ALARIN: Years ago when Thaldorn and I first met, he was much more independent and would wander off on his own without so much as a farewell to me. Aye, he was a lot meaner then, I assure you. This tale speaks of one of those times.

ALARIN: For those unaware, there exists a certain cookie that Thaldorn loathes with a great passion... the sugarless oatmeal cookie--

THALDORN: THOSE BLOODY THINGS ARE A POX ON MORTALITY! Seriously... sugarless! Who bloody DOES that?!

ALARIN: Aye, I know. Calm down.

THALDORN: I will not calm down! I still say we find the git who came up with that recipe and make them eat a bucket!

ALARIN: ...you see what I have to deal with?! Anywho, aye. I would not have even known those things existed had this not happened...


It all started just after my nineteenth birthday. We were out hunting as usual when I noticed that I was again lacking a curative... which occurred a lot back then since I never did bother to check as often as I should have. So, we headed back home to New Celest, where I had just moved from the Glomdoring, The second we were within the confines of the city, Thaldorn walked off on me as usual as I head for one of the shops that I knew sold curatives at a low price. I like to call myself frugal, though the word "cheap" has definitely been tossed around when referring to me.

"HEEEEEELP!!" I suddenly heard someone yell from a nearby shop. I thought nothing of it at first. Then...

"THIS GORILLA IS TRYING TO EAT ME!"

That one sent me into a full sprint in the direction of the yelling. Thaldorn told me long ago that he was the last gorilla he knew of in the Basin of Life, the rest having been lost along with the jungle of Jojobo. So the yelling only meant one thing.

He was involved.

"THALDORN!" I shrieked once I found the shop. Thaldorn was trying to get around the merchant's counter where the poor bloke had hidden himself underneath, clearly scared out of his wits. Thaldorn whipped around to face me.

"This little git sells cookies with no sugar in them! Who bloody does that?!" he bellowed before continuing to reach the now whimpering shop attendant. I laughed incredulously.

"You want to beat him up because he sold you a cookie with no sugar in it?!" I repeated. Thaldorn's face turned red.

"Not just one! FIFTY! I BOUGHT FIFTY OF THESE BLASTED THINGS!" the gorilla roared, now trying to outright tear the counter from where it was bolted to the floor. When that didn't work, he began throwing cookies everywhere. Crumbs of sugar-less cookies flew everywhere as I moved to stand in between Thaldorn and where the shopkeeper hid.

"I'll give him his gold back! Just please don't eat me!" the frightened man sobbed. He appeared from under the counter and held the till up to Thaldorn, the coins within rattling loudly due to his uncontrollable shaking. Thaldorn swiped at the till and sent that flying too, clattering against a nearby wall. Thousands of golden sovereigns wound up all over the shop. I practically jumped on Thaldorn's back at this point.

"ENOUGH!! Let's just go. I am so sorry about this, sir," I hollered at Thaldorn, apologizing to the merchant who'd ducked under the counter again. Snarling obscenities, Thaldorn allowed me to lead him out of the shop without breaking or throwing anything else. 

THALDORN: I still say whoever made those damnable cookies should be forced to eat a bucket full of them, then eat the damn bucket too!

ALARIN: I know, I know. Just... no more beating people up.

THALDORN: FINE!

ALARIN: We thank you all for reading and hope you will stay with us for the next installment of The Adventures of Alarin and Thaldorn! Do you have anything to add, Thaldorn?

THALDORN: EAT A BUCKET, BLOODY SUGAR-LESS COOKIE MAKER!!

ALARIN: ENOUGH ABOUT THE COOKIES ALREADY! We will see you soon, folks!