Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."
Unknown2007-10-13 17:03:31
QUOTE
> The following statements are from a book called > Disorder in the American > Courts, and are things people actually said in court, > word for word, > taken down and now published by court reporters who > ; had the torment of > staying calm while these exchanges were actually > taking place. > > > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? > WITNESS: No, I just lie there. > > ___________________________________________________________________ > >> >> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of > the impact? >> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. >> ______________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect > your memory at all? >> WITNESS: Yes. >> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your > memory? >> WITNESS: I forget. >> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example > of something you forgot? >> _____________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband > said to you that >> m orning ? >> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" >> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? >> WITNESS: My name is Susan! >> ______________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever > been involved in voodoo? >> WITNESS: We both do. >> ATTORNEY: Voodoo? >> WITNESS: We do. >> ATTORNEY: You do? >> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. >> ______________________________________ > >> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a > person dies in his sleep, >> he doesn't know about it until the next morning? >> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? >> ____________________________________ > >> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, > how old is he? >> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty. >> ________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was > taken? >> WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? >> ______________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby > was August 8th? >> WITNESS: Yes. >> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? >> WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid! >> ______________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? >> WITNESS: Yes. >> ATTORNEY: How many were boys? >> WITNESS: None. >> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? >> WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I > think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new > attorney? >> ______________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage > terminated? >> WITNESS: By death. > > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? >> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose > terminated it? >> ______________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? >> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a > beard. >> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? >> WITNESS: Guess. >> _____________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning > pursuant to a deposition >> notice which I sent to your attorney? >> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to > work. >> ______________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies > have you performed on dead people? >> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on > dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? >> _______________________ ______ _________ >> >> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? > What school did you go to? >> WITNESS: Oral. >> ______________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you > examined the body? >> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. >> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? >> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table > wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! >> ____________________________________________ >> >> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine > sample? >> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that > question? >> ______________________________________ >> >> And the best for last: >> >> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the > autopsy, did you check for a pulse? >> WITNESS: No. >&g t; ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? >> WITNESS: No. >> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? >> WITNESS: No. >> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the > patient was alive when you began the autopsy? >> WITNESS: No. >> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? >> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my > desk in a jar. >> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have > still been alive, nevertheless? >> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could > have been alive and practicing law.
Isluna2007-10-19 00:08:53
THE MUSTARD STORY
This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father. I love mustard. As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.
With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard 'Poupon'."
Unknown2007-10-31 23:27:15
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services
~>~>~>~>~>~>~0~<~<~<~<~<~<~
The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus?.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not come this way again?, giving obvious pleasure to many in the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Pastor Updyke unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday with the slogan: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
Ymbryne2007-11-01 22:46:06
A STUTTERING CAT >> >> A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade >> students. 'Human beings are the only animals that >> stutter'. >> A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat >> who stuttered', she volunteered. >> The teacher, knowing how precious some of these >> stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. >> 'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my >> kitty, and the rottweiler that lives next door got a >> running start and before we knew it he jumped over >> the fence into our yard!' >> 'That must've been scary', said the teacher. 'It >> sure was', said the little girl. >> 'My kitty raised his back and went 'Fffff,Fffff, >> Fffff'... >> And before he could say F***, the Rottweiler ate him!'
Ymbryne2007-11-01 22:52:44
QUOTE
Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining In Your Home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal."
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride's mother for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records
Casilu2007-11-19 07:32:44
HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into
Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. < /P>
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I
sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Stangmar2007-12-01 03:51:13
Something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a :censor: if you live to be 80?â€
Stangmar2007-12-01 04:49:02
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, several southern TV stations are joining together and are planning to do their own, entitled "Survivor: Southern Style."
The contestants will start in Alabama, travel over to Georgia and on to South Carolina. From there they will head up to North Carolina and over to Tennessee. They will then proceed down to Mississippi and Louisiana, finally ending up back over in Alabama.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates and large bumper stickers that read: "I'm Gay", "I'm a Vegetarian", "NASCAR Sucks", "Go Yankees!", " Smoking is for Idiots", "Hillary in 2008", "Deer Hunting is Murder", and "I'm Here to Confiscate Your Guns!"
The first one that makes it back to Montgomery alive wins! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense........... Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What for?" Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,thats the law. License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket." Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer and says: "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"
Xenthos2007-12-01 04:54:31
Too bad that the lawyer knows all about police brutality and is now set for life...
Stangmar2007-12-01 17:16:14
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem? A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A. A different bar
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby? A. Sum Ting Wong
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A. A speech impediment
Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at half- mast? A. They're hiring
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A. The Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.
Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word? A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairy tale ??? A. A Northern fairytale begins, 'Once upon a time...' A Southern fairytale begins, 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this ####.'
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team ? A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.
Unknown2007-12-01 21:03:48
You're such a redneck Stang. lol
Veonira2007-12-01 23:55:14
Hehe, make sure to not read the end first!
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'?
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?
'Very Well,' said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed.
And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: 'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
Unknown2007-12-02 05:32:24
QUOTE(Veonira @ Dec 1 2007, 05:55 PM) 461514
Hehe, make sure to not read the end first! An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'?
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'? 'Very Well,' said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: 'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
hehehehehehehehehe
Stangmar2007-12-02 05:51:25
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost a child while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Ford." Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford."
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the "kicker":
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
AND...................:
Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse... Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater...
Noola2007-12-02 05:57:15
QUOTE(stangmar @ Dec 1 2007, 11:51 PM) 461631
And here's the "kicker":
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
In the version I've read before, I'm almost certain it said "A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe."
Stangmar2007-12-02 06:01:41
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00." Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back" Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
Stangmar2007-12-02 06:04:13
Senator Hillary Clinton was attending a party, when she noticed Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. She walked over to him, and in a quiet voice said, "If you were my husband I would poison your drink." Schwarzenegger smiled, leaned forward, and whispered in her ear, "And if you were my wife I would drink it."
Stangmar2007-12-02 06:06:10
It was opening night at the theater and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
" !" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theater.
Unknown2007-12-31 18:57:20
Black
Little Johnny comes home from school crying and shouts: "Mom, kids at school laugh at me and say I stink of a corpse!" "Mom? Mom??! MOM?!". --- Little Johnny was born without his arms, without his legs, and without torso... just a head. His 12th birthday came and he's unpacking his presents. "Geez, hat again". --- "Mummy, can I have a cookie?" "Yes honey, but you need to wash your hands first" "But I don't have hands " "No hands, no cookies". --- Very hungry man jumps into the bar. He looks around, and there's a guy sitting in the corner with his face behind the newspaper, and on the table next to him there's a bowl of soup. Not thinking long, the man sits there and starts eating quietly while the other guy isn't looking. He eats, and he eats, and suddenly he sees a comb on the bottom of the bowl. That revolting sight makes him throw up instantly. The man with the newspaper raises his head. "Oh, you got to the comb too?". ---
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!" said the hypnotist.