My description could use a bit of fixing up.

He is a bouncing furrikin and has fox like features. His fur is a deep crimson red, with, oddly enough, a medium blue color 'socks and gloves' for his hands and feet. On the top of his head is shortcut, but uncombed medium blue headfur. His ears are red with blue tips on them and cream color on the inside. However, his tail is more like that of a rabbits, with blue on the top of the tail, and then cream on the bottom. On his neck, and going down to his chest is the same color cream. He has light green eyes with slits in them like a fox. He also, strangely, has a white nose and pads on his hand and feet paws.

It's not that great but if anyone could fix it up some I'd be gratefull. I'm an Ebonguard Blademaster with Night.

He is a bouncing furrikin and has fox like features. His fur is a deep crimson red, with, oddly enough, a medium blue color 'socks and gloves' for his hands and feet. On the top of his head is shortcut, but uncombed medium blue headfur. His ears are red with blue tips on them and cream color on the inside. However, his tail is more like that of a rabbits, with blue on the top of the tail, and then cream on the bottom. On his neck, and going down to his chest is the same color cream. He has light green eyes with slits in them like a fox. He also, strangely, has a white nose and pads on his hand and feet paws.

---

He is a bouncing furrikin and resembles a fox, his body bristling with thick red fur that takes on shades of blue upon his hands and feet. The unruly mane atop his head is completely blue and obscures his ears in a tangled mass. His belly is coloured by a blotch of creamy white, which extends down to adorn the underside of his puffball tail. His slitted green eyes increase his resemblance to a fox.

Alright, what do you kids think of my new description? Note that I am the prophet of Gorgulu's cult, and have also deep pacted with him.

He is a fiendish master viscanti and is mutated beyond recognition, any visible
signs of mortal heritage long buried beneath his body's gangrenous growths. His
general build is that of a corpulent and bloated cadaver, his reeking flesh
stretched taut over whatever vile putrescence has caused him to inflate to such
disturbing and disproportionate dimensions. His mortified flesh ranges in hue
from plague-ridden blackness to shades of long-deceased grey and vibrant green
patches that bristle with fungal growth. The entire surface of his body is
stricken with countless festering lesions, gouges that run through the blasted
landscape of his tissue like molten fissures, spilling pestilent curds of
yellowed corruption over him in an endless tide of filth. Nestled comfortably
between the lesions, pustules without number erupt forth, leaking congealed
fluids in every colour of the spectrum and painting him in sickness. His head is
afflicted in a manner similar to the rest of his body, a handful of oily strands
clinging to his otherwise hairless head, and two sunken green pits marking his
eyes. His mouth, a lipless maw filled with a variety of teeth in every shape and
size, emits a similar green glow. The general stench is one of decay and is
nearly visible in its potency, akin to a walking compost heap.

There are so many synonyms for plain ol' 'dirty' I love it.

Hrm whatcha think of diamante? I've -never- been one for good descriptions >_> Any help would be appreciated.

He is a glistening mugwump and stands roughly six feet tall. His body, while not
bulky, is rippled with lean, well-toned muscle, a clear sign of a healthy ethic.
Glowing a dark midnight blue upon his features, mystical tribal marks web across
his ebony skin, emanating powerful magics. Long raven hair, streaked with grey
from his years, fall about his sturdy shoulders. Piercing grey eyes stare out
from a face lined with strong features, hinting at a hard, yet wisened soul.

Good, Dia.

This is mine.

He is a noble imperial merian and quite tall, standing at just over six feet, and is floating slightly above the ground. Oceanic blue skin covers the entirety of his body, slicked in a viscous watery liquid which causes it to look as though it is mutating and changing colour. Innumerable small, hard draconic scales of gleaming sapphire are layered over his chest, arms and legs. A small thin nose protrudes from his face and large lips curve softly, glistening with a soft silky shimmer. His eyes sit sunk back slightly into his face and his iris' glow vibrantly, shades of blue ripple as though oceans. Thick silver hair floats lightly, falling smoothly down his back, coming to a neatly trimmed end which aligns just below his shoulders. Long arms connect to small hands, the fingers webbed together, only the fingertips protruding from the webbing allowing versatility, and easy finger movement. Deep lesions over his arms and face open and close in an ongoing war, bleeding profusely one moment and healing over entirely the next. He emits a generally placid and calm demeanor, sublty marked by scars which emit a darker aura. Three large gills rest on either side of his neck, flapping slightly. Floating a few inches above his head and glowing with a soft, radiant incandescence rests a bright-yellow Celestial Halo. Sprouting from his shoulders grow a gargantuan pair of Celestial wings, their form barely corporeal, outlined by a subtle silvery glow and showing feathers of pure, pearlescent white. His entire form emits a holy white brilliance, outlining his body and casting out Light in an aura of honour. The spicy, masculine scent of arnica and wildflowers clings to his body and clothes. He is wearing a sleek midnight black panther figurine attached to a fulgent silver chain, a cameo brooch, a cameo brooch, a cameo brooch, a cameo brooch, a cameo brooch, a cameo brooch, a cameo brooch, a cameo brooch, an effulgent pack of rippling waters, a cameo brooch, a cameo brooch, a sparkling crown of iridescent roses, a black cape, brown woodsman's shoes, a black opal birthstone ring, and flowing robes of midnight black.


