QUOTE(Ixion @ Oct 28 2006, 03:21 AM) 347759
Hee, there's a dirtier version of that joke too.
Hee! I've gotten some pretty... raunchy jokes via email I've abstained from putting up here. Didn't want to warp any impressionable minds or give any mods heart attacks. l
Canadian university jokes. The last few ones are really funny, even if you don't know anything about Canadian unis
How many Lakehead students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, Thunder Bay doesn't have electricity.
How many U of T students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many Algonquin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one but he gets 6 credits for it.
How many Laurentian students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, Sudbury looks better in the dark.
How many Queen's students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
How many Waterloo students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Waterloo using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it and one to write the computer programme that controls the wall switch.
How many Western students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and another to mix the drinks.
How many McMaster students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as any Queen's student.
How many Carleton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and one to complain about how, if they were at a better school, the lightbulb wouldn't go out.
How many McGill students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but she can't do it on Friday night.
How many University of Calgary students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven, one to change the bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.
How many Guelph students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven, one to screw it in and 6 to figure out how to power it on manure.
How many Mt.Allison students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, one to do it and 4 to be in the Macleans photo of it.
How many UVic students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, lava lamps don't burn out man!
How many UBC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four, one to do it and three to translate the instructions to English.
How many Laurier students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five make it a campus affair.
How many University of Manitoba students does it take to change a lightbulb?
There's a university in Manitoba?
How many York University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, one to change the bulb and four to find the perfect outfit for the occasion.
How many University of Ottawa students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, he screws everything, why not a light bulb?
How many Laval students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but she would insist that the way she did it was distinct.
How many Ryerson students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question. Ryerson isn't a real university.
How many United States university/college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Depends, how much is the athletic scholarship worth?
What does a U of T student call a Waterloo student after graduation?
Boss."
Why don't they have Christmas at Western?
They can't find a virgin and three wise men.
How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
With a restraining order.
A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the entire town:
$10 worth of damage was reported.
Why is it so windy in Kingston?
Because Queen's blows.
What do you get when you drive quickly through the Laurier campus?
An undergraduate degree.
What's the first thing a York girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
Walks home.
How can you tell if a McMaster student is a heterosexual?
He can outrun his roommate!
Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?
Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down?
Naturally, the students were very upset.... some of the books weren't colored-in yet.
Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
So they can park in handicap spaces.
How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?
The Ministry of Immigration.
How many Lakehead students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, Thunder Bay doesn't have electricity.
How many U of T students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many Algonquin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one but he gets 6 credits for it.
How many Laurentian students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, Sudbury looks better in the dark.
How many Queen's students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
How many Waterloo students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Waterloo using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it and one to write the computer programme that controls the wall switch.
How many Western students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and another to mix the drinks.
How many McMaster students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as any Queen's student.
How many Carleton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and one to complain about how, if they were at a better school, the lightbulb wouldn't go out.
How many McGill students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but she can't do it on Friday night.
How many University of Calgary students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven, one to change the bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.
How many Guelph students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven, one to screw it in and 6 to figure out how to power it on manure.
How many Mt.Allison students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, one to do it and 4 to be in the Macleans photo of it.
How many UVic students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, lava lamps don't burn out man!
How many UBC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four, one to do it and three to translate the instructions to English.
How many Laurier students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five make it a campus affair.
How many University of Manitoba students does it take to change a lightbulb?
There's a university in Manitoba?
How many York University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, one to change the bulb and four to find the perfect outfit for the occasion.
How many University of Ottawa students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, he screws everything, why not a light bulb?
How many Laval students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but she would insist that the way she did it was distinct.
How many Ryerson students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question. Ryerson isn't a real university.
How many United States university/college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Depends, how much is the athletic scholarship worth?
What does a U of T student call a Waterloo student after graduation?
Boss."
Why don't they have Christmas at Western?
They can't find a virgin and three wise men.
How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
With a restraining order.
A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the entire town:
$10 worth of damage was reported.
Why is it so windy in Kingston?
Because Queen's blows.
What do you get when you drive quickly through the Laurier campus?
An undergraduate degree.
What's the first thing a York girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
Walks home.
How can you tell if a McMaster student is a heterosexual?
He can outrun his roommate!
Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?
Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down?
Naturally, the students were very upset.... some of the books weren't colored-in yet.
Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
So they can park in handicap spaces.
How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?
The Ministry of Immigration.
Half of those Uni's are coming to my school to talk to us about their programs. Im never going to be able to keep a straight face now Shou. 
That's probably based on an old, old story about a Christian on the run from the Roman Army. He met a lion with a thorn stuck in it's paw. He took the thorn out, and the lion looked at him weirdly and walked off. He then managed to make his was to Greece, his homeland, where he spent 10 years, before he was captured and sentenced to be thrown to the lions in Rome. He was pushed into the Arena, and the lions immediately started chasing him and the other Christian there. The first lion caught the other man, killed him, and tucked in. The other lion, however, stopped chasing the man, and gave him a strange look. He held up his paw pad, and the man saw a scar right in the middle of it. He recognised the lion as the one he had helped 10 years ago. They walked 'rond the arena together, and stopped before Caesar's box. He was so amazed that the hungry lion hadn't killed the man that he gave him his freedom, with the Lion as a gift.The man had a name, but I can't remember it
This is not the nicest email Ive ever had, it has its funny moments though I suppose.
