From what I've gathered from the posts, this is an extremely common thing. I've been diagnosed with Dystonia(Or whatever it is...confusing medical term), coupled with Major Depressive Episodes, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

I know you proabably play Lusternia to get away and relax, I know I do.

And all I can say, is that you just should keep that in mind. Don't sweat it when things aren't going great IG, just QQ, and go do something else for a bit. Play a game, talk with a friend, just make sure that you aren't alone, because that's the worst thing that you can do.

Agreeing with Nocht, Shayle, Marina, Sthai, et al.

Get help.

Also: hide your money. Or you'll find yourself with a month's rent worth of credits.

Hi Parabollus. I typed a reply last night then deleted it, but now I've typed it again because I feel I ought to contribute to something I know a bit about. I also suffer quite badly from depressions and have encountered the same problems that arise when combining depression with a game involving conflict and real people interacting. Firstly, to echo the comments of Nocht, get help. Whether that be professional or family and friends, talk to someone about it. Your health is far more important than an online text based MUD!

There are two options you could consider with regards to Lusternia, as I see it. Option one is to leave it completely for a while until you feel more able to cope with some of the situations that will arise. Lusternia will still be here for you if you want to come back, Estarra has a number of shoes to throw to keep Kethuru at bay for many years yet. If Lusternia is making you feel bad and at the same time not contributing enough positively then this might be your best option. This is a game after all and should be enjoyed. Option two is to concentrate on the positives of the game. While conflict is a big part of the game, it is possible to be involved and enjoy the game without getting into much, if any, conflict. The ascension event is something that quite a few people find frustrating, not just you, so you are certainly not alone there! However, in events generally there are roles you can fill which will help your city while not putting you into combat, such as being a healer. I didn't fight at all for at least the first 2 years here, so I know it's possible. I was even involved in a large event where I was suddenly killed, and the person was nice enough to apologise to me afterwards, so there are plenty of nice people in Lusternia, but fighting and dying is a part of the game. Weigh up what you think you gain from Lusternia and if you find there are more negatives than positives then just walk away from it.

Whatever you decide, you are certainly not alone in your feelings and there are ways to work through it! I wish you the best for the future whether that involves Lusternia or not!

I would have to disagree with the thought that 'this is just a game'. Ever since I began playing, I have placed my whole self within my character. When I became an undersecretary for the Hartstone, I was proud to be it, I had people in the guild that rooted for me, and my family was happy for me as well which made me smile and happy that I had people behind me. Same when I was placed as Protector, and when I became the Keeper, even if it was due to a 'bug' I was happy, although when having the entire guild turn their backs on me, and then be called emo by everyone around me, it not only affected my character, it affected me as well.

I'm not sure if people truly realize that those behind the characters that interact with are real people or they just don't care. I know that saying certain things, or what have you hurts, and I'm not one to openly place myself into anything, but I have shown my true feelings and emotions into my character and by having people that I sort of deemed as my friends call me emo and worthless and such, it truly does hurt. I remember crying when having a friend tell me that I didn't deserve to be in an elected position because they thought I wouldn't be able to handle it, and that I wasn't worthy of the position. It was just as if my best friend coming to me and telling me that I didn't deserve the good grades I made in school because they didn't think so. It felt as though my heart was being ripped and toyed with.

Well, that's just my two cents on this thread.

I agree, every time Shuyin pinlegs me my leg hurts IRL. Or when Romero Aeons me I just watch my fingers move over the keyboard in slow motion. I never answer the door after a raid because I think Thoros is coming to my house to bashbrain me RL.

Detachment from your character is to me is a very very important thing to have when playing a game like this, for your well-being and enjoyment. Particularly when you suffer from some sort of emotional disorder that makes you especially vulnerable to the things that people say or do, or things that happen around you.

Putting your 'whole self' or emotions or whatever completely on the line in a game like this a NOT HEALTHY, don't do it! People do things and say things to people in this game way meaner than they ever would in reality because it's a role-playing game and most likely, they don't take it one quarter as seriously as you do. Behind those terrible characters though, you often find kind-hearted fun people, but if you are effected by things like this laying yourself out like that is dangerous.

The problem is, though, that it -is- just a game. Yes our characters can be reflections of ourselves, but you have to take a step back and realize that none of it is real. It's like acting out a role without any lines, or knowing where the plot is going. You are contributing to a story.

To echo a lot of the people that have posted, I too deal with depression, and have for a very long time. However, you can't expect for people to treat you special because you have stuff to deal with in real life. Some people are playing a role that is different from how they would treat you if they were in that situation themselves.

Lusternia is rife with conflict. It is set up so that players on opposite sides hate each other, and have a reason to want each other dead. Taunts and put downs are to be expected. If you can't handle this, I reccomend that you find a game that isn't set up so competitively.

On the other side of the coin, leadership positions and such tend to be heavily based on people's OOC perceptions. Don't put yourself up for something if you can't handle people explaining to you why you shouldn't take the position.

I do agree, though, that what happens to your character IG can affect your emotions in real life. I feel happy when I gain a level, and annoyed when I lose one. However, if you find yourself breaking down because you've been killed in game or you couldn't help out during a raid, that's when you should step back and take a break. This is a game, and you should play it to relax and have fun!

