I hate the "and" after the race. Maybe most people would go with and anyways, but I think it's limiting. I always think of things like: He is a bouncing furrikin and often hits his head on tree branches. He is a menacing orclach and eats little babies. She is a ferocious loboshigaru and is as cute as a button. He is an ordinary human and oh my god what is that growing out of his ear?
Basically what I'm saying is the "and" made you do it, Ried.
He is a bouncing furrikin and sports short tan fur that darkens imperceptibly from the neck up. Large triangular ears, sprouting outward from his skull, twitch at the slightest sound. A white nose tips the end of a narrow fox-like muzzle that slopes gently towards slitted eyes of a dark amber hue. Slim arms end in three fingers each, two of which are narrow to dull points. A thin, semi-opaque membrane of skin stretches between his fingers and body, extending from his shoulders to his hips. His feet, covered in dark fur save for the white pads on the bottom, appear like hands, gripping the material of whatever he stands upon. A long, fluffy tail, tan on top and a creamier colour underneath, nearly touches the ground.
Awesome, I really like it.
Unknown2009-05-08 16:00:57
Can someone spice mine up? Maybe play up the lich-thing a bit?
He is a menacing archlich orclach and is a muscled wall of flesh that stands two heads higher than the average human. His skin is a dark slate grey, with crimson-purple veins pulsating softly beneath his skin. A lifetime of necromantic practices has surrounded him with an aura of undeath, giving him a horrible rotting smell. His face is a strong example of what an orclach should look like, thick cheekbones, big forehead, large and sharp teeth. Two bloodshot brown-black eyes guide his expression.
Unknown2009-05-12 04:20:28
Hello! Ok, so I am brand new to lusternia.
This is my description so far:
She is a graceful elfen and...
has a very small frame to her delicately shaped body. Though her proportions are beautiful and well balanced, they are certainly anything but average. Thin twig-like limbs add a distinctly child-like look to her features which render her appearance to seem younger than she already is. Her hair is eerily straight with long full bangs that reach to just above her eyes. The shade is a delicious strawberry blonde, and two long thin ears stick out from under it. Startling red tickles the edges of her irises and fill her almond shaped eyes with depth. Her height fits her built, being around 5 feet.
First of all, I'm not very good. I usually do the opposite of what your supposed to. I was reading some previous posts, and let's just say my jaw was dropping. Ugh! How I wish I knew as much about grammar and writing as some of you do.
Still, my description can only get better from the criticism. So fire away.
Aerotan2009-05-12 22:19:33
QUOTE
She is a graceful elfen and stands at around five feet. Her small, delicate frame is well balanced, but far from average. Her thin, childlike limbs lend her an overall youthful appearance. Her strawberry blond hair is eerily straight, and reaches the small of her back while her bangs brush her almond shaped, red tinged, green eyes. Her soft featured face is framed by her long, thin ears.
Best I can come up with. If you wanna throw more details at me I can work them in, or something.
has a very small frame to her delicately shaped body. Though her proportions are beautiful and well balanced, they are certainly anything but average. Thin twig-like limbs add a distinctly child-like look to her features which render her appearance to seem younger than she already is. Her hair is eerily straight with long full bangs that reach to just above her eyes. The shade is a delicious strawberry blonde, and two long thin ears stick out from under it. Startling red tickles the edges of her irises and fill her almond shaped eyes with depth. Her height fits her built, being around 5 feet.
Here's my take: She is a graceful elfen and tops off at an even five feet. Her body is well-proportioned in regards to her height: she sports a slim frame, slender limbs, and a youthful face. Strawberry blonde hair falls neatly down her back, delicate ears peeking through the locks and tapering to a dull point. Full bangs stop short of her almond-shaped eyes, the irises shining with a rich vermillion hue.
Unknown2009-05-15 19:39:16
He is a feathered trill and stands quite tall, his limber form encompassed in a tenebrous guise as black as night. Powerful wings arch elegantly from his back, the feathers a shifting mix of black and grey in varying shades, tips brushing gently along the ground. A pair of acidically sharp green eyes gleams with intelligence, set over an austere, aquiline nose. Dark verdigris streams from his lower eyelids, the green markings tapering from a vibrant band to a fine point low on his high-boned cheeks. His thin, aristocratic lips bear a faintly green hue, a narrow band of the same dark green as the tattoos on his cheeks extending down the center of his lower lip and chin. A trail of small, wispy ebon feathers runs along his accentuated jawline, reminiscent of a beard.
Another desc that needs fixing. I need it to be more dirty, more disgusting, more crazy, more Crowish. I will be very, very grateful.
Parabollus2009-05-15 20:36:19
I just made a description for my Magnagoran alt, Kilson, a loboshigaru Ninjakari (say that ten times fast ). Comments welcome!
CODE
He is a ferocious loboshigaru and if intimidation could be personified, perhaps he could count as a descendant. This is thanks to his large, imposing form, impressive in size for a loboshigaru. Stocky, powerful legs hold up a frame that is top-heavy with a chiseled chest and broad shoulders that in turn are host to two arms that appear to be almost bursting at the seams with muscle. His fur seems to accentuate his impressiveness, if that were possible, being pitch black with the occasional fleck of silver, and having plenty of it to the point where it seems to have frills at certain points, like the joints and elbows. As if that wasn't imposing enough, his large canines are easily visible through his jaw which seems to be clamped shut except when he's talking, and large eyes that seem to glower at everything around him.
I know Ninja(kari) are supposed to be sneaky, but perhaps, if I get good enough, this could be one of those "now you see him, now you're dead" kind of things.
He is a feathered trill and stands quite tall, even with his limber form hunched slightly. Powerful wings cover his broad back, the feathers a shifting mix of oily black and grey in varying dingy shades, with the tips scraping along the ground. A pair of sharp, acidic green eyes gleams with intelligence, and shift with suspicion, over an austere, aquiline nose. Dark verdigris streams from his lower eyelids, the green markings tapering from a vibrant band to a fine point low on his high-boned cheeks. His thin, aristocratic lips bear a sickly green hue, and a narrow band of the same dark green as the tattoos on his cheeks extends down the center of his lower lip and chin. A trail of small, wispy ebon feathers runs along his accentuated jawline, reminiscent of a pointed beard.
Not sure if this is what you were going for or not.
I just made a description for my Magnagoran alt, Kilson, a loboshigaru Ninjakari (say that ten times fast ). Comments welcome!
CODE
He is a ferocious loboshigaru and if intimidation could be personified, perhaps he could count as a descendant. This is thanks to his large, imposing form, impressive in size for a loboshigaru. Stocky, powerful legs hold up a frame that is top-heavy with a chiseled chest and broad shoulders that in turn are host to two arms that appear to be almost bursting at the seams with muscle. His fur seems to accentuate his impressiveness, if that were possible, being pitch black with the occasional fleck of silver, and having plenty of it to the point where it seems to have frills at certain points, like the joints and elbows. As if that wasn't imposing enough, his large canines are easily visible through his jaw which seems to be clamped shut except when he's talking, and large eyes that seem to glower at everything around him.
I know Ninja(kari) are supposed to be sneaky, but perhaps, if I get good enough, this could be one of those "now you see him, now you're dead" kind of things.
Don't tell the person reading the description how they would react to the way he looks. That includes descriptive words such as intimidation, and imposing. Also, is he glowering all the time? Even when he's sleeping?
Aerotan2009-05-16 04:53:30
QUOTE
He is a menacing archlich orclach and is a muscled wall of flesh that stands two heads higher than the average human. His skin is a dark slate grey, with mauve veins pulsating softly beneath his skin. Patches of his skin appear to have rotted off, with skin peeling away from muscle, and even bone in places. Other areas of skin seem to have dark purpurescent patches. His face is a strong example of what an orclach should look like, thick cheekbones, big forehead, large and sharp teeth. In undeath, his face appears puffy and bloated, and dried streaks of blood run from his eyes and the corner of his lips. Two bloodshot brown-black eyes guide his expression. A lifetime of necromantic practices has surrounded him with an aura of undeath, giving him a horrible rotting smell.
