Taraki2006-11-20 00:00:42
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. Heehee!
So true!
Noola2006-11-20 19:57:36
QUOTE
Thanksgiving Divorce
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,†I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,†I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
Noola2006-11-30 20:44:22
QUOTE
Public Service Announcement:
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
_________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).
_______________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.. ..and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes and I'll do the rest
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
Feyrll2006-11-30 22:54:17
I must remember to never drink water while reading this section again.
I was forced to inhale the water in my mouth in order to protect my water-sensitive screen, and then spent the next few minutes attempting to cough up a lung.
I was forced to inhale the water in my mouth in order to protect my water-sensitive screen, and then spent the next few minutes attempting to cough up a lung.
Noola2006-12-04 17:12:35
QUOTE
Christmas Cookies
Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequilla
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup.... just in case, you know.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the fukkin oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the damn window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
CHERRY MISTCHRIS
Tzekelkan2006-12-04 18:33:51
QUOTE(Noola)
Because I'm a man jokes.
Erm, riiiiiiight.
Noola2006-12-04 19:05:27
QUOTE(tzekelkan @ Dec 4 2006, 12:33 PM) 359798
Erm, riiiiiiight.
Noola2006-12-08 21:32:38
QUOTE
Subject: densest element yet known to science.
New Element on Periodic Table:
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named "Bushcronium." Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of leprechaun-like particles called peons.
The symbol for Bushcronium is "W".
Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain degree of concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass".
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has one half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Caution: This information is classified, having been obtained from an impeccible source at the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC), formally the Atomic Energy Commission (AEC), in particlar the three foremost nuclear scientists - Moe, Larry and Curley.
Unknown2006-12-12 00:19:33
Subject: For men and women
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the
shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his
window and gave the woman the finger.
"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.
I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female
does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.
That's 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.
There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every
day.
Statistically, females drive half of these.
That's 18,000 women drivers!
In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.
That's 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying
or unrewarding.
That's 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have
seriously considered suicide or homicide.
That's 98.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.
That's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females
carry weapons and this number is increasing
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that
has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger?
I don't think so
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the
shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his
window and gave the woman the finger.
"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.
I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female
does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.
That's 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.
There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every
day.
Statistically, females drive half of these.
That's 18,000 women drivers!
In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.
That's 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying
or unrewarding.
That's 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have
seriously considered suicide or homicide.
That's 98.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.
That's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females
carry weapons and this number is increasing
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that
has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger?
I don't think so
Noola2006-12-12 21:29:04
QUOTE
Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are
3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8 . Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ..
10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.
Gelo2006-12-13 14:00:02
NoolaIalie2006-12-13 15:10:57
QUOTE(Ytraelux @ Nov 6 2006, 02:55 AM) 351369
That's probably based on an old, old story about a Christian on the run from the Roman Army. He met a lion with a thorn stuck in it's paw. He took the thorn out, and the lion looked at him weirdly and walked off. He then managed to make his was to Greece, his homeland, where he spent 10 years, before he was captured and sentenced to be thrown to the lions in Rome. He was pushed into the Arena, and the lions immediately started chasing him and the other Christian there. The first lion caught the other man, killed him, and tucked in. The other lion, however, stopped chasing the man, and gave him a strange look. He held up his paw pad, and the man saw a scar right in the middle of it. He recognised the lion as the one he had helped 10 years ago. They walked 'rond the arena together, and stopped before Caesar's box. He was so amazed that the hungry lion hadn't killed the man that he gave him his freedom, with the Lion as a gift.The man had a name, but I can't remember it
Androcles and the Lion. I was in the play, as a girl who sold rushes.
Unknown2006-12-13 16:12:33
QUOTE(Ialie @ Dec 13 2006, 03:10 PM) 362752
Androcles and the Lion. I was in the play, as a girl who sold rushes.
That was it.
Viravain2006-12-16 11:14:36
On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and,
if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out inpublic unsupervised."
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure , masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over yourface. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.. . OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and,
if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out inpublic unsupervised."
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure , masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over yourface. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.. . OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!
Feyrll2006-12-17 01:22:27
QUOTE(Viravain @ Dec 16 2006, 06:14 AM) 363551
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.. . OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!
Gelo2006-12-18 13:56:14
EDIT: wrong thread. Sorry. 
Unknown2006-12-19 17:21:01
I know this is old, but I have to reply to this:
Actually, it doesn't. As a qualified first-aider, I advice you to not do that. Putting toothpaste, or similar materials will trap the heat in, making the injury worse. All toothpaste does is to soothe the pain, which simply running the burn under cold/cool water will do. Of course, if you have creams for treating burns like Burnol, go ahead and put them. End of first-aid lesson.
QUOTE
Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
Actually, it doesn't. As a qualified first-aider, I advice you to not do that. Putting toothpaste, or similar materials will trap the heat in, making the injury worse. All toothpaste does is to soothe the pain, which simply running the burn under cold/cool water will do. Of course, if you have creams for treating burns like Burnol, go ahead and put them. End of first-aid lesson.
Gelo2006-12-20 06:46:41
Not really funny haha but...
Case 1
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out
that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the
writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and
$12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down,
underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a
temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.
Case 2
One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the
case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan's biggest
cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer
had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities
isolated the problem to the assembly! line, which transported all the
packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one
soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its
engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to
devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two
people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make
sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked
fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.
But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the
same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but
instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial
electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan
on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes
out of the line.
Case 1
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out
that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the
writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and
$12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down,
underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a
temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil.
Case 2
One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the
case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan's biggest
cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer
had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities
isolated the problem to the assembly! line, which transported all the
packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one
soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its
engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to
devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two
people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make
sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked
fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.
But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the
same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but
instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial
electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan
on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes
out of the line.
Gelo2006-12-21 09:06:40
QUOTE
DUMB WARNING LABELS ON PRODUCTS
Baby Oil
Keep out of reach of children.
Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Wet-Nap
Directions: Tear open packet and use.
Stridex Foaming Face Wash
May contain foam.
Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant
Use only on underarms.Zantac 75
Do not take if allergic to zantac.
Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness.
Komatsu Floodlight
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark.
Earplugs
These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe
Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.
Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.
Road Sign
Caution water on road during rain.
Road Sign
Cemetery Road. Dead End.
Church Parking Lot Sign
Thou shalt not park.
Children's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Silk Soy Milk
Shake well and buy often.
Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
Hershey's Almond Bar
Warning: May contain traces of nuts.
Heinz Ketchup
Instructions: Put on food.
Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
Bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
String of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.
Blanket from taiwan:
not to be used as protection from a tornado.
Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.
Toner cartridge for a laser printer
Do not eat toner.
13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow
Not intended for highway use.
Can of self-defense pepper spray.
May irritate eyes.
Deodorant
Do not use intimately.
Portable stroller
Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.
Sign at a railroad station
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death.
Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
Manual for an SGI computer.
Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.
Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert
Always drive on roads. Not on people.
Viravain2006-12-21 09:50:51
QUOTE
Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert
Always drive on roads. Not on people.
Always drive on roads. Not on people.
So that's what I did wrong...
