Rainydays: That's a good show! I like the previous length, but your is much more descriptive and flowing... if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna steal it if no one else posts a new one for me! Thanks!

Lanath's description... I need to add her nose (she's got this very specific facial construct), and I'm debating removing the scars. Her description won't change drastically until she becomes undead (mummy time!), so this is really just a tune-up. Any suggestions?

She is a fiendish master viscanti and is a browner shade of burgundy, in contrast
to the more natural violets and reds commonly found on other members of her
race. Her Taurian heritage is immediately obvious. She has no nails- rather, the
tips of her finger down to the first joint are composed of the same material as
Taurian hooves. Her large horns are made of the same material. They curve
backwards, following the shape of her head. They curl to her cheeks, and the
points curve away from her face. Both are a warm mahogany color. Her face is
oval, her eyes round, and her lips broad. A completely perfect shape is
prevented by her high cheekbones and sharp chin. Her eyes are bright and orange,
and her lips are a shade darker than her skin. Her hair is a frothy mass of
black curls, ending at the bottom of her rib cage. A series of irregular and
vaguely diamond-shaped scars scattered on her hips have healed a shade paler
than her skin. She has strong legs, long and muscular. She is a bit larger than
a normal human male.

Okay, I need a better description. I wrote this one when I was barely more than a novice and I haven't touched it since then. Here it is...

He is a menacing orclach and is as large as a bear, an heritage from his
previous incarnation as a Tae'dae. His breadth is such that one can hardly miss
him in a crowd. Black, pulsing veins run under his skin. His eyes are bright
yellow and shining with determination.

Help please?

Hmm!



I just sort of assumed the hair from your signature banner. I tried to imply the "bear" analogy without explicitly stating it, as a generic onlooker might not recognize that part from sight alone. I went for "vicious orclash warrior" in the language and feel of it, but it might be a little over the top! Either way, enjoy, if you like it.

Edit: Forgot the veins!

The phrase "casts a countenance" and other antiquarianisms are officially banned. Sorry.

My advice is to keep the tone conversational and simple. Don't feel like you need to use complex, interesting words if simple, everyday ones will do (but feel free to throw in a couple - just no fake oldspeak, please, for the love of god). The lesson you should take from Rainydays' example is that there're many more things about your character to describe than you already have. At the moment he's a wide, large person with eyes and funny-coloured veins. There're many more details about him - muscles, comparative sizes of body parts (hands versus arms versus head), other facial features (eyes, nose, jaw, ears) and how they come together to form his face. Hair and any decorations he might have, tattoos and whatnot.

Also, I personally disagree with the common idiom that you can't describe small actions that your character would make during normal life. Perhaps he's got a nervous twitch, or is very wary of his surroundings. I like to think that people reading a description will be smart enough to know that he's not doing those things when, say, he's asleep. I'd draw the line at actually doing things (looking at someone is a common one) because you might be unaware of the person looking at you and so on.

I like it. It's colourful and the result of 30 seconds with an online thesaurus. I've no idea what you even mean by "oldspeak", unless you mean tacking a silent "e" onto the end of some words. Er... unlesse youe meane tackeing ae silente "ee" ontoe the ende ofe some wordes.

Simple words are all well and good, but they can sound redundant. Complex ones aren't always necessary, but they can give a colour and feel, flow to a description without adding unecessary length. Too many big words can sound stuffy, but that's going to vary depending on the reader, and what you're writing.

I aim for relatively short descriptions that give a feel, because a massive block of text probably isn't going to be bothered with. Most RP MUDers tend to have a strong enough grasp of the language that I don't shy away from larger words, provided they make sense in terms of definition.

I'll also sometimes put in a basic movement style, like "fluid movements" or "deliberate", or even "a little spastic", because, though there will be deviation from that, it can add personality. But nor would I go out of the way to jam it into a description if I didn't think it contributed to the feel/flow.

I like it. I might change one or two words, but all in all, it's nice.

The reason I didn't include details such as facial features were because my character would be wearing a helmet, therefore rending his nose, jaw, etc. hard to see. I kept the veins thing because a fieldplate doesn't cover the body as much as a fullplate would and so, skin and veins could still be seen.

With that said, thanks Rainydays!