Yay for perfume experimentation.

It's longer than Gorgulu's description... I like it. I need to change Veri's desc to reflect his complete and utter corruption by the Geomancers.

New desc, not yet implemented:

He is an ordinary human and stands tall, high above most humans; the height is exacerbated by the straight posture and raised chin he takes most of the time. Covered in the pale, faintly translucent skin of a pure-blooded human that avoids sunlight, his body is lanky and thin, frail and spindly; his arms are long and end in spider-like hands, bony and lightly veined; he has a writer's hands, delicate and unaccostumed to manual labour; his nails extend a little beyond his fingers, painstakingly clean and sharpened fiercely into bone-white triangles. His palms both show a long, jarred scar across their surface, crossed by four smaller, parallel ones; the markings are shallow, but visible. His face, generally alert and wide-eyed, is reminiscent of a hawk, a hooked nose complementing a sharp, raised chin; faint lines are just beginning to crease through the smooth skin. His hair falls down to just below his shoulders, raven-black and somewhat unkempt, a scraggly, slightly tangled mess that would be smooth if not for its lack of attention. His mouth, a thin, nearly lipless slit cut in his face that opens to reveal a set of clear white teeth against an unnaturally black background, sits under his nose, and two eyes of a near-black deep blue that sparkle with a faint red glow. As he breathes softly, faint wisps of black smoke sporadically exhale from his nostrils.

The reason for the sharpened nails isn't omfg gothness. It's that sharp nails are easier to clean (Geomancers get a lot of dirt under their hands) and are more useful, nail-wise (Say, for picking up pennies) than short nails. The scars on the palms come from summoning staffs; Geomancers know what I mean. The four parallel ones are from clenching his fists while doing so. The inky blackness in his mouth and coming out of his mouth and nostrils are Taint fumes; if you ever did or saw someone do GEOCAST TAINT, you know what I mean. And finally, the red glow around the eyes is just generic Taintedness.

Thoughts?

He is a nimble shadowcaster faeling and his pale face whitens in comparison to his jet black hair. He is slim and small, even for his race, creating the impression of physical weakness. Despite his slim body, however, his muscles are well-toned and hint at his agility and dexterity, virtually unattainable by those of larger races. His eyes have no white in them at all, and are instead a simple deep black, belying no emotion on his part. His black butterfly wings arch above him, covered in veins of sharpest red, while his features are babyish and his face soft, the disproportion being almost comical.

I realise I've used the word black twice in quick succession. Fixes? General thoughts? Thankies!

I think that's a lot to put across in seven sentences. The one in bold, especially, is quite long.

I agree. A bit to many semi-colons. Try breaking it up a bit, it'll probably improve the flow.

He is a glistening mugwump and stands roughly six feet tall. His lean, well-toned body moves with a languid ease, each motion natural and smooth. From underneath his grey-straked, crow-black hair, deep blue glyphs seep through his forehead, their esoteric twists glowing with an ominous light. His grey eyes have a piercing, weighing gaze, and the strong, defined, somewhat crinkled features of his face are both hard and wizened.

Five-minute makeover, done.

I have a thing for long run-on sentences that ramble on and on, never reaching conclusion and just continuing and trying to expose ideas in the most convoluted - That is, the most complex and filled with back references that break the flow and make people move their eyes back and forth like a weasel on crack, which is in fact a quite good metaphor, really, when you stop to think about it - way possible, turning the text into some sort of insane stream of consciousness that leaves loose threads in your head and makes you stop reading halfway through, like you probably did already, and all that because I can't get along well with periods, it's all my fault, really, that people never finish reading those huge sentences; they keep going, on and on and on, redundantly, even, sometimes, and with an excessive, extraneous, painful, irritating amount of commas and worse, semicolons; semicolons, even, don't replace periods, but I can't seem to get that, now can I?

hehehe I read the whole thing without needing any painkillers... yet.

now..... Judge my descriptions!!

