Storytelling in the Skarch. Witness the extent of Exarius' delusions. Oh, and my crappy retort. I guess we're both guilty.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "I could tell the story of how I wound
up with a harem. It's my most popular story, though the subject matter isn't for
everyone."

l
A sandy pediment.
The shadowy outline of a twisted forest casts a dark gloom here. A smattering of
clouds fills the sky, lacing it with spiderwebs of grey. Though away from the
deep sands of the Skarch, a small mound of sand has managed to find its way
here, creating a sandy island. A small clump of dead grasses clings to its peak,
brown and dried from the unrelenting heat. Pausing to rest, an aslaran pilgrim
looks off into the distance. A beautiful sprite flitters here with a brilliant
halo of white light illuminating her presence. Corvius, Child of Light is here,
sprawled on the floor. Exarius is here, pondering thoughtfully. He wields an
athame dagger in his left hand and a little black book in his right.
You see exits leading north, northeast, and northwest.

You say, "Ye gods."

You say, "Is it just Exarius?"

Corvius, Child of Light says, "Well until Khazul objects i am happy to hear it."

You say, "I make mine up as I go along."

You say, "I'll weather Exarius' tirade."

Exarius chuckles long and heartily.

Corvius chuckles long and heartily.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Not a tirade. A story of adventure
and lust and intrigue. And some rather unusual discoveries."

Corvius, Child of Light says, "Then please sit and let us begin this merry
tirade."

The corners of Exarius's mouth turn up as he grins mischievously.

Exarius sits down.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "All right. I'm rather infamous for my
harem, but few people actually understand what it is."

You say, "Try and keep the lust to a low simmer."

look exarius
He is a regal aslaran and possessed of a shaggy black mane that falls carelessly
about his powerful shoulders. Glittering beads of gold, ruby, and onyx have been
braided into the mane up next to his ears. Dark tiger stripes cover his tawny
fur, even encroaching on his lordly countenance, where they frame his startling
emerald eyes like a mask. A small, thin scar mars his cheek just below the left
eye. He is wearing fingerless gloves of rugged alligator hide, a golden lioness
ring, opulent black robes trimmed in alligator hide, a regal lion head ring, a
necklace of gleaming gold and alligator teeth, a long lustrous golden cloak, a
scarlet belt pouch painted with a rising sun, a belt of gleaming gold and
alligator teeth, a golden lion-head pendant, a glistening cat's eye ring, and a
stately golden circlet. He walks with the truefavour of Estarra.

Corvius, Child of Light says, "And how many occupy this harem?"

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "It's hard to keep a good count, the
way people disappear and reappear around here with no notice. But I tend to
count it as having four active members."

Corvius's mouth turns up as his face breaks into a smile.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Right now the most active are
Mirandi, Nirandi, Zadie, and Ailen."

You say, "I'll write that down."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Anyway, the odd thing is, I never set
out to have a harem of any sort."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "I've always been obsessed with women,
to be sure, but when I left ethereal to come to prime, I was more of a
traditional romantic rogue."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "I had women all over, and the one
unorthodox thing I did for a rogue was tell them about each other."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Faerie influence. Compulsive honesty.
I grow up on ethereal."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "I thought like most men, what women
want is some romancing, some roses..."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "At one point I even experimented with
monogamy. That was a total disaster, but another story altogether."

Corvius doubles over in laughter, wiping the tears from his eyes.

The corners of Exarius's mouth turn up as he grins mischievously.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "'Til one day, after that fiasco, an
little elf who'd only flirted with me before offered a most intriguing wager."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "I was to make a mutual friend say a
single word as part of an inside joke within a set amount of time."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Winner take loser."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Personal property for... I think it
was two months? I've forgotten now, but it's not really important."

Haiden's eyes sparkle with amusement.

Corvius winks knowingly.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Now I'm not a gambling cat. I never
take a wager unless I've won it before the bet is placed."

The corners of Corvius's mouth turn up as he grins mischievously.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "But the friend in question was a
woman, so of course I accepted."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Predictably the elf cheated.
Predictably, I won anyway, and I was faced with the question, what DOES one do
with an elf of one's very own?"

Corvius utters a deep, rumbling laugh.

You say, "One skins it."

Your eyes twinkle enchantingly.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Not if one is me."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Anyone who's ever visited my Cat's
Paw store should have no surprise in hearing my first thought was to play
dress-up with her, and make her an exquisite bad-girl outfit."

Corvius nods his head emphatically.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Anyway, all black leather and lace,
the outfit was. Which she found a bit discomfitting not because she didn't like
playing the bad girl, but because she was accustomed to wearing nothing at all."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "And for the crowning piece of the
outfit, I bought her a rather formidable looking choker from an obscure little
jewelry shop at the back of a bazaar."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Sad to say, the naughty little elf
reneged almost before the game was begun, and I was left holding the bad girl
outfit. Everything else was easy to find homes for, but I had a new question:
what does one do with a collar like that?"

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "What I finally decided is one goes
back to the source and buys out his entire stock."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Then I used the very distinctive
chokers as tokens of favor."

Corvius, Child of Light says, "Favor?"

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "To show who my favorite ladies were.
Any who wore one of my collars got priority on my time over any who didn't."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "And they were masculine enough that I
donned one of my own."

Corvius's mouth turns up as his face breaks into a smile.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "To cap it off, I invented a wishing
game to go with them."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Inspired by the origin of the collar,
we would take turns granting fantasies for each other. She makes a wish. I make
a wish. I make a wish. She... is feeling burned out mentally and asks for a rain
check. I make a wish."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Pardon the mix up there. Didn't get
two wishs in a row until they started asking for rainchecks."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "And they did. All of them."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Over and over, until they stopped
even pretending they would ever collect."

