Green has stood for growth, they say,
And red for dread death and decay.
For blood that seeps from a wound in scarlet streams,
For madness and the land of morbid dreams.

But trailing vines will slowly choke the trees,
Spreading like contagion and disease.
Nature is vicious, killing without thought,
Without regret for destruction she’s wrought.

Diaphanous and frail, a spider’s web,
Fools with fragile filmy thread.
At its center, danger lies,
Its beauty a deception, deceiving flies.

But in lifeblood churning through one’s veins,
Sickness holds no foul demesne.
Life is in a red rose and a lover’s embrace,
Growth in the blush of a newborn babe’s small face.

Those who worship forests green,
Believe them untainted and pristine
Bow to something not Divine
A mere idol with no right for a shrine.

Turn, my friend, from what is wrong!
Growth is red and empowers, makes strong.
Be free from stagnant Nature’s thrall
Do not heed its beguiling call.



I'm pretty much a beginner at poetry, so this doesn't really have much of a rhythm. And a few times it was a bit of a stretch to rhyme, so the rhyming sounds forced. Any critique is appreciated

Also, I can't think of a title for this, so if you suggest one, you get a

Its really good. Your message was made clear, your rhyme was absolutely beautiful, and you portrayed your subject matter beautifully. Well done.

Can't say I agree with the poem...Nature is far from stagnant, and in many cultures IS a goddess (heard of Gaia? Or Mother Earth? I think the Wiccans have a belief about the earth having its own soul.) Only reason why life is stagnant right now is because of humanity breaking the laws of nature. Which may be indirectly Nature's fault for having evolved the brain as it has. Humans would make pretty crappy predators, with no claws, teeth, or exceptional strength. Horrible prey as well, since they can't run quick, or climb exceptionally fast, fly, or hide in small holes Lack of fur or scales would make them pretty vulnerable as well.

Vines hardly choke trees as well, more like large enough trees kill all the vegetation around them as the foliage deprives them of sunlight. Rose bushes are actually more harmful then vines, and they can sprawl as well

I will agree that Nature can be a destructive force when natural disasters occur. But sometimes those disasters are also necessary. Example: volcano eruptions or grass fires cause soil to become fertile with the dead matter, and better things end up growing from them.

The thing about writing is that you need to establish the people who you are writing for and what their knowledge of the subject will be. If there are wrong facts in the literature, they'll know and your work becomes flawed, devalued. I imagine you'd be preaching this to people of Serenwilde, and while there's a huge number of idiots in the Serenwilde, the small percentage with some intelligence could point out the flaws in your poem.

Not to discourage you or anything.

Grammatically, there's a lot of repetition. I'm not certain if this is intentional or not. Rhymes aren't necessary in a poem, neither is punctuation, or even proper grammar. Somethings you can break the rules to make something stand out. Also, in three paragraph essays they say you write one 'good' paragraph, then two 'bad' paragraphs to prove a point. I think this is to make the people understand that you know what you are talking about, and can be more convincing in your argument about why you disagree with subject of the piece. Think of it in the same way for the poem. Acknowledge some rights so the wrongs seem more convincing.

That's all I have to advise. I'm not a multiple Bardic winner like Marina, so you can just ignore me and take her word for it.

Thanks

You had a lot of valid points, Kharaen. I'll try to make the poem more concise. Also, the stanza (?) on vines choking trees, etc. could probably be heavily edited or removed.

I will get to work on looking over it tomorrow, as I'm a bit tired right now.

Didn't mean to be too harsh >.> It's just what I was taught. I too like writing not in rhyme. Used to maintain a poetry site years ago. I liked your imagery though! So don't change much, just correct some of the wrong facts, and toss in a positive or two.