He is a sinuous illithoid and is rather short, standing at a mere 5'5". His frame is wiry and gangly, with only a ropy layer of muscle lashed on his frame, and his motions are nimble and predatory. His slick, tough hide is a deep cobalt colour and criss-crossed by a network of pulsing violet veins. His head is large, bulbous and devoid of hair, and sunken deep within it are two pupiless maroon eyes with glare with a calculating intensity. Tiny, sharp spikes protude sporadically from his ridged brow. A thin, slit-like mouth cuts into his face and houses a set of vicious teeth, and there are only two tiny holes in place of his nose. His arms are long and bony, and his hands small and dexterous, ending with ragged claws. His legs are sleek and graceful, although his gait seems too deliberate, and he walks with a slight limp. A faint, near-inaudible jingling is heard whenever he moves, and a strong stench, similar to that of rotting roses hangs over him.
Critique, improvements and thinly veiled death threats are welcome.
Iktomi2010-01-28 20:29:15
She is a graceful elfen and stands around five feet ten inches tall. Her skin is a soft, grey-olive colour, resembling the early morning fog. Her limbs, like others of her race, are gracefully long and she walks with a gait which makes her appear to be gliding around her surroundings, rather than walking. She has a vase-like figure, with very feminine hips and a modest bust. Her face has an elegant quality to it; round in shape, with a soft jaw line and high cheek bones, a soft complexion, full lips, and a small, thin nose which turns up slightly at the tip. Her sable tresses cascade in large, loose curls to the middle of her back and take on a dark cobalt hue under direct light, no matter what the source. They are adorned with a few black feathers. The tips of her tall, pointed ears peek out from her silken hair, leaving no question as to her racial identity. The most striking feature of her though are her large, almond shaped, dual coloured eyes; one an ever changing hazel with flecks of brown, gold, and green, and the other a deep sapphire blue. Her skin shimmers faintly from a thin application of oil and smells faintly of sandalwood, woody and fresh.
Ileein2010-01-28 21:35:44
QUOTE
He is a feathered cloud trill and is of tall and slender build. His features are youthful and delicate, almost feminine, with high cheekbones and slender jaw. Deep blue eyes glimmer with intelligence, and are surmouted by long eyelashes and arching eyebrows, both of which appear to be downy feathers rather than more human hair. In place of hair, soft and downy brown and ruddy-gold feathers tipped with silver crown his head, sweeping back to the nape of his neck where they taper off. His wings, though, draw the eye most. They are of the same colour as his headfeathers and arch high above his head, stretching much wider than his outstretched arms when unfurled and falling nearly to his feet when folded. He is more lithe and agile than muscular, and his movements are touched with grace. He is wearing a thin opal band, an etched ruby ring, an etched turquoise ring, an etched beryl ring, flowing robes of pure white, a mysterious seer's candle pendant, an onyx deathsight ring, and a roomy, mandala-embroidered blue silk backpack.
Here is my attempt. If it isn't worthwhile, hopefully one of the more qualified writers will feel so disgusted by it that they offer you better criticism.
QUOTE
He is a feathered cloud trill and is of tall and slender build, more lithe and agile than muscular, his movements carried with a touch of grace. His features are young and delicate- almost feminine- with high cheekbones and a slender jaw. Deep blue eyes glimmer with intelligence and are surmounted by long eyelashes and arching eyebrows of downy feathers rather than human hair; in place of hair, these soft and downy brown and ruddy-gold feathers with silver tips crown his head, swept back and tapering off at the nape of his neck. Most drawing to the eye are his wings. Sharing the color of his feathers, they arch high above his head and span wider even than his outstretched arms when unfurled, resting low and near to his feet when folded. He is wearing a thin opal band, an etched ruby ring, an etched turquoise ring, an etched beryl ring, flowing robes of pure white, a mysterious seer's candle pendant, an onyx deathsight ring, and a roomy, mandala-embroidered blue silk backpack.
- Consider describing complimentary/anatomically relevant features together, as they flow into one another. - Consider using different terms to delineate facial features from physique, especially if you decide to describe them together as I have above. - Simplicity can be a wonderful thing. It is tempting to describe particular traits at length, but the results are sometimes overwhelming.
Everiine2010-01-30 02:16:07
Ileein, you get official Awesome Trill Points for not having hair.
You. Get the hell out of here with your "reading comprehension skills". Damn kids these days.
*snicker*
Llesvelt2010-02-14 15:39:35
Help me!
QUOTE
He is a feathered trill and he is roughly the average height and weight of his race. His eyes are deep sky blue. His cheekbones are high and lend a refined look to his facial features. The feathers of his wings and of his "hair" share the same cloud white color, only the tips fading to something more reminiscent of golden. His skintone is fair, almost to the point of being pale. He carries himself with a dignified posture, characteristically graceful as any Trill. He seems quite aware of what he is wearing, as his clothes are always kept as clean as possible to stay aethestically pleasing to onlookers. He is wearing a writer's satchel of white, calfskin leather, black silk lounge trousers, a white leather coat, a black leather and silk backpack, polished black boots, a black scarf of wool, and a black beret hat.
I need this to be phrased better, somehow, methinks. A lot of the sentences could be expressed much better in different ways. But exactly how to express them completely escapes my mind.
