Kay then.

Rampaging over the fields, clutching a studded crowbar, cometh Turgeis! And he gives a booming bellow:

"Vengeance and goo flow from my veins! I feel like chicken tonight!!"

Striding on the cliffs, clutching a vorpal blade, cometh Verithrax! And he gives a gutteral howl:

"I'm going to brutalize you until you deflate, and throw you out the window!!"



Full name one, because it's better.

Lo! Who is that, striding across the tundra! It is Verithrax Stormwolf, hands clutching a reflective halberd! He roars apocalyptically:

"I'm going to flog you so badly, your blood will flow counter-clockwise!"

Striding out of the tarmac, brandishing gilded boxing gloves, cometh Corinthian! And he gives a mighty scream:

"I'm going to flog you like it's my job!!"

The wasteland bit actually fits. And Kahazul would so wield a crowbar were they available.

Who is that, sprinting through the wasteland! It is Kahazul, hands clutching a studded crowbar! And with a mighty scream, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to pulverize you beyond mortal comprehension!!!"

Sarvasti- Running over the plains, carrying two hardened pitas, cometh Sarvasti! And she gives a booming howl:

"Brace yourself, oh human speck of dust! I shall paint the town a sanguine shade of doom!!"

Kaliena della'Traversa (from imperian)- Hark! Who is that, stalking out of the fields! It is Kaliena Della'Traversa, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! She grunts thunderously:

"I'm going to contort you to the moon and back, and roll you in creamy neugut!"

Ksilrinda- Sprinting out of the terrain, clutching gilded boxing gloves, cometh Ksilrinda! And she gives a booming howl:

"I'm going to bruise you until I am off parole, and throw you out the window!!!"

Kahazul is Gordon Freeman?

Prowling on the mini-mall parking lot, clutching a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Kaneni! And she gives a cruel cry:

"I'm going to flog you until you acquire caulrophobia, and throw you out the window!!"

Alt. account:

Sprinting out of the terrain, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a bladed baseball bat, cometh Dachorla! And she gives a vengeful cry:

"I'm seriously going to contort you into the fourth dimension!"

Tervic's not gonna be sleeping well for a looooong time to come now.....






Now all those jabs at trill being like chicken come back to haunt......



=================================

And now for mine:

Sprinting through the plains, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a vorpal blade, cometh Tervic Aristata! And he gives a cruel cry:




Striding through the hotel lobby, clutching two hardened pitas, cometh ! And he gives a spectacular cry:

"I'm going to torment you with such wanton cruelty, you will see ultraviolet!!"


Funnier mag alt one:
Sprinting on the tundra, swinging a studded crowbar, cometh Astilmar D'murani! And he gives a booming howl:

"I'm going to bludgeon you into the stuff of nightmares, and plug you into a power plant!"


Real name one:
Lo! Who is that, stalking through the desert! It is , hands clutching a thorned whip! And with a gutteral scream, his voice cometh:

"For the love of beatings, I pillage faster than the super-flu!!!"

Rampaging amidst the terrain, brandishing a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Charune, the Horned One! And He gives a vengeful cry:

"I'm going to smash you so forcibly, your timbers will shiver!!"

Judging from what I've heard of Charune thus far, I'm expecting certain northern forestals to be cowering in fear of their patron's shiny new jeweled meat hammer.............

No. We're too busy laughing at the more perverse definitions of this "meat hammer".

Over the hills, and through the woods, from Grandmother's house comes Grampapa Folken Lacouronne, screaming at the top of his lungs:

"Kiddies, Grandma sent me to fetch yehs for dinnah time!...

I'M GONNA MAKE DINNAH OUTTA YOU YA GREAZY BAHSTADS!"

Mine sucks:

Who is that, sprinting on the steppes! It is Joli, hands clutching gilded boxing gloves! And with a cruel howl, her voice cometh:

"As sure as predators devour prey, the enemy is as grass before my mighty tempest!"




This one is just silly... it seems so real too.. since I live in the country side.. with fields.. and I have screwdrivers.. and yeah..

Who is that, stalking through the fields! It is (real name), hands clutching a sharpened screwdriver! And with a cruel cry, her voice cometh:

"I'm seriously going to smash you in such an unsafe manner, your blood will flow counter-clockwise!!!"

Who is that, running through the plains! It is Tzekelkan, hands clutching a vorpal blade! And with a gutteral roar, his voice cometh:
"I'm going to use you like a hand puppet!!!"

AAAAAAAND:

Hark! Who is that, stalking along the mini-mall parking lot! It is Tzekelkan Silverwing, hands clutching gilded boxing gloves! He cries thunderously:
"I'm seriously going to spank you for such a long time, your screams will reanimate the dead!"

Mine kinda suck.


EDIT:

Stalking amidst the plains, carrying a bladed baseball bat, cometh Chuck Norris! And he gives a vengeful roar:
"I'm going to bruise you all the way to Abu Dhabi, and dip you in uranium!!"

Zang! Who is that, prowling out of the fields! It is Marcalo, hands clutching an oversized scalpel! He roars vengefully:

"I'm going to torment you like it's a new extreme sport, and throw you out the window!"

...Zang?

Well here is a new Saran one

Zang! Who is that, stalking on the hotel lobby! It is Saran Mesard, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! And with a low howl, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to contort you in such an unsafe manner, the devil himself will plead for mercy!!"