. She ran until her lungs burned and her legs stumbled beneath her. She tripped over a rock and fell on her face. It felt as though she had laid there for hours.
Daughter…Come here daughter. You must get up, dear. You must come to me. Sweet, dear daughter. There it was, nagging her, bidding her to come. Traskara pushed off of the ground and sat for a moment, regaining her senses. Standing up, carefully, she followed the feeling that had brought her here. She didn’t realize it but she was crying, silent tears rolling down her face.
The feeling lessened and suddenly dissipated as she enter a grove. Surround by a ring of large stones, a pool sat in the middle of the trees. A ripple crossed the surface of the water.
Come here, dear. Closer. You must come closer and look into the water, love. Traskara shuffled her way to the edge of pool. Before she got within five feet of it, she felt something grab her arm and yank her back away from the pool.
“No! You can not go any closer to it!†A male voice hissed at her. Traskara whirled around to stare at the young elfen man holding her arm.
“Let go of me! I have to go to the pool. Let go, I said, damnit!†She snapped angrily at him, her bright green eyes flashed at him. “You don’t understand! So leave me alone.â€
“I will not allow you to bring her into this world! You are the one who does not understand. That…that thing is evil! If you give it a means to come to life it will…†A soft, taunting laughter stopped him in his lecture to her. Both of them turned to see a young woman sitting on the largest rock.
She was a tall beauty, with black hair that fell down to her ankles and hid some of her pale, naked body from view. Sparkling icy blue eyes danced at them, amusement clear in their depths. Her rose red lips curved into a smile.
Oh come now Bircirius. You do not mean to tell me that you regret having me? You regret finding a pleasure that none else would give you? She asked, her lips were moving but the sound that came from them wasn’t words yet some how Traskara understood what the woman said.
“Yes,†Bircirius hissed angrily at the woman. “I regret allowing myself to be lied to by you. I will not allow another to fall to the same fate!â€
The woman laughed, that mocking laughter. You do not recognize her do you? How sad, that you would not recognize your own daughter. Though she wasn’t born elfen, but viscanti! She turned her blue eyes to Traskara, who had been too stunned to really hear what was being said. Dear daughter, the man who holds you is your father and I am your mother. Such a lovely thing you are. A shame, I think, that your wings are not feathered. Oh how wonderful it would be to see you take over my legacy.
Blinking, Traskara shook her head to clear it and look at the woman for real this time. Though she was the same as the first time Traskara looked at her, she noticed that there were two white wings resting on her back. A shudder ran down the girl as she realize that the wings were stained with blood! Looking closely she could see that the woman’s hair had blood in it too.
“Who are you?†She whispered, fear coursing through her body.
I am known as the Blood Maiden. The woman said simply. Traskara gulped suddenly, noticing that her body too had patches of blood drying to it. Bircirius stood stiff, still holding onto Traskara. A rage ran through him, he wouldn’t let this monster take his daughter. He would make up for what he had done, he would repent.
Come here, Traskara. The Blood Maiden whispered softly, sweetly to the girl. She shook her head, and backed away from her mother. The maiden watched her beneath lowered lashes. Eventually, dear, you will inherit my gifts…my powers. It is who you are, you cannot escape becoming what I am. A nuzuhol, a lover of crimson, a messenger of death. Her mother told her in a gentle and kind voice. A mother’s voice.
Again, Traskara shook her head but she started to cry. Bircirius gentle lowered her to the ground and held her.
“Shush,†he murmured to her. “It will be all right, dear. You have to fight her. You must. You cannot let her win.†Gently he stroked her black hair with a shaking hand.
--Chapter 4.
For a long while, she laid in her father’s arms allowing him to comfort her. The Blood Maiden, her mother, simply waited and watched them beneath her lashes. Traskara knew she had a few options to choose from. She could run, and hide in Magnagora for the rest of her life all the while fighting her mother and the natural urges of being a nuzuhol but once she died her mother would find another to mate with and have another child. This fate wasn’t something she wished on anyone. Another choice was that she could embrace being a nuzuhol and pray on unsuspecting people, innocent people. The only other choice she really had was to pretend to accept becoming a nuzuhol, fight her mother through the conversion and hope that she was victorious.
