I didn't win a bardic this month, but I thought I would post what I submitted, and see what people think.



Haiku, Unchained


Shadows beckon me
Chain bound thoughts driving me on
Soul slowly singing

Perching I sit here
Virtue brought from pain my goal
Stalking prey brings life

Death is life, pain love
Yet I ponder future deed
Is worth found in gold?

Rooftop glances see
Shadow, no form nor substance
Seeking blood, I wait

Merchant, serf and lord
Pass below me, unaware
Death breathes heavy here

Smell, taste, in the air
Prey is close, fear stench grabs me
Nose a-twitch, I stalk

Rope in hand, noose him
Struggling, he cries for life
Weakly whimpering

Why and for what moot
Justice is wrought in steel
Blood buys redemption

Evading persuit
Down I slip, shadows disguse
Revenge gleams crimson

Actually kind of surprised you didn't get a merit.

It's really lovely!

The reason you probably didn't get merit (or higher!) is because there's nothing to point it out as being Lusternian, I bet. I know, I know. But poetry is so subjective, you know? If you posted this anywhere besides here, and said, "What's this about?" You'd get a thousand different answers. You would for a lot of poetry. Which is why my lit teacher always said that a poem's title is like a guideline that points the reader in the right direction when it comes to interpreting the poem. If there's nothing specifically recognizable from the game in the poetry itself, you need to put it in the title, otherwise it's just a wonderful set of poems - but no one can tell it's supposed to be Lusternian.

Just my opinion, of course. Could be some other reason altogether. I don't think that it's cause of lack of quality though.

I'm going to agree that this is a nice collection of poems! Very evocative and atmospheric. Woo, look at me, I can pretend I know something about poetry.

As far as not placing, Fain posted about this a while back in another thread (I think it was about prestige contests?). Art is subjective, and the contest judges, like anyone else, have varying ideas of what is of higher quality. You should still be proud of writing something good!

I agree wholeheartedly with Noola. It's great, but can be interpreted differently based on the reader.
If I were you, I'd maybe try to sprinkle in some Lusternian names (a Magnagora here, a Ninjakari there) and re-submit. Of course, if you think that'll compromise the poem, don't do it.

see, i'm the same; nobody can deny the sheer awesomeness of the flower song; but its probably not lusternian enough.

Flower one, Flower too, Flowers, for All of You!
Pink Carnation, flower for god,
Tulip of purple, royal and good
But iris much more, with gold in as well
Snapdragon is many, pretty and small
Sunflower bright, happiness call
Lillies like Horn, Yellow to white
Or Tulip of Dusk, coming to night
There’s Freesias, double and Orange,
Or Lillies like Tigers, bright like fires.
And never forget the best of them all
All of the roses colour to awe.
Everyone likes flowers, as you well know.
So bring us some flowers, we’ll get them to grow.