Unknown2005-11-15 00:43:44
The Discerning Necromancer: Part I
The Glomdoring Commune
The southern woods of Glomdoring are ripe with delicious beasties of every sort, ranging from the elusive and delectable black widows to the plentiful harpies. Even the most pampered necromancer can have his every desire fulfilled within the confines of the tainted commune. Below are brief instructions on the preparation and consumption of some of the best that the Heart of Darkness has to offer; as they say in Delport, bon appetite!
Arachnid Poppers:
Ingredients-
1 giant black widow, dead
4 furry tarantulas, dead
4 translucent spiders, dead
1 spinneret (optional)
These dangerous delicacies lurk about the spider's larder south of the Master Ravenwood. A skilled necromancer can dispatch them without worry, and fashion their corpses into a resplendent appetizer.
Make sure that in slaying the spiders you deal as little damage to their corporeal forms as possible; if any of their fluids are spilt in the process, you must find a replacement, and if it is too cooked by your magic you will ruin its fleshy taste. I suggest the use of blunt trauma, poison, or suffocation.
It is important that each spider be properly juicy. Give their bodies a firm squeeze before making your selection, although not so hard as to bruise or break them. The plumper it is to the touch, the more of its nectar will flow upon being bitten into.
Once you have gathered the ingredients, arrange them on a ravenwood platter thus: the black widow, belly-up, with legs splayed on all sides. Open a thin slit down the center of abdomen, letting its succulent ichor flow out in a small quantity and congeal upon its hairy form. Arrange the remaining 8 spiders (alternating between translucent and furry) around it in a circular pattern, with each corpse firmly set against the black widow. You may yank the legs from each of the lesser spiders and serve them separately, draining the fluids from their brains to use as a dipping sauce, or curl the legs so that they snugly hug the spider's form.
Guests should remove the lesser arachnids one at a time, carefully biting into them and suckling the juices from their bellies before discarding the leftover corpse. They may choose to remove the legs and munch on them plain or dipped in the stomach juices or, if you opted to arrange it beforehand, in the fresh brain juices.
Once each lesser spider has been consumed and your guest's appetites have been whetted, you may begin carving slices from the black widow. Although by this time it has been properly basted in its own ichor, you may wish to squeeze fresh blood from its severed spinneret to add a bit of extra zest. Take care not to add the blood beforehand, lest it dry and become unpleasantly crisp.
Writhing Surprise:
Ingredients-
1 starving deer, dead
3 pounds of weevils, live
1 bulbous spider, live
This dish makes a great snack, to be set out during a banquet or enjoyed in the comforts of one's own chambers. All the ingredients can be found in and around the spider's larder, south of the Master Ravenwood.
Take care to carry with you a sack in good repair, or else the weevils you scoop up may wriggle out. Also, carry with you a separate bag for the spider, or it may grow hungry and begin to devour the weevils.
Upon locating a deer slay it via wounds to the head and limbs, as they are unimportant to this recipe. Once slain hack off all of the extremities with a fine blade or saw, leaving only the torso area. Slice open a large flap of flesh over the chest and peel it back, then begin to carve out the chest cavity. Once you have removed the excess organs from between the creature's ribs you should have a large bowl.
Carefully dump your weevils into the exposed opening, encircling the wound with magical salt to keep any from crawling out. Finally, take your bulbous spider firmly in one hand and with a scalpel begin to surgically remove the cysts and tumors. Be sure that you carve into the spider's body and not straight through the cyst, or you may leave some of it embedded in its body; they are best whole.
Discard the spider and mash the cysts between your fingers, letting the pus dribble down and coat the writhing weevils below. Once they have been drenched to your satisfaction you may wish to sprinkle a pinch of sugar on top to add another dimension of flavor. Close the flap of skin and set the deer's torso on a platter, and you are ready to serve.
Serve directly afterwards, or else the deer will quickly spoil and the weevils may begin to grow lethargic and less exciting to eat.
Jellied Bats:
Ingredients-
4 vampire bats, dead
8 slither ooze, dead
2 spore grass, cut
A true delicacy, this necromancer's delight is sure to please even the pickiest undead gourmand. First you must travel deep into the caverns beneath the eastern Glomdoring and seek out the deadly vampire bats.
In order for your dish to be truly spectacular you must take great care in selecting which bats will be your victims. Only the ripest specimens will be suitable; once you have located one so bloated with blood that it is on the verge of bursting you must disable and slay it by any means without spilling the precious fluid within. Remove the creature's wings and legs with care, leaving only its swollen torso.
The process for obtaining the oozes is far less intricate. Ones located within the marsh itself are superior, as they will have picked up less sediment and debris within their gelatinous forms, although either will suffice. Go about slaying them however you please, and the same goes for the spore grass; a clean cut is all you need.
Fill some container with the collected ooze and steep the bats within it, letting them remain submerged for twenty minutes. After this period, remove them and sprinkle them with spores, although not too thickly, or their negative properties may manifest. Discard the leftover ooze.
A jellied bat is an interesting thing to eat. You will find the outside dry, yet after consuming the spiced flesh you will come to a layer of green gel. Peel back and enjoy the skin at your leisure; once finished you will find the jelly to have form a thin skin around the blood and saturated it. This mixture of blood and ooze is a marvelous treat, although it should be eaten with a bib. It creates terrible stains, and has marred many a Viscanti's most valued robes.
The Glomdoring Commune
The southern woods of Glomdoring are ripe with delicious beasties of every sort, ranging from the elusive and delectable black widows to the plentiful harpies. Even the most pampered necromancer can have his every desire fulfilled within the confines of the tainted commune. Below are brief instructions on the preparation and consumption of some of the best that the Heart of Darkness has to offer; as they say in Delport, bon appetite!
