I was doing some research and stumbled upon some things I find quite funny. This and more can be found at http://www.bewitchingways.com/humor/humor.htm

Wiccan Wonderland
by Stephanie Barclay, Storm Bear & Jimmy Williams
Tarot cards are you listening
Crystal balls are you glistening
The quarters are charged, we're wizards at large
We're walking in a Wiccan Wonderland

In the meadow we will cast a circle
And pretend that it's a geosphere
We'll have lots of fun upon the altar
Until an evil spirit chances near

Later on we'll perspire
And get drunk by the fire
We'll dance without clothes 'cause nobody knows
We're walking in a Wiccan Wonderland

All you Pagans come on gather round us
Raise your chalice and join in our cheer
We'll have lots of cakes until the Sun comes
And chase it with another keg of beer.

After all is said and done
Bye to Spirits that have come
Please stay if you will or go if you must
We're walking in a Wiccan Wonderland


The 13 Commandments

Thou shall not turn thy ex into a frog.
Thou shall not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Thou shall not laugh at nekked snow sprites.
Thou shall not get drunk with thy Goddess's wine.
Thou shall not sacrifice thy little sister.
Thou shall not go running around proclaiming thy witchhood if thy are in times of burning.
Thou shall not question the word of thy High Priestess - She is God.
Thou shall not laugh at being nekked at coven - thou shall be killed.
Thou shall not commit to signing anything that declares any single person as thy lord and savior.
Thou shall not invoke thy Watchtowers only to say "never mind".
Thou shall not burn enough candles to burn thy house down.
Thou shall not have the magickal name "Sir Stinky Fartsalot".
Thou shall not call coven only for laughs.

Coven Pecking Order
Wonder what all those degrees and titles are for? Here's your answer!
High Priest--Leaps buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and dictates policy to God.

3rd Degree Initiate--Leaps short buildings in a single bound, more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding buller, walks on water if the sea is calm, and talks to God.

2nd Degree Initiate--Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is faster than a BB, more powerful than a railroad hand-car, walks on water in a swimming pool, and talks to God if a special request if approved.

1st Degree Initiate--Clears a small hut, loses the race with a locomotive, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by God.

Neophyte--Runs into small buildings, can recognize a locomotive two out of three times, frequently wets self with a water pistol, can do the doggy paddle, and mostly mumbles to animals.

High Priestess--Lifts tall buildings to walk under them, kicks locomotives off the tracks, catches speeding bullets in her teeth, and freezes water with a single glance. SHE IS GOD.

Definitely not. Well, unless I give it as a gift, of course.

All those references to the High Priestess being God are a bit off though... I don't think Merloch would dare dictate policy to Me, either.

Very funny, especially the part about saying "never mind" after calling the watchtowers.

I love it! *praise Alyvia*

*rofl*

Question...if a preistess is god.. who is she a priestess to? and... is she both male, and female? priestESS ...god...hrm

Erm, if you don't get it, don't look too much into it.

*dies laughing*

OOOOKAAY! Lemme' try to explain this here.....In Wicca the belief is shared that each individual is a God/ddess in at least some respect. The belief then goes on into a variable degree of deity worship with a huge range of beliefs from Norse to Roman and Greek Mythology and even Egyptian mythology as well. Heavy emphasis is also placed upon the Moon and in Nature as well. The High Priestess is generally the most dominant role in the Wiccan hierarchy and, while there IS a High Priest in most cases, his role is slightly less significant.

Omg... *cramps from laughter* Go on... tell thy watchtowers nevermind... I dare you...
*Goes back to his corrospondence studies with the Frost's School*
Although... I'd be afraid to sac my little sister on an alter, she might come back as Space Jesus and go all Chinese Action flick on me...
NOTE: Above is a joke, would not sac his sister or anything for that matter.

Wiccans don't sacrifice anything. It's a common misconception. Don't make me rant again to prove it.

*ponders the funniness of a rant* I hear Wiccans sacrifice stuff.

*refrain refrain refrain*

I sacrifice stuff...it's a horrible sacrifice to give up that Mead and irish soda bread for visiting gods and spirits when I could eat and drink it myself!

We celebrate the Day of the Dead in my town, or more accurately a section of my town, where you put out food for your ancestors spirits to come back and eat with you. We have alot of fun with it, but everyone is respectful and quiet around one such offering.

heh, I know a group of wiccans who were getting tired of being told their demonic and sacrifice stuff, so to mock the entire area they sacrificed a choclate bunny to satin in a tub of boiling water and drank its...cholacty blood from the pot...I thought it was funny as hell.

There's also a ritual out there for singing the praises of chocolate. Do a web search and it'll come up. That's a fun one! I led it once for a group of students on Halloween.

Ah, Mexican? I'm half, my grandma celebrates that. he also has a corner in her house dedicated to our family that has passed on. Bascially there's pictures of them and candles. Mexicans really honour there dead a lot better than most in my opinion. Never forget em.

"The Esoteric arts are 10% history 10% mythology 10% study 20% alchohol and 50% :censor:."

Heh. One of my favorite quotes ever.

Thou shall not sacrifice thy little sister.

Aly! I want you to make sure you tell that one to Gwynn. That would save a lot of the 'Mommy! Teddy keeps trying to kill me!' tattling on the family channel anyway!

Amali

Amali is still an imp.