Everiine2011-12-22 22:47:33
First, extra points for not using the word "cascading" to describe your hair.
I thought the description was really good until it got near the end, when it seemed like you were running out of steam. Four sentences in a row begin with "she", which contrasts with the well-written stuff above. My only suggestion is to try and mix those sentences up a bit.
I thought the description was really good until it got near the end, when it seemed like you were running out of steam. Four sentences in a row begin with "she", which contrasts with the well-written stuff above. My only suggestion is to try and mix those sentences up a bit.
Unknown2011-12-23 04:11:05
Is she half aslaran? The feline descriptors throw me off a bit. Draconic grace could easily work in place of feline.
Fayneix2011-12-23 15:45:46
She used to be a viscanti, and I never bothered to change the description! :tentacles:
Eritheyl2011-12-23 20:49:13
Just out of curiosity...if her hair is the 'deepest shade of black imaginable', how are her eyebrows a shade darker?
Unknown2011-12-24 00:14:44
And further, why does a Dracnari even have hair (unless having human blood in ancestry (nitpick nitpick...)).
Fayneix2011-12-27 01:15:43
Okay. This is a big post, as it has all of my "better than average" descriptions.
Violently Purple hair clashes violently with the unsightly pale, yet not sickly pale, skin. His eyes are a pure silver, with golden flecks circling the iris, showing off the magical blood flowing through his veins. He has a ripped, tattered, tail shooting out from the small of his back, the dark purple meeting with a black tip at the very end. He has a tattoo of a black rose piercing a bleeding rose etched on his forehead. His mouth is pressed into a permanent line, as though the muscles for smiling are not used enough to be developed. He moves with an eternal grace, as if he is not walking, but gliding across the floor. His feet are obscured from vision by the dark, swirling, storm clouds gathered around his person. He is of a slight, muscular build, small enough to fit in the smallest of cracks, but strong enough to pick up and juggle several grand pianos. Dark Black rose petals are entwined in his hair, and fall out when he moves, leaving a trail or blooming rose flowers, then new ones regrow where the others were when he stops moving. He is completely naked. Tattooed on his back is the illustration of a tortured corset weave.
She is an imperial noble merian and and is a regal shade of light blue, the colour of icy water. Her scales sparkle with small specks of silver light, her features warm and welcoming. She stands at 5" 5', a bit chunky, but healthy looking. Her brown hair looks wet, the long braid resting over her shoulder. Her eyes sparkle like the brightest star in the sky, a light silver colour. Her plump lips are painted cherry red, always turned up into a half-smile. The only disfigurement on her is a small birthmark on her neck, in the shape of a heart with a halo. She seems fluid, as though she would dissolve into water if she was touched. Her every move is graceful, as though her life is a long, complicated dance routine. She is completely naked. Tattooed on her back is the illustration of Lady Terentia, the Even Bladed.
She is a high graceful elfen and is a vision of near perfection, the closest that can be attained through Mortal means. She is slight for a female, barely reaching 5"6'. Despite her height, she moves like the wind, silent grace with every step, more silently and confidently then a great jungle cat. Her light green skin is as smooth as sheer silk. Her hair, long, thick, lush, and moonlight silver, cascades down around her shoulders and artfully curved backside. Her small features seem as though they should be on a porcelain doll instead of a live being. Her makeup, from her eye-shadow to her lipstick, is done in a shade of silver barely lighter then her hair, and can barely be seen due to the pure silver eyes they grace. Small white roses dot her hair, adding to the view of beauty in it's simplest form. With un-pierced ears, and flawless skin, no imperfection can be found upon her. She is completely naked.
