Lysandus2006-12-20 08:54:56
Well, to start off, I'd like to thank Neerth for helping me edit this book despite countless grammatical errors.
Well then without further ado, here's my story.
"The Day of Cleansing", By Lysandus, Aesthete of Cantors (Page 1)
As I stand on top of Avechna's Peak, I see sections of the land before
me. My eyes gaze upon New Celest, the Star shining bright and the pillar
of light emanating from the Pool of Stars empowering it. Then I look at
the Inner Sea, its crystal blue waters shining under the sun. I turn to
Balach Swamp and Bondero Bay, the barrier between the two seas. Then I
frown as I look at the Sea of Despair; it seems it has no life in it,
and not even the sun's rays can give it a beatiful reflection like that
from the Inner Sea. I shudder a bit as I look upon Magnagora, or what I
can discern of it beneath its dark clouds. I wonder how it can be
cleansed one day and how can Celest become victorious.
Suddenly, I feel like I've been hit in the head, and all goes white. I
stand motionless and begin to see a vision of some sort....
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
An army of Golden Dragon Turtles, in a box formation, makes its way
across the Inner Sea, passing through the treacherous waters of Bondero
Bay and murky waters of Balach Swamp, heading towards the Sea of Despair
which was once known as the Crystal Sea.
Groups of people of different races are gathered on top of each turtle's
enormous golden shell. Some of the turtles carry bunkers or towers on
their back, acting like mobile forts.
The army of turtles swims across the tainted sea and finally settles on
Spectre Isle, the island that once held Old Celest on its surface.
One of the turtles waddles its way forward, close to the eastern shore,
and on it is a group of merians in their splendored robes and golden
armor. One of them, who looks like their leader, wears a cloak bearing
the Star of Celest. He jumps down from the shell with a few merians
behind him and steps forward, looking at the darkened walls of
Magnagora.
The leader shouts towards the city, telling them to stand down, for the
Day of Cleansing has come. A dark figure, wearing the blackest of armor,
wielding a wicked looking sword and a cloak bearing the insignia of Lord
Fain, is standing on the western wall of Magnagora. He listens to the
words of his enemy and laughs out loud, replying with insulting words
about the Light.
The face of the Leader of Celest is now stern. He turns around, raises
his arms to the army, and shouts out words of encouragement.
"To me, sons of Celest, followers of the Light! Today is the Day of
Cleansing! Today is the day we either die or live! The day where the
Light clashes one last time with the evil that has plagued these lands,
where we purify their souls with Light, Water, and Steel! Today we
fight! Together we say: GLORY BE TO THE LIGHT!"
"GLORY BE TO THE LIGHT!" they all respond, shouting in chorus.
Then the horns of battle fill the air, the angels glow brightly along
with the Celestines, the waters boil and froth with the Aquamancers'
fury, the aura of courage and determination emanates from the Paladins,
and hearts are lifted and morale boosted by the songs of the Cantors.
Slowly, the turtles waddle their way to the sea once more and swim
towards the city. The Leader of Magnagora bellows orders to the
defenders. The fearless ur'Guards stand emotionless on the walls with
him, the Geomancers utter insane gibberish and large rocks jut out from
the ground and float in mid-air, the sun is blotted out as the Demons
from Nil fill the sky with their brethren the Nihilists, and eerie
noises of both song and steel come from the Cacophony members.
As the Celestian army closes upon the city, the Magnagorian Leader
raises his hands and swings them sharply down. The Geomancers make
pushing gestures, throwing the large rocks over the wall and onto the
attackers; several of the turtles are hit, their shells cracking and
their cries in agony easily heard.
The attackers respond with the Aquamancers calling forth the hailstorms,
pelting their enemies from afar. Some of the defenders are crushed by
the large hailstones, and the walls crack as the stones hit them.
Then the Magnagorian Leader becomes desperate, calling half the
Geomancers to get up on the wall and blast the Celestians with their
staffs. As soon as they are within range, poisonous fumes blast from the
tips, hitting the attackers below; those who got hit directly sputter,
gag, and foam in their mouths, then lie dead, falling off to the sea.
The Aquamancers counterattack with their own staffs, aiming at the upper
walls; cold hard water spews forth from the tips, knocking the defenders
off the wall and down to their demise. Others suffer hypothermia, unable
to fight back.
