Lesson Lines Needed

by Janalon

Back to Common Grounds.

Janalon2010-07-08 18:17:28
Would like to write a proposal for psychometabolism and Nekotai lesson learning lines. Looking for lines in psionics (including telepathy and telekinesis) and monk specialization (i.e. Ninjakari, Shofangi, Tahtseto) to use as a touchstone text in the writing process. Would anyone be willing to post to this thread?
Unknown2010-07-08 18:18:10
None of the other monk specializations Tahtetso and Shofangi don't have learning lines either. dry.gif


(Neither does Harmony. sad.gif )
Shaddus2010-07-08 18:19:19
Ninjakari does, but I can't really get those.

Edit: This is what I wrote for the Tahtetso, and submitted. This was a long while ago, and never got put in. It's not great, but feedback would be appreciated!

QUOTE
With a soft smile and a bow of his head, Setmos begins a lesson in Tahtetso.

Setmos begins the lesson by speaking of Lumosis, the blending of the morals of the Light and the discipline of the kephera. He mentions that Lumosis is something to aspire to, not something to force others to accept.

With a humble bow, Setmos produces his tahto, whirling it through the air in an impressive display of speed. He speaks at length of how the tahto might be used in both a defensive as well as an offensive manner.

Setmos points with his tahto at various spots on your limbs, mentioning spots which might be struck in order to break joints, cause hemiplegy to either side of the body, and even crush the windpipe with a well-timed grapple.

Without warning, Setmos whirls his tahto around him in a wide circle, dropping you to the ground with a heavy thud. Shaking your head to clear it, you notice his tahto resting firmly on your chest over your heart. "With a well placed gahtirak'sho strike, I could explode your very heart in your chest." he says calmly, helping you to your feet and ending the lesson.
Janalon2010-07-08 18:19:30
QUOTE (Denust @ Jul 8 2010, 02:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
None of the other monk specializations have learning lines either. dry.gif


(Neither does Harmony. sad.gif )



WOW... did not know. Nonetheless, there should be a basic kata learning line. No?
Unknown2010-07-08 18:20:43
Yes. I'll go roll an alt and have the Kata and Psionics lines for you in a little bit, if someone doesn't beat me to it.

EDIT:
QUOTE (Kata learning lines)
Ubaidi Ailadulsi bows to you and commences the lesson in Kata.

Bowing formally to you, Ubaidi Ailadulsi launches into an explanation on the study of Kata, the most basic of martial arts. "Kata was developed," he emphasizes, "over thousands of years of conflict between the kephera and illithoid races, each school of study striving to overcome the other."

Punches and kicks form the basis of Kata, Ubaidi Ailadulsi teaches, but the martial arts refine the body to the strength of steel - able to deliver devastating blows far beyond the feeble attacks of the untrained. The greater the wounds, he continues, the greater the damage you will cause.

Nodding seriously, Ubaidi Ailadulsi counsels that forethought and discipline of the body and mind are hallmarks of a monk, and demonstrates how attacks may be strung together to create powerful kata forms that flow into one another with unsurpassable speed and grace.

Ubaidi Ailadulsi quickly grabs your arm and locks it in a simple grapple, demonstrating how you may immobilize your foe. He applies pressure which builds to incredible pain, and cautions that you may end a grapple by snapping a limb, or throwing someone to the ground.

"That is not all!" Ubaidi Ailadulsi proclaims, and demonstrates how you can modify your attacks to strike faster, harder, break limbs, or even stun another. He warns that modifying your forms involves summoning forth your inner ka, and that using more ka than your body or mind can handle will require you to spend power to accomplish these increasingly difficult feats.

Ubaidi Ailadulsi bows to you - the lesson in Kata is over.
QUOTE (Psionics learning lines)
Ubaidi Ailadulsi bows to you and commences the lesson in Psionics.

Beckoning you to him, Ubaidi Ailadulsi briefly summarises the history of the gorgog invasion, the thought parasites, and the accidental discovery of Psionic powers. He explains that loosely speaking, brain activity can be divided into three strata and that these can be individually and simultaneously manipulated for a variety of effects.

Ubaidi Ailadulsi reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bright gold sovereign. He gazes intently at it, and it springs friskily into the air, whirls and lands on his outstretched palm. He flicks it to you and motions for you to repeat the trick.

"In time, you will learn to flick away your enemies as easily as I did the coin," Ubaidi Ailadulsi explains, "but do not neglect the more subtle side of our art." he stares at you implacably, and suddenly you forget quite what it was you were doing. As you stutter out confused apologies, the stare fades, clarity returns, and you see Ubaidi Ailadulsi smiling wryly at you.