She is a feathered trill and is small for her age, barely reaching 5"5'. Her feathers shine with an ebony sheen, outlining her ivory pale skin. Although not normal, she has fiery red hair extending to the small of her back, with wavy locks swinging around to frame her face when she moves. Her figure could be described as an hourglass, but barely due to her slim figure. She has the thinnest layer of muscle on her, but it hides under the sleeves of her clothes. Her wings, one black and one white, extend 3 feet before gracefully arcing down to her ankles. Her eyes are cat-tailed, one pure white and one as dark as night.Her nose and mouth are small, seeming more fit for a porcelain doll than a person. Her makeup is done in a dusky pink colour, from her eyeshadow to her lipstick. Her fingernails are filed to a sharp point, and painted to mask her makeup. She is wearing a delicate sapphire tiara and a sparkling onyx wedding band flecked with pinkish dust.
If you look closely, you can see the recurring qualities in all of my characters. I have a certain style of writing, if you notice, and I don't deter much from it.
Violently Purple hair clashes violently with the unsightly pale, yet not sickly pale, skin. His eyes are a pure silver, with golden flecks circling the iris, showing off the magical blood flowing through his veins. He has a ripped, tattered, tail shooting out from the small of his back, the dark purple meeting with a black tip at the very end. He has a tattoo of a black rose piercing a bleeding rose etched on his forehead. His mouth is pressed into a permanent line, as though the muscles for smiling are not used enough to be developed. He moves with an eternal grace, as if he is not walking, but gliding across the floor. His feet are obscured from vision by the dark, swirling, storm clouds gathered around his person. He is of a slight, muscular build, small enough to fit in the smallest of cracks, but strong enough to pick up and juggle several grand pianos. Dark Black rose petals are entwined in his hair, and fall out when he moves, leaving a trail or blooming rose flowers, then new ones regrow where the others were when he stops moving. He is completely naked. Tattooed on his back is the illustration of a tortured corset weave.
She is an imperial noble merian and and is a regal shade of light blue, the colour of icy water. Her scales sparkle with small specks of silver light, her features warm and welcoming. She stands at 5" 5', a bit chunky, but healthy looking. Her brown hair looks wet, the long braid resting over her shoulder. Her eyes sparkle like the brightest star in the sky, a light silver colour. Her plump lips are painted cherry red, always turned up into a half-smile. The only disfigurement on her is a small birthmark on her neck, in the shape of a heart with a halo. She seems fluid, as though she would dissolve into water if she was touched. Her every move is graceful, as though her life is a long, complicated dance routine. She is completely naked. Tattooed on her back is the illustration of Lady Terentia, the Even Bladed.
She is a high graceful elfen and is a vision of near perfection, the closest that can be attained through Mortal means. She is slight for a female, barely reaching 5"6'. Despite her height, she moves like the wind, silent grace with every step, more silently and confidently then a great jungle cat. Her light green skin is as smooth as sheer silk. Her hair, long, thick, lush, and moonlight silver, cascades down around her shoulders and artfully curved backside. Her small features seem as though they should be on a porcelain doll instead of a live being. Her makeup, from her eye-shadow to her lipstick, is done in a shade of silver barely lighter then her hair, and can barely be seen due to the pure silver eyes they grace. Small white roses dot her hair, adding to the view of beauty in it's simplest form. With un-pierced ears, and flawless skin, no imperfection can be found upon her. She is completely naked.
She is a feathered trill and is small for her age, barely reaching 5"5'. Her feathers shine with an ebony sheen, outlining her ivory pale skin. Although not normal, she has fiery red hair extending to the small of her back, with wavy locks swinging around to frame her face when she moves. Her figure could be described as an hourglass, but barely due to her slim figure. She has the thinnest layer of muscle on her, but it hides under the sleeves of her clothes. Her wings, one black and one white, extend 3 feet before gracefully arcing down to her ankles. Her eyes are cat-tailed, one pure white and one as dark as night.Her nose and mouth are small, seeming more fit for a porcelain doll than a person. Her makeup is done in a dusky pink colour, from her eyeshadow to her lipstick. Her fingernails are filed to a sharp point, and painted to mask her makeup. She is wearing a delicate sapphire tiara and a sparkling onyx wedding band flecked with pinkish dust.