Soon the turtles retract into their shells and immediately emerge from
them, bashing against the wall, causing some of the defenders to fall
off. Aquamancers make their way to the wall and coat it with ice,
weakening the structure. As soon as one section is frozen, the turtle
smashes it with full force, crumbling the wall and allowing the
attackers to make their way inside. Those who can waterwalk immediately
jump off from the shells of their sea friends and rush towards the
opening; others wait until the turtle makes its way in and then join in
with the rest.
Chaos ensues within the city as the battle rages on for hours, with the
clashing of steel from Paladins and ur'Guards, the numerous songs from
the Cacophony and Cantors, the branding of infidels and torturing of
their victims from the Celestines and Nihilists, and the clash of water
and earth, making a muddy mess of the battlefield, from the Aquamancers
and Geomancers.
The battle heightens to its climax as the Celestians push their way to
the heart of the City, the Megalith of Doom. The surviving defenders
regroup there and wall themselves in; their leader, who lost an arm,
stands with the rest, all the defenders preparing themselves for the
final assault as it will be their last chance to defend.
Then ... night settles.
The Aquamancers return to the Sea while the Celestines heal the wounded
and resurrect those who can still be saved. The Paladins position
themselves around the Nexus with the Cantors singing songs of praises,
hoping they can instill a boost of morale and bravery.
Then in the middle of the night, the walls that surround the Nexus
crumble, and the ur'dead charge head-first toward the surprised
Paladins, the Geomancers support them by flinging rocks and taking
control of the area by setting up demesnes as they push to retake the
ground, Nihilists move in and immediately rip the souls out of their
unsuspecting attackers, and the wicked songs of the Cacophony demoralize
their enemies.
The Paladins and Cantors fight well, and the Celestines with the
resurrected and healed join in, but it is not enough to repel the
Magnagorans. The fighting takes hours until, at the first sign of
sunrise, an enormous wave comes crashing in from the Sea of Despair,
flooding the city, crushing the Magnagorans and drowning those who still
survive.
The battle is over, the armies of New Celest victorious, though the war
has not yet ended. As the waters recede the Taint remains, and the
Megalith begins to glow ominously, its dark aura expanding with red
particles swirling around it. Those who get caught within the aura
mutate into half-formed beasts, and the slain soldiers are revived into
the undead and gain new-found strength, attacking the Celestians without
mercy and hesitation. The Holy Armies are forced to retreat beyond the
Sea of Despair and back to the Inner Sea and into the City of New
Celest.
The leaders are baffled. The Archmage, the Holy Mother, the Lord
General, the Grand Maestro and the Prince discuss how to deal with the
new threat. Nothing can seem to stop it; their conventional weapons are
worthless, and even as they speak the half-formed and the undead ravage
the surrounding lands. Glomdoring is now under attack while the village
of Acknor tries its best to repel the attackers.
Then the Pool of Stars glows brightly and a voice rings from it, calling
for a meeting with the city leaders in Celestia. The Holy Mother takes
them up, and as soon as they step out from the nexus, the Supernals are
there to greet them with the host of angels.
They seem to know the new threat as Lady Elohora immediately tells them
the solution. They will channel Their essence to the tainted Nexus, the
Plane of Earth, and the Plane of Nil, which will be cleansed and
purified. When the leaders ask what will happen to Them, They say that
it means They will sacrifice Themselves in return for the safety of the
Basin and the Higher Planes.
The leaders beg Them not to, but Lord Japhiel orders them to be silent,
telling them the plan has already been set and sacrifices must be made.
Lady Raziela clings tightly to Lady Elohora's right arm, crying and
knowing what will happen. Lady Shakiniel buries Her face on Lord
Methrenton's right shoulder, who comforted Her, knowing that death isn't
the end of it all. Lord Japhiel remains silent, yet a silver tear falls
from His right eye, immediately wiped away by His hands.
Then Lady Elohora tells them, "The light will always be with you even
though We are gone."
Lady Shakiniel then says, "Always protect both followers and innocents
alike."
Lord Methrenton chuckles and tells them, with a hint of sadness in His
voice, "The Taint may be gone, but there will always be evil around, and
you must always fight it in both mind and body."
Lady Raziela gives the leaders compassionate hugs and peck on both
cheeks, wiping Her tears as She does so and saying, "Always love
everyone no matter who they are, as no one is born heartless; even the
ones considered evil know how to love."
Then finally Lord Japhiel, his cheeks filled with silver tears, says,
"As Lady Elohora says, even though We are gone, the Light will always be
with you as long as you keep its teachings and spread it to everyone."