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD!

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "It was then that I learned something
very fundamental about women."

Corvius tilts his head and listens intently to Exarius.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "All the flowers, the romance... Yeah,
they like it. It's nice. But there's something behind that. Something that was
there aeons before anyone ever dreamt up romance."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Something raw and primal that goes
right down to the soul, and no amount of civilization can ever eradicate."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "What women want most of all is
masculine power. To feel both protected and possessed."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "If there's such a thing as a
universal female aphrodesiac, that's it."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "The more they refused their wishes,
the more outrageous my own became. And the more outrageous mine became, the more
they refused their wishes."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "From there it just evolved, until
they practically begged ME to create the harem."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "The stereotype is that women are
jealous and possessive, but it's the men who're jealous and possessive. A woman
who tries and is handled with care and patience really doesn't tend to have much
problem with sharing."

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "You mean from the world outside?"

Corvius nods his head emphatically.

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Yes. Lots of jealousy. Lots of
hatred. One has to be willing to constantly stand up for one's family, and to
adapt to changing circumstance."

Corvius, Child of Light says, "A most enlightening story Raja Exarius, thank you
for sharing it with us, Kahazul do you have one you wish to share?"

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Just about every union imaginable is
formally condoned in the basin except polygamy."

You smirk.

You stand up and stretch your arms out wide.

Exarius tilts his head and listens intently to you.

You say, "I do. A moment, if you will."

You purse your lips pensively, gazing off into the distance as you carefully
gather your thoughts.

You say, "My style is a bit less orthodox."

You say, "There once was a monstrous Tae'dae matron by the name of Bertha
McBearington."

You say, "Bertha was an immense, beastial woman, with ragged brown fur, who was
often confused for a man."

Corvius strokes himself suggestively.

You say, "Bertha had grown up along a pack of roaming Furrikin - in fact..."

Corvius, Child of Light says, "Damn."

You crease your brow in a frown.

You say, "No."

Corvius strokes a sand cobra tenderly.

You say, "I know she sounds delicious, but save it."

You say, "Bertha had grown up along a pack of roaming Furrikin - in fact, she's only ever seen Furrikin all her life, and was convinced that she was one! Her friends were too polite to inform her that she was an ugly old bear and not the cute, bouncy kitty cat that she has always imagined."

You say, "One day the travelling Furrikin, and Bertha, came across the Basin of
Life."

You say, "They descended into the Serenwilde forest."

You say, "All that saw Bertha screamed and fled in terror, for she was so big
and unwashed and no one could stand her scent."

You say, "She wandered away from the main group and happened upon a clearing..."

You say, "Lo, perched atop a stump was none other than Exarius, beneath a lavish
pavilion."

You say, "Lounging about him were dozens of beautiful Aslaran women, all in
various states of undress. One was feeding him grapes from a golden bowl."

You say, "Bertha looked upon all of the cat women and remarked, "I have finally
found my own kind!""

You say, ""Hello, my friends! My name is Bertha!""

You say, "Exarius turned about, and his footrest crawled across the ground to
better accomodate his position."

You say, ""Hello!", exclaimed Bertha. "Are you the leader of all these people?""

You say, ""Bitch no! I am the Raja!""

You say, "Then he stood, and tore off his silk vest, revealing his obscenely
muscled and masculine chest!"

You say, "All the women swooned! They were overpowered!"

Raja Exarius of the Shanthine Pride says, "Funny. I don't remember using that
kind of language."

You say, "Bertha was stunned! "Your sheer masculinity is overwhelming! Please,
let's have an orgy RIGHT NOW!""

You say, ""No. You're ugly.""

You say, ""And you're not an Aslaran.""

You say, "Bertha was horrified. "I am to a cat! Just like you!""

You say, "One of Exarius' Aquamancers conjured a reflecting pool before Bertha,

You say, ""Nooo! I am hideous!" Bertha cried, stumbling backwards in disbelief!"

You say, "Bertha then killed herself, while Exarius and his troupe broke camp
and headed up to the Portal of Fate to ambush every female Aslaran that stepped
through."

You say, "The end."

I lol'ed RL-style.

Hmm, I was trying to get to the Funnies and found myself in the horror section. Directions, please?

That explains so much, on so many different levels.

You both deserve skinning alive.

But...

HAHAHA quality.

Funny, Exarius never struck me as the player/pimp type.

Oh my god..I wanted to laugh so hard when I read Guidos stuff.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....

You're kidding, right? For God's sake, please tell me you're kidding.

Same goes for me. If you really don't know him then you'd wouldn't really think he's a pimp/player. :S Or it could be that some of us are just simply blind.

Yes, blind. He brags about his harem in every third post.

Actutally, isnt it mentioned in his Sig?

Exarius seems to be the guy that hangs around at the Portal of Fates looking for female Aslarans

Raja Exarius, Pimpalitious says to NewbieAslaran "You can touch me if you want."

Raja Exarius, Pimpalitious says to NewbieAslaran "... Down there."

Raja Exarius, Pimpalitious exclaims to NewbieAslaran "TOUCH ME!!!"

From what I have heard, most of aslarans that join Exarius' harem are his OOC friends. I know it is like that in some cases, but I am also 90% sure that there were TRUE novices, lost and confused, whom he was trying to pimp out. That's what bugs me.

In all fairness, he does honestly help many of them, and only creeps out about 50% of them, from what I've heard.

I started to gag about one-third of the way through and couldn't stomach the abominably bad writing from there on.

Stop insulting VG Cats by associating it with Exarius, please.