In what appears to be becoming something of an alarming habit, I am apologizing
once more. As I perused the first part of my collection it became apparent that
my greatest fear - that I would fail to capture the true depth of my subjects -
had indeed been realized. In my haste to bring my discoveries to light, I
failed to properly explain how I would be approaching the topic. It is my
dearest hope that you will forgive the shortcomings of this humble scholar.
However, given that you are currently reading this, it is my assumption that
you already have.

In my first offering I hoped to give a glimpse into where it all began - as it
were. I wished to show that Kerinth and Tasra started out as relatively normal
people. Neither of them sprung into existence fully formed from the sands of
Celestia - or Nil depending on your perspective. They were young people with
the ordinary concerns of people that age: Meeting familial expectations,
uncertainty over their place in the world, and self-doubt being the most
prominent of those. What I did not give was the background information I used
to form this view of our two heroes. Though I won't be giving it to you now
either, rest assured that the last portion of this work will have all of my
source material that you can peruse at your leisure and see what conclusions
you draw from it.

But we have some distance to travel before we reach that junction. I would
dearly love to present a day by day accounting of both these individual's
lives. However, it has occurred to me that you, my readers, may not be as
enthralled with all of the minutiae as I. This firmly in mind, I have decided
to present to you several key events in the lives of Kerinth and Tasra.

If you'll recall, the first event focused on the day that they joined their
respective guilds. We will next be examining the time surrounding Tasra's first
foray against the Tainted and my subsequent offering will be Kerinth's exposure
to a Tainted one claiming to be his blood. I feel these events to be key in
gaining a fuller understanding of how our two subjects began to form the
stances that would shape their lives.

At the time of this event, Tasra was a Knight-Aspirant and had been with the
Paladins for two years. She needed only to partake in an actual battle before
being dubbed a Knight. Despite her initial doubts, she had quickly adapted to
the Paladin way of life and she was viewed with great approval by her Guild.
Her mentor, Dame Eliz Mousart had taken an instant liking to the girl and they
were quite close. Perhaps closer than the Guild may have liked but we will
speak of that later.

Let us now join Tasra and her comrades and see what we may learn.

-==-

There was a muted quality to the air in this cursed wood. The colors were dull
and lifeless. The plants lacked the vibrancy one would expect in a living
forest. Of course, living was a generous term to use in reference to the
Gloriana's current state, things being as they were. No sunlight filtered
through the twisted branches to illuminate the under canopy. In truth, this was
a blessing as in the dim light the grotesque mutations of nature were only
visible to the most determined of eyes. A chill wind blew mournfully from the
north, causing the group of soldiers huddled in this grim wood to shift
agitatedly and draw their heavy cloaks close. None would admit it at the time,
but several would later say they heard voices on the wind, whispering the words
of madness.

There was no joking amongst the soldiers nor idle conversation. What words were
spoken were crisp directives delivered in a near whisper. Grim determination
marked the faces of these men and women. Determination to do their duty and
retreat from this Tainted ground as quickly as possible before the silent
promises of the ominous wind were realized.

But one of their number noticed nothing unusual of their surroundings. No ill
wind filled her ears with madness and she saw nothing untoward in the plants.
The uneasiness that filled her comrades found no home in her heart. No, she had
far greater concerns. For example, was it normal for her heart to be beating so
loudly she could hear nothing else? Was the arid state of her mouth a sign of
worse things to come? What affliction had come upon her that her limbs trembled
so? Would this happen before every battle or was it only because this was her
first one?

She dared not voice these questions for fear of being marked a coward, yet if
she had taken her attention off her sweating palms she would have noticed the
amused but understanding glances her mentor kept throwing her way.

They had been waiting in this spot the better part of three hours. It was to be
a surprise attack on a group of Tainted bandits that had been plaguing several
villages loyal to New Celest. A group of thirty Paladins had been dispatched to
resolve the situation. At her mentor's urging, Tasra Nal'dar had been included
in this group. Her participation in this battle would be her last step in her
path to Knighthood. Always assuming she did not pass out of course.

The Paladins wore leather armor to facilitate silent movement. Had anyone asked
Tasra she would have been far happier with something a bit more substantial
between their swords and her skin, hang the secrecy. But no one had thought to
ask her. She checked that her swords were in place for the hundredth time. A
glance at her mentor showed she was calm and collected and idly cleaning her
fingernails with her dagger. Tasra knew better than to attempt to emulate her.
She was sure she would need all of her fingers to fight properly.

As she checked her swords for the hundred and first time, the signal to move
was given. She froze. A warm hand on her shoulder and a familiar voice in her
ear brought her back into focus.

"Breathe, dear heart," Dame Eliz whispered before straightening up and moving
forward, glancing back to ensure Tasra was following. Breathe. Yes, excellent.
Easier said then done, the girl thought as she forced her legs to carry her
ahead.

