The Evil Overlord List

Not sure if anyone knows about this, probably do, but I thought this was great.

Some of my favorites:

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.

If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

Heh

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

I live by this list on occasion.

I really like the one reading about spending time with your grandchildren, and having a five year old advisor.

Old, old, and incredibly amusing.

The part with false adventurers to make the citizens jaded is the one I like most.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

I hate those.

No. 99 made me giggle:

"Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45mb in size."

"I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion."

Now, that's commedy.

Love that one:

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

Quite a few nice ones amongst these, some better than others.

Don't forget that there are other lists available besides that of an Evil Overlord, such as:

If I were an Evil Overlord's Henchman...
If I were a True Hero...
If I were a Hero's True Love...
If I were a Hero's Sidekick...
...and for the rest of you: If I were an innocent bystander...

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

And my favorite...

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

-------

To keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

..... People with unlimited internet access are not in mindless trances! We are not harmless zombies! I will prove him wrong! Once I turn off Lusternia. In 10 hours. 12 hours. Tomorrow. Heck, let's make it my new year's resolution.

What, no if I was wearing a red shirt on Star Trek?

that would be a very short list... not much you can do after your dead.

true.
But on the sidekick list
19 I will not wear a red shirt when beaming down to a planet.

Evil Cult Member one I liked:

Before agreeing to impregnation by a supernatural being, investigate the survival rate of the other women who have undergone the procedure.

Never play strip Tarot.

When a religious artifact begins emitting light, CLOSE YOUR EYES. Thousands of cult members could be saved every year if they followed this simple safety tip.

As it was written on a motivational poster somewhere (gotta find it!), "Kirk, dr Spock and ensign Jones beam down to the surface. Guess who's not coming back."