This is something that's always bothered me too - you never really have much of a reason to remove your helm, ever, so it seems odd to add anything about your head in a desc, unless you have really long hair or something. Then again, you might make the same argument for robes since they always need to keep their hood raised for combat purposes, but on the other hand, that never appears in the desc unless you add it yourself.

@The people talking about not seeing facial features through a helm: Much like small actions, I think most people reading the description are smart enough to know when you can and can't see someone's facial features. There are going to be times when he has to take his helm off, and so it's good to know those things.

@Rainydays: I use "oldspeak" synoymously with "antiquarianism", that is outdated constructs that people use for no particular reason - Wikipedia does it too, quite annoyingly. "Casts a countenance" is an excellent example of that. You'll notice that I don't say not to use complex words, but not to use a complex word when a simpler one will do. It's quite hard to convey some words more simply - I once saw someone use the word "spatulate" about their character's cheekbones, and that's good because it conveys long, flat and wide in one word. "Casts a countenace" is a complex phrase that doesn't help understanding.

You're right that using complex words helps a description flow - it does so because complex words, used properly, convey the maximum meaning in a minimum of text. Like you say, a large amount of text isn't going to be read - conciseness is everything - but remember as well that people aren't going to read your description if they're reaching for a thesaurus every other word.

How's this?
He is a fiendish viscanti and is quite tall at nearly seven-and-a-half feet. His eyes are a deep crimson that glows cruelly, and his head is smoothly bald. What shows of his skin is a deep ebony, but there seems to be a sinuous tattoo twining around in and out that is also a deep red, but this time the scarlet of newly spilt blood. His face bears cheekbones that ease out in a kind of beauty, and are covered with a double spiril, going in, and out. The back of his neck is also touched with three bands sliding up and around the many small and curved horns around the Viscanti's head. Viaghnam's ears are pointed like an elfen, but are the size of a human's. He has small, but sharp canines on both the top and the bottom of his jaw, though they don't protrude at all. His nails are a dull red, and pointed. The Viscanti's serpentine tail is untouched by the tattoo, and is almost as tall as Viaghnam himself.

I'm god-awful at this stuff, but I liked Viaghnam's desc and I wanted to give it a try:

... stands a tall seven and a half feet. His eyes burn a deep crimson red and are detached but alluring, flickering warmly even in the darkness. His skin, a deep, lustrous ebony, is unmarked save for sinuous, blood-red tattoos that twirl around his muscular arms and slide up his neck, curving around his elegant, high cheekbones. His many yet small goat-like horns that crown his bald head are also painted with elaborate red swirls. Human-sized but pointed ears add a feral grace to his features, alongside his shark-like teeth, which only show when his lips part. Painted a dull brick-red, his nails are long, thick, and sharp. His serpentine tail bears no blemishes or markings and is almost as long as he is tall.

Yay! I rather like that one, couldn't quite find the words though...

Omigawd amazing... that is so awesome.

Oh... right:


She is an ordinary human and has a petite, slender body. She has the appearance of a wild child, her mass of strawberry curls inevitably tangled up with her headdress, freckles blending in with a smudge of dirt on her nose. Lively green eyes warm up her unremarkable face, leading to a small, straight nose that ends on a slight point, down to pink lips that cover straight teeth, although there is a small gap between her two front teeth. The scent of fruit and summer emanates strongly from her.

Dunno about the smudge of dirt bit.

That's not dirt.

I'll give it a shot.

(She is an ordinary human) with a petite, slender frame rendered golden and wiry by endless days beneath the sun. A wildling's face, kissed with freckles and besmudged here and there with traces of earth, is framed by a tumultuous mass of strawberry curls that seems intent on escaping the confines of her headdress. Warm green eyes sparkle with the vivacity and earnestness of youth, lending their liveliness and light to what might otherwise have been pleasant, if unremarkable features. Her nose is small, pert, and slightly pointed, poised endearingly above berry-stained lips. The sunny smiles she bestows reveal a tiny gap between her front teeth, though such a miniscule flaw seems to enhance, rather than detract from, her youthful and unfettered charm.

How did you know...



Ooh, that's good and a lot less boring than mine. Sounds kind of seren-y, but oh well. I still love it.

Yours sounded Seren-y, too! Fruit, summer, dirt, etc. I wasn't sure who it was for, or where they belonged, but I'm glad you like it.

I am learning to use Paint/Twistedbrush and I want descriptions so I can draw youos!
PM me or post to the thread 'Made in 30min'.
Pretty Please!