I hope this post will help you realise the reasoning behind my decisions, in game. Yes, I am talking about being angry when losing, and trying to leave.

This is not being written with the objective of gaining your pity or attention. I couldn't care less - or actually, the LESS pity I get, the better. Nor do I want any "I'm not that kind of person, the kind you've described" posts. I want to explain my motives.

So, where shall we start? Ah yes.

I hate losing. But not any losing. I am aware that you can't be good at everything, and even if you're good at something, there are others who are out of your league. But, when the person you are competing with is more or less equal to you, and when you can see that you didn't lose only by means of chance, or that it wasn't a very close call, it's no longer a normal lose you can live with. It's a fumble.
The same applies when your activity is not based on competition, when you're playing "against the environment", one could say. For example, skiing. If you fall down because you didn't know how to turn, it's a fumble. It doesn't matter that it was the first time you had skis on, it's STILL a fumble.

Fumbles are humiliating. People laugh at you when you fumble. I couldn't care less about strangers, most of the human race are jerks who'll go straight to hell after death anyway. But, the same applies to people you know too - if you fumble so greatly, they will laugh at you. That, or feel ashamed for being with you. No, they won't admit it most of the time, but that's how they feel, that's what they do on the inside. I am sure of it.

But hell, some do it openly. Even in Lusternia, there are people whom I respect and appreciate, and who I used to think respected and appreciated it me - bogus! They call me weak, my attempts at combat pathetic. No better way to make me feel outcasted, really.

Why leave then, instead of improve? Leaving, quitting, makes it all stay far behind you. You won't be associated with the kind of behaviour you have managed to humiliate yourself at. Quitting and sparing yourself further humiliation is nothing but the better choice than pursuing the path and, MAYBE in the distant future, reaching the level that makes you not humiliate yourself, but CERTAINLY fumbling a lot on the way there. Quitting serves grace, in my opinion, contrary to what other viewpoints might be. The sooner you realise that you only fumble at an activity, so the sooner you might abandon it, the better - you aren't a loser if you never participated in a race.

This applies to everything. In Lusternia, it's mainly about combat, and writing. I fumble at both, like a total noob. I should leave to spare further humiliation. I don't do that only because of my, don't be afraid of using that word, addiction to the Mud. And like every addiction, it is not a healthy one.


Addendum: this posted failed to put the author's intentions on paper... well, e-paper, to an extent he wanted to. It is not only the case of English language (lacking excellent fluency in which makes the author a retard), the author would have problems expressing himself even in his native language, which (added to the fact that he overuses the word "author" too much, instead of using synonyms) makes him a double retard. After posting this, as a punishment I will go bang my head against a concrete wall. If I won't post anything else, it means I overdid it and died. Good for the loser.

You are too harsh for yourself!!!

Just take a step away from comp go or even better with friends. Then some . And even better if you could go on party for whole week and dont go near comp.

After a week come bback if you still be so addicted and try to star from fresh.

My combat system wasnt as good as most of top combatants i had a lot of ideas that i wanted to implement but i was too lazy. One day i decided to make system from scratch then soem things in my life happened and now im lack of time to play or make that system. But i will comeb back one day and i will bring my new system with me. So be afraid of me