Editors are an interesting specimen. Their uptight hounding of authors as well
as their generally dissatisfied outlook forces me to conclude that the old
axiom regarding teachers applies equally to them: They are bereft of the muse
themselves and only have the comfort of an unnaturally sound grasp of the
common language. This leads them to pile demand after demand upon their hapless
authors, who, while in the throes of the blessed creativity that will never
grace the editor's door, are prone to ignoring some of the finer grammatical
considerations. One such demand is that I include a prologue to my work. Thus,
the reason for this inane chatter reveals itself.

I assume that he assumed I could interpret the agitated grunts and twitches
coming from his general direction and would know what precisely he wanted when
he discussed a prologue. I am sure he is now seeing the error of his ways in
sharp detail. So, my dearest Bokul, this prologue is for you.

-==-

Seeing the reaction of my dear Bokul to my previous attempt at a prologue
caused the stirring of that most unfamiliar feeling deep within my being -
guilt. Honestly, that twitch of his is getting quite pronounced. He might want
to consult a healer about it.

It is true the man has an irritating obsession with the comma but were it not
for his tireless efforts and healthy supply of ink, my stories would most
likely not be readable at all! So for his part in bringing my literary children
into the world, I must be sincerely thankful. He is like my devoted midwife in
many ways.

Now, for my true prologue. Apparently, I should include background information
on myself, where I live, and other things of that nature which the reader may
not be immediately aware. I find the very thought of this insulting and I will
tell you why.

If my readers do not know who I am and where I live, I am quite certain I don't
want such a class of people reading my works! Indeed, I doubt such uninformed
people even know how to read! Do they teach people outside the Basin how to
read? Do they even speak common? Regardless, my works are directed at a very
particular audience and that audience knows all there is know about me already.
So I object to exposition of my background on a purely moral basis.

It has nothing whatsoever to do with a theoretical writing contract with
another theoretical publisher that might have something to do with my
background - in theory. Nor would such a work be available at the beginning of
next year for seven hundred and fifty sovereigns at your local writing press.

-==-

Editor's Note: The exasperating Lady Gejira Oroun is the youngest child of Earl
Voegig of Magnagora. Her family can trace their roots back to the time of
d'Varsha and are an old and well-respected noble house of the Empire.

Her parents and older siblings are known for their great skill in
administration and politics. She is known for her great skill in socializing
and getting into trouble in memorable ways. She has consented - for a rather
exorbitant fee - to allow us to publish some of her adventures. The legal ones
anyway. Well, mostly legal.

-==-

The day started out normally enough. I had just finished my morning repast and
was listening to a rather humorous aether broadcast concerning the ongoing feud
between Hallifax and Gaudigauch when my butler, Kolor - or is it Kemper -
informed me that my dear friend Tavic was calling for me. Naturally, this
caused a deal of unease on my part.

Why naturally, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Tavic is, well, how to put this
delicately. Tavic is a few ants short of a picnic. A few straws shy of a bale.
A few grunts short of an orclach. Basically, he is barking mad.

I wouldn't quite put him at raving lunatic but not too far off really. I
attribute it to his time spent training as a Celestine. Though, thinking about
it, it's just as likely because his father used him for some planar
experiments.

Either way, the man is unstable.

I keep him in my inner circle for a few reasons. Firstly, his late unlamented
father has left him an absolutely stupendous estate complete with the best wine
cellar this side of Celest. Secondly, he has twin siblings that are absolutely
breathtaking. I'm certainly not immune to a well turned leg - or fin, wing, or
paw for that matter.
Finally, as I mentioned before, he's absolutely nuts and quite possibly
homicidal. Bit difficult to tactfully tell him to go away when he might just
gut me for it eh?

So anyway, my friend he was and as such had the right to come calling. Though
from the sounds growing gradually louder outside my window he was quite
literally calling. Actually, screaming might be more accurate. That wouldn't
really do. I instructed Kaha the butler to bring him to me and poured myself a
healthy serving of liquid courage in the meantime.

Kenan returned shortly with Tavic in tow and quickly made his escape, leaving
me alone with my rather wild eyed comrade. Tavic is really an interesting sort.
Looking at him one would never realize he just isn't all there. He is always
impeccably dressed in the latest of fashions. His thick hair is perfectly
arranged to complement his rather attractive face. He is an elfen though so I
suppose even madness can't stop him from looking good. The gleam in his blue
eyes was a bit off putting though. I put on my brave face.

