I see my life as hopeless and pointless, which is why I counter the points. I'm also a pessimist when it comes to myself.



Why would I get angry at you for saying that...?

You're free to think what you want, I have no right to change you, for you are who you are. If you think I'm apathetic or passive-aggressive, that's your choice. You even provided reasons.

Why should I dislike you for thinking negatively of me?

Because it's uncalled for! Even when I feel bad and angry at myself, I consider myself the only one who may do that. If anyone else tries to think ill of me, I change my despair into anger - and focus it at them. It isn't the nicest habit, I admit.

Anyway, here's a more objective point of view. You obviously underprice your own value as a human being. Being a valuable human has nothing to do with mental or physical strength or skill, popularity, being funny or good looking. The first and only thing that matters is MORALITY. Compare yourself to your so called "friends". They treat you like crap. Do you treat anyone like crap for no reason? I don't think so, but they do. Therefore you are BETTER than them, because they're awful jerks and you are not.

They have a perfectly good reason for treating me like crap: they don't like me, and I can't always help them.

I feel like I'm missing something here.

Edit: The people I treat like crap, I feel horrible for doing so, but I remind myself they brought it upon themselves when they do step over a boundary I cannot accept. I.E., this kid Kevin slept with one of my friends, Kathy, told her he loved her, cheated on her, dumped her, is dating the girl he cheated on Kathy with, and is now trying to cheat on his current girlfriend with Kathy, and has stalked her and followed her home.

Kathy and I don't talk much, and whenever I do, she kind of just emotionally / auraically pushes me away. But she's a good person.

That's a very crappy reason.
1. Not liking anyone doesn't mean you can act like that.
2. You can't always help them, so what? When was the last time when THEY helped YOU? And speaking of which, what kind of miracle worker can ALWAYS help with other peoples' problems, huh?

Feel free to note the edit to the post above yours. ~~^

Let me copy and paste it to make it easier for you, if you plan to quote it.

" Edit: The people I treat like crap, I feel horrible for doing so, but I remind myself they brought it upon themselves when they do step over a boundary I cannot accept. I.E., this kid Kevin slept with one of my friends, Kathy, told her he loved her, cheated on her, dumped her, is dating the girl he cheated on Kathy with, and is now trying to cheat on his current girlfriend with Kathy, and has stalked her and followed her home.

Kathy and I don't talk much, and whenever I do, she kind of just emotionally / auraically pushes me away. But she's a good person. "

Now, to the points you raised, as I continue to make myself feel worse than I already do! (Because I'm the best at doing that, I don't think anyone alone could do it better than me)

1. To them, they're allowed to. I have no right to tell someone that their way of thinking is wrong, even if it conflicts with mine.

2. My reputation involving my family and others is very well known in my neighborhood and all the schools I have gone to. It follows me to each. I'm expected to be able to help everyone to the amount they need help.

If a person doesn't like you then they're not your friend. If they don't like to help you out but expect -you- to help them, then not only are they not friends but they're also asses. I really can't think of any other way to elaborate on that.

I used to be overly giving and helpful to people too, maybe without even knowing it. When you come to the realization that a relationship is one-sided, you slowly back away from it.

I'm also assuming that you made this thread in order to seek a little bit of advice from others (otherwise what would have been the point), so try and take some of that advice, perhaps it will make things better!

My fiance raised the point to me over AIM that one of my problems is that I define people as full-fledged friends not because of how they treat me, but because they talk to me. About what is irrelevant.

I understand, intellectually, that people who are willing to talk to you != friends. However, emotionally, to me it feels to be the case, because of how I was treated as a kid by other kids. I could elaborate, but, I'll restrain myself, unless/until I feel it necessary to elaborate / someone is actually curious/cares/etc etc etc.

Would the threat of violence help you grow a spine? There's a hundred thousand women every year with more confidence than you who end up raped and turn out to be nothing more than victims because they're afraid to report their attackers, and odds are more people get hurt on account of fear and spinelessness.

