It's almost midnight where I live and I'm in need of a vent and since I'm new here maybe it'll give a little insight into muah. 
One of my biggest personal accomplishments in life is that I've been pretty adept at Piano. I've never had a lesson in my life, and I can't read music, I play and learn songs by ear. And after playing for a good 9 years I've also gained a pretty good idea on what all the keys sound like, which chords work, etc.
Well, despite me being proud of it, I'm not happy with it. I tend to think that I'm a perfectionist, whether with something like the Piano, or writing, or how I look, or dress. Which is odd. In person, I seem to have the 'carefree', don't care attitude, I dress flamboyantly enough, I have a lot of piercings and to me, I like who I am. But I feel like I can never aspire to what I think is 'good enough'. Once again, I'll use piano as my reference; my friends and family all say 'ooh, and ahh' sometimes and give me a nice pat on the back every now and then but at the end of the day, I feel like they think it's not that great and it's merely a sympathy interest, rather than actual admiration. I've already had the thought that maybe I'm just needy or that I have a self-confidence problem. Well, I'm a huge nerd so popularity has never been a huge goal for me so it's not that I need to inflate my ego, it's just a personal sense of 'nothing is good enough for me, or anyone else'.
Same goes for writing, I like to write free verse poetry, (rhyming schemes irk me), and short stories and satires on anything really and even in Lusternia, where I use my character as an outlet for someone who I see as struggling for power because he feels powerless, because he's jealous, and envious of those around him, I still feel like he's shallow, or dull, or just not on par with everyone's expectations of what a character should be. On the bright side, it does push me to keep trying new things and not to give up and to push on, but at some points I do feel like 'well, if after all this I still can't get it right, maybe I'm just incapable of that talent or ability' and once again it does go into Jeszdha. His mentor is Nariah, a woman who's powerful and he feels like an ant in that shadow, which seems oddly appropriate being that he's part of a despotic ity. Nevertheless, I know I'm ranting, but is it really just me? Is my character shallow in the sense that he simply shares my feelings? Am I weird that I can never be happy with my own work?
I know there's some of you here who will satire this and that's fine, there's nothing wrong with humor and laughing and poking fun, but in all honesty, this is just one of those things that 'hit home'.
One of my biggest personal accomplishments in life is that I've been pretty adept at Piano. I've never had a lesson in my life, and I can't read music, I play and learn songs by ear. And after playing for a good 9 years I've also gained a pretty good idea on what all the keys sound like, which chords work, etc.
Well, despite me being proud of it, I'm not happy with it. I tend to think that I'm a perfectionist, whether with something like the Piano, or writing, or how I look, or dress. Which is odd. In person, I seem to have the 'carefree', don't care attitude, I dress flamboyantly enough, I have a lot of piercings and to me, I like who I am. But I feel like I can never aspire to what I think is 'good enough'. Once again, I'll use piano as my reference; my friends and family all say 'ooh, and ahh' sometimes and give me a nice pat on the back every now and then but at the end of the day, I feel like they think it's not that great and it's merely a sympathy interest, rather than actual admiration. I've already had the thought that maybe I'm just needy or that I have a self-confidence problem. Well, I'm a huge nerd so popularity has never been a huge goal for me so it's not that I need to inflate my ego, it's just a personal sense of 'nothing is good enough for me, or anyone else'.
Same goes for writing, I like to write free verse poetry, (rhyming schemes irk me), and short stories and satires on anything really and even in Lusternia, where I use my character as an outlet for someone who I see as struggling for power because he feels powerless, because he's jealous, and envious of those around him, I still feel like he's shallow, or dull, or just not on par with everyone's expectations of what a character should be. On the bright side, it does push me to keep trying new things and not to give up and to push on, but at some points I do feel like 'well, if after all this I still can't get it right, maybe I'm just incapable of that talent or ability' and once again it does go into Jeszdha. His mentor is Nariah, a woman who's powerful and he feels like an ant in that shadow, which seems oddly appropriate being that he's part of a despotic ity. Nevertheless, I know I'm ranting, but is it really just me? Is my character shallow in the sense that he simply shares my feelings? Am I weird that I can never be happy with my own work?
I know there's some of you here who will satire this and that's fine, there's nothing wrong with humor and laughing and poking fun, but in all honesty, this is just one of those things that 'hit home'.