If you look closely, you can see the recurring qualities in all of my characters. I have a certain style of writing, if you notice, and I don't deter much from it.
Enyalida2011-12-27 05:07:35
I seriously need to work on and update my desc, like no kidding. I've edited out all my jewelery that I feel compelled to wear for combat reasons (though I'm trying to transfer all to appropriate brooches... slowly, slowly) but left in the bits I like. I also am not wearing my favorite robes atm.
Yes, I'm wearing two circlets, deal! I actually think they would interlock together nicely IC so I wear them both. I imagine them twined around each other.
Hartstone Circlet:
Other circlet (that I have runed for sentimental and historical IC reasons):
She is a graceful high elfen demigoddess with antlers and has an air of slow certainty about her. Years in the forests of the basin are evident in Enyalida's step as her thin frame winds its way around obstacles and footfalls, lean muscles moving where visible underneath lightly tanned skin. Her long brown hair has been pulled back and tightly braided, secured at the end by a circular moonstone clasp that by some trick of the light seems to shine slightly from within. Freckles lightly spatter Enyalida's face, crossing over her slightly upturned elfen nose. Peering out from beneath her naturally medium thickness brown eyebrows are piercingly dark grey eyes. As the light hitting her eyes shifts with her movements, the different muted colors in her eyes come out, each just distinct enough to be noticed but not vivid enough to stay prominent. She is wearing the Hartstone Circlet, a silvery circlet of leaf and stag, several mottled maple leaf bloodstone brooches, a braided scarlet ring, a set of moonhart prayer beads, a harmonic wedding ring twined with vines, a mystic charm, soft deep green robes, a mottled green leather scabbard and the Flame of dae'Seren.
Yes, I'm wearing two circlets, deal! I actually think they would interlock together nicely IC so I wear them both. I imagine them twined around each other.
Hartstone Circlet:
Delicate bands of twisted gold intertwine with living oak shoots to form a perfectly shaped circlet. The bands of oak have grown naturally into an intricate braid that sits across the brow and the subtle flashes of gold throughout give the circlet a regal appearance. Miniscule leaves can be seen growing sporadically throughout the circlet looking like tiny emeralds next to the golden bands. The names of every Hartstone leader since Glinshari have been written in an elegant miniature elfen shorthand along the curves of the oak's bark.
Other circlet (that I have runed for sentimental and historical IC reasons):
Crafted to comfortably encircle the crown of the wearer's head is a band
of woven silver, forming a gentle V as it comes to the centre of the
forehead. A delicate jade leaf dangles from the bottom of the V, the
front bearing intricate carvings of veins resembling that of living oak.
The back of the charm is smooth and cool where it settles across the
brow. Embedded in the silver strands of the circlet are the four aspects
of the White Hart, expertly formed from fragments of white moonstone.
Qojin2012-03-28 21:35:17
Enyalida:
I seriously need to work on and update my desc, like no kidding. I've edited out all my jewelery that I feel compelled to wear for combat reasons (though I'm trying to transfer all to appropriate brooches... slowly, slowly) but left in the bits I like. I also am not wearing my favorite robes atm.
Here is what I came up with:
She is a graceful high elfen demigoddess with antlers and has an air of slow certainty about her. Years in the forests of the Basin are evident in the grace of her lithe build, and lean muscles move deftly where visible underneath her moon-pale skin. Her long brown hair has been pulled back and tightly braided into auburn plaits, secured at the end by a circular moonstone clasp that, in an impressive feat of esoterica, appears to glow with its own suffused glimmer. Freckles lightly coat her face, crossing over her slightly upturned elfen nose like lost cobbles on a forgotten trail. Peering out from beneath her naturally thin russet eyebrows are piercingly ash-grey eyes. Like an organic prism, the different muted colors in her eyes come out with even just the faintest hint of light, each hue just distinct enough to be noticed but not vivid enough to give a prominent impression of prismatic properties.