With their final goodbyes, the Supernals hold hands and form a circle
around the Pool of Stars. They begin to deteriorate into white motes;
Lady Raziela glances over Her shoulder, gives the leaders one last look
with a smile on Her face, and says, "Goodbye." The motes then settle on
the Pool and sink into the waters.
Back on the Prime Material Plane, the half-formed and undead have
already taken half the basin. Glomdoring and Serenwilde are in flames
and so are the nearby villages, the survivors making their way to
Celest, where the army tends to their needs and prepares for the worst.
The Star of Celest then glows brightly than before, so bright that it
fills the entire basin with its blinding light, piercing even through
the growing dark aura coming from the Megalith of Doom. The half-formed
are restored to their original forms and the undead granted true death,
their souls filled with ecstasy and dissipating to the aether, making
their journey to the fates.
Then five waves of White, Blue, Red, Pink, and Topaz energies flow out
from the Pool, draining it slowly, and make their way to the Megalith,
lighting their way through the dark aura. The energies swirl around the
tainted nexus and plunge immediately to it, making numerous cracks, and
the dark aura turned into grey. The Supernals' essence purified the
area, the taint dissipating into thin air; it then makes its way to
earth, where the Earth Lords and its denizens feel the purity of the
energies; finally it hits Nil, where the pure energies lighten the area.
The demons shriek and howl along with the Demon Lords.
Lord Gorgulu's body explodes into nothing and his soul joins in with the
energies.
Lady Nifilhema continues to cut herself while her body disintegrates;
her soul is caught with the wave and joins in with Lord Gorgulu, where
she lays herself on his arms to rest.
Lord Ashtorath bellows in rage and punches widely at the energies, but
every time he touches them his hands burn and sore. He continues until
the energies consume him, burning his body and purifying his soul to
join in with the first two.
Lord Baalphegar hisses and orders his minions to repel the energies, but
they too dissolve into nothing and their souls join in with the rest.
Soon so does he, his voice drowned by the voices of happiness, cheering,
and cries of redemption.
Lord Luciphage does not want to fall down easily; he sets up an aura to
protect himself as soon as the energies hit him. At first it seems that
it worked and he's safe, but the aura wavers and the energies
immediately flow through him, his body dissolving until his soul joins
in with the cleansing.
Those in the Prime Material Plane, some kneeling with their heads face
down, others gaping in awe and wonder, still others partially covering
their eyes with their hands to protect themselves from being blind. The
energies continue to flow from the Pool until the last drop of essence
has been drained out, the Star of Celest shattered and the energies once
more giving a magnificent blinding glow.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
As the glow fades away, I blink and see that nothing happened, nothing
changed; and I begin to wonder if it will happen in the near future, the
day we shall call the Day of Cleansing.
I look up and notice the sun is setting and night is about to fall. I
tug at the aether strands connected to the Pool of Stars, finding my way
home....
Well then without further ado, here's my story.
"The Day of Cleansing", By Lysandus, Aesthete of Cantors (Page 1)
As I stand on top of Avechna's Peak, I see sections of the land before
me. My eyes gaze upon New Celest, the Star shining bright and the pillar
of light emanating from the Pool of Stars empowering it. Then I look at
the Inner Sea, its crystal blue waters shining under the sun. I turn to
Balach Swamp and Bondero Bay, the barrier between the two seas. Then I
frown as I look at the Sea of Despair; it seems it has no life in it,
and not even the sun's rays can give it a beatiful reflection like that
from the Inner Sea. I shudder a bit as I look upon Magnagora, or what I
can discern of it beneath its dark clouds. I wonder how it can be
cleansed one day and how can Celest become victorious.
Suddenly, I feel like I've been hit in the head, and all goes white. I
stand motionless and begin to see a vision of some sort....
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
An army of Golden Dragon Turtles, in a box formation, makes its way
across the Inner Sea, passing through the treacherous waters of Bondero
Bay and murky waters of Balach Swamp, heading towards the Sea of Despair
which was once known as the Crystal Sea.
Groups of people of different races are gathered on top of each turtle's
enormous golden shell. Some of the turtles carry bunkers or towers on
their back, acting like mobile forts.
The army of turtles swims across the tainted sea and finally settles on
Spectre Isle, the island that once held Old Celest on its surface.