In a sonorous voice, Ubaidi Ailadulsi instructs you in the raising of psychic shields and the altering of auras, in the art of subtle suggestion and the use of mental force. Finally he reminds you that the study of Psionics is only the beginning, and that the best students soon specialise in telepathy, telekinesis, or psychometabolism.

Ubaidi Ailadulsi holds out a hand, and frowns at you. In the increasingly awkward pause, you realise you are still holding his gold sovereign. Blushing, you return it and he chuckles at your confusion.

Ubaidi Ailadulsi bows to you - the lesson in Psionics is over.


I feel bad for rolling that Seren alt. They seemed so happy to have another novice, and I just suicided it. sad.gif
Unknown2010-07-08 18:24:28
QUOTE
Coiling a length of iron chain around her forearm, Madam Yith explains that the chain is the weapon of the Ninjakari, or ninja, and shows you how to lash out with it to shred skin and leave painful, stinging wounds.



Explaining that grapples form the basis of any offense, Madam Yith lashes her chain around your neck and constricts it, choking the air from your lungs. She unwinds the chain with a cold smile as you gasp for breath.



Madam Yith attaches cruel, hooked barbs to her chain, telling you that ripping the flesh will cause profuse bleeding when entangled in their coils. She pricks her thumb on one of the barbs to demonstrate, which begins to drip blood.


Wrapping the chain tightly about her fists, Madam Yith punches powerfully into her palm with the clang of metal against metal. "The chain can be coiled around your fists or your body," she says, "to cause further damage or to defend your body with the links."


Madam Yith demonstrates how to whip the chain around to form a wild offense and hit many enemies at once, and notes that causing enough wounds will allow the deadliest Ninjakari masters to instantly and brutally end a life.



Madam Yith bows to you - the lesson in Ninjakari is over.
Janalon2010-07-08 18:30:50
CODE
Madam Yith demonstrates how to whip the chain around to form a wild offense and hit many enemies at once, and notes that causing enough wounds will allow the deadliest Ninjakari masters to instantly and brutally end a life.


Does Ninjakari fatality proc on wounding as Yith suggests?
Shaddus2010-07-08 18:46:06
QUOTE (Janalon @ Jul 8 2010, 01:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
CODE
Madam Yith demonstrates how to whip the chain around to form a wild offense and hit many enemies at once, and notes that causing enough wounds will allow the deadliest Ninjakari masters to instantly and brutally end a life.


Does Ninjakari fatality proc on wounding as Yith suggests?

No, that's an old line from when we had ruptures, and the instakill was a slight grazing blow to the heart that kills you..

Ninjakari instakill is just a burstorgans with a quicker kill time.
Ixchilgal2010-07-08 19:46:06
Psionics
Mesadari Rhiero questions you about who you are, where you came from, and what your motives are.

Mesadari Rhiero starts to rummage through your backpack, and eats your rations. She complains about the flavour before trying to take your weapon.

Mesadari Rhiero eventually starts to actually "train" you, making you lift heavy rocks, and jump over logs while giving her a piggy-back ride.

Mesadari Rhiero informs you in a round-about way that no matter how good you are, you'll never be as good as her. She proves her point by telekinetically lifting the Eternal Flame into the air a few inches.

Mesadari Rhiero panics when you get angry and leave, starting to spout off random prophecies which won't come true about the consequences of leaving her before she's finished. When you don't heed her warnings, she mumbles to herself about finding some new victim to torment.

The lesson in Psionics is over.
Unknown2010-07-08 19:53:07
roflmao.gif
Janalon2010-07-08 20:05:29
Eeep... go to speak with Yoraghu to get into the right mind for writing. This is what she has to say about GLOMDORING:

CODE
Madam Yoraghu says, "I am so sick of hearing the fools of this forest shouting,
"Glory be to Glomdoring!" It's enough to drive any sane creature mad."


Testy angry.gif
Druken2010-07-08 20:36:20
Hunt down Xiel. He collects.

... he collects everything.
Janalon2010-07-08 20:48:45
Started writing Nekotai lesson lines. Have to run now, will re-post when I'm finished with the other 3/5th's. Would be interested in your feedback so far. The last three lines indicate the general idea each of the next lessons will take.


CODE
Madam Yoraghu bows to you and commences the lesson in Nekotai.

Madam Yoraghu paces the length of the cavern, glaring at you ominously. "So, you feel worthy enough to learn the ways of the Nekotai?" she replies with an acerbic intonation. "The origins of Nekoai, also known as the scorpion style of combat are well shrouded in mystery the Inner Kiht of the Cult has sought to protect. You only need know the word itself is fae for 'bringer of sorrows'."