I have to fight she thought, it’s the only way. Traskara pulled away from her father, standing up to face her mother. Bircirius look at her worriedly.
“Traskara…†He said.
“I have to do it. There isn’t any other way.†She looked at him and smiled. “Don’t worry.â€
Traskara walked over to where her mother was sitting. The Blood Maiden smiled gently at her daughter.
I had faith that you would accept my legacy, your birthright. She said as she took her daughter’s hand and pulled her against her in a hug.
Traskara stiffed suddenly as she was flooded with something unknown and foreign to her. It hurt, the pain was intense and for a moment, she wasn’t sure if she could fight it. She ignored the pain and focused on her mother. Power filled her, and she shoved it into her mother with the intent to kill. The Blood Maiden for a moment did nothing, making Traskara wonder if she would fight back and then suddenly she felt her mother forcing her own power into her. They were locked together, battling through will and power. It seemed at first, though the daughter had first strike, the mother would win.
Bircirius watched, fear and worried mixed together on his face, as the two women fought each other mentally. He could feel the power, it filled the grove and spilt over into the forest itself. Members of the commune were talking over the aethers, wonder what was going on.
Suddenly, the Blood Maiden’s eyes widen with surprise. She opened her mouth to speak but all that came was blood. Traskara stepped back as her mother fell to the ground, dead. Bircirius stood, waiting with a bated breath, watching his daughter. Without warning, she too dropped to the ground but she wasn’t dead, just unconscious.
Should only be 1 more chapter.
Traskara stood at an entrance of the forest. She eyed it warily. The forest was twisted, like the tainted lands yet it was much more…oppressive, like it was waiting maliciously for her to enter only to gobble her up.
Come. She heard the whisper floating through the air, drifting from somewhere in the forest. Come. That sweet echoing voice continued. Traskara tried to stop it by putting her hands over her ears, but it got stronger, louder, inside of her head. It was driving her mad. She shook her head, struggling against it. She didn’t want to follow it, something felt wrong.
She didn’t know how but Traskara found herself running through the forest, uncaring of the branches that reached out to cut her skin, her clothes. She ran until her lungs burned and her legs stumbled beneath her. She tripped over a rock and fell on her face. It felt as though she had laid there for hours.
Daughter…Come here daughter. You must get up, dear. You must come to me. Sweet, dear daughter. There it was, nagging her, bidding her to come. Traskara pushed off of the ground and sat for a moment, regaining her senses. Standing up, carefully, she followed the feeling that had brought her here. She didn’t realize it but she was crying, silent tears rolling down her face.
The feeling lessened and suddenly dissipated as she enter a grove. Surround by a ring of large stones, a pool sat in the middle of the trees. A ripple crossed the surface of the water.
Come here, dear. Closer. You must come closer and look into the water, love. Traskara shuffled her way to the edge of pool. Before she got within five feet of it, she felt something grab her arm and yank her back away from the pool.
“No! You can not go any closer to it!†A male voice hissed at her. Traskara whirled around to stare at the young elfen man holding her arm.
“Let go of me! I have to go to the pool. Let go, I said, damnit!†She snapped angrily at him, her bright green eyes flashed at him. “You don’t understand! So leave me alone.â€
“I will not allow you to bring her into this world! You are the one who does not understand. That…that thing is evil! If you give it a means to come to life it will…†A soft, taunting laughter stopped him in his lecture to her. Both of them turned to see a young woman sitting on the largest rock.
She was a tall beauty, with black hair that fell down to her ankles and hid some of her pale, naked body from view. Sparkling icy blue eyes danced at them, amusement clear in their depths. Her rose red lips curved into a smile.
Oh come now Bircirius. You do not mean to tell me that you regret having me? You regret finding a pleasure that none else would give you? She asked, her lips were moving but the sound that came from them wasn’t words yet some how Traskara understood what the woman said.
“Yes,†Bircirius hissed angrily at the woman. “I regret allowing myself to be lied to by you. I will not allow another to fall to the same fate!â€
The woman laughed, that mocking laughter. You do not recognize her do you? How sad, that you would not recognize your own daughter. Though she wasn’t born elfen, but viscanti! She turned her blue eyes to Traskara, who had been too stunned to really hear what was being said. Dear daughter, the man who holds you is your father and I am your mother. Such a lovely thing you are. A shame, I think, that your wings are not feathered. Oh how wonderful it would be to see you take over my legacy.