One of the turtles waddles its way forward, close to the eastern shore,
and on it is a group of merians in their splendored robes and golden
armor. One of them, who looks like their leader, wears a cloak bearing
the Star of Celest. He jumps down from the shell with a few merians
behind him and steps forward, looking at the darkened walls of
Magnagora.
The leader shouts towards the city, telling them to stand down, for the
Day of Cleansing has come. A dark figure, wearing the blackest of armor,
wielding a wicked looking sword and a cloak bearing the insignia of Lord
Fain, is standing on the western wall of Magnagora. He listens to the
words of his enemy and laughs out loud, replying with insulting words
about the Light.
The face of the Leader of Celest is now stern. He turns around, raises
his arms to the army, and shouts out words of encouragement.
"To me, sons of Celest, followers of the Light! Today is the Day of
Cleansing! Today is the day we either die or live! The day where the
Light clashes one last time with the evil that has plagued these lands,
where we purify their souls with Light, Water, and Steel! Today we
fight! Together we say: GLORY BE TO THE LIGHT!"
"GLORY BE TO THE LIGHT!" they all respond, shouting in chorus.
Then the horns of battle fill the air, the angels glow brightly along
with the Celestines, the waters boil and froth with the Aquamancers'
fury, the aura of courage and determination emanates from the Paladins,
and hearts are lifted and morale boosted by the songs of the Cantors.
Slowly, the turtles waddle their way to the sea once more and swim
towards the city. The Leader of Magnagora bellows orders to the
defenders. The fearless ur'Guards stand emotionless on the walls with
him, the Geomancers utter insane gibberish and large rocks jut out from
the ground and float in mid-air, the sun is blotted out as the Demons
from Nil fill the sky with their brethren the Nihilists, and eerie
noises of both song and steel come from the Cacophony members.
As the Celestian army closes upon the city, the Magnagorian Leader
raises his hands and swings them sharply down. The Geomancers make
pushing gestures, throwing the large rocks over the wall and onto the
attackers; several of the turtles are hit, their shells cracking and
their cries in agony easily heard.
The attackers respond with the Aquamancers calling forth the hailstorms,
pelting their enemies from afar. Some of the defenders are crushed by
the large hailstones, and the walls crack as the stones hit them.
Then the Magnagorian Leader becomes desperate, calling half the
Geomancers to get up on the wall and blast the Celestians with their
staffs. As soon as they are within range, poisonous fumes blast from the
tips, hitting the attackers below; those who got hit directly sputter,
gag, and foam in their mouths, then lie dead, falling off to the sea.
The Aquamancers counterattack with their own staffs, aiming at the upper
walls; cold hard water spews forth from the tips, knocking the defenders
off the wall and down to their demise. Others suffer hypothermia, unable
to fight back.
Soon the turtles retract into their shells and immediately emerge from
them, bashing against the wall, causing some of the defenders to fall
off. Aquamancers make their way to the wall and coat it with ice,
weakening the structure. As soon as one section is frozen, the turtle
smashes it with full force, crumbling the wall and allowing the
attackers to make their way inside. Those who can waterwalk immediately
jump off from the shells of their sea friends and rush towards the
opening; others wait until the turtle makes its way in and then join in
with the rest.
Chaos ensues within the city as the battle rages on for hours, with the
clashing of steel from Paladins and ur'Guards, the numerous songs from
the Cacophony and Cantors, the branding of infidels and torturing of
their victims from the Celestines and Nihilists, and the clash of water
and earth, making a muddy mess of the battlefield, from the Aquamancers
and Geomancers.
The battle heightens to its climax as the Celestians push their way to
the heart of the City, the Megalith of Doom. The surviving defenders
regroup there and wall themselves in; their leader, who lost an arm,
stands with the rest, all the defenders preparing themselves for the
final assault as it will be their last chance to defend.
Then ... night settles.
The Aquamancers return to the Sea while the Celestines heal the wounded
and resurrect those who can still be saved. The Paladins position
themselves around the Nexus with the Cantors singing songs of praises,
hoping they can instill a boost of morale and bravery.
Then in the middle of the night, the walls that surround the Nexus
crumble, and the ur'dead charge head-first toward the surprised
Paladins, the Geomancers support them by flinging rocks and taking
control of the area by setting up demesnes as they push to retake the
ground, Nihilists move in and immediately rip the souls out of their
unsuspecting attackers, and the wicked songs of the Cacophony demoralize
their enemies.
