I like 'fluff', as you put it. It gives a character flavor. Trouble is, I'm not good at writing it.

Suppose I should put Mirami up here. I'm looking to revamp her description a bit, given that she's a little more warlike now than when I wrote it.


My idea was to have her fur be primarily light blue, with ripples of black and darker blue.

Why blue?

Hee! That description reminds me of Gabumon from Digimon. That can be either a bad or a good thing, depending on your perspective.

Why not?

EDIT @Mihewi: Never played/watched digimon, so it's irrelevant to me

He's this orange lizard thing with some kind of unicorn horn that wears a blue wolf disguise over his head and arms for some reason. He's cute.

I'll stop derailing the thread now!

Give me a good reason why it should be blue.

Nostalgia just hit me like a brick. DIGIMON, DIGITAL MONSTERS, DIGIMON ARE THE CHAMPIONS!

It's called language. It takes the mental capacity of a baboon to look at something and say "tall" or "fat."

We use language so that we can express ideas and invoke feelings in the reader. Overly flowery descriptions may come across as obnoxious, but cutting things down and using 4th grade level adjectives is neither creative nor interesting.

My advice to Chi: You kind of come across as a mudsexer/prostitute in your description. Plush lips and innocent tail swinging (which, for the record, doesn't make sense) and what not. Should tone down the overly abundant sexuality.

Light blue fur can indicate a northern heritage. Frozen snow, such as you'd find in a tundra, is not white. It's a very light shade of blue. Light blue with darker ripples points toward an ancestry that heralds from a taiga - a forest where there's a lot of snow. Similar to the way tigers are orange and black since, while striking and poor camouflage in a zoo, it makes them quite difficult to see in grasslands and bamboo forests.

Interesting, and (surprisingly enough) it fits in Mirami's history (she's from the Northern Mountains).

All right, here I was thinking blue as in really bright vibrant blue, not pale blue-white.



Except 4th grade level adjectives are perfectly fine. I don't mean be overly simplistic, I mean don't be overly complex.

The following is just my opinion and should be treated as such:

TOO COMPLEX: "She is a human and is a tall and proud being, a perfect monument of flesh and muscle standing amongst the crowd that bustles beneath her. Her frame is lissome and supple, with limbs like willowy branches, coated with fine, wiry musculature. Soft tresses of hair, locks of a most luxurious and silky chestnut hue, make their way down the curve of her back to fall at the very midpoint, her fringe masking the radiant, mystical orbs of mahogany that are as pools of sweet milk chocolate set into her warm visage. "

JUST RIGHT: "She is a human and is of greater than average height with a lithe figure. Deep brown hair falls to her back, framing eyes of an equally deep hue."

TOO SIMPLE: "She is a human and is tall and skinny. She has brown hair and brown eyes."

The "too complex" is way too fluffy and overdramatic, not to mention annoying to read. The "too simple" is short and clunky. The "just right" combines both fluff and brevity to form an easy to read, yet detailed description.




...although I do admit that "her fringe masking the radiant, mystical orbs of mahogany that are as pools of sweet milk chocolate set into her warm visage" actually does sound pretty nice, it just doesn't work when you want to read someone's description and not have to spend five minutes doing so.

I was thinking more pale blue, not white-blue. something like this:

That's awfully blue. Even though Vibeke has teal skin underneath her fur, this is caused by Taint mutation.

I would suggest making it a lighter blue, like this.

First it's blue loboshigaru, then you have pink-scaled dracnari and rainbow illithoids everywhere.



That's exactly what I did in rewriting her description. I am honestly sick of all the retarded Magnagorans who put stuff like "innocent" and "childlike" in their descriptions. Magnagora is not Demonic Snuggly Land, it's ALIEN TAINT COMING TO TEAR LUSTERNIA A NEW ONE Land.

Even the first blue could be done. Huskies and malamutes can get very close to it in the real world, and there's nothing saying that Loboshigaru contact with the spirit plane couldn't darken the fur a smidge and beyond that, fur is notoriously easy to dye. The second, however, is closer to a lot of real world canids.

This is why there are so many pets with dyed fur in the real world.

Perhaps my mood is particularly dour this evening, however if the general tone of certain people in this thread does not change, I will be stepping in.

EDIT: I'll back down. Give me a few and I'll see what I can do, Mirami

One, I'm not in Magnagora, I'm actually in Glomdoring.
And I did take some of the things you said into account, but I would like to say even though some of the things you say rings true, your attitude stinks.

Moving on, I re-wrote my description and now it's short. A lot shorter.

First, mind spelling! "Perfection condition"? I have this problem all the time, so it doesn't hurt to have a friend go over your desc who can check for spelling and grammatical inconsistencies. Also, a small word here or there will help greatly with the flow of your description.

I would touch it up like this:

Oops. Didn't see that! Thanks