I am very upset with my job. I work night shift as a nurse in a psychiatric hospital. My father died a few weeks ago. I was told that since I worked night shift and the funeral was during the day that it wouldn't interfere with my work schedule. Also the day before my father's funeral I was called by the hospital to ask if I could come in on Monday ( monday was my original day off).

It made me truly understand how little I am valued in a place where I thought I was doing a good job. I am very proud of what I do, well was. It also made me understand how little they care for the patients.

It lets me know that we are not really helping people. Madison Center doesn't even care about its own employees. You would think that people in charge of therapy for people dealing with depression, drug addiction, bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses would understand the need for their employees to grieve. They honestly expected me to go to my father's funeral during the day, and be with my family and then come in and go to work the same day. They didn't care that I would be administering medications and other medical treatments without having any sleep.

The funeral itself was horrible. My father's wife had to be carried out by the paramedics because she began having a fit when she saw my father's body. They decided to close the casket after that and I didn't really get to spend the time I wanted. I hadn't seen him in a year and the last time I was able to see him was just a glimpse.

When I found out he had died, I was told he had been in the hospital for a week prior but no one decided to tell me because they were afraid the news would upset me in my pregnancy. I suppose he could have called me himself and told me had he cared but truth is he probably really never thought of me as his daughter. My mother was the other woman essentially making me the bastard daughter. I was surprised actually to see my name on the obituary. All girls love their daddy's though and want their attention.

I think one of the hardest things about the funeral was seeing all the people in my father's life that I didn't know, that he never introduced me to. People who didn't even know he had a daughter. I didn't really feel like I belonged there. I felt like an outsider at my father's funeral. When I sat in the family car I didn't think I should have been there.

Maybe I shouldn't have.

Not sure about laws, but I'm PRETTY sure they would owe you some sort of grieve type of time off. And if they do, and they didn't give it to you, I would throw a fit.

Are you a full time employee?

And you know what? Screw the people that didn't like you being there, he was your father too. You have just as much right to be there as anyone.

It's a hard feeling being with your fathers family and none of them knowing about you or caring, I understand your pain.

But think, you have a baby on the way and you can raise it so it never has to feel that way!

Ialie, I'm so sorry.

First off,

I know this happened to you later in life than it happened to me, but, I went through a similar situation when I was younger (7).

My mother had been in the hospital, connected to life support, for cancer. I didn't get to visit her much because my stepdad saw it as pointless. "She can't move, it's not like she can tell you're even there." Sort of like how your family didn't bother to tell you he was in the hospital. Mine just didn't bother to explain to me she was dying.

While I can't relate on the daddy/daughter scale, I can relate to the awkwardness of the funeral. All of my siblings and relatives came in. There were people there I didn't know. There were people there blaming me for her getting cancer, because if I hadn't been born her cervix cancer wouldn't have spread (not like she was supposed to get pregnant with me, anyway). But all kids who just lost their parent (regardless of age ) need love, care, attention, and comfort, and thrive for it, so your reactions aren't invalid. Also, most all people seek love and care from their parents, even if ignored or abused. You want to know he loved you. You need to know he loved you.

And even if he never said it to you, he did. And if you believe in an after-life, he does.

You belonged at the funeral as much as anyone else. It's the first step of a very difficult process called "closure". It'll be a while before things are back to a regular state. But things will never be normal again. Not as you knew it. But it doesn't mean things will never be good again.

Being pregnant and being stressed out is a bad mix, it could mess up the baby's development -- I'm sure you know this, you're a Nurse! -- so it's best to sit back a little and try to relax. Breathe. Don't dwell on any thoughts.

I hope you feel better, Ialie. You will never be the same again, but I think that you will survive through it, and still be the good person all of us here on the forums know you are.

I'm really sorry those things happened to you Ialie. Life can really be a bitch sometimes, but I know you and your fiance (husband?) love each other and have a beautiful child on the way who you'll always make sure feels loved and a part of something.

They gave me two days off. My husband got more days off from his job than I did.

Then they clearly don't realize how awesome you are, how much you deserve, and how much even a simple human life is worth, no less yours.

I'm still peeling from my trip to Florida.

Try to peel it all off at once, so you have an exoskeleton friend.

The carpool lane will then be available to you, if you make sure it's stable and life-like.

Unfortunately it just comes off in inch or so long strips before breaking.

Try soaking yourself?

Leprosy? You'll be toes and fingers ahead of the competition.

I promise, I've bathed several times since Florida.

I've seen that movie Sicko. I know Moore's documentaries are meant to be entertaining rather than factual; I imagine at least some of it is true. Patients = $ in a private medical system, and I feel for you. I also think it's rather brave of you to be a nurse (I trained as a PSW, aced through the compressed 2yr college course with no effort, but couldn't follow through since being a sociopath, touching other people would have me in anxiety attacks several times a day >>). Be proud of your job, while your employer may not care for your patients, the affection and devotion you demonstrate to them WILL affect them in a positive manner!

Sorry about how you felt at your dad's funeral. I understand the feeling, having no family relations, I'd prolly feel the same at any family member's funeral. The benefit I guess, is that you can learn from the feeling and apply it to how you raise your baby. Good luck to you with that too!

My head has hurt for the last 18 hours. Somethings wrong here

Rant: Can you make your rants a little shorter, I can't bother to read them all. /rant

If you can't be bothered to read, then don't.

Some rants need to be long because a single line doesn't get rid of frustration as much as getting everything out does. There are plenty that are short, and fewer that are exceedingly long.