Granted, but now things that used to cost a dollar cost one billion dollars. So, you're actually poorer than you started out.


I wish my dishes cleaned themselves.

Granted, and now any dish considered yours, even temporarily, will clean itself the moment anything touches its surface. Making them not only useless for eating, but also messier as they dump your food on the floor the moment any is placed on them.

I wish the varied gods of the worlds religions were real.

Granted, but they start a global religious world that ravages the Earth.

I wish I had a better computer.

Granted. You have a new, superfast, superpowerful computer, with no virus protection so now it's a superfast, superpowerful breeding ground for virji.

I wish the world was a better place.

Granted, humanity has never existed and the world is a lush, natural paradise.

I wish Estarra would give us a bigger brownie allowance.

Granted, but all the brownies are made with American chocolate.

I wish doing laundry went faster.

Granted, and now everyone wants you to do their laundry.

I wish I had enough money to live independently.

Granted, but now the rest of your family is so poor that you have to support them.

I wish that we could have pets in our apartment.

Granted, but you're allergic to all of them and swell up in hives if you touch one.

I wish I had one of those push-button, kill person you know, get 1 million dollars button.

Granted, and it kills a quest mob.
Edit: Oh wait, I'm thinking of the wrong Kira . Granted, and... it kills someone you were only casually acquainted with ages ago, causing you to wonder indefinitely if it has yet happened, and who it will be, driving you eventually to madness, and also you invest that million dollars poorly.

I wish Mr. Martin would finish that @#$%* book already!

Granted, but it ends up like A Feast for Crows and tells us about characters that we don't care about.

I wish that there were more interesting natural hair colours for humans.

Granted, but the fabulous hair colours blind you.

Edit: I forgot to make a wish. I wish to be the best evil mastermind I can be.

Granted, and you've become George R.R. Martin, evilly masterminding the driving of everyone crazy by having not yet finished Dance of Dragons, despite the fact you promised to have it finished the summer of 2005 (six years ago you malicious bastard!)

I wish I didn't enjoy A Song of Ice and Fire so much.

Granted, turns out even the best you can be is still on the 'slightly retarded' end of the spectrum.




Edit: Damn it Eventru!

Granted, you now loath everything about it and your hatred consumes you.

I wish I had more clothes that looked nice and fitted well.

Granted, but you are now pestered by cries of 'How you Doin?' wherever you go.

I wish Homestuck would update faster.

Granted, but everyone died and the comic thus ends.

I wish I was in better shape.

Granted. You're now a circle.

I wish school wasn't so overwhelming in the amount of assignments we're given.

Granted, but now you're a perfectly symmetrical mutant octagon.

I wish I can turn back time at my whim.

Granted, but... Snake you can't do that. SNAKE. SNAAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

TIME PARADOX

I wish I wasn't so damn nerdy.

Granted but now you act like a valley girl.

I wish I knew what to wish for.