Graceful as a scorpion, Madam Yoraghu leaps toward you from across the room with a vicious cry. She thrusts her clawed fist forward in a fluid motion and abruptly halts, the blades delicately clasping your windpipe. "This fearsome, bladed claw known as a nekai could choke the life out of you with a pincer-like grasp." She relaxes her stance, bringing her arms back down by her side.

bleeding

poisons

fatality


Edit: eep. I already see that I am too verbose. Will need to condense or re-format paragraph breaks to achieve shorter lesson lines.
Lendren2010-07-08 21:21:28
Don't forget, you need to write first person lines from both the teacher and the student's perspective. Inexplicably you also have to write third person versions from the perspective of innocent bystanders, though no one ever sees those, but you still have to write them. So that's a total of 15 lines, 3 versions each of 5 lines. Generally speaking, each one should be not more than about 160 characters (there are some learning texts that violate that rule of thumb, but if you want your submissions to be accepted readily, you'll do better to keep them short).
Rika2010-07-08 23:20:10
QUOTE (Lendren @ Jul 9 2010, 09:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Inexplicably you also have to write third person versions from the perspective of innocent bystanders, though no one ever sees those, but you still have to write them.


wtf.gif
Eldanien2010-07-09 00:17:25
QUOTE
Bowing formally to you, Ubaidi Ailadulsi launches into an explanation on the study of Kata, the most basic of martial arts. "Kata was developed," he emphasizes, "over thousands of years of conflict between the kephera and illithoid races, each school of study striving to overcome the other."


This was also explicitly stated as false, and needs changed.

I submitted texts for Tahtetso and Harmony way back when the Tahtetso were founded, but I guess they were rejected, ignored, or something.
Aerotan2010-07-09 00:32:44
The suggestion I had for Phantasms
QUOTE
"The mind is a powerful tool." begins $teacher, wrapping $teacher_his arm around your shoulder and escorting you to an open area. "But one that is easily decieved."

"The mind is a powerful tool." you begin, wrapping your arm around $student's shoulder and escorting $student_him to an open area. "But one that is easily decieved."


$teacher explains that the mind can be made to believe in what is not there, and through that belief can force things to exist that did not before.

You explain to $student that the mind can be made to believe in what is not there, and through that belief can force things to exist that did not before.



$teacher points out that you can construct barriers to hinder your enemies, or protect land you intend to meld.

You point out how $student can construct barriers to hinder $student_his enemies, or protect land $student_he intends to meld.


$teacher smirks and adds that it's possible to bedevil the minds of enemies throughout your demesne, whether or not you're there yourself.

You smirk and add that it's possible to bedevil the minds of enemies throughout your demesne, whether or not you're there yourself.

Finally, $teacher draws you close and whispers that it's possible to craft illusions powerful enough to convince a body to die, because the mind believes it to already be dead.

Finally, you draw $student close and whisper that it's possible to craft illusions powerful enough to convince a body to die, because the mind believes it to already be dead.


I suppose I need to write the third perspective, for some reason...
Janalon2010-07-09 03:03:16
QUOTE (Lendren @ Jul 8 2010, 05:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Don't forget, you need to write first person lines from both the teacher and the student's perspective. Inexplicably you also have to write third person versions from the perspective of innocent bystanders, though no one ever sees those, but you still have to write them. So that's a total of 15 lines, 3 versions each of 5 lines. Generally speaking, each one should be not more than about 160 characters (there are some learning texts that violate that rule of thumb, but if you want your submissions to be accepted readily, you'll do better to keep them short).


This is true for writing emotes. . . however I'd like to challenge your claim. The teacher him/herself does not need the first person vantage point as they are a "denzien". Learning lines are blocked in the third person (otherwise nexus lessons would be bit of a pain). Therefore, lesson lines need only be written from the second person who is receiving the lesson. Your suggestion about tweet-sized lines is invaluable. I've noticed that many lessons are two-lined bits (per five interactions).

On a side note, I'm officially joining the the Lendren fan club.
Xenthos2010-07-09 03:04:35
QUOTE (Janalon @ Jul 8 2010, 11:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is true for writing emotes. . . however I'd like to challenge your claim. The teacher him/herself does not need the first person vantage point as they are a "denzien". Learning lines are blocked in the third person (otherwise nexus lessons would be bit of a pain). Therefore, lesson lines need only be written from the second person who is receiving the lesson. Your suggestion about tweet-sized lines is invaluable. I've noticed that many lessons are two-lined bits (per five interactions).

On a side note, I'm officially joining the the Lendren fan club.

Keep in mind that you can learn from players too, not just denizens. I see the teacher-side of things regularly.
Janalon2010-07-09 03:11:13
QUOTE (Xenthos @ Jul 8 2010, 11:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Keep in mind that you can learn from players too, not just denizens. I see the teacher-side of things regularly.


Meep. So it is. . .