That's one really weird line of thinking though...

Yeah, I'm not a fan of that line of thinking, myself. I'm of the firm opinion that a relationship where one or both of the people involved literally make the other person their whole world are slightly dysfuctional. Everyone needs some time with their own friends doing their own thing apart from the other person now and then.

To back this strong feeling I have up, I simply look at my little sister and her boyfriend. They're attached at the hip, do everything together all day long, get antsy if they have to spend more than an hour apart, have all the exact same friends.... and neither one of them are quite right in the head.

Urm, yeah, so, I IMed one of my "friends" and they told me that if I acted less like me, more people might like me.

... any idea on how I can be less like me, then?

Whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there.

Don't you dare. That is the most idiotic advice I have ever heard.

Myrkr, if you want to change. Change. If you're happy as you are, stay the same. It seems you have a Fiance that loves you (I would hope so if you're getting married!), but don't change just because some screwball friends act like this.

I would say if they're wanting you to change just so they can be happy or 'more people' might like you, they aren't worth it. You can do much, much better.

(That sounds harsh!)

Might sound harsh, but it's the truth. Myrkr, I wish you'd follow this advice. You seem like a neat person to me, and if you worked on your self esteem issues, you'd be even neater, I bet. Stop letting these people hurt you like this.

I could dump my self esteem issues on the back of my stepfather, but that amount of weight would make his old form crumble, collapse, and turn to dust.

I'm going to instead say that it's my fault, because it'd be irresponsible to say that the things he's done have affected me that much. So I was 10 and younger. Still should've learned to... ah, what is it... "Harden Up"? I think that's Murphy's quote. Please don't sue me.

Anyway. The kids at my school treat me better than the kids at my JHS and Elementary school did, so I'm really grateful to have them as friends, or at least people who talk to me sometimes.

1. You are you. You will always be you. You cannot live for someone else.

2. Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. It's a betrayal of every breath you've taken and every experience you've had.

3. Anyone who wants you to be someone else is insecure, selfish, and too unhappy with their own pathetic existences to accept anyone who doesn't fit the mold they do. Quite frankly, they probably don't fit it, either. They're cowards of the highest order.

4. Before you can genuinely love anyone else (and I say this because you mentioned that you're engaged) you must love yourself. It's a necessity, or again, you're trying to live your life for another person.

5. Your words, your thoughts shape your reality. If you continue to repeat that you have no value as a person, that you're boring or "lame" or aren't worthy of friends who treat you with respect, you begin to believe it until it becomes true. Regardless of what's happened in your past, this aspect of your life is utterly within your control. If you continue to surround yourself with negative people and fill your head with negative thoughts, you're going to be hard-pressed to find anything positive in life.

6. If it's not your fault, don't take the blame just to shield someone else from the consequences of their own actions. You're only hurting yourself and allowing them to continue their bad behaviours.

7. I hesitate to post this, but after re-reading some of your statements, I think it bears mentioning. Speak with a counselor. Please. Some of your attitudes seem self-destructive and strongly co-dependent, and those tendencies need to be discussed with a professional who can point you in the right direction.

If you're looking for emotional reinforcement, plenty of people have posted their support. What you really seem to need, however, you will not get from anyone else. We can offer ideas and suggestions, but ultimately the responsibility of taking action is yours. I apologize if I've sounded harsh, but I've met far too many wonderful, intelligent, very compassionate and sensitive people who have found themselves in abusive relationships, hooked on drugs, and/or on the verge of suicide. Most of them, at some point, sounded much like you do now.

Lots of lusternia people to talk to. Hit up IRC now and then see if conversation is going on, join OOC clans and stuff, lots of friendly people about, my lusternia friends keep me sane in my hermit-like life

Where do these "friends" of yours live? They need someone to show up and smack them around for a bit, they sound like total jerks :|!

NYC. Jerk Population unlimited.

Ooooooh, it all makes sense now.

Move.

For the first bold, I have. They told me there's nothing wrong with me, and that it's just my family and the way I was raised, specifically my stepfather.

Second set of bolds, the last of the three has only been true for me. I'm proud to say that I'm actually in an equal relationship with my fiance. And I refuse to become like my siblings and do drugs. So hah.

I just realized that I'm one of twelve kids in a school with over two thousand kids that doesn't do drugs. Hrm. Maybe that's why my friends aren't really friends.

Get a second opinion, because if you're putting yourself down constantly, yes, there is something wrong with that. Your upbringing may be a potential factor in why you think as you do, but it doesn't make it peachy-keen.



"Hah?"

You can discount what everyone's said, or not. As I stated, the choice is yours, and it's up to you what you do with your life- just remember that it's yours, and not your family's, not your friends'. I wish you the best of luck.

I will when I'm done with school, so that I'm not HERE anymore.

The "Hah" was to be silly.

I get uncomfortable if I talk too seriously for too long. Sorry.

I've been to five counselors so far. Maybe it's just NYC Shrinks.

Thank you for the well wishes.

Look, i see it like this.. I may sound like a hag for saying it like this, but i'm not trying to put you down, in ANY way. I just have to put it as i see it.

you're obviously sweet, and kind towards others.. these people see that, and use you for anything they can. Naive, a bit young, however you want to put it.

Now, i'm helpful to a fault, even giving the robes off my own back to novices, from time to time.. but I have to look out for myself. Period.. the way i see it, is, if i give myself TOO much, I lose the ability to help at all. If i give all of my money to one novice, I can't help the next, nor help myself.

You have a good heart, and it's in the right place, believe me. But you HAVE to realize, these people don't have the same ideas of life, they only look out for themselves, period, and have NO qualms with screwing you over. They don't have the same high ideals you do, nor is there anything you can do to change that.

So. I say, quit letting them use you. There are quite a few people out there like you, make friends with them. Let the people only worried about themselves, screw themselves over, and worry about you and your fiancee. The most important person to you, is YOU. and your fiancee/kid/whatever. Ten/Twenty years from now, these asses won't even remember you, but you will always have your true friends, and your family.

Well, that's about it, enough of my ranting

True Friends -- Need to find some first

Family -- What family?

well, i'm not much, but if you ever need to gripe/complain, i tend to loan my artifact shoulder out.. i mean. I love to listen.

anyway, just dump these people, have that baby you talk about on the channel we share, and love on your fiancee.. that's what life is all about, really

This thread feels a bit (only a little bit) passive-aggressive or apathetic. You are countering every post with a post of your own which describes your life as pretty bad - no friends, no one to seek emotional support, low self-esteem and so on.

Here's what I'm saying - nothing good came to those who wait and hoped things will get better. You have to went out of your way to straight everything out. Dump your friends - they don't seem like friends to begin with, more like members of some kind of abusive partnership. Don't deal with them at all. Find yourself real friends - someone who will act in more empathic ways. If your school is full of potheads who all act like that - screw school! There are other places to find friends at. Online friends are no worse than real ones. Try going to a library - I know someone who met not only a friend, but his future WIFE there.

Most importantly, what you is good self-esteem. As long as you are morally whole - not a murderer or any other corrupt individual, you are AT LEAST as good as everyone else. Who do these people think they are that they treat you like that? Stand up against them in action or word. Here's an example - I called you passive-aggressive or apathetic at my first sentence of this post. I did it deliberately - it was insulting and uncalled for. You should get angry or consider me a jerk and ignore me in the future. Do not feel bad I called you that way, and DEFINITELY do not try to change just because someone doesn't like you the way you are. Conformism is one of the greatest "small evils" of the modern society.