Wrote this story but I'm sort of lost on how to fix it up. Any feed back would be helpful


In the city of Magnagora, sometime after the coming of Estarra, there lived a Viscanti couple. Like so many they lived within the poorer parts of town, living with the rats and beggars. There social and economic status was in many ways self induced. Though Viscanti, and many who saw them agreed to this, they themselves only saw there pointed ears and their lithe looks, never the dark Taint that flowed through them. They were ashamed of there elfin. They forced themselves to the meager life that they held. All so they could avoid the members of the city who would surly look down upon them.
They however had no problem having a child. (Few poor do, not realizing the burden they place on a city with a new child.) Unhappy with themselves they hoped that there child could be fully transformed by the Taint and loose the Family’s elfin looks. Wishes and dreams are usually different then the truth though. The child that was born was easily more appalling then his parents. He had in some form or way was born more elfin then them. His skin was as fair as any Elf from Serenwilde or New Celest. His body had in some way rejected the Taint.
Both parents were appalled at the child. Though they were more insulted, for he was what they saw themselves as, un-tainted elves. Suffice it to say, they both dumped him in some gutter, with the hope that the rats or roaming packs of dogs would get him. Through neither ever did. No, he some how survived and grew. As he grew he lived fairly unnoticed by the Citizens of the city. Many though he was a lost child from the Serenwilde. Other didn’t care. Any child wandering the streets like he did would soon be killed they thought.
The child lived largely unnoticed for many years. He spent his time hunting rats and other small animals to eat. He would hide in any place he could if he wasn’t hunting. He never left the city for someplace where he could become accepted, he never knew such places existed.
As he grew older life stayed the same for him. Nothing improved and nothing worsened. Though little could worsen. It was when he turned eighteen that things changed for him. As he was hunting down rats for him to eat for the day he was spotted by an Ur’guard. At his age he was old enough to be a fighter for Serenwilde or New Celest. He was as such confused for one. No match for an Ur’guard he was quickly killed. Any other member of the city would be noticed missing but not him. His death was most likely noticed only by the Ur’guard who killed him.
Like many stories this one has a moral hidden with in it. The Moral is too not let your disabilities hold you back. The real or imagined ones. The child in this story was damned from the start because of his parents. Because of there belief that they were unwilling to be members of the city because of there elfin looks. Many people In Magnagora have elfin traits and have made them selves successful.
Many would rightly argue that elfin traits are a disability. But instead of working past them the parents in this story decided to allow it to hold them back. If they had both worked and had become successful it would not be hard to imagine there son being excepted and successful too.


As a side note I got the idea for it from Aiakon's Fables and Myths of Magnagora

In terms of sounding like an Aiakon story... it just doesn't. If it ended with "And the moral of this story is, no matter how long Fate can be dodged, the inferior races shall end in misery and squalor" then it would have sounded like an Aiakon story. If the Elf reincarnated into a Viscanti and then slew his parents (with ghastly torture, natch) for being typically selfish, pathetic representatives of their race, then it would sound like an Aiakon story. But any story that grants redeeming traits to a pureblood elf... not to put too fine a point on it, but Aiakon is a b******. He'd rather swallow poison than imply any such thing.

You should definitely have this story proofread for grammatical and spelling errors. In general, you should try to clean up this tale a bit in the plotline. Specifically, any story talking about "Elfin Traits" as anything less than a shameful handicap on your entire family would be out of place in a Magnagoran library. If you're trying to talk about unlimited achievement, you can talk about an Elfin couple who abandon their son for not being "elfy" enough, then watching in horror as he becomes an Orclach Ur'Marshal and returns to put their hippy commune to the sword.

I'm not trying to sound like Aiakon. It was more I read his book and wanted to try to write a story with a moral for Magnagora



Thanks for the advice. I know it needs a hell of a lot of work. I was just stuck on it and had no idea's on how to fix it but didn't want to toss it.

My mistake. I was hoping you were going for an Aiakon-like story. I miss "Tales and Fables."

Don't give up, though. Your story has the glimmer of a whole set of fables coming out of it. I'd be interested to see where it went!

One of the best damn books in the Basin.