Arachnid Poppers:
Ingredients-
1 giant black widow, dead
4 furry tarantulas, dead
4 translucent spiders, dead
1 spinneret (optional)
These dangerous delicacies lurk about the spider's larder south of the Master Ravenwood. A skilled necromancer can dispatch them without worry, and fashion their corpses into a resplendent appetizer.
Make sure that in slaying the spiders you deal as little damage to their corporeal forms as possible; if any of their fluids are spilt in the process, you must find a replacement, and if it is too cooked by your magic you will ruin its fleshy taste. I suggest the use of blunt trauma, poison, or suffocation.
It is important that each spider be properly juicy. Give their bodies a firm squeeze before making your selection, although not so hard as to bruise or break them. The plumper it is to the touch, the more of its nectar will flow upon being bitten into.
Once you have gathered the ingredients, arrange them on a ravenwood platter thus: the black widow, belly-up, with legs splayed on all sides. Open a thin slit down the center of abdomen, letting its succulent ichor flow out in a small quantity and congeal upon its hairy form. Arrange the remaining 8 spiders (alternating between translucent and furry) around it in a circular pattern, with each corpse firmly set against the black widow. You may yank the legs from each of the lesser spiders and serve them separately, draining the fluids from their brains to use as a dipping sauce, or curl the legs so that they snugly hug the spider's form.
Guests should remove the lesser arachnids one at a time, carefully biting into them and suckling the juices from their bellies before discarding the leftover corpse. They may choose to remove the legs and munch on them plain or dipped in the stomach juices or, if you opted to arrange it beforehand, in the fresh brain juices.
Once each lesser spider has been consumed and your guest's appetites have been whetted, you may begin carving slices from the black widow. Although by this time it has been properly basted in its own ichor, you may wish to squeeze fresh blood from its severed spinneret to add a bit of extra zest. Take care not to add the blood beforehand, lest it dry and become unpleasantly crisp.
Writhing Surprise:
Ingredients-
1 starving deer, dead
3 pounds of weevils, live
1 bulbous spider, live
This dish makes a great snack, to be set out during a banquet or enjoyed in the comforts of one's own chambers. All the ingredients can be found in and around the spider's larder, south of the Master Ravenwood.
Take care to carry with you a sack in good repair, or else the weevils you scoop up may wriggle out. Also, carry with you a separate bag for the spider, or it may grow hungry and begin to devour the weevils.
Upon locating a deer slay it via wounds to the head and limbs, as they are unimportant to this recipe. Once slain hack off all of the extremities with a fine blade or saw, leaving only the torso area. Slice open a large flap of flesh over the chest and peel it back, then begin to carve out the chest cavity. Once you have removed the excess organs from between the creature's ribs you should have a large bowl.
Carefully dump your weevils into the exposed opening, encircling the wound with magical salt to keep any from crawling out. Finally, take your bulbous spider firmly in one hand and with a scalpel begin to surgically remove the cysts and tumors. Be sure that you carve into the spider's body and not straight through the cyst, or you may leave some of it embedded in its body; they are best whole.
Discard the spider and mash the cysts between your fingers, letting the pus dribble down and coat the writhing weevils below. Once they have been drenched to your satisfaction you may wish to sprinkle a pinch of sugar on top to add another dimension of flavor. Close the flap of skin and set the deer's torso on a platter, and you are ready to serve.
Serve directly afterwards, or else the deer will quickly spoil and the weevils may begin to grow lethargic and less exciting to eat.
Jellied Bats:
Ingredients-
4 vampire bats, dead
8 slither ooze, dead
2 spore grass, cut
A true delicacy, this necromancer's delight is sure to please even the pickiest undead gourmand. First you must travel deep into the caverns beneath the eastern Glomdoring and seek out the deadly vampire bats.
In order for your dish to be truly spectacular you must take great care in selecting which bats will be your victims. Only the ripest specimens will be suitable; once you have located one so bloated with blood that it is on the verge of bursting you must disable and slay it by any means without spilling the precious fluid within. Remove the creature's wings and legs with care, leaving only its swollen torso.
The process for obtaining the oozes is far less intricate. Ones located within the marsh itself are superior, as they will have picked up less sediment and debris within their gelatinous forms, although either will suffice. Go about slaying them however you please, and the same goes for the spore grass; a clean cut is all you need.
Fill some container with the collected ooze and steep the bats within it, letting them remain submerged for twenty minutes. After this period, remove them and sprinkle them with spores, although not too thickly, or their negative properties may manifest. Discard the leftover ooze.
A jellied bat is an interesting thing to eat. You will find the outside dry, yet after consuming the spiced flesh you will come to a layer of green gel. Peel back and enjoy the skin at your leisure; once finished you will find the jelly to have form a thin skin around the blood and saturated it. This mixture of blood and ooze is a marvelous treat, although it should be eaten with a bib. It creates terrible stains, and has marred many a Viscanti's most valued robes.
Unknown2005-11-15 05:22:35
Comments? Anyone? Is it that scary?
Iridiel2005-11-15 15:44:19
More than scary it's just so twisted that it's fun. Very good 
Will we be seeing the Merian T-Steak recipe?
Will we be seeing the Merian T-Steak recipe?
Unknown2005-11-21 05:53:21
Find a bookbinder in game and send more like this to the publishing houses.
Arix2005-11-26 23:53:36
My opinion, as a cook:
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet......
It combines disturbing ingredients with creepy presentation in a way that makes me want to actually make these items, particularly the first one.
I give it:
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet......
It combines disturbing ingredients with creepy presentation in a way that makes me want to actually make these items, particularly the first one.
I give it:
