Unknown2009-09-19 02:13:50
Looks good to me.Harkux2009-09-19 02:19:39
My description was a joke, you all can stop trolling me now.
Casilu2009-09-19 15:52:33
QUOTE (Harkux @ Sep 18 2009, 07:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ho me up, Scotty. I don't think it's nearly there yet.
QUOTE
She is an ordinary human with antlers and stands at roughly five and a half feet in height. The duo of antlers upon her forehead curve upwards then back along her skull. Smooth and ivory in color, they branch off into a number of deadly points. Her bright red tresses cascade down her back in gentle waves, with tiny blossoms of purple and blue hues nestled within. Her lissome, feminine figure shows off the abundant charms of her voluptuous bosom, as well as her wide, curvaceous hips. Her wide eyes are a vibrant green framed with long eyelashes, a constant hint of childish curiosity with the world around her visible within them. She has soft skin that looks almost the colour of healthy grass, a few light-tan speckles across her upper cheeks the only mar visible upon the moonkissed flesh. You can tell she has the hots for Casilu in a jester hat.
Everiine2009-09-19 19:37:45
You know, this should be a thread for -helping- people with their descriptions, not for telling them they are awful people because they're descriptions aren't 100% logical/perfect.
Jack2009-09-19 22:39:26
QUOTE (Everiine @ Sep 19 2009, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You know, this should be a thread for -helping- people with their descriptions, not for telling them they are awful people because they're descriptions aren't 100% logical/perfect.
That should be "their". You're a horrible person for not having flawless grammar.
Unknown2009-09-20 01:58:08
QUOTE (Jack @ Sep 19 2009, 06:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That should be "their". You're a horrible person for not having flawless grammar.
You forgot the subject in your first sentence of the above post Jack.
Jack2009-09-20 04:22:32
Or I was referencing it! Bill Bryson claims Americans are really crappy with sarcasm. I have made it my lifes work to investigate if this is indeed so.
Cryger2009-09-20 05:11:47
He is a regal aslaran and the fur covering his body is a lustrous red-orange colour. Midnight black stripes, roughly two inches wide encircle his body, spaced nearly three inches away from each other. His entire body is completely covered in muscles, from his strong, thick legs to his defined pectoral muscles resting above his tightly cut abs. He stands at 6'2, taller than most aslarans. His chilling, ice blue eyes, scanning the area, demand a great deal of attention. He has broad, powerful jaws, and his canines slightly protrude from his lips. He has a bushy mane that is slightly a lighter shade of red-orange compared to the rest of his body with eyebrows that match. His chest is swollen with pride and his posture reveals discipline.
Everiine2009-09-20 23:27:39
What the heck, it's been a while since I put my description up:
He is a feathered trill and almost six feet in height. His body is lithe and graceful, lean muscle bound under copper skin and slimmed to enhance his power of flight. Feathers of bright silver have begun to grow in on his forearms and shins. Crowning his head is a cap of downy, silver feathers that poke out at all angles and contrast sharply with his skin. His emerald eyes survey their surroundings carefully and intently through vertical slits, wizened and softened by the passage of time. Two wings of bright silver sprout from his back and the tips of the feathers radiate in flaming blue, casting motes of similar light into the air with every movement. He bears the following Serenguard honours:
He is a feathered trill and almost six feet in height. His body is lithe and graceful, lean muscle bound under copper skin and slimmed to enhance his power of flight. Feathers of bright silver have begun to grow in on his forearms and shins. Crowning his head is a cap of downy, silver feathers that poke out at all angles and contrast sharply with his skin. His emerald eyes survey their surroundings carefully and intently through vertical slits, wizened and softened by the passage of time. Two wings of bright silver sprout from his back and the tips of the feathers radiate in flaming blue, casting motes of similar light into the air with every movement. He bears the following Serenguard honours:
Kelysa2009-09-21 03:31:22
Just a few typos
She is a feathered trill and almost six feet in height. Her body is lithe and graceful, lean muscle bound under copper skin and slimmed to enhance her power of flight. Feathers of bright silver have begun to grow in on her forearms and shins. Crowning her head is a cap of downy, silver feathers that poke out at all angles and contrast sharply with her skin. Her emerald eyes survey their surroundings carefully and intently through vertical slits, wizened and softened by the passage of time. Two wings of bright silver sprout from her back and the tips of the feathers radiate in flaming blue, casting motes of similar light into the air with every movement. She bears the following Serenguard honours:
Otherwise it's really good!
She is a feathered trill and almost six feet in height. Her body is lithe and graceful, lean muscle bound under copper skin and slimmed to enhance her power of flight. Feathers of bright silver have begun to grow in on her forearms and shins. Crowning her head is a cap of downy, silver feathers that poke out at all angles and contrast sharply with her skin. Her emerald eyes survey their surroundings carefully and intently through vertical slits, wizened and softened by the passage of time. Two wings of bright silver sprout from her back and the tips of the feathers radiate in flaming blue, casting motes of similar light into the air with every movement. She bears the following Serenguard honours:
Otherwise it's really good!
Kelysa2009-09-21 03:34:46
Not sure if I changed it since last time I posted, but you can be mean to me too if you want.
She is a graceful high elfen demigoddess and silky black hair falls in lush
tendrils to frame the soft features of her heart-shaped face, most notable for
an odd silvery smear upon her forehead, high-swept, sun-touched cheekbones and a
demure nose. Reminiscent of the forest, viridescent dark green eyes are flecked
with lighter motes of ethereal emerald, veiled in a generous fan of thick
lashes. The fairest of ivory skin is complemented by darker tones in her
features: gentle, expressive brows and oft-bitten lips a darker rose against the
delicate flesh of her face. Gently-pointed ears peek through her hair, catching
an abundance of her tresses in a natural sweep at the nape of her neck. Her
supple figure is a bit shy of voluptuous but not lacking in curves, with long,
slender limbs; while her graceful hands extend into long, pale fingers, and
clean white tipped nails. The faintest hint of a delicate lilac fragrance
surrounds her wherever she lingers. She is wearing a pair of bracers of midnight
blue, traced with silver scrollwork, a silver wedding band of the harvest moon,
a moonflower, a sleek black leg scabbard, and the Silver Crown of Ellindel.
She is a graceful high elfen demigoddess and silky black hair falls in lush
tendrils to frame the soft features of her heart-shaped face, most notable for
an odd silvery smear upon her forehead, high-swept, sun-touched cheekbones and a
demure nose. Reminiscent of the forest, viridescent dark green eyes are flecked
with lighter motes of ethereal emerald, veiled in a generous fan of thick
lashes. The fairest of ivory skin is complemented by darker tones in her
features: gentle, expressive brows and oft-bitten lips a darker rose against the
delicate flesh of her face. Gently-pointed ears peek through her hair, catching
an abundance of her tresses in a natural sweep at the nape of her neck. Her
supple figure is a bit shy of voluptuous but not lacking in curves, with long,
slender limbs; while her graceful hands extend into long, pale fingers, and
clean white tipped nails. The faintest hint of a delicate lilac fragrance
surrounds her wherever she lingers. She is wearing a pair of bracers of midnight
blue, traced with silver scrollwork, a silver wedding band of the harvest moon,
a moonflower, a sleek black leg scabbard, and the Silver Crown of Ellindel.
Harkux2009-09-21 03:42:56
QUOTE (Everiine @ Sep 20 2009, 07:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What the heck, it's been a while since I put my description up:
He is a feathered trill and almost six feet in height. His body is lithe and graceful, lean muscle bound under copper skin and slimmed to enhance his power of flight. Feathers of bright silver have begun to grow in on his forearms and shins. Crowning his head is a cap of downy, silver feathers that poke out at all angles and contrast sharply with his skin. His emerald eyes survey their surroundings carefully and intently through vertical slits, wizened and softened by the passage of time. Two wings of bright silver sprout from his back and the tips of the feathers radiate in flaming blue, casting motes of similar light into the air with every movement. He bears the following Serenguard honours:
He is a feathered trill and almost six feet in height. His body is lithe and graceful, lean muscle bound under copper skin and slimmed to enhance his power of flight. Feathers of bright silver have begun to grow in on his forearms and shins. Crowning his head is a cap of downy, silver feathers that poke out at all angles and contrast sharply with his skin. His emerald eyes survey their surroundings carefully and intently through vertical slits, wizened and softened by the passage of time. Two wings of bright silver sprout from his back and the tips of the feathers radiate in flaming blue, casting motes of similar light into the air with every movement. He bears the following Serenguard honours:
QUOTE
He is a feathered trill and stands at about six feet in height. His graceful form is slim and lithe enough to enhance his power of flight, though his sleek musculature gives him the statuesque appearance of a disciplined being. His skin is a warm, sun-bronzed shade, starkly contrasting feathers of bright silver that poke slightly out of the flesh of his forearms and shins. Crowning his head is a cap of soft down of the same silver shade, each feather reaching about in disarray. His emerald-hued eyes inspect and explore closely and intently with the wariness of a hunter through vertical slits. A closer look shows a wizened and softened appearance within these eyes, given by both the passage and ravages of time itself. Two delicate and feathery wings sprout from his back, the tip of each delicate feather a radiant, flaming blue. Small motes and eddies leave these wings, fluttering about in the air briefly with his every movement before snuffing themselves out. He bears the following Serenguard honours:
Jack2009-09-21 11:53:58
Couple of my descriptions I'd like critiquing. I think I have a problem with repetition.
Illithoid - He is a sinuous illithoid and extremely slight in stature, malnourished to the point of emaciation, though he retains a certain lithe menace. His flesh is the ripe, rotten purple of a fresh bruise, underlaid with throbbing black veins and irregularly adorned with tumescent pustules. No hair of any kind exists on his frame, not even eyebrows or eyelashes, which make his expressions disturbingly difficult to read. His eyes are as black as blindness, set in sockets so recessed that they recall caves, rendering them utterly inscrutable. Instead of a nose, he has two slitted nostrils which flare constantly as if tasting the air. Lacking lips, his multitudinous razor-sharp teeth present themselves in a perpetual rictus grin, set in the raw and meaty expanse of his gums. A gaping, bloodless wound in his torso heralds an acrid and omnipresent stench of sulfur. Occasionally, a monstrously segmented organ extrudes from this hole, resembling a tongue studded with teeth. Distant chittering laughter reverberates from within his sunken chest.
Viscanti - He is a fiendish master viscanti and of impressive height comparative to his kin, looming at a height more suited to a krokani than a viscanti. Broad shoulders and long limbs bestow an air of natural athleticism upon him, which is exacerbated by the sinewy layers of muscle which ripple powerfully beneath pale, unmarred flesh. Long black hair is braided into a simple ponytail which falls silkily midway down his spine, glistening slightly as if oiled. While striking, his features are too effeminate to be correctly described as handsome: dominated by overlarge and sooty-lashed green eyes, his heart-shaped face possesses full lips, high cheekbones and a chiseled jawline. Vanity seems to be his watchword, from the exquisitely manicured fingernails which tip long, delicate fingers to the slightly overpowering musk of perfume which hangs around him in a cloud, simultaneously repulsive and evocative. Only one aspect of his appearance is less than pristine - his right hand, which is deformed by a blotchy crimson birthmark. Shaped like a mask, the veins surrounding this birthmark are an alarming purplish-black and appear to throb visibly in tune to some unknowable biorhythm.
Hoo-man - He is an ordinary human and is of impressive height, looming higher than many of his kind. His build is gaunt and his flesh pallid, giving him an air of malnourishment and ill-health. Unkempt tangles of hair float around his head like black smoke, not entirely succeeding in disguising his eyes, which are a faded, somehow empty blue, and which gleam with a preternatural light. Dark circles underlay them, testament to many sleepless nights. His nose is aquiline and his mouth a bright harlequin red which recalls blood. Unusually, his eyebrows appear to be painted on his forehead. Ritualistic scarification and burns score his arms, forming disquieting tattoos. His fingers are double-jointed and incredibly long.
You'll also notice I follow a predictable pattern where I begin by describing height, then move onto build, then hair, then face, then miscellaneous characteristics. How formulaic. Mix it up, people.
Illithoid - He is a sinuous illithoid and extremely slight in stature, malnourished to the point of emaciation, though he retains a certain lithe menace. His flesh is the ripe, rotten purple of a fresh bruise, underlaid with throbbing black veins and irregularly adorned with tumescent pustules. No hair of any kind exists on his frame, not even eyebrows or eyelashes, which make his expressions disturbingly difficult to read. His eyes are as black as blindness, set in sockets so recessed that they recall caves, rendering them utterly inscrutable. Instead of a nose, he has two slitted nostrils which flare constantly as if tasting the air. Lacking lips, his multitudinous razor-sharp teeth present themselves in a perpetual rictus grin, set in the raw and meaty expanse of his gums. A gaping, bloodless wound in his torso heralds an acrid and omnipresent stench of sulfur. Occasionally, a monstrously segmented organ extrudes from this hole, resembling a tongue studded with teeth. Distant chittering laughter reverberates from within his sunken chest.
Viscanti - He is a fiendish master viscanti and of impressive height comparative to his kin, looming at a height more suited to a krokani than a viscanti. Broad shoulders and long limbs bestow an air of natural athleticism upon him, which is exacerbated by the sinewy layers of muscle which ripple powerfully beneath pale, unmarred flesh. Long black hair is braided into a simple ponytail which falls silkily midway down his spine, glistening slightly as if oiled. While striking, his features are too effeminate to be correctly described as handsome: dominated by overlarge and sooty-lashed green eyes, his heart-shaped face possesses full lips, high cheekbones and a chiseled jawline. Vanity seems to be his watchword, from the exquisitely manicured fingernails which tip long, delicate fingers to the slightly overpowering musk of perfume which hangs around him in a cloud, simultaneously repulsive and evocative. Only one aspect of his appearance is less than pristine - his right hand, which is deformed by a blotchy crimson birthmark. Shaped like a mask, the veins surrounding this birthmark are an alarming purplish-black and appear to throb visibly in tune to some unknowable biorhythm.
Hoo-man - He is an ordinary human and is of impressive height, looming higher than many of his kind. His build is gaunt and his flesh pallid, giving him an air of malnourishment and ill-health. Unkempt tangles of hair float around his head like black smoke, not entirely succeeding in disguising his eyes, which are a faded, somehow empty blue, and which gleam with a preternatural light. Dark circles underlay them, testament to many sleepless nights. His nose is aquiline and his mouth a bright harlequin red which recalls blood. Unusually, his eyebrows appear to be painted on his forehead. Ritualistic scarification and burns score his arms, forming disquieting tattoos. His fingers are double-jointed and incredibly long.
You'll also notice I follow a predictable pattern where I begin by describing height, then move onto build, then hair, then face, then miscellaneous characteristics. How formulaic. Mix it up, people.
Everiine2009-09-22 23:11:36
QUOTE (Kelysa @ Sep 20 2009, 11:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just a few typos
You can't see it, but I'm giving you the Death Glare. When you keel over and kick the bucket in a few minutes, you'll know why.
QUOTE
Aiyana post
Hmm, I may have to incorporate some of that!
Unknown2009-09-23 00:16:00
Maellio's current description:
He is a fierce dracnari and is extremely lithe, almost snakelike in form: disproportionately long limbs coupled with a trunk that from snout-tip to tail-tip is akin to a single seamless strand. Scaled hide a deep emerald mottled in earthen tones, pattern-less sans the intricate azure tattooing of vines and roses that covers the lengths of his arms. In contrast is the thick forest of pure ivory spines which crawl down his back from crown to tail-tip, a trail of finer thorns forming an unkempt beard from chin down along to sternum. Two golden eyes stare out at the world: below them a toothy grin like rigor mortis, above a pair of manicured horns bifurcated each into upper elongated and lower blunted halves.
He is a fierce dracnari and is extremely lithe, almost snakelike in form: disproportionately long limbs coupled with a trunk that from snout-tip to tail-tip is akin to a single seamless strand. Scaled hide a deep emerald mottled in earthen tones, pattern-less sans the intricate azure tattooing of vines and roses that covers the lengths of his arms. In contrast is the thick forest of pure ivory spines which crawl down his back from crown to tail-tip, a trail of finer thorns forming an unkempt beard from chin down along to sternum. Two golden eyes stare out at the world: below them a toothy grin like rigor mortis, above a pair of manicured horns bifurcated each into upper elongated and lower blunted halves.
Mihewi2009-09-26 16:41:04
She is an ordinary human and walks with an obvious limp, her stance awkward and crooked when she is standing still, for her left leg is noticeably shorter than her right. A shock of nauseatingly bright purple hair poofs out from her head, sticking out every which way and looking as though it were the unfortunate victim of an electrical storm. Bits of the natural black show through in places where the aforementioned violet dye has faded, particularly at the roots nearest the scalp. Underneath shaggy, unevenly cut bangs, a pair of lidless eyes show as much life as a set of buttons would, round black pupils seemingly devoid of any apparent thought. Her skin, a muddy sepia in tone, is covered from head to toe in calluses, dirt, scars, scratches, and various other blemishes.
The problems: The sentences don't seem to connect together very well and I couldn't find a place to mention her pudgy belly without breaking the flow even more.
The problems: The sentences don't seem to connect together very well and I couldn't find a place to mention her pudgy belly without breaking the flow even more.
Tervic2009-09-26 20:21:03
QUOTE (Mihewi @ Sep 26 2009, 09:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
She is an ordinary human and walks with an obvious limp, her stance awkward and crooked when she is standing still, for her left leg is noticeably shorter than her right. A shock of nauseatingly bright purple hair poofs out from her head, sticking out every which way and looking as though it were the unfortunate victim of an electrical storm. Bits of the natural black show through in places where the aforementioned violet dye has faded, particularly at the roots nearest the scalp. Underneath shaggy, unevenly cut bangs, a pair of lidless eyes show as much life as a set of buttons would, round black pupils seemingly devoid of any apparent thought. Her skin, a muddy sepia in tone, is covered from head to toe in calluses, dirt, scars, scratches, and various other blemishes.
The problems: The sentences don't seem to connect together very well and I couldn't find a place to mention her pudgy belly without breaking the flow even more.
The problems: The sentences don't seem to connect together very well and I couldn't find a place to mention her pudgy belly without breaking the flow even more.
That's hilarious.
Overall, I would say it's a decent description, and you can continue your "top down" pattern just fine without breaking the flow. I'd put in the comment about being pudgy just before the skin description.
Unknown2009-09-29 20:09:18
CODE
He is an ordinary human vernal ascendant ...
just your normal, everyday vernal ascendant.
Tervic2009-09-29 21:57:31
QUOTE (Red Mongoose @ Sep 29 2009, 01:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
CODE
He is an ordinary human vernal ascendant ...
just your normal, everyday vernal ascendant.
It actually feels like it's getting that way....
Unknown2009-10-13 08:52:34
I'm having a terrible time writing this description for some reason:
In her history, she spent her early life looking after silkworm moths, and she got along so well because she was fairly similar to one.
(maybe she's part kephera dun dun dunnnn).
She got a lot more red/white-gray and insect-y after becoming a shadowsinger, but I reeeaaally didn't want her to have bat wings instead of the moth wings.
CODE
She is a nimble shadowsinger faeling and is very doll-like, exhibiting large
features and a tiny stature. Her complexion is a dry, bone-ash gray, as is her
long mess of hair, which has been put up haphazardly with several pins. Her eyes
are reddish-orange, dimly incandescent, and compound like an insect's. The rest
of her face is pointed and mischievous-looking, and orangey-red circles of ink
have been painted on each cheek. A pair of noisy rust-and-white moth's wings
sprout from downy fluff between her shoulder blades; Oddly, matching white
fluff-fringes grow from the sides of her forearms, and two feathery white
antennae sprout from her forehead. She is very fragile-looking, and appears
malnourished.
features and a tiny stature. Her complexion is a dry, bone-ash gray, as is her
long mess of hair, which has been put up haphazardly with several pins. Her eyes
are reddish-orange, dimly incandescent, and compound like an insect's. The rest
of her face is pointed and mischievous-looking, and orangey-red circles of ink
have been painted on each cheek. A pair of noisy rust-and-white moth's wings
sprout from downy fluff between her shoulder blades; Oddly, matching white
fluff-fringes grow from the sides of her forearms, and two feathery white
antennae sprout from her forehead. She is very fragile-looking, and appears
malnourished.
In her history, she spent her early life looking after silkworm moths, and she got along so well because she was fairly similar to one.
(maybe she's part kephera dun dun dunnnn).
She got a lot more red/white-gray and insect-y after becoming a shadowsinger, but I reeeaaally didn't want her to have bat wings instead of the moth wings.