I Am Canadian The New Rant
My name is Norm, and I am Canadian ...
I am a minority in Oakville, Toronto, and every casino in this country.
I was born in 1965, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE BEING SCREWED OUT OF THEIR LAND IN the 1700's.
I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.
I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.
All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes.
I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These same people cannot name this country's new territory.
Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.
Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still provides my nation's prime ministers.
95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.
I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.
I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.
I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.
Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.
My fellow countrymen often badmouth the United States and then vacation there three times a year.
I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize the English language.
I'm led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who makes $30 an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but paying $10 an hour to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below on an oil rig is fair.
I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes (The Voice of Firepainting in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, Even though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.
When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans."
I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry because I control the rain.
My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don't know either of them.
Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest Military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing terrorists.
I am not an angry white male.
I am an angry taxpayer who is
broke.
My name is Norm, and I am Canadian
I Am Canadian The New Rant
My name is Norm, and I am Canadian ...
I am a minority in Oakville, Toronto, and every casino in this country.
I was born in 1965, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE BEING SCREWED OUT OF THEIR LAND IN the 1700's.
I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.
I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.
All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes.
I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These same people cannot name this country's new territory.
Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.
Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still provides my nation's prime ministers.
95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.
I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.
I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.
I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.
Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.
My fellow countrymen often badmouth the United States and then vacation there three times a year.
I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize the English language.
I'm led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who makes $30 an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but paying $10 an hour to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below on an oil rig is fair.
I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes (The Voice of Firepainting in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, Even though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.
When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans."
I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry because I control the rain.
My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don't know either of them.
Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest Military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing terrorists.
I am not an angry white male.
I am an angry taxpayer who is
broke. My name is Norm, and I am Canadian
This one's not funny, it's interesting. But I didn't see a need to start a whole new thread. (sorry mods!)
(sorry mods!)QUOTE
Did You Know That?
Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."
Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.
Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer . Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product was never advertised for this use. ( Note : Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine is not the same..and contains aspirin, which can cause stomach bleeding if you have ulcers.)
Honey remedy for skin blemishes ... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
Listerine therapy for toenail fungus ... Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
Easy eyeglass protection ... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop ofMaybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.
Coca-Cola cure for rust ... Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.
Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer ... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409 . Insects drop to the ground instantly.
Smart splinter remover ...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.
Hunt's tomato paste boil cure ....cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.
Balm for broken blisters ...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine ... a powerful antiseptic.
Heinz vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.
Kill fleas instantly. Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a fe w drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.
Rainy day cure for dog odor ... Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal withBounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
Eliminate ear mites ... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers th e mites, and accelerates healing.
Quaker Oats for fast pain relief ....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."
Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.
Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer . Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product was never advertised for this use. ( Note : Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine is not the same..and contains aspirin, which can cause stomach bleeding if you have ulcers.)
Honey remedy for skin blemishes ... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
Listerine therapy for toenail fungus ... Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
Easy eyeglass protection ... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop ofMaybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.
Coca-Cola cure for rust ... Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.
Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer ... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409 . Insects drop to the ground instantly.
Smart splinter remover ...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.
Hunt's tomato paste boil cure ....cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.
Balm for broken blisters ...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine ... a powerful antiseptic.
Heinz vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.
Kill fleas instantly. Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a fe w drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.
Rainy day cure for dog odor ... Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal withBounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
Eliminate ear mites ... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers th e mites, and accelerates healing.
Quaker Oats for fast pain relief ....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
Are those for real? If so then againRofl!
Cool.
QUOTE
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
Cool.
She better watch her latus rectum...Just got this email this morning. 
QUOTE
The Physics of Santa Claus
The are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religion, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average rate of 3.5 (census) children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has about 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh, and get on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops or breaks. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second-- 3000 times the speed of sound.
For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run, at best, 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.
On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times that normal amount, the job can't be done with eight, or even nine of them. Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fasion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absord 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, the would burst in to flames almost instantly, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized in 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the 5th house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
Merry Christmas
The are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religion, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average rate of 3.5 (census) children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has about 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh, and get on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops or breaks. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second-- 3000 times the speed of sound.
For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run, at best, 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.
On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times that normal amount, the job can't be done with eight, or even nine of them. Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fasion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absord 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, the would burst in to flames almost instantly, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized in 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the 5th house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
Merry Christmas
Kharaen. I'm going to hurt you.
Sarra, yeah, I've seen that one before.
Sarra, yeah, I've seen that one before.
QUOTE(Hiriako @ Nov 19 2006, 03:00 PM) 355068
Kharaen. I'm going to hurt you.
Sarra, yeah, I've seen that one before.