How about the threat of being completely abandoned? If you won't get yourself real friends, where are you going to be when you actually need one? Alone, crying, helpless? There's a life goal.

You know there's an issue. If there wasn't, you wouldn't have made this thread. Now go fix the issue as your circumstances in life best allow. That doesnt mean becoming someone else. There's nothing wrong with helping people. There's nothing wrong with being kind to complete strangers. There's plenty wrong with using kindness, sympathy, or generosity as an excuse to not take care of yourself.

Was at that stage before my fiance came about.

Also including the first para you wrote, to a degree.

At any rate. I'm aware there is an issue, yes, and advice is good for me. Where to start is the question...

Read the Fountain Head. If you like that book, then read Atlas Shrugged.
http://www.amazon.com/Fountainhead-Ayn-Ran...8166&sr=1-2

Fountain Head will likely speak to you. It's about an artist who has to go against society.

Vector art is art as well. You should speak to your teachers about Modern Vector and New Media art and musuems and companies that can help you get a good job in any city you decide to live in when you graduate. Don't neglect the real education the school can offer you. i.e. Connections.

I might also suggest reading the book "Bad Childhood, Good Life"
http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood-Good-L...d/dp/006057786X

I recomend these books because I think they are extremes at the other end of your experiences, and should help open yourself up to the wide amount of possiblities you have out there.

To be blunt, I think you owe your Fiance that you read these books, or similar ones that people can advise you to read.


edit: I was joking a bit when I said that if you have a fiance you don't need any other friends.

I was aware you were joking.

Inre to my Vector Art, my poster design was chosen for the Gospel Choir Concert. (Ironic, because I made the poster as a joke, and my teacher submitted it for me o_o")

My stepdad said it was crap.



Edit: I made that tree with a mouse. Clicking is a joyful thing.

Your choice of fonts is sub-optimal, and although the composition isn't bad, the curving of the title banner is an unnecessary addition. I assume this is a low-quality copy, which is why it has certain artefacts. If you were deliberately going for a "stressed" look to the printing, you could have done better.

Otherwise it's just fine, if you were going for an uncluttered design.

no.. not only no, but HELL NO

there is NEVER a good reason to treat someone like crap.. if you can't always help them, that isn't your fault.
and even if they don't like you, once again, not your fault.. You do what you can, with what you have. If they don't like you, screw them, you are your own person, and they don't matter as much as you do. Girl, you need to grow some self esteem. You are obviously a WONDERUL person, just stand up for yourself.

:nerd: <== probably not an emoticon, but it should be

to quote a book i read once

"Your life is your own. Rise up and live it"


edit: you know, i hate to say this, but this might be a small idea of what is needed.. Next time you look in a mirror, just look at yourself, and say, " You know what. I am worth feeling good about myself. Iam pretty, and smart, and if they don't like me, oh well, "I" like me. My fiancee loves me, and that's all that matters. I am worth feeling good about. I am worth someone spending the time to love me. I am my own person, i handle my own destiny, and noone who doubts me, matters in that destiny"

ok, so that sounded odd, but you get the idea.. you should matter to you, period. Why? Because regardless of what others in the past have told you, you DO matter, and you ARE special.

It's the B+W version of it.

Again, I made it as a joke. I didn't know it was chosen until I saw it, in color, a giant version, outside of my school.

... erm... where can I buy a mirror? Does Home Depot sell those? Or Bed, Bath, and Beyond?

Please don't show us the colour design. I don't want to have to tell you that it's gaudy or hopelessly bland, but I make no compromises in the name of good taste.

yes.. BBaB would have one, at least a small one

*twinkle* don't MAKE me kidnap you, for a self esteem booster

I could stand a kidnapping right now.

I was going to go out to the arcade tomorrow to play DDR, and my stepfather decided that me cleaning the whole apartment is a much better idea.

T__T Save meee.

Go to the library, get those books, and move out

Unless she's in high school and still a minor, which she just might be.