Mine's a tree .

Alright then, Professor Elm, what are my choices?

Shoot, I got three years on you ....

Dario Papić (Male Human)
He is 17 years old, having been born on the 10th of August, 1991 years after the ravaging of the Virgin Mary's vagina.
He is ranked 6,315,547,989th on Earth.
He is a refreshingly credible character.
He is a Citizen of Croatia.
He is an enemy of the Alliance of Annoying Assholes.
He is a Sorry Excuse for a Human in the Fellowship of Explorers.
He is currently enrolled in Andrija Kačić Miošić High.
He is a member of the website called "Wikipedia."
He is a member of the website called "GameFAQs."
He is a member of the website called "Facebook."
He is a member of the clan called "Queer Loners."
He is a member of the clan called "Socialized Sociopaths."
He was born into the Papić family.
He is deemed a Traitor by the Fashion Council.
He is considered approximately equal to your might.
He brought peace of mind to his grandmother by telling her that, yes, he would get married one day.
He did lie to his grandmother repeatedly.
He did make little Mia cry by telling her that her mother didn't love her.
He has edited over 500 articles on Wikipedia.
He is known as That Faggot to 80% of his hometown.
He did watch the movie Shakespeare in Love over 30 times.
His name has been scribed in the Tome of Damnation for never having read Bambi.

Wait, Bambi was a book?

Um...

Disney makes all of their children's movies into those little 'gold'-bound kid stories. I used to have a number of them, ages ago.

The Bambi gold book.

Gosh. From Wikipedia.

"yadda yadda, the film is based on the 1923 book Bambi, A Life in the Woods by Austrian author Felix Salten."

That's what I meant. It's compulsory reading in all elementary schools here, everyone except me has read it. :outcast:

J.K. Bishop (Male Nurse)
He was born in the Year of the Rooster though he prefers to call it Cock because people are funny about things that have double-meanings.
He is an extremely credible character.
He is an Alabamian in the United States of America.
He is an Itinerant Traveler of the Southeast.
He is a slave to the Man.
He is a graduate of high school (valedictorian) and university (cum laude).
He is a member of the clan called 'Keep Mobile Funky.'
He is a member of the clan called 'People Who Look Like Long-haired Hippies But Aren't.'
His motto: 'What the hell, man?'
He is considered to be approximately equal to your might unless you are really short or kind of "slow."
He is a black sheep of the Bishop family being always amazed that he could be related to his non-immediate relatives.
He is deemed Bachelor of Science by the College of Nursing.
He is professionally licensed in multiple states.
He has demonstrated his clinical expertise in a nursing specialty by shelling out a wad of cash and passing a very hard test.
He has seen more mammary tissue and reproductive parts than he ever wanted to.
He never had an inkling when he was little that he would help "latch a baby on" when he grew up.
He has been in the right place at the right time and saved lives.
He has worn an "Ask Me About Breastfeeding" button in complete seriousness.
He has told everyone who says "male nurse" in his presence about all of the "women doctors" he has seen.
He is the loyal and ever-accommodating staff for one feline.
He escaped the wrath of nature called Katrina.
He is a half-hearted vegetarian.
He has had more complete strangers tell him their life troubles while standing in line than anyone else he knows.
He is a gaming addict, having spent uncountable fortunes on ones and zeroes.
He is viewed as the good son by his mother.
He is viewed as almost hopeless by his father.
He was thwarted by his parents who finally bought a pool mere months after he had started college.
He is the show-saving lead vocalist of his RockBand band 95% of the time.
He has gotten along on good terms with everyone with whom he has worked even when he really did not like them.
He is deemed Hermit Unless There is Good Food There by the Coucil of Social Interaction.
He did spend part of his childhood living in a trailer.
He is undergoing the trials of home ownership.
He is deemed horribly uncrafty by the Council of Crafty People.
He is the proud brother of a soldier overseas.
He has exercised his civic duty to vote in the democratic process at every opportunity.
He did survive the rising of the Soulless God George W. Bush.

Teh (Male Human).
He is 28 years old, having been born at 6pm one day in the year 1980.
He is unranked on Earth.
He is a barely credible character.
He is an aspiring particle physicist.
He is a common Napper in England.
He is a decendant of a former Prime Minister.
He is a Cosmic Wayfarer in the Fellowship of Explorers.
He is not yet a graduate of the Open University (honours).
He is a member of the website called 'Facebook.'
He is a member of the group called 'Notfitnotfatlads.'
He is a member of the group called 'LGBT.'
He would be a member of the group called 'Procrastinators' if he had got round to joining.
He is a member of the group called 'Microsoft Certified Serial Examtaker.'
His motto: 'I feel a nap approaching!'
He is deemed a bit unbalanced, by the Council of Work Colleagues.
He is considered to be approximately equal to your might.
He did slay the mighty Beer Monster of Bavaria, by downing 14 pints in one day.
He is a gaming addict, having spent distressingly countable fortunes on ones and zeroes.
He did accumulate a download collection approximately 1TB in size.
He is known as the sheep shagger, for his Welsh ancestry.
He is known as mapguy, for his mildly autistic ability to line up small squares for hours on end.
He harnessed the powers of Ikea to rescue his entire flat.
He did shatter the invulnerability of Ikea by filling his bookshelves far too quickly.
He did once study for, and pass, a Microsoft exam in a single 24 hour period, with the aid of 16 cans of redbull. No sleep.
He is known as Krautlover, for his love of the German culture, food and men.

Know why the Welsh take their sheep up on the edge of a cliff, right?

The sheep push back.

What do you call a sheep tied to a lampost in Wales?

The red light district.

...heard them all before

Yeah, see, the scary part is that I know someone whose initials are ELM and whose birthday is June 19th, but they're probably not you. It's still weird, though.

For mine:

Mousicus (Male Human?).
He is 21 years old, having been born on the 25th of August, 1987 C.E.
He is unranked on Earth.
He is an extremely credible character.
He is a Californian in the United States of America.
He is a Fourth Year in Stanford University.
He is a Dreamwalker in the Fellowship of Lucid Dreamers.
He holds the position of Lab Tech in the Department of Developmental Biology.
He holds the position of Lightmaster in the Savoyards.
He holds the position of Ceiling Ninja in the Savoyards.
He is a Graduate of Henry M. Gunn High School (honours).
He is an enemy of Sleep.
He is a member of the group, 'Facebook'.
He is a member of the group, 'Lusternian Addicts'.
He is a member of the group, 'The Stanford Savoyards'.
He is a member of the group, 'Books are Friends, not Food'.
He is the head of the group, 'Calories! OMNOMNOM!'
He did survive the rising of the Soulless God George W. Bush.
His motto: 'Cars are for silly people.'
He is considered 75% of your mass.
He has been in a stable relationship for approximately 14 months.
He is deemed a 'Supreme Cuddler' by the High Council of Plush Collectors.
He is deemed a 'Corrupter' by the Council of Gamers, having converted a plethora of otherwise good students.
He is deemed an 'Lower Intermediate' by the Fencing Community.
He is an accounted 'Stumbler' amongst the social dance groups.
He has been dubbed 'Hobbit' for no apparent reason.
He is an accounted lightboard operator, having lit an entire production on the fly.
He has been deemed a squeaky person by the Lusternian Skypers.
He has built a computer for his mother.
He is a Dread Reaper of the fruit flies.
He is a certified Lifeguard, having passed the YMCA licensing examination.
He did survive the rising of the Soulless God George W. Bush.
He did ascend to the rooftops of every school he has attended.