An Apology

by Somaria

Back to Common Grounds.

Somaria2009-01-04 18:01:04
For a while now, I've felt like this wouldn't help anything. Not me, or anyone else. However, thanks to someone I obviously didn't give enough credit to, that opinion has changed. I believe this is a bit overdue.

When I- me, Amber, made the decision to follow through and steal from the Nekotai guild, I felt horribly. I know a majority of the credits there came from people I knew and had an insane amount of respect for. I knew there were credits from others that I didn't know as well, people who I probably had never had the chance to talk to or interact with. People were wronged because I felt attacked by people who I thought represented the entire population. I got upset and took an action that I regret. For that, I am sorry.

When things continued to spiral downwards, both for Somaria and myself, I grew bitter and tired and wronged people again. Through the Harbinger guild shop. Again, I was assaulted by the same guilt and frustration. I thought I would have 'one up' on the people who were making things so hard. It didn't feel like I had gained anything but a general distaste for myself and my own actions.

I think I continued to try and defend myself through posts, arguing.. to explain to others in an effort to convince myself as well, that I was somehow right in lashing out, when I really wasn't. I hid behind "sticking to Somaria's character" instead of admitting how badly I felt.

I wish I could find more words to explain how terrible I feel for ruining a lot of people's gameplay, but I can't. This isn't to excite more anger, or to argue further against you, it's the best I can do. It's hard to write, and it's hard to accept that I'm the one at fault, but I really am trying and I only hope it can be accepted for what it is. An apology.

Furthermore, I would like to make it clear that I plan on repaying the guilds in full, when I can. Whether it comes out of my pocket OOCly, or slowly through Somaria. Likely in the next few months if I can afford it.
Shaddus2009-01-04 18:02:25
I'm going to have to call BS on this one.
Xenthos2009-01-04 18:04:07
QUOTE (Shaddus Mes'ard @ Jan 4 2009, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm going to have to call BS on this one.

Honestly, I don't think so.

We'll see, but being the person who was talking with her as she put this together, I do think she really does feel sorry.

And I do appreciate the apology.
Rika2009-01-04 19:19:23
Meh. I wouldn't be so quick to call it, Shaddus. Give her a chance and see what she does about it.
Unknown2009-01-04 19:25:42
What Xenthos said.
Gregori2009-01-04 19:55:51
I will give her the respect for coming forth with an apology, but actions speak louder than words and we will see.
Druken2009-01-04 20:03:34
smile.gif

I can tell you really mean it. It's easily reinforced by Xenthos's faith in your honesty. I hope writing it had the affect on your peace of mind that you were looking for.

Don't pay with real money, though. In time, Somaria will have what she needs to repay everything if that's how Somaria, the character, feels. You accomplished what you needed for the players already with your post. smile.gif

Stay happy! And I'll say it, too, because it's just the cliche thing that's thrown around in times like this- breaks from games like this do a world of good.
Unknown2009-01-04 20:06:01
QUOTE (Druken @ Jan 4 2009, 09:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
smile.gif


I thought your forum name was Drunken for... half a second. freaked.gif
Rika2009-01-04 20:10:11
QUOTE (Thoros LaSaet @ Jan 5 2009, 09:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought your forum name was Drunken for... half a second. freaked.gif


Doesn't that tell you a bit about your own state? :>
Aison2009-01-04 20:10:32
Still feeling the New Year vibe, eh Thoros?

Thanks for the apology Somaria. Like someone said, actions speak louder than words and I hope you will sort things out ICly and go where you want to with your character.
Unknown2009-01-05 03:29:51
Things can spiral, and it's understanding to stay with the losing fight, because it's the one you know, even if it hurts more in the long run. It's a hard step to apologize, and the mature one. Props to doing so, and hopefully you can find a place in Lusternia again someday.
Somaria2009-01-05 17:28:50
Mm. I still think I have a place in Lusternia. Despite people not liking me or Somaria.

