I stumbled across this just a moment ago, and am now enjoying the delightfully acidic sensation of orange juice being expelled from my nostrils.

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

great stuff

I'm one of those people who get restless when they have to sit and wait for something. At a store once I started tapping on the counter and the clerk (who's a friend of mine) asked me, "Do you prefer wireless phones or ones with a cord ?" and when I asked why she replied, "So I know which kind I'll hit you over the head with if you don't stop that right now."

I like meeting people from various countries and asking culturally naive (but inoffensive) questions.

My absolute favorite is when I meet people from Germany. I usually start off by asking if their country is still upset about Professor Jones taking the Ark of the Covenant from them. If they do not chuckle, but instead seem confused, I launch into talking about the "documentary" I saw that involved an archaeologist taking the Ark of the Covenant from the Germans. Granted, this doesn't happen to me every day, but it's happened enough times for me to enjoy it.

Other countries are not quite so much fun.

He means: Other countries are not quite so much fun, in accordance with prophesy.

One of my friends does this. I think it's cute.

Did that, though not on purpose. I was driving my friend and her brother someplace in the rain, and I flipped on the wipers in my old Cadillac. However, when I tried to toggle them off when I was parking the car, they wouldn't shut off. For a month, every time I drove, the wipers were going, and I would keep toggling the button, hoping they would turn off (I didn't drive all that much anyhow). Old ladies would point it out to me as if I didn't notice, and guys would try to convince me to pull over so they could be all macho and 'fix them' for me. After driving the same two people to meet some friends at a Denny's one night, when I pulled up, someone asked me to pop the hood, and they unplugged the wipers. From then on, if I drove when it started raining heavily, I had to pull over, pop the hood, and plug my wipers in, then unplug them when I got home.

- say "Prove it!" everytime someone else says something.
- say lol omg wtf in a real life conversation.
- shake softdrink cans in groceries.

:|

I say WTF and OMG in real life in places where I can't say what they actually mean. And then when people get offended then I explain that WTF means "Wait till Friday" and OMG means "omelette making goodness." The best part is that they never believe me, so it still makes them mad.

By pressing my lower teeth against my upper lip and sucking in air, I am capable of producing a high-pitched, soft whining sound.

I can keep doing that indefinitely.

Say "Don't hate mee" constantly.

True story, proven annoying.

I do most of these

Psh! You just want to use the murphy smilie.

Act like Beowulf.

"FAME AFTER DEATH IS THE NOBLEST OF GOALS!"

How to annoy the person who picks up the phone at the pizza place.

1. When pronouncing your orders use a heavy accent.
2. Order a cheese only pizza...without the cheese.
3. When asked what you would like say 'Why, are you stalking me?'
4. When the person picks up the phone switch place eg, when he/she picks up the phone you say (for example) 'Hello, this is Pizza Hut, how can I help you?'. Or something...be creative.
5. Order a pizza with a long list of toppings, then ask the person to read 'em back to you. Tell them it's wrong and start it again, except with different toppings this time.
6. While talking to the person, if it's a female, keep saying (at different times during the conversation) 'Hey baby, what'cha wearing?' (Probably VERY freaky).
7. During the conversation keep 'changing voices' eg, one minute talk like yourself, the next minute like someone of the opposite sex, then a Japanese person.
8. Specify that your order is to-go.

Whenever a room goes silent, make a cricket noise.

One of my friends is really good at this.

I read this a few days ago. It never stops cheering me up.

http://caughtatwork.net/wisdom/index.php

Old, but it contains most of this stuff.

I love the random drive-by waving, people look over and for the rest of the day they will be racking their memory to work out how they know me, hilarity at its finest.

I guarantee you that this only provides opporunity for fun. I regularly switch to a falsetto voice and call everyone "Dahhling" when someone tries something like this. Also calling them fabulous, and tell them what I'm wearing, asking or not. Except for number 5, then you get two chances and I say "Ta, sir. Have a good night, you miserable fuckwit."

Now, do stuff like that while I'm the bartender at the pub and I will strangle you.