Trill paladin:


Only added the glowing feathers after taking the sacraments specialization. going for the impish, well-loved look.

Viscanti (but going more for a human-like appearance) geomancer:


I think I can get away with covering him in stone armour because of elementalism's stoneskin not 100% on what I'm going for here, but it feels more like a monolithic figure, except he's turning out to be as goofy as Tervic, no thanks to a certan mother of his.... Well, goofy's not the right word. More along the lines of a conneseiur of humor. Also, I'm thinking about reincarnating him into a human in the relatively near future. I'm not entirely sure how I'll pass that off in RP, but we'll see...


sigh... I wish I could transpose my mental images of my characters on to paper, but I suck at drawing.

Tervic wants a cracker?

That totally made my day.

But if you ever do that IG I'll have to kill you

oooooh.. So tempted

and seriously, I remember that you were an armored dove like Trill :uh:

Dove like trills are awesome.. here, I'll give ya a crappy description when Orti was a Trill

describe self has a tall, slim and weak build. His skin has a light tone, smooth and without imperfections. His eyes are light blue like the midday sky. His face is calm and childlike. On his head, he has a crest of small white feathers that would appear to look similar to spikey human hair. Each and every feather - but one- has a length of an inch or so. Just where his crest starts, right above his white feathery eyebrows, a long feather grows on his head, making it look like a long and curved single bang or the front feather of a Quail. Resting lightly upon his back are his wings. His wings are white silver and cover his back entirely, reaching down to his ankles.

Losely based on this one


Trill descriptions are so cool

He is an ordinary human and stands tall, high above most humans; the height is exacerbated by the straight posture and raised chin he takes most of the time. Covered in the pale, faintly translucent skin of a pure-blooded human that avoids sunlight, his body is lanky and thin, frail and spindly; his arms are long and end in spider-like hands, bony and lightly veined. He has a writer's hands, delicate and unaccostumed to manual labour, with nails extending a little beyond his fingers. The nails are painstakingly clean and sharpened fiercely into bone-white triangles. His palms both show a long, jarred scar across their surface, crossed by four smaller, parallel ones; the markings are shallow, but visible. His face, generally alert and wide-eyed, is reminiscent of a hawk, a hooked nose complementing a sharp, raised chin. Faint lines are just beginning to crease through the smooth skin. His hair falls down to just below his shoulders, raven-black and somewhat unkempt, a scraggly, slightly tangled mess that would be smooth if not for its lack of attention. His mouth, a thin, nearly lipless slit cut in his face that opens to reveal a set of clear white teeth against an unnaturally black background, sits under his nose, and two eyes of a near-black deep blue that sparkle with a faint red glow. As he breathes softly, faint wisps of black smoke sporadically exhale from his nostrils.

There, the short-attention-span-version.

Veyda's new description. Thoughts? Comments? Criticisms?

He is a shadowlord faeling and garbed in shadow, darkness flowing across his skin a languid umbral miasma the lightless color of pitch. His uncovered skin is barely paler, the blackened grey color of granite broken only by ashen eyebrows and fierce red eyes. His sleek, slate-grey wings are swept behind him like a membranous cloak, which combines with his regal features and the proud jut of his chin to give him a dignified air. Tousled greying hair once crow-black falls down in a wavy mane around his face, split by two sharply pointed ears on either side. He carries his lithe form with a predatory quickness, his movements natural and sure.

Is there a really-short-attention-span-version?

Just as a general comment on descriptions... anything too long I don't bother reading.
Anything too complex, either in sentence structure, or using obsure wording, I don't bother reading.

'languid umbral misama' for instance, sounds to me like trying to hard. Fantastic in poetry, but suitable for a description?

My preference for descriptions is something simple that can be quickly scanned and give you a good idea of who you are looking at.

Others may prefer a description that can be read at leisure, describing each visible aspect in colourful detail. But i do not.

Also, I tend to like descriptions that match, in style, the character they are describing. For instance, my first description was short crude and rather awkward. I liked it because it reflected the character at that time. As that character has developed the description had evolved to be more sophisticated, but still somewhat awkward... almost as if trying too hard. One day I hope the character will reach the point where she deserves a description that is simple yet eloquent.

What I am saying, I suppose, is that imperfect descriptions can be good - if that imperfection matches the character.

Just my opinion, anyway.