I mean, my alts are pleasant, and Somaria can be fun at times despite the griefing. With her, I just try to stay away from people in general though.
Unknown2009-01-06 10:52:51
Apology is much appreciated. smile.gif
Unknown2009-01-07 17:15:15
QUOTE
When I- me, Amber, made the decision to follow through and steal from the Nekotai guild

QUOTE
When things continued to spiral downwards, both for Somaria and myself, I grew bitter and tired and wronged people again. Through the Harbinger guild shop.


Not the Amber I knew/know

QUOTE
I wish I could find more words to explain how terrible I feel for ruining a lot of people's gameplay, but I can't. This isn't to excite more anger, or to argue further against you, it's the best I can do. It's hard to write, and it's hard to accept that I'm the one at fault, but I really am trying and I only hope it can be accepted for what it is. An apology.

Furthermore, I would like to make it clear that I plan on repaying the guilds in full, when I can. Whether it comes out of my pocket OOCly, or slowly through Somaria. Likely in the next few months if I can afford it.


What I expected, and stayed around as an y'Kaliath for.
*Luffs Ambs*
Somaria2009-01-07 17:22:46
QUOTE (Tau y'Kaliath @ Jan 7 2009, 10:15 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Not the Amber I knew/know



What I expected, and stayed around as an y'Kaliath for.
*Luffs Ambs*


wub.gif I know
Eliron2009-01-07 19:25:56
Apology accepted.

I agree with Druken. Don't use OOC funds to pay the guilds back. Lusternia's a game and should come second to whatever else you need or want the money for. For me as a player, the apology's enough to restore my respect for Amber and ease the frustration/anger I had over the theft, since it reinforces my belief that Lusternia is full of awesome players who can either care about other people's fun or at least be civil despite rp differences. happy.gif
Daereth2009-01-08 21:16:42
It seems I need to do this as well, to clear up a few things. Since this is the same instance I'll just reuse Somaria's thread.

I have mostly remained silent on this subject, but now I will speak my mind. The reason I have not apologized is because I believe it won't help in the slightest. You will still be angry and I will still have to deal with the consequences of a choice already made. I cannot take back this decision and I cannot reverse time.

The thing I did was steal from the Harbingers shop, after they forced me out for a half assed reason. Sadly, it seemed like a good enough reason at the time and I had the option to do something back. I made a mistake.

While I do regret my decision and I am sorry for hurting the guild as a whole, I however am not going to beat myself with a stick everyday for the rest of my life. If you have bothered to ask my OOC feelings about the subject, then you already know this.

I will not claim OOC support for that paticular decision anymore nor will I claim it was justified by RP. There is a certain line that you don't cross as to not bring unwanted harm to an organization, I crossed it. I realize my actions while not huge and game ending, brought pain to many people I did not wish to inflict it upon. For that reason I do apologize.
Llandros2009-01-08 21:46:49
I liked Somaria's apology. If I had a reason to forgive her I would. She really didn't do anything that had an impact on me so that point is moot.

This one, not so much. Saying you're sorry people got hurt, and not saying you're sorry for doing what hurt them, isn't much of an apology...
Daereth2009-01-08 21:52:54
QUOTE (Llandros @ Jan 8 2009, 03:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This one, not so much. Saying you're sorry people got hurt, and not saying you're sorry for doing what hurt them, isn't much of an apology...
Not what I said. You should read it again. I said that I regretted the decision I made and that I was sorry people got hurt because of it.

That in no way means 'I'm not sorry for doing it. But hey! I'm sorry you got hurt?'.
Eliron2009-01-09 01:05:11
QUOTE (Daereth @ Jan 8 2009, 02:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The reason I have not apologized is because I believe it won't help in the slightest.


ICly, nothing will change Eliron's opinion of Daedalion

OOCly, the apology's enough for me, just as it was with Somaria. I'm rather sick of this particular drama llama, and hopefully people will stop lambasting both of you across forums after this. Clearly we disagree about whether or not Dae's removal was for a half-assed reason, but I am sorry it wasn't temporary after all and led Dae to leaving Glom. Dae and El didn't interact very often considering they were both Harbinger leaders, but it was always interesting on my end when they did.


Also, to anyone who thinks Somaria's original post was insincere, Somaria's already repaid the Harbingers a hefty potion of what was taken from their shop.