Alright... I need a quick way to cheer up my sister, myself, and my stepdad. I also need to figure out a way to explain to her two children what's going on.

Here's the deal...

My sister has been diagnosed with Leukemia, POTS, Multiple Sclerosis, Epilepsy, and Addison's Disease. She has multiple blood clots in her, including a very large one in her brain. She has been having strokes left and right like no tomorrow. Her pituitary gland and adrenal gland have failed.

She's turning 22 in November.

I'm 17.

A week or two ago the doctors said she had six months left. Then she ended up going back into the hospital because her condition had worsened. Her complete left side is sagging and paralyzed. They now say she only has four months left, and that she won't get better, only worse.

They want her to go to a hospice, but she wants to wait it out as long as she can, until she really needs to.

She lives with her boyfriend. However, her husband and her two children ages 3 and 4 who are Autistic live here, with my stepfather and myself.

Her husband doesn't believe she's dying because he hasn't gone to see her, and he laughed and said it'd be a good thing if she died.

When I see my sister, I'm reminded of how my mother looked in the months before her death...

... how can I cheer her up? Me up? My stepfather, who has come to me to cry?

How am I supposed to explain to her two children what happened to her when she does die, since their father made it clear that he doesn't want them to remember her?


I'm really stressed, and looking for any helpful words or advice at this point... please answer, if you can...

That's awful. I'm so sorry.

I'm not sure I have any decent advice. I was in another state when my mother got sick and she died before I got there, so I don't really have any experience in keeping someone's spirits up while they're dying.

I think just being there would be the best thing you could do for your sister. Maybe the two of you could pass some of the time telling each other funny stories from your childhood. Maybe she's got things she'd like her kids to know - you could help her record it. Write it for her maybe.

As for your stepdad, just keep on being there when he needs to cry. And the kids, tell them stories about their mom when you can and if you do write down stuff for your sister then hold onto it till they're old enough to handle it and then give it to them. Help em remember, even if their father doesn't want it.

I'm really so sorry and I wish I had better advice.

Any advice is welcome... thank you for offering yours.

I'm really sorry about your situation, Myrkr; that's quite a bit of responsibility you're carrying on your shoulders. I don't have a lot of good advice, but this site might help at least a little. And like Noola said, record some things your sister wants her children to know... like, if she feels up to it, record a special message for her kids on a voice recorder for when they're older. At least for those moments if they ever feel alone, they'll at least know their mom loved them very much. They have every right to know at least that much.

Im so sorry to hear that Myrkr.

I can't imagine how you must feel. I don't have that kind of experience personally. I only know stories from others. My friend's mother is suffering form cancer too. She's got 5 months left to live but she's doing good. Maybe because she have accepted it, and her whole family accepted it too. They're all Christians and my friend told me her mom is not afraid to die because she said it's God's will.

I also remembered one of my clients a month back. Her sister is suffering from breast cancer and undergoing chemo. Its not working well though.
She told me every passing moment is a torture to her and her family. Her sister have 3 kids, and what they did is to make scrapbooks in the hospital. They took pictures, made letters, poems, drawings and compiled it on a scrapbook. I haven't seen the scrapbook they did but she told me it contained her sister's dreams and wishes for her children.

Its sad to think about it but she told me doing those scrapbooks made each passing time more fun. They enjoyed every moment they spent making the scrapbook. And for some time, they forgot their problems.

You could probably record videos oh her too. Anything that you guys would enjoy.

I would just like to tell you to be strong for your sister. Always smile to cheer her up.

It's always horrible when you hear about things like this

The best piece of advice I can give you is not to feel like you have to support everyone else and like you should never show them how it's affecting you. Find someone you can share your feelings about it with, so they don't weigh you down. You need to be coping yourself as best you can before you start letting other people pile on theirs.

Your stepdad might be a good choice - he probably feels extremely awkward coming to you with his problems, so if you're awkward sharing yours with him as well, that's another thing you'll have in common. I'm sure you can think of other people too, and there's no reason you should just have one.

I am afraid I cannot offer much in terms of advice, only this: it may seem shameful to open up to mostly unknown people, but it isn't. There is nothing wrong in admitting your own feelings, and sadness is amongst them.
So seek emotional support among anyone who you think is willing to provide it. I never had to suffer a similar situation so I don't think I can offer more help than this, but you have my emotional support.

First, let me echo everyone else and offer my condolences to you and your family; it truly is an awful situation.

Second, you aren't at all lame for asking for help - whether on the forums or through any other venue. This is a situation that no one should be expected to "handle well" or deal with alone.

I second the scrapbooking and writing ideas; you might also make sure that you have lots and lots of pictures of your sister for her kids to see later on in life.

I'm not certain how you would explain to your sister's children what's going on, given their autism. If they are receiving any kind of behavioral treatment, you might start with the therapist involved - surely he or she has had some sort of experience with bereavement and how one explains to an autistic three year old that his/her mother is dying.

If neither child is receiving that kind of treatment right now, try finding someone in the area who specializes in treatment of autistic children, if only for a bit of advice.

Just remember that it is never lame or shameful to feel overwhelmed by all of this.

EDIT: I should note that I don't mean "have the therapist tell her children"; just something like phoning him/her and saying, "Hi Dr/Mrs/Miss/Mr. , I'm aunt. I would like to know if you have any advice on..."