no sleep took nyquil. still no sleep. had to sleep on couch stupid cats shut up! why won't you shut up...so tired. want to sleep. stupid cats.

Yelling doesn't silence cats. Shotguns do.

people coming over in a couple of hours. i don't want to clean all the blood.

Ah, tomorrow then.

My dissatisfaction: some spammer got ahold of my phone number and in the past 50 minutes has sent me over 50 identical spam email/text messages. I've tried stopping incoming messages from my phone itself--it doesn't block these types of messages. I've setup an email filter to try and stop the messages, no effect. I can't do the super block my own messages from the account website because I'm not the primary account holder, so I have to drive up to the store and hope they can help me out because I can't get ahold of my primary account holder (who I doubt would be able to figure out how to do it on the website anyway).

The kicker? I text so infrequently that I don't have an extra texting plan, meaning I'm paying for every one of these texts.

Finished the FSOT exam. Why does this make me dissatisfied, you ask? I had a brainfart on what the Maghreb region was, and that's (approximately) my area of study.

I really haven't talked with much of anyone as of late...

Christ it's hot. I know it's February, but does every club, shop and pub need to have the heating on full blast? I'm reptilian here, man! I'm getting sluggish!

Wow, that sucks. I've never understood why you're supposed to pay for receiving texts (or calls). I don't know of one phone company in Germany where that's the case (not saying there aren't any, though), and it seems so illogical to me.

I had the same thing recently, though far fewer texts, but they also threw a $10 charge on my phone bill. But it was surprisingly easy to get all these charges removed when I called the phone company.

I took the phone to the store and he was able to completely block all texts to my phone. Plus, on a call to customer care, he told them to expect a call from me so I can get the spam taken off my bill. So it looks like it will work out after all.

I was walking with this girl that I am really interested in and somehow the conversation drifts towards how busy she is. I am just listening to what she has to say and then all my chances are destroyed with one sentence "I have had people ask me to prom and I am like "NOPE! Too busy, can't do it.""

No taking her to prom doesn't always mean no!

(I by no means approve of disregarding a girl saying 'no' in most other cases.)

No means 'give me a roofie and try again.'

As much as I would like for her to change her opinion, drugging her is proooobably a bad idea.

I'm about to head into work at 6:30. Today is going to suuuuuuuck.

Use your charm!

Hate hate hate my anxiety problems. I can be totally chill about doing something up until I actually set out to do it. Like today I want to go out and apply at some places, I have been planning this. But now that it is actually today I keep biting my nails and grinding my teeth and feeling altogether unpleasant. Bluh. Bluuuuuh. I want to just be normal, someone who is not afraid to leave her comfort safety zone in front of the computer. I want to be able to go out and interact with people and have a job and drive or anything like this but all I spend 90% of my time doing is sitting around paralyzed with fear.

Edit: More ranting.

There are so many things I want to do and I would love doing but I just won't do them. All I do is sit here on the internet all damn day. I forget to eat and I don't sleep for days at a time and I usually couldn't tell you what I was doing 5 minutes ago if you asked because it's all worthless crap. I guess that was fine when I was in high school but this has been all I've done since I was in the 7th grade, sit on the goddamn computer and do :censor: all. I don't make friends, I don't socialize, I can't drive, I can't even ride a bike, I got bad grades because I never did my work, I still skip all my damn classes half the time in college. Because I'd rather be bored on the internet I guess. Except I hate this. I hate everything. Every moment of living is like a torrent of irritating crap I don't want to deal with. No, worse, that I want to deal with but just don't.

I play it up like I'm happy and having a great time and mostly I honestly feel that I am! But when I actually pay attention to how 100% purely useless and stupid I am it's just depressing. I can't get hired anywhere because I've got more neuroses than I have fingers to count them on and servere memory problems. It's not like I even try very hard to get hired because I know I'm just going to get scared and quit in a month anyway, because that is all I have ever done with anything I've tried to do with my life, get scared and quit.

If I could only have one demigod power of my choice, it'd be conglutination. Sometimes when I think of all the wonderful demigod powers I spent so much on, I still think maybe it'd be better to be a titan, just to get conglutination back. Why why why do we lose it?

I hate coming back from hiatuses and having to replace all my armour, vials and everything.

I feel like some of what you describe (stress, memory problems) can be attributed to the not sleeping. If you're skipping sleep on purpose... stop. If you have trouble sleeping, whats helped me is to turn off the computer at least an hour before you want to sleep (the light from the monitor disrupts what signals your body its sleep time), and get at least 30 min of exercise a day. Though, since you walk everywhere, you're probably getting the exercise... so perhaps try a higher intensity? Another thing thats helped me a little is realizing that if I can do things in lusternia, its only slightly different than doing them in real life. If I can make friends, accomplish goals, and lead in Lusternia, the required qualities are in me, its just a matter of applying them elsewhere. From reading forums, it seems like you're a capable and likable person, so just keep reminding yourself that you have the qualities you need to succeed, and the confidence you're missing will come along.