"Tavic! Absolutely spotting to see you. To what do I owe the pleasure?", I
boomed, hoping my over the top cheerfulness would quell any homicidal urges he
was having at the moment.

"Geji, I have absolutely wonderful news!", he enthused, appearing almost normal
except for the crazy gleam that remained in his eyes. It was really quite
distracting. How did he get them to gleam like that? Surely it was unnatural?

"Oh? I am all ears." Not far from the truth really considering I was Merian and
my ears were rather impressive. And attractive if one was to believe the ladies
over in the Yellow District.

"I", he paused, presumably for emphasis but it's quite possible he forgot what
he was going to say, "am in love."

He beamed as if he'd just presented me with the corpse of a soulless. Quite
akin to my cat when it's dropped a particularly maimed rodent on the dinner
table and waits smugly for the gushing praise he was due. Though to be fair
there were worse things someone like Tavic could have dropped on me. I don't
think anyone will soon forget the month when he insisted he was a Supernal and
the oyster debacle will certainly go down in history.

"In love? That's fantastic Tavic! Who's the lucky lady? Or lad? Or creature?"
You never knew with Tavic, best to cover all angles.

He scowled at me, "Lady. Lady Corvish in fact.", his eyes got a faraway look as
he thought on his lady love but the effect was somewhat ruined by his manic
grin, "The epitome of womanly womanliness. The apex of beauty. The beginning.
The end. The one."

Truth be told I was rather impressed, I half expected him to want to run off
with a beggar crone. What? He's done it before! But, Lady Corvish was rather
delectable. Excellent breeding, very intelligent, an absolutely brilliant poet
and all around Lady about town - the perfect choice for a young aristocrat with
his eye on a suitable marriage.

Except for one minor problem. The last I knew she was very betrothed to the
epitome of Paladinliness, Dame Lera Baemar. Also known as the Golden Wolf.
Known affectionately in my circles as the Bitch. I thought it prudent to point
this out.

"Tavic, light of my life, you do realize the lovely Lady Corvish is otherwise
engaged yes? To none other than Her Golden Annoyance?" I tried to make my tone
sympathetic. No need to spark any fits after all. I'd just had the floors
polished.

His eyes locked on mine with an unnerving intensity and his face lit up in
glee, "Yes! I know. That's why I came to see you." Why was that not reassuring?

"Erm, oh?" Very smooth Geji. Your wit is without compare.

He nodded vigorously, throwing himself gracefully into an overstuffed armchair
and barking out a short laugh. "Aye! You need to help me come up with a plan to
win her away from Lera."

This required careful consideration. While I would find nothing more amusing
than seeing her Golden Pain-in-the-hindquarters cuckolded by an absolute
lunatic, I was also rather fond of keeping my skin intact. It was easy for him
to say. Lera was his cousin and it was unlikely she would kill him. As for me,
well, that's a different story.

You see, I've had some altercations with Paladins in the past. It's my theory
that they have any personality or sense of humor surgically removed as soon as
they're Knighted because that tomato incident was damned funny! I will admit
that the eggs were going a bit too far though. Dame Lera wasn't involved in the
affair but I was quite confident she'd heard about it. Or at least smelled it.

Obviously, any involvement on my part would have to be unknown. I glanced over
at Tavic who was happily shredding his pocket handkerchief and humming out of
tune. It was quite possible Tavic's involvement would have to be unknown as
well. I didn't see the Lady Corvish as the sort to go for someone so, er,
eccentric.

A plan began to form and as any who know me will attest, once I have a plan, I
must implement it straight away. "Tavic, I'm your woman. Lady Corvish will be
yours within the month! Let's gather the troops and start planning over at your
place."

Of course, my own townhouse was more than sufficient to host the meeting but I
saw no reason to not take advantage of that wine cellar while contributing my
genius to his love life! Besides, there were the twins to consider.

LATER THAT DAY.....