He is a feathered trill and is roughly of average stature for one of his race. His high cheekbones and sharp, sky-blue eyes both give him a refined look. The feathers of his wings and of his "hair" share the same cloud white color, only the tips fading to something more reminiscent of golden. His skin tone is fair, if a little pale, nearly as white as his wings. He carries himself with a dignified posture, as characteristically graceful as any Trill. The neat, dignified manner of his always-spotness, never-crooked clothes attests to his strict attention to personal bearing. He is wearing a writer's satchel of white, calfskin leather, black silk lounge trousers, a white leather coat, a black leather and silk backpack, polished black boots, a black scarf of wool, and a black beret hat.
Not really a -character- description, but here's a circlet I designed to hold my artie runes:
Appearance: a veiled circlet of twinkling dream motes
Dropped: Bathed in a faint blue glow, a delicate silver moonstone circlet lies here on a pile of silk.
Examined:
Shimmering with every movement of the wearer's head, an oval cabochon-cut moonstone sits at the centre of this circlet. The middle of the stone has been carefully hollowed, the inside replaced with chips of powerstone, and the walls have been carved thin enough to allow the light of the powerstones to glow through them, amplifying the natural adularescent blue of the gem. The moonstone itself sits in the middle of an elegant, upside down triangle setting crafted from thin strands of platinum about half a finger's width wide. The bottom tip of the triangle has been twisted over itself, the metal pulled and twisted into three, progressively smaller loops, ending in a small, rounded tip. The other two corners twist and loop, circling the head, the twin serpentine strands of platinum entwining into a tight crescent to hold the circlet in place. Around each of these strands of metal has been wrapped the same fine thread which is found on dream catchers. All along this strand are very tiny drops of a sparkling matter that climb up and down its length, occasionally beading together in clusters. These small motes, crafted from the fabric of the dream realm, lend the circlet a mystical, almost living appearance. A fully transparent veil of iridescent silk mesh hangs down over the face and to the shoulders, thin enough not to hide any part of the face while adding a subtle ripple to the appearance as the material moves. The circlet is worn across the forehead, with the bottom tip of the triangle sitting right above and between the eyebrows.
Daraius2010-04-27 16:38:32
I have different descriptions for different outfits. They're mostly the same, with subtle differences based on what can and can't be seen. Is that overkill? Also, too stodgy? Still kind of new to this. Any advice is appreciated.
Robe off
He is a ferocious loboshigaru and carries himself with unwavering balance and poise. His physique is solid and stocky, and at just under six feet in height, fairly small for his race. His coarse, bristly fur, which covers his frame from snout to tail, is meticulously well groomed and orderly, its tan and cream coloring similar to that of a dingo. Atop his head sit two triangular ears, the floppy tips of which lend him an air of friendliness that contrasts sharply with his dispassionate visage. His is a face to which a smile does not seem to come easily, but there is a faint glimmer of warmth in his deep brown eyes, which peer from a placid brow down the length of his canine muzzle. The subtlest suggestion of a low growl caresses his soft tenor voice, giving his speech a gentle purring quality. He maintains a rigid posture and holds his bushy, white-tipped tail politely still.
Robe on (hood down)
He is a ferocious loboshigaru and carries himself with unwavering balance and poise. Coarse, bristly fur covers his face, its tan and cream coloring similar to that of a dingo. Atop his head sit two triangular ears, the floppy tips of which lend him an air of friendliness that contrasts sharply with his dispassionate visage. His is a face to which a smile does not seem to come easily, but there is a faint glimmer of warmth in his deep brown eyes, which peer from a placid brow down the length of his canine muzzle. Little else can be seen of his body, clothed as it is in heavy robes, but his profile is solid and stocky, and at just under six feet in height, fairly small for his race. The subtlest suggestion of a low growl caresses his soft tenor voice, giving his speech a gentle purring quality. He maintains a rigid posture, exuding an air of unshakable composure.
Robe on (hood up)
He is a ferocious loboshigaru and carries himself with unwavering balance and poise. His canine muzzle protrudes from under his raised hood, but his face is otherwise obscured. Little else can be seen of his body, clothed as it is in heavy robes, but his profile is solid and stocky, and at just under six feet in height, fairly small for his race. The subtlest suggestion of a low growl caresses his soft tenor voice, giving his speech a gentle purring quality. He maintains a rigid posture, exuding an air of unshakable composure.
Felicia2010-04-27 19:41:27
@Daraius:
In general, I find that making judgment calls for the observer based on physical characteristics is best avoided. Examples: "carries himself with unwavering balance and poise" (a Faeling Demigod with trans Acrobatics might not think so, especially if you're sprawled on the ground), "the floppy tips... lend him an air of friendliness" (let people notice the tips and decide that on their own, or not), and "a faint glimmer of warmth in his deep brown eyes" (describing emotions conveyed by the eyes is always dicey, like "piercing" or "cold," etc. Plus, a kephera may not have a clue what emotions the eyes of other races convey, for example).
Those are all things that are best conveyed by your actions in-game (emotes and such), or non-judgmental descriptions that actually foster those feelings in the observer, without explicitly telling them how they should feel. Just my opinion, mind you! It's hard to avoid forced judgments entirely, though, especially with non-human characters.
Also, I don't think Lusternia has dingoes, so comparing yourself to one may not make much sense IC.
The "robe off/on" and "hood up/down" stuff is a really cool idea, though. Good work!
This website uses cookies so that we can provide you with the best user experience possible. Cookie information is stored in your browser and performs functions such as recognising you when you return to our website and helping our team to understand which sections of the website you find most interesting and useful.
Strictly Necessary Cookies
Strictly Necessary Cookie should be enabled at all times so that we can save your preferences for cookie settings.
If you disable this cookie, we will not be able to save your preferences. This means that every time you visit this website you will need to enable or disable cookies again.