Unknown2012-03-29 03:28:59
Girl went Mag:
She is a regal aslaran demigoddess and has a proud yet mischevious air about her. Standing at approximately 6'11", she is a fine feline specimen. Her mid-length midnight fur is decorated with flecks of amethyst, while an attractive mane of pure onyx cascades down, stopping mid-back, her bangs tucked up and pinned. Large ears crest the top of her head, built for keen hearing as opposed to overall beauty. Set just below violet eyes streaked with ice is a distinctly feline nose. Thin, delicate lips open to reveal white daggers, while on either side rest whiskers of pale lilac. An inky tail stretches out, nearly as long as she is tall, featuring a small puff of purple of the same hue as her whiskers. Three dominant scars slice across her neck, fur missing in slivers, the marks obviously the result of the bite of a blade. The symbol of Lady Terentia, white scales formed by two interlocking swords, is branded into her skin on her right shoulder. Deep gouges have been taken out of her shoulder in the area, as though an attempt has been made to remove the still faintly glowing symbol. She stands strong, with a sort of agile grace.
She is a regal aslaran demigoddess and has a proud yet mischevious air about her. Standing at approximately 6'11", she is a fine feline specimen. Her mid-length midnight fur is decorated with flecks of amethyst, while an attractive mane of pure onyx cascades down, stopping mid-back, her bangs tucked up and pinned. Large ears crest the top of her head, built for keen hearing as opposed to overall beauty. Set just below violet eyes streaked with ice is a distinctly feline nose. Thin, delicate lips open to reveal white daggers, while on either side rest whiskers of pale lilac. An inky tail stretches out, nearly as long as she is tall, featuring a small puff of purple of the same hue as her whiskers. Three dominant scars slice across her neck, fur missing in slivers, the marks obviously the result of the bite of a blade. The symbol of Lady Terentia, white scales formed by two interlocking swords, is branded into her skin on her right shoulder. Deep gouges have been taken out of her shoulder in the area, as though an attempt has been made to remove the still faintly glowing symbol. She stands strong, with a sort of agile grace.
Qojin2012-03-29 05:40:58
Kayte:
Girl went Mag:
She is a regal aslaran demigoddess and has a proud yet mischevious air about her. Standing at approximately 6'11", she is a fine feline specimen. Her mid-length midnight fur is decorated with flecks of amethyst, while an attractive mane of pure onyx cascades down, stopping mid-back, her bangs tucked up and pinned. Large ears crest the top of her head, built for keen hearing as opposed to overall beauty. Set just below violet eyes streaked with ice is a distinctly feline nose. Thin, delicate lips open to reveal white daggers, while on either side rest whiskers of pale lilac. An inky tail stretches out, nearly as long as she is tall, featuring a small puff of purple of the same hue as her whiskers. Three dominant scars slice across her neck, fur missing in slivers, the marks obviously the result of the bite of a blade. The symbol of Lady Terentia, white scales formed by two interlocking swords, is branded into her skin on her right shoulder. Deep gouges have been taken out of her shoulder in the area, as though an attempt has been made to remove the still faintly glowing symbol. She stands strong, with a sort of agile grace.
