You may not know it to look at me, but I'm the Warlord. Really.

Wielding the power of the Tainted Earth, I run the city, make sure the novices
are well taken care of, feed the beggars, and water the flowers that grow around
the base of the Megalith. When the enemy attacks, my very presence sends them
screaming away in fear. When I walk past, the ladies all swoon and the men look
at me in envy.

They can't help it, of course. I'm quite handsome, cutting a fine figure in my
decadent meat robes. Ever since Ladantine imbued me with the power of the Astral
Plane, I tend to make many people cower with my imposing faeling form. But I
rule this city with benevolence and mercy, no matter how many people are so busy
thinking about my regal nature to watch where they are going, and not accidently
kick me a time or two when they walk by. It's hard to be Warlord.

I was suprised to find that I had an imposter Warlord walking around the city.
He even had people believing that HE was the Warlord. Idiot Ur'guard. All points
and sharp edges, no finesse. Of course, Fain told me once that He didn't like
this other Warlord, and I should have just killed him for his rude demeanor. But
a Warlord must show grace and elegance towards his enemies, no matter how
traitorous they may seem. Fain understood, I suppose. He grovelled before me,
and poofed into a cloud of pink and polka-dotted smoke. Damned divine, always
walking around in my city like they own the place. I should ban the divine from
my city, but I'm sure they would just sit outside the gates and beg to be let
back in.

I told a mutt to go around the city and make sure the citizens were doing
something constructive. Pleasant people, mutts. They don't talk back all that
much, they love my robes, and they are always willing to help water the plants.
They have an odd habit of snooping around and looking into people's effects to
look for contraband. Can't be too careful, half of the people in this city
suffer from some sort of insanity. I can tell, of course. Just by looking at
someone, I can tell whether they are crazed, or whether they are loyal to me.
It's part of my powers, as Warlord and Avatar of Roark.

I didn't mention that, did I? Yes yes, I can see you are cowed by my presence.
Don't worry, I won't unmake existance, though I could with the use of a magical
incantation I picked up from Roark during a poker game. It's a funny story,
really. Here I am, playing poker with Roark, Terentia, and Dynara, and I ended
up getting a straight flush, winning AGAIN. Terentia bowed out, she was broke
anyway. Lord knows Dynara didn't have a pence to her name, so it was me and
Roark. All he had to his name was a dirty loincloth, his pet duck, and some sort
of golden egg or something. Well, I didn't want any of that, so he offered me a
position as his avatar and some scrolls he had stashed, something about the
future events he hadn't written yet. Well, it's not as good as the stone chips
we had been playing for, but I suppose it was acceptable.

It rather reminds me of last time Nil was raided. Celest was apparently angry
that I wouldn't join them, and they raided Nil to get the chance to kidnap me
and bring me back to Celest. I wouldn't have that, no sir. The cats that roam
their city all stare at me, and one told me that Gathelta makes them dress up in
funny costumes and do dances on the stage. Which makes sense, because Gathelta
is really Isune in disguise. Don't tell anyone I told you that, because they
won't believe you. Celest doesn't know, because Isune uses the hotel as her own
personal studio for her painting. There's a trap door under a keg in the cellar,
you have to push the second.... well, I can't tell you, she asked me not to.
Just now.

Anyway, I digress. The raid on Nil was rough, the paladins kept trying to pick
me up and stuff me in a pack or something. I told them I didn't want to go, but
they didn't listen, they kept cutting down my Cacophony entourage. Rather
irritating, as I kept them around to sing of my feats as Warlord, and how I
would deliver the Basin from the ravages of cheese, but I think they could be
replaced rather quickly. A few Ninjakari ran around me, probably sheltering my
body as they threw themselves at the enemy. Over in the distance, I saw our fake
Warlord, yelling out orders as he attacked from amidst a crowd of Nihilists and
Ur'guard. Of course, I took down their names for when the battle was over, I
would make sure they paid for their treachery in working with him.

I started melding, feeling the earth begging for me to imbue it with my
essence. I could hear people yelling out over the aethers, saying something
about the Warlord needing assistance. Idiots, I'm doing just fine. I raised my
staff, feeling my brain swell with the power of the Earth as it made me
substantially smarter and somewhat more attractive. As I started imbuing effects
into the ground, another geomancer ran past me, smirking at me as he left. I'd
smirk too, the enemies weren't even coming close to me, and I would soon have
this room dancing with sandstorms, earthquakes, and possibly a miasma of some
sort of gas, perhaps laughing gas. I understand the gnomes created this odd
concoction out of candied peeps and cheese, making it poisonous to say the
least. Next time I spoke with them, I would have to have them make me some up.
Some for personal use, if at all possible. Anything to keep the Celestians from
taking me back to their city.

I hear the Nihilist shouting out, something about Nifilhema and gathering
essence. I'm not sure why, Nifilhema is odd anyway. She flirts with me
constantly, always having something witty to say. I try to push her advances
away, because the other city mates get jealous, but it's quite hard. I'm sure
she's just impressed with my rank in the city, and the fact that Luciphage owes
me money. I had to loan him a bit last month because his throne needed
repairing, so he's sort of in my pocket. No, seriously. I have him in my pocket,
and he answers questions for me when there's something I need to know. The
Heresiarch never says a word, because Luciphage sent her a letter letting her
know that he would be on vacation for a bit. What he really meant, is that he
would be out helping me run the city for a while.

Well, needless to say, I chased the Celestians out of Nil with my powers. I let
the fake Warlord bask in the glory, because I didn't need any praise. I already
know what a good job I did, no matter what others say. Besides, it was all for
me anyway. The city owes me one. I mean, the Celestians come to steal me away,
and I have to be the one to chase them off? Ah, responsibility. If I weren't so
damned smart, I would leave the city and rule over the Basin from this little
spot I found in Ballach swamp, a gem of a place and able to hold my throne as
well as a palace.

No, no, I couldn't do that. The city needs me. Why, even now as I walk down the
streets, people smile to me and say something about "sanity" behind their hands
to nearby people. The voice of sanity, they're probably saying. I just smile,
and nod as I walk past, oblivious to their stares. I'm rather used to it, being
as mighty as I am.

Sanity is overrated, anyway.