Blinking, Traskara shook her head to clear it and look at the woman for real this time. Though she was the same as the first time Traskara looked at her, she noticed that there were two white wings resting on her back. A shudder ran down the girl as she realize that the wings were stained with blood! Looking closely she could see that the woman’s hair had blood in it too.
“Who are you?†She whispered, fear coursing through her body.
I am known as the Blood Maiden. The woman said simply. Traskara gulped suddenly, noticing that her body too had patches of blood drying to it. Bircirius stood stiff, still holding onto Traskara. A rage ran through him, he wouldn’t let this monster take his daughter. He would make up for what he had done, he would repent.
Come here, Traskara. The Blood Maiden whispered softly, sweetly to the girl. She shook her head, and backed away from her mother. The maiden watched her beneath lowered lashes. Eventually, dear, you will inherit my gifts…my powers. It is who you are, you cannot escape becoming what I am. A nuzuhol, a lover of crimson, a messenger of death. Her mother told her in a gentle and kind voice. A mother’s voice.
Again, Traskara shook her head but she started to cry. Bircirius gentle lowered her to the ground and held her.
“Shush,†he murmured to her. “It will be all right, dear. You have to fight her. You must. You cannot let her win.†Gently he stroked her black hair with a shaking hand.
--Chapter 4.
For a long while, she laid in her father’s arms allowing him to comfort her. The Blood Maiden, her mother, simply waited and watched them beneath her lashes. Traskara knew she had a few options to choose from. She could run, and hide in Magnagora for the rest of her life all the while fighting her mother and the natural urges of being a nuzuhol but once she died her mother would find another to mate with and have another child. This fate wasn’t something she wished on anyone. Another choice was that she could embrace being a nuzuhol and pray on unsuspecting people, innocent people. The only other choice she really had was to pretend to accept becoming a nuzuhol, fight her mother through the conversion and hope that she was victorious.
I have to fight she thought, it’s the only way. Traskara pulled away from her father, standing up to face her mother. Bircirius look at her worriedly.
“Traskara…†He said.
“I have to do it. There isn’t any other way.†She looked at him and smiled. “Don’t worry.â€
Traskara walked over to where her mother was sitting. The Blood Maiden smiled gently at her daughter.
I had faith that you would accept my legacy, your birthright. She said as she took her daughter’s hand and pulled her against her in a hug.
Traskara stiffed suddenly as she was flooded with something unknown and foreign to her. It hurt, the pain was intense and for a moment, she wasn’t sure if she could fight it. She ignored the pain and focused on her mother. Power filled her, and she shoved it into her mother with the intent to kill. The Blood Maiden for a moment did nothing, making Traskara wonder if she would fight back and then suddenly she felt her mother forcing her own power into her. They were locked together, battling through will and power. It seemed at first, though the daughter had first strike, the mother would win.
Bircirius watched, fear and worried mixed together on his face, as the two women fought each other mentally. He could feel the power, it filled the grove and spilt over into the forest itself. Members of the commune were talking over the aethers, wonder what was going on.
Suddenly, the Blood Maiden’s eyes widen with surprise. She opened her mouth to speak but all that came was blood. Traskara stepped back as her mother fell to the ground, dead. Bircirius stood, waiting with a bated breath, watching his daughter. Without warning, she too dropped to the ground but she wasn’t dead, just unconscious.
Should only be 1 more chapter.
Unknown2006-08-23 22:48:44
--Chapter 5
For nearly a month, Traskara laid asleep. Bircirius had taken his daughter to his home, so she could heal adequately, only to find her completely changed. He had been shopping in the commune for supplies and when he came hope he found his daughter looking exactly like her mother. Long black hair spilling around her face, white wings carefully tucked against her body. The only difference was that there was no blood stains anywhere on her body.
Bircirius gently touched her cheek before turning to his kitchen and began making his supper. As he finished, he heard the rustling of sheets. Bircirius moved over to the bed and gently helped his daughter into a sitting position. He could see that her eyes weren’t the icy blue her mother’s had been nor where they the emerald green that his were. They were an icy pale green like new grass with frost sprinkled over. Her eyes were haunted and she seemed hollow.
