Oh well I'll start heh

This happened in camchat and was priceless, since there were visuals LOL

I don't know about you, but I'd remember if I went to Africa.

Edit: Also, no Tsunamis have hit Italy in probably a long while. I think he was talking about the one that happened in Asia... I forget where, to be honest.

Hahah...

Hah...

Laugh with me

My friend was wearing a retarded shirt with "semen bank" on the nipple.

So I unzipped my fly, advanced on her threateningly and said "I'm making a deposit."

Spontaneous wit or narrowly-avoided rape? You decide.

Samantha (my niece): Auntie Gabby, can you tell me a story?
Me: Of course, Sam. About what?
Samantha: Princess.
Me: Okay. Anything else?
Samantha: And bleeding. There has be lots bleeding.
Me: ... uhm...
Samantha: And butterfly.

My niece Samantha is Autistic and five years old. I'm at a loss here.

She sounds like young River Tam.

Friend, talking about his Dungeons and Dragons childhood, "... and he accused me of meta-playing! Wait- do you know what that is? And why it's such a horrible thing to be accused of?"
Me, "Oh my god. Story of my life."

Also, quoting my nephew Xavier, age four, Autistic also,

Xavier: Gabby, do have polish?
Me: Nail polish?
Xavier: (nod)
Me: What color?
Xavier: Pink.
Me: Going to paint Sammy's nails?
Xavier: No... I'm be a pretty pretty princess! Pink pretty. Pink please?

followed by tipsy giggling between the two of us for about 15 minutes

Im autistic

Now you know

I find this interesting to read

aww they sound adorable

I love autistic children..when I was a teen I use to volunteer with this day program and group home, and I made friends with a lot of the kids there. My daughter's god father is actually an autistic boy I met there a year older then me. I love those guys so much! They are just great

I love kid quotes. My favorite was my best friend's nephew, telling my friend and I about what his Father had been up to. He explained to us very solemnly that his Daddy was smoking "cherokee cigarettes" that he wasn't supposed to tell people about because his Daddy would have to "make" them with bits of paper and it smelled funny. He was so proud of his Daddy playing cowboys and indians in this authentic manner that he told everyone who would listen including the judge who presided over the custody hearing.

We were wrastlin and goofing off and she hurted me

I was doing laundry and let her chat with a friend of mine to work on her reading and typing and I get back to find this -


I take back my computer
Jazz says something and I almost choke I'm laughing so hard, as I desperately attempt to relay the message to him

omgggg lmao


Sister from the toilet-

One of my favorite kid stories comes from a mother who had twin boys that I met online.

It went something like...she was on the couch in her living room, watching television, when she hears a horrible ruckus coming from the kitchen.

Getting up to investigate, she discovers her boys in the kitchen, beating other over the head as hard as they can with cereal boxes. Captain Crunch and Cornflakes are EVERYWHERE.

"What are you doing!?"

"We're boxing!"

Since this thread seems to be rapidly degenerating into "stories about little kids", I suppose I'll contribute:

At a preschool I worked at, during their play time the kids liked to drag us off into "jail", which was a part of the playground. One day, after dragging me off to jail, one of the kids waved his hands around in the air in front of me and made a "tssss" noise as though spraying an aerosol can, and then declared that he had created a wall.

"For the love of God, Montresor!" I said, but he didn't seem to know what I was talking about.

Stepdad: Matt, did you go take out the garbage?
Matt: No. Why do I have to do it?
Stepdad: Because you live here for free, pay no rent, and aren't even related to me?
Matt: So what? You're old, worthless, and complain all the time. You don't hear me asking you, "Why haven't you died yet"?

Matt's my bro-in-law-not-exactly-anymore.

omfg i wouldve died LOL

Here is a fun quote from today!

Me breaking my diet at the KFC drive-through-- I would like a three piece chicken strip meal, with green beans and that is all, thank you.

Drive Through worker-- What was that? I didn't understand you.

Me-- repeats again in a clear and concise manner my order

Drive Through worker-- I am sorry ma'am, I don't understand. Can you speak slower or somethin?

Me-- repeats again in a slow, clear and concise voice

Drive Through worker-- Let me get my supervisor, maybe she can understand.

Supervisor takes my order easily. I am waiting for them to say I can pull up when the Worker says, "You just can't ever understand those people" and then "oh shi-".

This was odd to me as I am not ethnic and have no accent other than the same southern one everyone has in the South. I have to be able to speak clearly and in a concise manner in order to do my job so I know there is usually no trouble with annunciation or clarity. Booo KFC.

Screw you, honky!