Unknown2005-09-27 23:39:12
I hope it's not something everyone already seen long time ago...
I found it on some other board.
I found it on some other board.
QUOTE
The European Commission has just
announced an agreement where by
English will be the official language of the
European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British
Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5-year phase-in
plan that would become known as
"Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace
the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when
the troublesome "ph" will be replaced
with "f".
This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse
of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl
mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil
hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it
ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop
vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be
speking German like zey vunted
in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on
to oza pepl:)
announced an agreement where by
English will be the official language of the
European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British
Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5-year phase-in
plan that would become known as
"Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace
the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when
the troublesome "ph" will be replaced
with "f".
This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse
of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl
mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil
hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it
ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop
vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be
speking German like zey vunted
in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on
to oza pepl:)
Ixion2005-09-28 01:58:28
Ialie's AIM: are you an ur'guard
Ialie's AIM: ?
My AIM: ...
My AIM: ive been the GM since forever
My AIM: like 20 IC years now
Ialie's AIM: *blush*
Ialie's AIM: sorry!
You are so observant! (Well it's really only been 16 IC years. meh)
Ialie's AIM: ?
My AIM: ...
My AIM: ive been the GM since forever
My AIM: like 20 IC years now
Ialie's AIM: *blush*
Ialie's AIM: sorry!
You are so observant! (Well it's really only been 16 IC years. meh)
Stangmar2005-09-28 02:03:46
Written on a dormitory bulliten board:
She offered her honour
so i honoured her offer
and all night long
it was on her and off her.
The definition of a mistress:
What is between a mister and a matress.
She offered her honour
so i honoured her offer
and all night long
it was on her and off her.
The definition of a mistress:
What is between a mister and a matress.
Acrune2005-09-28 20:35:31
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
Don't pay her.
Richter2005-09-29 14:51:53
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before
the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation.
"Prease sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ah... so solly," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before
the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation.
"Prease sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ah... so solly," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."
Unknown2005-09-29 15:21:38
This may not be in line with the rest of these jokes, but I assure you, it is equally funny.
QUOTE(Flow @ Sep 29 2005, 04:42 AM)
194976
QUOTE(Torak @ Sep 29 2005, 04:44 AM)
Why'd you switch your forum name Ceres?
194977
QUOTE(Flow @ Sep 29 2005, 05:44 AM)
Got put on moderated posting.
194993
QUOTE(Richter @ Sep 29 2005, 07:47 AM)
By a god.
Flow's posting ability is disabled now.
Please resume posting as normal, thank you.
Flow's posting ability is disabled now.
Please resume posting as normal, thank you.
195031
Richter2005-09-29 15:42:41
We're a tad bit irritated, but it's being dealt with.
I found it funnier to look up the IP and find Ceres, Flow, Cerez, Cerrres, and I believe there was another variant of her name.
*waves hand*
This isn't the account you're looking for. Move along, move along.
I found it funnier to look up the IP and find Ceres, Flow, Cerez, Cerrres, and I believe there was another variant of her name.
*waves hand*
This isn't the account you're looking for. Move along, move along.
Rashidat2005-09-29 19:13:23
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire. They get to drinking, and are soon swapping stories of toughness and masculinity.
The first cowboy says, "Riding here, I came across the biggest most poison filled rattlesnake you could ever imagine. My horse was mighty nervous, but not me. I reached right down, grabbed the snake and bit it's head off. Figure I sucked down enough poison to fill my ten-gallon hat."
The second cowboy waves dismissively at the first. "That ain't nothing," he says. "Just yesterday there was bull in Deadman's Canyon. He was a beastly thing, bigger than a barn. He had must've gored at least 20 good men. Would have killed more if I hadn't brought him down. A lesser man would've reached for his rifle, but not me. I grabbed his the horns, wrestled him to the ground, and choked the life out him with my own hands."
The third cowboy says nothing, as he pokes away at the campfire with his penis.
The first cowboy says, "Riding here, I came across the biggest most poison filled rattlesnake you could ever imagine. My horse was mighty nervous, but not me. I reached right down, grabbed the snake and bit it's head off. Figure I sucked down enough poison to fill my ten-gallon hat."
The second cowboy waves dismissively at the first. "That ain't nothing," he says. "Just yesterday there was bull in Deadman's Canyon. He was a beastly thing, bigger than a barn. He had must've gored at least 20 good men. Would have killed more if I hadn't brought him down. A lesser man would've reached for his rifle, but not me. I grabbed his the horns, wrestled him to the ground, and choked the life out him with my own hands."
The third cowboy says nothing, as he pokes away at the campfire with his penis.
Corr2005-09-29 19:27:05
QUOTE(Richter @ Sep 18 2005, 01:20 AM)
Three nuns die and go to heaven, where they're met by Saint Peter.
He tells them, "You've led such good lives, I'm going to let you go back to earth as anyone you wish, for six months."
The first nun said, "I want to be Madonna!"
Poof, she was gone, off to sing at a concert.
The second nun said, "I'd like to be Venus Williams!"
Poof, she was gone too, off to play tennis.
The third nun said, "I'd like to be Sarah Pipliani, please."
Saint Peter looked at the lady and said, "Sarah Pipliani? There's no such person, my dear. I'm afraid it was the Sahara Pipeline that was laid by a thousand men over six months."
He tells them, "You've led such good lives, I'm going to let you go back to earth as anyone you wish, for six months."
The first nun said, "I want to be Madonna!"
Poof, she was gone, off to sing at a concert.
The second nun said, "I'd like to be Venus Williams!"
Poof, she was gone too, off to play tennis.
The third nun said, "I'd like to be Sarah Pipliani, please."
Saint Peter looked at the lady and said, "Sarah Pipliani? There's no such person, my dear. I'm afraid it was the Sahara Pipeline that was laid by a thousand men over six months."
188119
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AMAZING!
Richter2005-09-29 19:43:26
I don't get it.
Unknown2005-09-29 22:36:15
He's being a jack ass.
Richter2005-09-29 22:41:03
Oh.
Ixchilgal2005-12-28 13:21:41
Little Mary-Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually, she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the nun asked Mary Margaret, Who is our Lord and savior?" But she didn't stir from her slumber.
Once again, little Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the nun asked Mary Margaret, Who is our Lord and savior?" But she didn't stir from her slumber.
Once again, little Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
Verithrax2005-12-28 14:04:20
QUOTE(Kashim @ Sep 27 2005, 08:39 PM)
I hope it's not something everyone already seen long time ago...
I found it on some other board.
I found it on some other board.
194075
Actually, that's an adaptation of something Mark Twain wrote a long time ago.