Aeral, you're so pretty. While I would argue that female cats don't have manes, this is a fantasy game and I don't know enough about Aslarans to argue it. Besides, manes are pretty. Here is my rehash:
She is a regal aslaran demigoddess and has a proud yet mischevious air about her. Standing at almost seven feet tall, she is a powerful testament to the fortitude of felines. Her trim midnight-onyx fur is decorated with flecks of phantasmal amethyst, while an attractive mane of pure ebony cascades down to the middle of her back in wooly, feminine tendrils. Her bangs are tucked up and pinned out of her face in loosely woven braids. Large ears crest the top of her head in smooth curves, built for keen hearing as opposed to allure. Slitted with cat-shaped irises, her violet eyes are streaked with icy blue pigments, both fortifying a distinctly feline nose. Thin, delicate lips open to reveal white dagger-like fangs, while on either side rest whiskers of such a fine material that they almost appear etheric. An inky tail whips sinuously from her body like a pendulum on her massive spine. At a glance it seems nearly as long as she is tall, featuring a wicked plume of purple at the tip which is the same hue as her eyes. Three noticeable scars are etched into her neck, the fur missing in fine slivers. The marks seem to be the result of a blade with their surgical precision. The eternal symbol of Lady Terentia, white scales formed by two interlocking swords, is branded into her coat on her right shoulder. Deep gouges have been taken out of her shoulder in that area, as though an attempt has been made to remove the still faintly glowing symbol. The vandalized brand seems to hum with otherworldly properties and has spread into a noticeable burn mark on her clavicle. She stands strong with a sort of undefeatable grace.
Unknown2012-03-29 14:11:51
Qojin:
Aeral, you're so pretty. While I would argue that female cats don't have manes, this is a fantasy game and I don't know enough about Aslarans to argue it. Besides, manes are pretty. Here is my rehash:
I know female cats don't have manes. She's got hair, really, but I just wrote it in as a mane. :P
(and thank you)
(I like some of your wording a lot better than mine. Time to do some more editing.)
Unknown2012-04-10 18:38:01
Looking for a substantial expansion on my Aetolian's description.
The character is a Templar (read: Paladin) who joined the order after being converted to the service of Damariel (read: laserjesus) by his mentor, Areka (read: fire paladin burn the undead/necessary evil). Dmitry was an orphan in the city of Delos who fell in with a gang of muggers and thieves. He was generally at the bottom of the thug totem pole, and when his gang was brought to justice by Areka and the city guards, she came to preach to him in prison, eventually converting him and taking him to Enorian (read: Celeste without the questionable methods). His central concepts are hope, redemption, and rejection of the material.
The character himself is supposed to be relatively young, though with plenty of scars and other evidence of a hard life, and particularly one with a criminal background. He was never particularly attractive for a dwarf, and his life has taken a further toll on him. He is rather proud of his hair/beard however; they beauty of his hair/beard compared to his face/body seems somewhat out of place.
Would appreciate any ideas.
He is a resilient Dwarf whose scarred and rugged face is alight with hope and determination. His
ruddy body and powerful muscles are covered in small scars and tattoos, and carry the weight of one
who has lived a difficult life. He wears his straw-blonde hair in a single thick braid, tied with
ribbons of azure silk, running down his back, and his golden beard is neat and short. Hisdark eyes
sparkle softly with life and kindness, and wrinkles around his scarred and cracked lips suggest his
good nature. Upon the back of his neck, mostly concealed by hair, is a branded scar, marking Dmitry
as a former criminal, at one time imprisoned in Delos.
The character is a Templar (read: Paladin) who joined the order after being converted to the service of Damariel (read: laserjesus) by his mentor, Areka (read: fire paladin burn the undead/necessary evil). Dmitry was an orphan in the city of Delos who fell in with a gang of muggers and thieves. He was generally at the bottom of the thug totem pole, and when his gang was brought to justice by Areka and the city guards, she came to preach to him in prison, eventually converting him and taking him to Enorian (read: Celeste without the questionable methods). His central concepts are hope, redemption, and rejection of the material.
The character himself is supposed to be relatively young, though with plenty of scars and other evidence of a hard life, and particularly one with a criminal background. He was never particularly attractive for a dwarf, and his life has taken a further toll on him. He is rather proud of his hair/beard however; they beauty of his hair/beard compared to his face/body seems somewhat out of place.
Would appreciate any ideas.
Placeus2012-04-10 23:33:27
Idea: suicide him, create a Paladin in Celest and embrace our questionable methods.
Unknown2012-04-10 23:44:07
Placeus:
Idea: suicide him, create a Paladin in Celest and embrace our questionable methods.
Nah. Aetolian warriors are better.