There was silence as they marched. It wasn't expected that these bandits would
prove to be much of a challenge. Reports gave their numbers to be around forty
and their attacks undisciplined and erratic. The commander of this mission
posited that these were just some Tainted peasants striking out at anything
they could find. They would be given the mercy of the Light before the day was
through.

Another silent signal increased the pace of the troop. They were now jogging
through the watching trees, the rising smoke before them marking their nearing
destination. A final signal brought their weapons out and turned their forward
progress into a full run. They quickly cleared the trees and burst into the
clearing that served as a camp for these bandits. Judging from the line of
heavily armed soldiers waiting for them, their arrival was not as much a
surprise as they might have hoped. The crests on their helmets identified them.
The Ur'guard had come to protect their interests.

Tasra fought down a hysterical giggle. What madness drove her to be in this
place at this time, running full tilt towards a group of people who had every
intention of killing her? Beside her, Dame Eliz took up a keening, eerie battle
cry which spread quickly down the line. Tasra's sounded more akin to a squeak
than a frightening call to arms but it was most fortunately drowned out by her
comrades' more confident voices. Thus bolstered, the Paladins crashed into the
line of Ur'guard and our young heroine was plunged into chaos.

She found herself facing a burly orclach whose clumsy swing she sidestepped
easily, automatically bringing her own sword up and sheathing it in his gut.
His confused eyes locked onto hers as he slid to the ground. Stepping back, she
stumbled over the body of a fallen foe and righted herself just in time to meet
the heavy downward stroke of a snarling viscanti. An inelegant step backwards
saved her from the brunt of the attack but the tip of his sword marked her arm
before she could avoid it. A swift slash to his throat negated his threat.

Glancing quickly at her wounded arm, she blinked at the rapidly spreading
bloodstain on her previously pristine leathers. Automatically she grabbed her
herb pouch, her trembling hand fumbling for a sprig of yarrow even as she
stared at her wound in disbelief. She swallowed the plant without really
tasting it and shuddered as the wound sealed, leaving only an echo of
remembered pain. Yet still she stared at her own drying blood. A sudden rushing
had filled her ears and the rhythmic thumping of her heartbeat was unnaturally
loud.

It is accepted that all mortals will die. Yet this is a fact that is projected
far into the future; an occurrence that is out of sight and out of mind most of
the time. Such an abrupt reminder of her own mortality brought the young Tasra
up short. She could die. Right here, right now, on this undistinguished
battlefield. Those who snort in derision and cry, "What silly stuff! Of course
you might die in battle! Who would not realize that!" are those who have yet to
experience that dreadful moment of realization.

Pontification aside, we still have our dear Tasra standing stock still in the
middle of a battlefield. A sudden jostling pulled her from her stupor and she
glanced up to find Dame Eliz gazing at her with some concern. She couldn't hear
her words but nodded slowly anyway, not daring to open her mouth for fear that
the howling panic building within her might escape.

Her limbs felt unbearably heavy and her swords trembled in her grasp, but the
swirling fear within her chest granted her a desperate strength and she lifted
her weapons once more, casting her gaze to the field for a new opponent.

-==-

Hours later found her leaning against a gnarled and twisted tree, her green
eyes fixed on a spot only she could see. The battle was over and the day
belonged to the Knights of Light. Only the grisly cleanup remained and oily
smoke was already rising from the funeral pyres saturating the air with a
putrid stench. They would not desecrate this ground further by entombing the
Tainted within it. Besides, dead Tainted had a nasty habit of not staying dead
and it was best not to take chances.

Several Paladins had come to her and given her an approving clap on the
shoulder or a quick nod in passing, letting her know she had done well. But no
one spoke to her. They all understood her need for silence as they had
experienced the same at their blooding.

Dame Eliz watched her from a distance, speaking quietly with Sir Yasil Meres,
the leader of the expedition.

"In any event, the Ur'guard are getting bolder and growing in number. We'll
need to be more careful in the future," nodding in Tasra's direction she
continued, "She carried herself well, don't you think?"

Yasil snorted, turning his head to spit out a measure of lingering blood.
"Well? She slew at least a dozen Ur'guard with nay but a scratch marking her.
That's not well, Lady, that's prodigious. You did an excellent job with her."

"She has always been an apt pupil but she fought with a fire she hasn't
displayed before," Eliz replied, smiling slightly, "I wish I could take the
credit for it but I think that one is Fate touched."

Glancing sharply at her, Yasil jerked his head in denial, "Don't say that Eliz.
That's not a path to wish on anyone. The Fates will burn a soul out with their
weavings."

Eliz lifted her shoulder in a shrug, her sharp eyes surveying the cleanup
effort. "Then I hope I'm wrong and it's the Light that has claimed her.
Regardless, she is no ordinary girl. Excuse me Sir, I think I need to go
collect my charge before I have to carry her." She crisply saluted before
making her way over to Tasra, who was clearly fading at this point.