“Traskara?†He whispered softly. She looked at him with those troubled eyes and smiled faintly.
“I’ll be all right.†She replied, her voice empty.
“You will return to your city, will you not?†He asked her quietly, underneath the simple question was pain. Traskara hug him tightly, pressing her face against his chest.
“I’m sorry, but I’ll visit you often. I promise.â€
Traskara and Bircirius spoke and saw each other as often as they could. When Traskara turned to be 65 years old, Bircirius died and was buried beneath the Ravenwood. This was the same day that Traskara became the voice of Baalphegar. If you ask, people will say that Traskara d’Sharni lived a happy life, becoming the daughter and heir of the d’Sharni line, marrying a respectable nobleman and having two wonderful children. Only the closest to Traskara will tell you that though her life was happy, she seemed haunted by something and would never tell anyone what made her this way.
Until the end of her days, Traskara sat in the d’Sharni tower, reading as her adoptive father Lord Nikoraith did before her, instructing not only her children but her protégés and other young Nihilists, and sometimes even giving sermons of the Demon Lords and Lady.
--End Note
For many of you, the word nuzuhol has no meaning. The nuzuhol were never many and they were a very secretive people. Now, they exist no more. Traskara was the last of her line, and when she died, so to did the nuzuhol though you would think that her two children would be the same as their mother, they were boys. The blood of a nuzuhol only cares on if the child is female, and will stop and never continue in that of males. A sad thing, perhaps but I think many will agree that it is for the best these females exist no more. The nuzuhol exist on blood, mischief and treachery. They enjoy playing tricks that lead to the death of many. If you had ever awoken weak or with a headache, it is likely that it was a nuzuhol but that time is past.
The pool that the Blood Maiden had sat at and fought with her daughter is still there today, though it is hard for one to find so overgrown with vines and trees has it become. For those of you wishing to find this pool, I will deter you from your curiosity. It is best for such things to be left alone. Besides, I doubt you would want to drink from it…lest you enjoy the taste of blood?
Well, I'm quite please with this actually...but I have a feeling I might need to explain something bout it..
For nearly a month, Traskara laid asleep. Bircirius had taken his daughter to his home, so she could heal adequately, only to find her completely changed. He had been shopping in the commune for supplies and when he came hope he found his daughter looking exactly like her mother. Long black hair spilling around her face, white wings carefully tucked against her body. The only difference was that there was no blood stains anywhere on her body.
Bircirius gently touched her cheek before turning to his kitchen and began making his supper. As he finished, he heard the rustling of sheets. Bircirius moved over to the bed and gently helped his daughter into a sitting position. He could see that her eyes weren’t the icy blue her mother’s had been nor where they the emerald green that his were. They were an icy pale green like new grass with frost sprinkled over. Her eyes were haunted and she seemed hollow.
“Traskara?†He whispered softly. She looked at him with those troubled eyes and smiled faintly.
“I’ll be all right.†She replied, her voice empty.
“You will return to your city, will you not?†He asked her quietly, underneath the simple question was pain. Traskara hug him tightly, pressing her face against his chest.
“I’m sorry, but I’ll visit you often. I promise.â€
Traskara and Bircirius spoke and saw each other as often as they could. When Traskara turned to be 65 years old, Bircirius died and was buried beneath the Ravenwood. This was the same day that Traskara became the voice of Baalphegar. If you ask, people will say that Traskara d’Sharni lived a happy life, becoming the daughter and heir of the d’Sharni line, marrying a respectable nobleman and having two wonderful children. Only the closest to Traskara will tell you that though her life was happy, she seemed haunted by something and would never tell anyone what made her this way.
Until the end of her days, Traskara sat in the d’Sharni tower, reading as her adoptive father Lord Nikoraith did before her, instructing not only her children but her protégés and other young Nihilists, and sometimes even giving sermons of the Demon Lords and Lady.
--End Note
For many of you, the word nuzuhol has no meaning. The nuzuhol were never many and they were a very secretive people. Now, they exist no more. Traskara was the last of her line, and when she died, so to did the nuzuhol though you would think that her two children would be the same as their mother, they were boys. The blood of a nuzuhol only cares on if the child is female, and will stop and never continue in that of males. A sad thing, perhaps but I think many will agree that it is for the best these females exist no more. The nuzuhol exist on blood, mischief and treachery. They enjoy playing tricks that lead to the death of many. If you had ever awoken weak or with a headache, it is likely that it was a nuzuhol but that time is past.