The Paladins and Cantors fight well, and the Celestines with the
resurrected and healed join in, but it is not enough to repel the
Magnagorans. The fighting takes hours until, at the first sign of
sunrise, an enormous wave comes crashing in from the Sea of Despair,
flooding the city, crushing the Magnagorans and drowning those who still
survive.
The battle is over, the armies of New Celest victorious, though the war
has not yet ended. As the waters recede the Taint remains, and the
Megalith begins to glow ominously, its dark aura expanding with red
particles swirling around it. Those who get caught within the aura
mutate into half-formed beasts, and the slain soldiers are revived into
the undead and gain new-found strength, attacking the Celestians without
mercy and hesitation. The Holy Armies are forced to retreat beyond the
Sea of Despair and back to the Inner Sea and into the City of New
Celest.
The leaders are baffled. The Archmage, the Holy Mother, the Lord
General, the Grand Maestro and the Prince discuss how to deal with the
new threat. Nothing can seem to stop it; their conventional weapons are
worthless, and even as they speak the half-formed and the undead ravage
the surrounding lands. Glomdoring is now under attack while the village
of Acknor tries its best to repel the attackers.
Then the Pool of Stars glows brightly and a voice rings from it, calling
for a meeting with the city leaders in Celestia. The Holy Mother takes
them up, and as soon as they step out from the nexus, the Supernals are
there to greet them with the host of angels.
They seem to know the new threat as Lady Elohora immediately tells them
the solution. They will channel Their essence to the tainted Nexus, the
Plane of Earth, and the Plane of Nil, which will be cleansed and
purified. When the leaders ask what will happen to Them, They say that
it means They will sacrifice Themselves in return for the safety of the
Basin and the Higher Planes.
The leaders beg Them not to, but Lord Japhiel orders them to be silent,
telling them the plan has already been set and sacrifices must be made.
Lady Raziela clings tightly to Lady Elohora's right arm, crying and
knowing what will happen. Lady Shakiniel buries Her face on Lord
Methrenton's right shoulder, who comforted Her, knowing that death isn't
the end of it all. Lord Japhiel remains silent, yet a silver tear falls
from His right eye, immediately wiped away by His hands.
Then Lady Elohora tells them, "The light will always be with you even
though We are gone."
Lady Shakiniel then says, "Always protect both followers and innocents
alike."
Lord Methrenton chuckles and tells them, with a hint of sadness in His
voice, "The Taint may be gone, but there will always be evil around, and
you must always fight it in both mind and body."
Lady Raziela gives the leaders compassionate hugs and peck on both
cheeks, wiping Her tears as She does so and saying, "Always love
everyone no matter who they are, as no one is born heartless; even the
ones considered evil know how to love."
Then finally Lord Japhiel, his cheeks filled with silver tears, says,
"As Lady Elohora says, even though We are gone, the Light will always be
with you as long as you keep its teachings and spread it to everyone."
With their final goodbyes, the Supernals hold hands and form a circle
around the Pool of Stars. They begin to deteriorate into white motes;
Lady Raziela glances over Her shoulder, gives the leaders one last look
with a smile on Her face, and says, "Goodbye." The motes then settle on
the Pool and sink into the waters.
Back on the Prime Material Plane, the half-formed and undead have
already taken half the basin. Glomdoring and Serenwilde are in flames
and so are the nearby villages, the survivors making their way to
Celest, where the army tends to their needs and prepares for the worst.
The Star of Celest then glows brightly than before, so bright that it
fills the entire basin with its blinding light, piercing even through
the growing dark aura coming from the Megalith of Doom. The half-formed
are restored to their original forms and the undead granted true death,
their souls filled with ecstasy and dissipating to the aether, making
their journey to the fates.
Then five waves of White, Blue, Red, Pink, and Topaz energies flow out
from the Pool, draining it slowly, and make their way to the Megalith,
lighting their way through the dark aura. The energies swirl around the
tainted nexus and plunge immediately to it, making numerous cracks, and
the dark aura turned into grey. The Supernals' essence purified the
area, the taint dissipating into thin air; it then makes its way to
earth, where the Earth Lords and its denizens feel the purity of the
energies; finally it hits Nil, where the pure energies lighten the area.
The demons shriek and howl along with the Demon Lords.
Lord Gorgulu's body explodes into nothing and his soul joins in with the
energies.
Lady Nifilhema continues to cut herself while her body disintegrates;
her soul is caught with the wave and joins in with Lord Gorgulu, where
she lays herself on his arms to rest.