(Unless you're a powergamer -cough-)

Well this is an interesting situation. Lusternia has quite a variety of emotional effects on people. For myself combat can prove to be stressful, irritating, and it can leave me feeling a bit bummed that I can't kill anyone. What helps is that I step away from combat for a while and focus on other stuff such as fostering better IC relationships, working on guild stuff etc. Some of the benificial stuff I've encountered with Lusty is that it's a good place to vent really. Have a bad day at work? Go on a hunting spree. Also it's proved to be helpful because OOC I am shy and don't meet too many people. Lusternia allows me to be myself without being shy, giving myself some tips for interacting OOC. So my advice to you Parab would to just take a break from Lusty if you find yourself getting stressed or bummed out.

Man, and here I worry about being too attached to things in the game.

If anyone is wondering how I'm doing at this point, don't worry, I'm doing better. However, I am going to step away not from Lusternia as a whole, but rather the combat parts of it. Indeed, I like the culture and storylines of Lusternia, and I will keep playing for those aspects. Plus, influencing is fun, and I can do that to gain circles while I'm taking a break from combat.

I'm really glad Lusternia has more things going for it than simple bashing. That is what is keeping me playing here at this point. I know some people like the bashing and grinding, and if they like that sort of thing, well, I won't argue with them. But that aspect isn't really for me, I've discovered. I do like it from time to time, but it can get to me sometimes, like during the Ascension event.

So don't worry, I will keep playing! I'm just going to concentrate on different aspects of the game. Which I'm glad exist! That certainly separates Lusternia from many MMOGs out there. And I like that.

Hello Parabollus, I know you have pretty much closed this thread, but I'd like to share my story.

Addiction, bipolar, and depression all run in my family. I didn't know this until I began to do some research on herbs and figured out why I had been feeling this way - I go from extremely happy to wrist-slittingly depressed (though I don't cut) so fast that sometimes I wonder if I was ever happy in the first place.

I also have had a negative experience. Lusternia used to be like a drug to me - as addicting as Heroin. I would do anything to come in and play, and get my fix. Without it, I literally could not function. It was like withdrawal when I couldn't play. I would get agitated and not eat or anything. My parents never knew what was wrong.
That was last September.
After playing for a while my character found someone. We got married, and I care for her deeply. But this union meant I couldn't leave Lusternia, that I couldn't stop playing, and sadly, I liked that. It meant I had an excuse. I could justify why. It wasn't an addiction anymore, in my mind.
Then I had to stop playing for a bit, and withdrawal set in again.
At the same time, in my real life, I met four wonderful people. Three are my best friends, one is my former girlfriend. They helped a lot because they distracted me. The pain I felt in my chest every time I had to leave was no longer there. I was, in some ways, very happy, which is why I continued to not log in. I thought if I didn't return, if I didn't think about it, I would stay happy.
However, when I thought about it, it made me depressed to know that my partner was always waiting, always yearning for someone never there, and I couldn't handle that, so I'm starting to return.
At the same time, the people I am best friends with now (except my ex) are my healthy balance. I spend time with them, and my family, and time online playing. Although a lot of the time my time is limited in the realms, I am trying to balance it out. That is what you need to do. Find balance, and find people in the realms who care about you, as well as people outside the realms.

There have been times when things have affected me deeply in real life. For example, when I broke up with Krin, I became very depressed, but I did it for my own happiness, and in the end it has paid off.
When I used to die, I would become very angry and think that life wasn't worth living. When someone was angry at me I thought about suicide, especially when my brother was angry.
When I get killed by enemies and see the text going by, I feel very overwhelmed, which is why I often avoid combat now, though I do engage so that I can become better.

Now that I've poured my heart out on a platter, good luck.

For those people who feel bad at combat and let it stress you out... just ask the big guys whether on your team, or the one who killed you in an ooc context to give you a little help. We were all noobs so eh.

Quoted for absolute truth.

EDIT: @Rom: Not everyone is down to earth. Some will just throw it in your face that you can't fight. I try to encourage where I can, but I'm a noob too.

It's always amusing seeing that sort of person run away, though.

My will to live is greater.

You are far from the only person who suffers from any sort of mental health issue. One in four people does - most people go undiagnosed. Diagnosis can be a curse and a blessing (you know what's wrong, but now you've got a label, are you going to be like this forever?) but it's a great step towards healing.

I also suffer from mental illness. Nearly four years ago now I had a nervous breakdown, and I've had various problems as a result (and indeed as a cause). Playing MUDs has actually helped me, and though you have to be REALLY careful not to get too immersed (i.e. don't use it as an alternative to facing your real life) it can be incredibly helpful. It keeps you talking to other people and helps you foster friendships. A lot of what Sadhyra has said rings true for me too.

As far as combat goes, I've never been all that good at it either - but I worked to get to a point where I was reasonable enough to enjoy myself doing domoths and defending from raids and so on, and then it's good fun. I'd suggest doing the same if it interests you, but like other have said do what you enjoy - there are plenty of people willing to help you work out what you do and don't like!

Sorry to necro this thread, but I have something important to say.

Unfortunately, I am going to have to leave Lusternia temporarily. However, it's not because of anything in Lusternia itself; rather, something horrible has happened in real life. I'm being threatened with eviction.

I don't think I have to tell you how bad of a state I am in because of that.

So I really need to sort things out IRL right now...however, once things settle down, I do want to come back. So please, let me know how I can have my character preserved until things settle down.

Either buy credits with real money, or have played for 100 hours, that will keep your character from being wiped.