I had sent Kumir (Kawen?? What was his blasted name!) to deliver invitations to
the rest of our inner circle post haste while Tavic and I retired to his estate.
He promptly disappeared into his chambers for an elfen grooming session while I
made free with some of his wine and his brother's stimulating company. I was
just in the process of finding his sister when the first of our crew arrived.

Squire Yivin is a funny little chap. We've been friends since we were children,
long before his mother shipped him off to the Paladins. He's been a Squire going
on ten years now and seems disinclined to change that status anytime soon. He's
absolutely brilliant when it came to practical jokes and knows all the less
savory characters in town. I was chatting with him about the rumors of a rat
infestation over in the Paladin keep when our next colleague arrived, Lady
Werinth.

She doesn't have much of a sense of humor but is absolutely brilliant. Which
makes you wonder why she hangs around with us I suppose? Truth is she was
completely besotted with Yivin and he with her. Most of the time anyway.
Fortunately they were on the ins at the time so we got the benefit of her
intellect. They were busy greeting one another and I was busy trying not to
notice said greeting when the final member of our quintuplet arrived.

Bors Ulath. An absolutely massive fellow. I'm quite sure there is some orclach
blood somewhere in his line. I could say that he just looked scary and is
really as gentle as a lamb but I'd be lying. He is big, he is strong, and he
likes exhibiting this every chance he can get. We give him something to do to
get out of the house and he provides us with the muscle we seem to need so
often.

Tavic rejoined us - his hair gleaming impressively - and we got down to
business, quickly explaining the situation to the newcomers. I should qualify
that. We got down to business after Yivin fell out of his chair for laughing so
hard, Tavic leaped on him in a fury, and Bors pulled them apart.

Werinth, blithely ignoring her amours bleeding nose, began. "I am unsure your
plan is feasible Geji. Lady Corvish is really quite intelligent. It seems
unreasonable to expect she could be wooed entirely anonymously. Not to mention
Dame Baemar really is quite the catch. Have you seen her in that armor? Mmm."
We all ignored Yevin's outraged protest. Of course, I HAD seen her in her new
armor. I walked into a lamp post admiring said armor.

"Too true my dear Werinth, too true. But, I have accounted for the Lady's
inconvenient intelligence! Indeed, not only have I accounted for it, I count on
it!" I exclaimed this with something of a flourish and ignored the rolling of
the eyes that so often accompanied my melodrama. Plebes, the whole lot of them.
"Intelligent people like challenges - challenges beyond figuring out how to
remove delectable armor from their betrothed. So, I propose that we, and by we
I mean you Werinth, woo her with puzzles!" I finished with a flourish, awaiting
praise which was quick in coming from Yevin.

"Brilliant Geji! She'll be so occupied in trying to figure them out that she'll
be drawn further and further in. We can toss in a couple of steamy love poems
and some well chosen gifts and she'll be in love before she knows it." His
cocky grin was a bit marred by the blood but I appreciated his enthusiasm.
Surprisingly, Bors spoke next.

"Maybe I missed something but, how is she going to be in love with Tavic here
when she's already in love with the Paladin? Shouldn't she be out of love with
her first?" He said this very carefully. He says everything very carefully. Not
the quickest of thinkers our Bors but did I mention he is quite strong?

"Right you are Bors and this is where Yevin and I come in. Yevin will design a
series of practical jokes designed to show Lady Corvish that her betrothed is
mortal and fallible after all. Her goldenness hates being laughed at so that
should put a strain on the whole thing. Meanwhile, I will be utilizing my
considerable charms to draw her into a rather compromising situation which will
result in one of two things. Lady Corvish will leave her in a rage, or Lera will
leave Lady Corvish out of shame. Either way, mission accomplished!" It really
was one of my more brilliant plans I must admit. My comrades seemed a bit
skeptical though. Tavic spoke, his words only slightly marred by his split lip.

"You are going to somehow get the Supreme Righteousness into a compromising
situation? The woman probably can't even spell immoral!" I really had to hand
it to Tavic. He was almost perfectly sane today. Love was obviously good for
him.

"I can be charming when I want to be, I assure you." Honestly, I thought I was
rather charming even when I wasn't trying but it would have been indelicate to
say that, "Besides, nothing has to actually happen. They just need to believe
something happened." Finally, comprehension dawned on their faces. Yevin raised
his glass in a toast.

"To love." He stated solemnly.

