Gero2007-06-03 23:11:47
Oh yes of course not, I was just trying to help heal her soul...and possible her description
Amarysse2007-06-03 23:12:56
QUOTE(Mugulu @ May 30 2007, 08:01 PM) 413287
Hey, I'm glad I found this topic and would like to make my character's (Illithoid) description open to suggestions to improve it.
I know it isn't very good, but it was whatever occured to me at the time. My idea was that to make my character convey a feeling that folks were standing before a utterly hideous abomination. A tumor that needed to be extirpated, someone so pathetic that you'd feel compelled to kill him or just keep your distance lest you get infected with something. Should I make it longer and describe the maws, for example?
EDIT: Fixed some things.
I know it isn't very good, but it was whatever occured to me at the time. My idea was that to make my character convey a feeling that folks were standing before a utterly hideous abomination. A tumor that needed to be extirpated, someone so pathetic that you'd feel compelled to kill him or just keep your distance lest you get infected with something. Should I make it longer and describe the maws, for example?
EDIT: Fixed some things.
I think it's already long enough; anything more would just be extraneous detail. The description itself is (in my opinion) more than adequate for the purposes of evoking feelings of pity and horror. It's very disturbing, but well-written!