Tasra felt a shadow hovering over her and she pulled her head up, locking eyes
with her mentor. "I didn't understand," she stated urgently as if she
desperately needed Eliz to fully comprehend her.

She was rewarded with a slow nod and a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "None
of us did," she answered softly. "Come, let's go home and we can talk about
it."

Nodding, Tasra allowed herself to be pulled upright. She did want to go home
but not to the Aegis Keep. She wanted to bury herself in her father's embrace
and bask in her mother's fussing. She wanted Kerinth to be there to listen
thoughtfully as she laid all of her fears and the horror that filled her mind
at his feet. For the first time in the two years since she had left home, she
wanted desperately to return. But that was not an option. She had chosen this
path, or at least agreed to it. There was no going back. She cast a prayer to
the Supernals that the fires of the Keep would be sufficient to thaw the
coldness gripping her.

-==-

A half a day and a hot bath did much to lift her spirits and by the time she
was ensconced in front of Eliz's fire with a warm bowl of stew, she felt almost
normal. Eliz sat on a footstool nearby, having sacrificed her favorite chair for
her protégé's comfort. She slowly fed sticks into the fire, knowing Tasra would
speak when she was ready.

Finishing her stew, the girl sat back with a sigh, letting her tired eyes
meander over her surroundings. These rooms with their understated but clearly
expensive furnishings and richly gilded books were the only place where Dame
Eliz's noble background was readily apparent. Tasra couldn't recall what
precisely her title was. Baroness, Earless? Kerinth would know. None of that
mattered here in the Keep, though she supposed it had a good deal of bearing
out in the city. Her gaze dropped from a detailed landscape of Celestia and
rested on Dame Eliz.

Though merian, it was clear there was a great deal of human in Eliz as well.
Her skin had only the slightest of blue casts and her thick auburn hair fell to
the middle of her back. Her gills were barely visible yet she could breathe
underwater so was considered fully merian. She was not beautiful by
conventional standards though if she led a softer life it was easy to see how
she could be. Her face held the strength of character that no amount of
cosmetics could duplicate.

Not wanting to be caught staring, Tasra shifted her eyes to the fire as Eliz
turned to her with an expectant look. Slowly, she let the words she had been
holding in pour out.

"I never realized that the fear would be so consuming. I know you had mentioned
it but I thought that once the initial shock had worn off it would fade. It only
got worse. The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that I had sworn
to do so and wondering how I would face you or my family if I ran," she smiled
a bit deprecatingly, "Well, that and the Ur'guard kept blocking escape routes."

Her eyes remained fixed on the fire, not wanting to face the disappointment she
was sure to find in her mentor's eyes.

A soft touch on her knee brought her head up. "Tasra, you have nothing to be
ashamed of. Do you not know that we all face that fear? Anyone with good sense
has the urge to run from those wishing them harm. The point is you stood and
you fought. You stayed." She stated this earnestly, her rich voice dropping low
for emphasis.

They sat in silence for a moment, watching the flames in the fireplace consume
the hapless wood. "Is it always like that? The fear?" Tasra asked, fearing the
answer.

"Yes.", Eliz answered, "But I believe it's the fear that keeps you alive. When
you become complacent is when you become dead."

Tasra considered this for a long moment. "Stories always talk about heroes
striding into battle unafraid, slaying anything that crosses their path. After
today I don't see how that's very heroic. Any idiot can kill people and any
idiot can walk into battle without a second thought if they're not afraid.
People don't see that a warrior that goes into battle after battle, constantly
fighting this fear is more heroic than anything you find in the stories. They
don't understand the toll it takes on the warriors."

"No, they don't.", Eliz answered with a sad smile, "And they never will. It is
something only those who have known battle will understand. But you know and we
know. We appreciate the sacrifices you make to protect those who will never
understand the magnitude of that duty."

"Someone has to do it," she stated, gazing down at her hands as if she could
still see the blood that so recently stained them, "And I seem to have the
talent for it."

Eliz smiled sympathetically. "Enough talk for now. You need your rest." At
this, Tasra glanced away nervously.

"Could I, maybe, stay here tonight? I just…when I close my eyes I can see their
faces and I'm scared to be alone. I know that it's childish."

"It's not childish. The lives we take haunt us regardless of how justified we
were in taking them. You can stay here and in the morning we'll begin planning
your Knighting and perhaps a trip home to see your family."

Nodding her head in gratitude, Tasra gathered her dishes to return to the mess
hall, exceedingly grateful that she would not have to face the ghosts of this
day's work alone.

-==-

"Have you taken a life, sir? Have you offered up your own to the blades of our
enemies to keep our city safe? Have you spent blood in penance for the sins of
our forefathers? Is it you who marches out to face the darkness with nothing
more than a prayer to the Light and a sword for protection? No? Then kindly
shut up and sit down. You have no right to preach to me or mine of honor and
compassion. You have not cast your soul to the mercy of the Light." - Lady
General Tasra Dawnbreaker, taken from the minutes of a meeting of the Star
Council.