Lord Ashtorath bellows in rage and punches widely at the energies, but
every time he touches them his hands burn and sore. He continues until
the energies consume him, burning his body and purifying his soul to
join in with the first two.
Lord Baalphegar hisses and orders his minions to repel the energies, but
they too dissolve into nothing and their souls join in with the rest.
Soon so does he, his voice drowned by the voices of happiness, cheering,
and cries of redemption.
Lord Luciphage does not want to fall down easily; he sets up an aura to
protect himself as soon as the energies hit him. At first it seems that
it worked and he's safe, but the aura wavers and the energies
immediately flow through him, his body dissolving until his soul joins
in with the cleansing.
Those in the Prime Material Plane, some kneeling with their heads face
down, others gaping in awe and wonder, still others partially covering
their eyes with their hands to protect themselves from being blind. The
energies continue to flow from the Pool until the last drop of essence
has been drained out, the Star of Celest shattered and the energies once
more giving a magnificent blinding glow.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
As the glow fades away, I blink and see that nothing happened, nothing
changed; and I begin to wonder if it will happen in the near future, the
day we shall call the Day of Cleansing.
I look up and notice the sun is setting and night is about to fall. I
tug at the aether strands connected to the Pool of Stars, finding my way
home....
Lysandus2006-12-20 10:24:15
Ahh well, seeing that no one made any comments about my work, I'll guess I'll drop being a writer.
Arix2006-12-20 10:33:26
Despite the fact that I intensely dislike these 'one org totally pwns another' stories, this one was not totally unbearable
Verithrax2006-12-20 11:31:11
I beg to differ.
Unknown2006-12-20 14:29:04
Not bad writing style (it's Magnagorans though, not Magnagorians). But I can't say I like the topic. Just as I didn't like Guido's, whose work had a similiar theme but the other way around - Magnagora PWNT all.
Still, if you send it to the contest, you have a chance to get a bardic award. Guido's did (sorry for comparing these two all the time, but they are REALLY similiar in theme and writing style).
Still, if you send it to the contest, you have a chance to get a bardic award. Guido's did (sorry for comparing these two all the time, but they are REALLY similiar in theme and writing style).
Aiakon2006-12-20 16:17:29
Hey, I -really- like. Well done.
P.S Please give me a cameo role.
P.S Please give me a cameo role.
Diamondais2006-12-20 16:50:49
You need to have a little patiance with comments, not everyone will read it right off the bat (and by the looks of it you had only had it posted for like two hours).
I like it, though Im not the biggest fan of one org beating another org. Though if thats your like to write then go ahead, and enjoy it. The style looks fine, couple things already mentioned need fixing up. You did a good job.
I like it, though Im not the biggest fan of one org beating another org. Though if thats your like to write then go ahead, and enjoy it. The style looks fine, couple things already mentioned need fixing up. You did a good job.
Lysandus2006-12-20 17:11:12
Gee thanks everyone. When I was reading Guido's Story, yep it was indeed a bit more similar though his is more... verbose than mine.
The story just kinda hit me, I was just thinking of a something to write on when I thought of what might happen if Celest will win, how many sacrifices will be made and how great will it be? So after that I put all on the paper what my little mind could think of (I suck in English in truth), when it was done, I reread it and I was like "Oh my god, what did I just do." then ask for an editor in the game and along comes Neerth.
I don't know how he managed to tweak the entire story up but I really have to thank him for putting up enough patience in editing it.
@Aiakon
If my mind can get to working again, I'll try to make a cameo of you and some of my friends here.
So...
Need to get it to work again.
The story just kinda hit me, I was just thinking of a something to write on when I thought of what might happen if Celest will win, how many sacrifices will be made and how great will it be? So after that I put all on the paper what my little mind could think of (I suck in English in truth), when it was done, I reread it and I was like "Oh my god, what did I just do." then ask for an editor in the game and along comes Neerth.
I don't know how he managed to tweak the entire story up but I really have to thank him for putting up enough patience in editing it.
@Aiakon
If my mind can get to working again, I'll try to make a cameo of you and some of my friends here.
So...
Need to get it to work again.
Unknown2006-12-20 18:30:46
I like it for the reason that even though celest wins, they make a lot of sacrifice for it. It provides a nice conflict to it. The thing I would change is that I find the writing very dry. It seems to much like a straight account of a battle instead of a story. A little spice can go a lpng way
Gandal2006-12-20 21:48:39
Just a note, you posted this at about 3 or 4 AM in the Eastern US. Sleepy time.