So I was cleaning out my e-mail inbox and I came across this little gem. If you want to see it in its original awesomeness, find and replace all the with an appropriate profane (O_o) synonym for excrement, dung, or fecal matter.

:censor: happens! It really does!

> > Confucionism: Confucius says: ":censor: happens".
> >
> > Buddhism: If :censor: happens, it isn't really :censor:.
> >
> > Zen: What is the sound of :censor: happening?
> >
> > Hinduism: This :censor: has happened before.
> >
> > Islam: If :censor: happens, it is the will of Allah.
> >
> > Protestantism: Let the :censor: happen to someone else.
> >
> > Catholicism: If :censor: happens, you deserve it.
> >
> > Judaism: Why does :censor: always happen to us?
> >
> > Sufism: The wise man never notices :censor: happening.
> >
> > Christian Science: If :censor: happens, pretend it doesn't really exist.
> >
> > Solipsism: :censor: happens because I wish it.
> >
> > Mysticism: Just experience :censor: happening.
> >
> > Asceticism: If :censor: happens, renounce it.
> >
> > Agnosticism: Nobody knows why :censor: happens.
> >
> > Gnosticism: I know why :censor: happens but won't tell you.
> >
> > Atheism: :censor: just happens and that's all there is to it.
> >
> > Cartesianism: :censor: happens to me, therefore I exist.
> >
> > Platonism: There is ideal :censor: happening somewhere.
> >
> > Stoicism: I don't care if :censor: happens.
> >
> > Epicureanism: Let's party while :censor: doesn't happen.
> >
> > Cynicism: Of course :censor: happens.
> >
> > Occultism: :censor: materializes from other planes of existence.
> >
> > Terrorism: :censor: will happen unless you do as I say.
> >
> > Pollyanism: It's so nice that :censor: happens!
> >
> > Puritanism: S** can happen all day as long as you don't call it that.
> >
> > Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having :censor: happen.
> >
> > Freudianism: If :censor: happens, it's your mother's fault.
> >
> > Parapsychology: :censor: happens without material causes.
> >
> > Surrealism: Purple :censor: happens near melting clocks.
> >
> > Cubism: If :censor: happens, you won't recognize it.
> >
> > Cultural relativism: :censor: happens everywhere differently.
> >
> > Optimism: If :censor: happens, we'll find a way to use it.
> >
> > Pessimism: If :censor: happens, there won't be enough for everybody.
> >
> > Tabloid Sensationalism: Green :censor: from Mars happens to Elvis clone.
> >
> > Biblical Creationism: :censor: happens because God created it.
> >
> > Secular Humanism: :censor: happens because it evolved from primitive :censor:.
> >
> > Scientific Reductionism: If :censor: happens, find out what kind exactly.
> >
> > Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases.
> >
> > Bureaucracy: I don't care if :censor: happens as long as you fill out the forms.
> >
> > Feminism: Women demand to have :censor: happen.
> >
> > Ecology: If organic :censor: happens, it's OK.
> >
> > Capitalism: Let's profit from :censor: happening.
> >
> > Socialism: If :censor: happens, let's distribute it equally.
> >
> > Patriotism: Our :censor: is better than your :censor:.
> >
> > Conservatism: They don't make even :censor: happen like they used to.
> >
> > Liberalism: :censor: shouldn't happen tomorrow.
> >
> > Classical Physics: :censor: does not 'happen', it just moves around.
> >
> > Quantum Physics #1: :censor: happens but you can't say both where and when.
> >
> > Quantum Physics #2: :censor: happens in discrete quanta called shitons.
> >
> > Holistic Physics: If :censor: happens, it happens everywhere at once.
> >
> > Microcomputing: If :censor: happens, we'll fix it in the next version.
> >
> > Computer Science: All :censor: can in principle happen on a Turing Machine.
> >
> > Applied Mathematics: The probabity of :censor: happening approaches unity.
> >
> > Engineering: When :censor: happens, paint over.
> >
> > Medicine: If :censor: happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning.
> >
> > Economics: :censor: happens because there's a geat demand for it.
> >
> > Politics: If :censor: happens, make a deal with it.
> >
> > Diplomacy: Let's pretend :censor: doesn't happen.

Those two made me giggle.