The pool that the Blood Maiden had sat at and fought with her daughter is still there today, though it is hard for one to find so overgrown with vines and trees has it become. For those of you wishing to find this pool, I will deter you from your curiosity. It is best for such things to be left alone. Besides, I doubt you would want to drink from it…lest you enjoy the taste of blood?
Well, I'm quite please with this actually...but I have a feeling I might need to explain something bout it..
Diamondais2006-08-23 22:55:22
I like it, kinda cool. Entertaining.
Unknown2006-08-23 22:58:34
Thanks. I've had the Blood Maiden idea on my mind for sometime now, and finally managed to get it down into written form so hopefully she'll leave me alone. >.> I dunno why but I've never seem to be able to write down the stories I make in my head.
Unknown2006-08-29 03:40:10
Is it bad or something? I'd like feed-back!! I know people have looked at it, you must have an opinion!
Mirk2006-09-02 20:16:07
I thought it was pretty good. The only thing I didn't like about it was that it seemed a little short.
Abethor2006-09-02 20:44:06
I liked it a lot. The idea was unique and I thought you did a nice job with descriptions and characters.
Mirk2006-09-02 22:22:49
Abethor, is you avatar Felix from Golden Sun?
Nepthysia2006-09-03 01:19:06
Nice 
Went through and edited it a bit while reading cause Im weird like that. Good story though!
Went through and edited it a bit while reading cause Im weird like that. Good story though!Unknown2006-09-03 19:30:30
Thanks! And Mirk, I felt the same way, thought it was either very open-ended of sorts or just too short.
Mirk2006-09-04 03:08:26
QUOTE(Sarvasti @ Sep 3 2006, 02:30 PM) 327358
Thanks! And Mirk, I felt the same way, thought it was either very open-ended of sorts or just too short.
Well, either way, it definatly left room for a sequel or for it to be extended...
Also, would it be possible to read some of your other stories??
Unknown2006-09-04 03:45:35
Other stories? 
I'm not very good at writing my stories into a written form. Dunno why, just doesn't work out. But I'll see if I can't write a bit more, because I do enjoy writing just...my creative side likes to go "I work! I work! unn..nope, no more working." 
Stupid creative side.. Anyway, we'll see if I can make any more. =)
I'm not very good at writing my stories into a written form. Dunno why, just doesn't work out. But I'll see if I can't write a bit more, because I do enjoy writing just...my creative side likes to go "I work! I work! unn..nope, no more working." Stupid creative side.. Anyway, we'll see if I can make any more. =)Diamondais2006-09-04 03:47:16
QUOTE(Sarvasti @ Sep 3 2006, 11:45 PM) 327561
Other stories?
I'm not very good at writing my stories into a written form. Dunno why, just doesn't work out. But I'll see if I can't write a bit more, because I do enjoy writing just...my creative side likes to go "I work! I work! unn..nope, no more working." Stupid creative side.. Anyway, we'll see if I can make any more. =)Understand that, keep up the wonderful work! Youre doing very well.
Nepthysia2006-09-04 16:11:12
QUOTE(Sarvasti @ Sep 3 2006, 11:45 PM) 327561
..my creative side likes to go "I work! I work! unn..nope, no more working."
Stupid creative side.. rofl I find myself there all the time. Only instead of realizing it doesn't it just goes "Nope... dont feel like it"
work you lazy pos!Kaalak2006-09-12 18:03:43
I really like it Sarvasti. I think the only thing 'wrong' is that its too short! I think the first chapter is well done. The characters of Nikoriath and Traskar feel alive and the pacing is well balanced. The rest of the chapters feel a bit rushed, like you have more to say but not enough time to write it all down.
It would be nice to see an expanded version. Good job.
I think the first chapter is well done. The characters of Nikoriath and Traskar feel alive and the pacing is well balanced. The rest of the chapters feel a bit rushed, like you have more to say but not enough time to write it all down. It would be nice to see an expanded version. Good job.