Razenth2012-04-10 23:47:46
Your eyes might not always be sparkling with life and kindness, so you may want to change that bit, same with the face of hope and determination.
Unknown2012-04-11 00:19:19
Razenth:
Your eyes might not always be sparkling with life and kindness, so you may want to change that bit, same with the face of hope and determination.
Yeah, but it's pretty central to the character, so it stays. Description isn't merely physical; it should also describe the spiritual air around the character, and tell something on their personality.
Iorwen2012-04-17 17:44:20
I figured something out and I rather like it, thank you all. :D
She is a nimble shadowcaster faeling and is of slender proportions, tall for her race and long
limbed. Her facial features are soft and heart-like in shape, lending her a quality of youth. Upward-
slanting eyes dominate her features, set high atop the contours of her cheekbones. These eyes are
gold in color and are emboldened by her fair skin and long lashes. Showcasing her neck and pointed
ears, her hair is pulled into an intricate chignon. Tiny snoefaasia orchids are woven into her hair,
their blue-white petals contrasting the reddish curls beneath them. Two pairs of dragonfly-like
wings extend from her back and fan outwards, one pair longer and more angular than the other. Each
wing is translucent, with pale eye-spots and silver veins that whorl across their surface in
intricate patterns.
Unknown2012-04-18 09:42:20
Iorwen Shee-Slaugh of the Hemlock (Female Shadowcaster Faeling).
I think the Shee-Slaughs are running with violet eyes. I can't remember.
I think the Shee-Slaughs are running with violet eyes. I can't remember.
Iorwen2012-04-18 15:43:34
Iorwen Shee-Slaugh of the Hemlock (Female Shadowcaster Faeling).
I think the Shee-Slaughs are running with violet eyes. I can't remember.
I think that Druken is but Eliron had gold eyes at one point. :)
Junia2012-04-26 04:32:24
Heyyy, so, I honestly wrote my description in ten minutes as a task to get to GR2 and I haven't even really looked at it since.. I was just going off HELP TRILL, stumbling over the bit where, hey, NO HAIR. She's an inquisitive mostly-non-com Cantor who's still more girl than grown-up.
My description probably has a ton of mistakes. Like, I'm pretty sure she'd be insane if she really were constantly moving with bubbly energy or whatnot. I'm not attached to anything here, so please.. with a will, friends!
She is a feathered trill and her light-coloured eyes often sparkle with an innocent sort of mischief. She stands a head shorter than many humans, and her powerful, feathered wings stretch wide when spread to their full span. She moves constantly with a bubbling sort of energy. Her face is small and cheerfully rounded, and her skin is quite pale. Instead of hair, her head is covered in thousands of soft, tiny feathers that shift between many shades of faded linen to rich russet. The feathers stretch back along her scalp and grow larger in size, stopping in a fluffy, irregular line at a level with her chin. Her wings are darker in color. The feathers at her wing joints match the lightest reddish colors of the feathers on her head and grow progressively darker, finally reaching a glowing, mahogany shade at the tips.
Help!
My description probably has a ton of mistakes. Like, I'm pretty sure she'd be insane if she really were constantly moving with bubbly energy or whatnot. I'm not attached to anything here, so please.. with a will, friends!
She is a feathered trill and her light-coloured eyes often sparkle with an innocent sort of mischief. She stands a head shorter than many humans, and her powerful, feathered wings stretch wide when spread to their full span. She moves constantly with a bubbling sort of energy. Her face is small and cheerfully rounded, and her skin is quite pale. Instead of hair, her head is covered in thousands of soft, tiny feathers that shift between many shades of faded linen to rich russet. The feathers stretch back along her scalp and grow larger in size, stopping in a fluffy, irregular line at a level with her chin. Her wings are darker in color. The feathers at her wing joints match the lightest reddish colors of the feathers on her head and grow progressively darker, finally reaching a glowing, mahogany shade at the tips.
Help!
