I submitted this to the Lusternian Judging panel, so I hope I win. I thought I'd submit it for you guys to take a look at and tell me what you think. 
======+++=========+++======
Quickly now, before they see
Wrench this heart of mine away from me
Let's believe in the impossible today
And leave tomorrow for the lips of yesterday
Quiet now my lullaby, dont say a word
They're watching and its all a blur
Abstract and forgotten they say
But its our world anyway
I bet if they danced this dance of ours
Step by step, mercury with mars
They'd see the shadows we cast
One by one, until the sky's empty at last
These hands of ours- we know their name
Each finger and every touch we tame
Gathered together in one last prayer for the night
Living is believing, even to the blind man's sight
Come now- let us dance one more time
Together beneath the watchful moon's sigh
Two irridiscent dreams given life for moment's being
After all, seeing is believing
Oh the other hand.
======+++=========+++======
Quickly now, before they see
Wrench this heart of mine away from me
Let's believe in the impossible today
And leave tomorrow for the lips of yesterday
Quiet now my lullaby, dont say a word
They're watching and its all a blur
Abstract and forgotten they say
But its our world anyway
I bet if they danced this dance of ours
Step by step, mercury with mars
They'd see the shadows we cast
One by one, until the sky's empty at last
These hands of ours- we know their name
Each finger and every touch we tame
Gathered together in one last prayer for the night
Living is believing, even to the blind man's sight
Come now- let us dance one more time
Together beneath the watchful moon's sigh
Two irridiscent dreams given life for moment's being
After all, seeing is believing
Oh the other hand.
QUOTE(Sobran @ Jul 11 2005, 02:07 PM)
I submitted this to the Lusternian Judging panel, so I hope I win. I thought I'd submit it for you guys to take a look at and tell me what you think.Â
======+++=========+++======
Quickly now, before they see
Wrench this heart of mine away from me
Let's believe in the impossible today
And leave tomorrow for the lips of yesterday
Quiet now my lullaby, dont say a word
They're watching and its all a blur
Abstract and forgotten they say
But its our world anyway
I bet if they danced this dance of ours
Step by step, mercury with mars
They'd see the shadows we cast
One by one, until the sky's empty at last
These hands of ours- we know their name
Each finger and every touch we tame
Gathered together in one last prayer for the night
Living is believing, even to the blind man's sight
Come now- let us dance one more time
Together beneath the watchful moon's sigh
Two irridiscent dreams given life for moment's being
After all, seeing is believing
Oh the other hand.
======+++=========+++======
Quickly now, before they see
Wrench this heart of mine away from me
Let's believe in the impossible today
And leave tomorrow for the lips of yesterday
Quiet now my lullaby, dont say a word
They're watching and its all a blur
Abstract and forgotten they say
But its our world anyway
I bet if they danced this dance of ours
Step by step, mercury with mars
They'd see the shadows we cast
One by one, until the sky's empty at last
These hands of ours- we know their name
Each finger and every touch we tame
Gathered together in one last prayer for the night
Living is believing, even to the blind man's sight
Come now- let us dance one more time
Together beneath the watchful moon's sigh
Two irridiscent dreams given life for moment's being
After all, seeing is believing
Oh the other hand.
151403
I think it's beautiful. I love your style. The scheme, the imagery. The latter is vastly superior to most things I see now. I just absolutely love it. I'd say it left me speechless, but that is a bit grandoise.
However, I do not think it would fit very well for a Lusternia judging. They must be distinctly IC - if Sobran had some sort of love affair going on with a Seren, then it would fit very well. I know nothing of your character, so this could be the case! But, as it stands, I doubt it will get high marks or a ranking. But it is very, very, very good.
