Once I had trouble,
Learning of all the herbs,
I just couldn't get them straight,
And I know this sounds absurd,
But hours I'd run about,
Not knowing I was deaf,
Eating lots of coltsfoot,
That instead cured loneliness,

Faeleaf was the herb,
That could have helped me then,
When I thought I was snubbed,
And no one was my friend,
The stories do get worse,
I really must admit,
Smoking weed to cure blindness,
Doesn't help a bit,

It's quite possible the weed,
Left me paranoid,
But instead of pennyroyal,
It was kombu that I tried,
I was dizzy you see,
So I sort of had it right,
But due to my paranoia,
I tried to pick a fight

Obviously it was their fault,
They tried to use blackmail,
I really didn't smoke it,
I never did inhale,
So great was my argument,
And even though I poured it thick,
They suggested I eat Calamus,
Because they knew that I was slick,

Or so I had thought,
Before they suddenly attacked,
Biting, kicking screaming,
Until finally I cracked
I struck out at them,
Fighting recklessly,
Not noticing that,
I was bleeding heavily,

Horehound and chervil,
Would have kept me fine
But I stupidly ate kafe
Had I lost my mind?!
Oh I was hyper!
No rest would come for me,
Well until all the blood loss,
Gave me lethargy,

So along with all this,
I needed yarrow too,
And perhaps some arnica,
For a fractured arm or two,
Definitely marjoram ,
For the muscles I had torn,
But I thought the cure was reishi,
On that I would have sworn,

I also took some galingale,
But little good that did for me,
Perhaps if I were very slow,
And inflicted with gluttony,
When their blows struck a nerve,
I knew I had little time,
But sadly I couldn't move,
To put myrtle in my pipe,

Instead I grabbed some merbloom,
While inwardly I cried,
It mattered not if I slept
If I were going to die,
So it began to seem,
My life was coming to an end,
I wondered if I'd need wormwood,
To bear the grave that I'd be in,

Time was running out,
And I new that I was done,
Not even the dementia,
Made me think that I had won,
But suddenly there was hope,
Life didn't seem too scary,
I looked deep into my rift,
THANK GOD FOR SPARKLEBERRY!