Unknown2009-05-16 06:58:41
I recently fine-tuned Denust's appearance and I thought I should post it here for review. I like the direction that I've taken with it, but I tend to be more verbose than I'd like and I'm wondering how to express his new look without surprising readers with a small wall of text. In Nexus, with default page length and window size, it takes up about 70% of the screen. Also, Denust has a pelage that is similar to that of ordinary gray wolves. For whatever reason, so many Loboshigaru that I've run into lately gravitate towards having black fur.
QUOTE
He is a ferocious loboshigaru and stands at six feet and six inches in height, though his slightly hunched-over posture makes him seem a few inches shorter. He is covered in thick, rime gray fur that brighens to a creamy white on his chest and stomach. A thick mane of fur, grown to such length that it resembles hair, cascades down his shoulders to midway down his back. Three choice portions have been woven into thick braids, with a notably large one running down his spine and the other two hanging loosely over his shoulders. His keen, bright yellow eyes peer out past his long, wolfish snout and his ears are almost always perked up inquisitively. He possesses a surprisingly fit and athletic physique: strong, toned muscle subtly ripples and bulges beneath his fur. Short white claws jut out from his hands and feet, their sharpness evident with casual observation. His furry tail, roughly two-and-a-half feet in length, is perhaps the best indicator of his mood.
Can someone spice mine up? Maybe play up the lich-thing a bit?
He is a menacing archlich orclach and is a muscled wall of flesh that stands two heads higher than the average human. His skin is a dark slate grey, with crimson-purple veins pulsating softly beneath his skin. A lifetime of necromantic practices has surrounded him with an aura of undeath, giving him a horrible rotting smell. His face is a strong example of what an orclach should look like, thick cheekbones, big forehead, large and sharp teeth. Two bloodshot brown-black eyes guide his expression.
He is a menacing orclach and looms over the locale forbiddingly, his broad, well-muscled frame towering at least two heads higher than that of a human. He is encased in slate grey flesh, so seamed from the hardship of battles and constant exposure to the elements that it resembles cracked stone. A throbbing network of purple veins pulses with a vague and maddening phosphorescence just beneath this skin. An aura of undeath cloaks him like a funereal shroud, the charnel stench of open graves and fresh carrion lingering foully - almost tangibly - in the air. His facial features are masculine, archetypally those of an orclach warrior, with jagged cheekbones and a strong, set jaw. His meaty lips secrete fanged tusks which occasionally blaze forth in a hard and humorless grin. Two muddy-brown eyes glare from beneath a protuberant brow with a vague and ruddy malevolance, each pupil marked by a tiny pinprick of crimson light.
Erylan2009-06-01 23:37:50
Help?
covered in a thick and mangy, caramel-colored coat. A black nose sits at the end of a short maw, bearing many small, white teeth within his mouth complimented by trim whiskers. His unkempt mane is matted into blonde dreadlocks.
Yuskofa2009-06-01 23:58:24
QUOTE
She is a regal aslaran and stands three feet, coat of fur a jet black. Immense marigold eyes gaze earnestly focused, churning with an opalescent sheen and her large ears perk forth as to catch the faintest traces of sound. From her little pink nose whiskers spill, long and shimmery. The length of her tail swivels patiently behind her. Around her neck, a silky blue ribbon is tied into a bow.
Help please!
Unknown2009-06-02 00:23:48
@Erylan: He is a regal aslaran and sports a thick, scruffy coat, the fur of tawny colouration, though his mane is a lighter shade of blond. A plethora of whiskers frame the short muzzle characteristic of his race, with its small black nose and thin lips that occasionally reveal a mouthful of flawlessly white and deadly fangs. His mane is bound in dreadlocks, the dingy matte subtly darkening their natural hue.
@Yuskofa: She is a regal aslaran and is petite for her race, cutting an even three feet in height. Her slim form is wreathed in a coat of inky fur, so black that it absorbs what light hits it. Centred within her feminine countenance, large eyes of swirling marigold whorls pierce her surroundings with a focused gaze. The gentle slope of her muzzle ends in a soft pink nose framed with a lustrous halo of whiskers. Upon her head, large ears perk and swivel at the slightest sounds. Behind her hangs a sinuous tail that curls up just above the ground. A ribbon of blue silk is snugly tied around her neck in a bow.
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