"To love." We all repeated, trying not to snicker.

We retired soon after; everyone agreeing a good night's rest was needed before
implementation of our plan.
Tomorrow, the game would be afoot!

LATER THAT WEEK...

I have to admit, events really proceeded far quicker than
I had thought they might. Unbeknownst to me, our soon to be unhappy couple was
already a bit strained.

Apparently, Lady Corvish did not appreciate her betrothed smelling and sounding
like a foundry a good portion of the time and our dear Golden goldenness did not
appreciate being dragged to parties and poetry readings every other night.

Things escalated quickly when Lady Corvish began to receive the anonymous
gifts. To be fair, Dame Lera tried to be noble about the whole thing but the
diamond studded undergarments were just too much for her to take stoically.
They had a very public disagreement about it, during which time the unlucky
Dame Lera was mauled by a curiously angry chicken which her betrothed couldn't
help but laugh at. They stormed off in opposite directions and I decided this
was the perfect time for me to make my move.

Now, to be perfectly honest, it was not exactly a chore for me to try and woo
the Dame Lera. The woman really was quite a specimen and even though she
terrified me, I did have to respect her whole dedication to the Light and all
that. There was definitely something attractive about a Knight in shining
armor. Especially form fitted golden armor. So I was feeling a bit eager to get
a crack at her. Bors as backup made me feel a little less nervous about getting
cracked myself. So, I followed her into the tea room with something of a
swagger.

Yes, a tea room. I know one would expect someone who'd just had a fight with
their betrothed to go straight to the nearest bar but you really didn't expect
Dame Lera to drink, did you? Have you not been paying attention? Epitome of
morality? Anyway, to a tea room we went.

She was already staring morosely into her tea cup when I arrived and sighing
rather pathetically. I casually walked by her table and bumped it a little
harder than I'd intended, causing the tea cup to go flying in a rather
spectacular aerial display. Lera did appear amused but on reflection it was
probably a grimace of pain. The tea was rather hot.

"Oh! I am so sorry!! Are you okay?? Let me help you. Oh I am so clumsy." I was
rather impressed with my performance. Just the right level of panicked
contriteness.

She glared at me and I stumbled a bit. Why had no one mentioned her eyes were
actually golden? Intriguing. "I am fine. Please, don't concern yourself." Stoic
even when scalded, impressive.

"No, no, I insist. Let me at least get you another cup of tea." I was moving to
get a waiter before she could actually form a protest. This was it, just a slip
of a little sleeping powder in the tea and I'd see her safely home and have
plenty of time to concoct a particularly good version of events for when she
awoke.

Oddly enough, it didn't really quite work out that way. I had no idea anyone
could be so violently allergic to a simple sleeping powder! I did end up taking
her home but she was most assuredly conscious the entire time. My tunic can
attest to that. And my boots. And the street. And that unfortunate dog that
crossed our path. I summoned a healer as soon as I got her home and felt quite
a few tinges of guilt as she was treated for poisoning and assured that that
nasty rash would be gone within a few days. In fact, seeing how miserable she
looked turned the tinges into full blown waves.

I extracted myself from the situation soon after. At some point she was likely
to realize that it wasn't the tea she was allergic to. Amazingly, the whole
thing had the desired effect anyway! Lady Corvish couldn't be bothered to pull
herself away from her latest puzzle to attend to her betrothed and the
engagement was called off much to the relief of both sides.

In fact, it turns out that Tavic was just the sort of partner Lady Corvish was
looking for. She's obviously a bit off herself if she so easily let go of Dame
Lera. It probably doesn't hurt that he's rich as the Empress and a party
animal. The wedding is set for three months time.

In the meantime, I need to get Yevin out of the stocks - who could have
possibly known that it was illegal to import fighting chickens into the city??
Then it will be on to planning my next scheme - the wooing of Dame Lera.

I honestly think she needs someone like me in her life. And it's likely I need
someone like her - if only to keep me out of the stocks myself. Father would be
absolutely thrilled. He might just even forgive me for that event with the
Hallifax ambassador. I'm quite certain she'll eventually forgive me for the
chicken and the allergic reaction. Did I mention how charming I can be?

On second thought, perhaps I just won't mention the chicken.

Until next time.

Lady Gejira Oroun